Talkie. A single chicken. Who has ONE chicken? Who IS one chicken? Talkie. She accompanies Us, me, Tay, Puppy down to give water tonight. It's been a long day. They all came and there was more work on the kidding pens. Julian and i have Emrie's cold. Emrie is way fine and over it. And during the Work and at the end of the work we talk about Who We ARE,
some kind of family. Julian is hard. He is similar to Jude for me. Sure of his understanding of How Stuff Is but i love him, like i love Jude. And i need that kind of love, that kind of different knowing. The loving of them helps me.
and i am sitting there, on a 4×4 while they saw and screw and i see….there in the dust and leaves….!!….Acorns…small, immature ones…MANY acorns, complete protein, Acorns….and i understand that THIS is what the Goats glean now…i didn't know, but now i do….there are so Many. The First People here relied on Acorns.
i want to Cry with the Beauty of it all…this being Human.
I got pics today from Mike and Thelma, my friends back in Socorro. Pics. They went to the Polvadera Place. Travis has gone to Florida. Everett to somewhere in town. The Home, the Substation. Pics of that. It's a MESS. I felt like i'd been punched in the stomach. I couldn't breathe for a minute. I felt sick to my stomach. And then…it all subsided. And i just looked. Looked at photographs of a Place i Love. Loved for 20 some years. It's trashed.
windthread 
13 responses to “August. the month my mother was born. the month my sister died, when i was 7. August.”
you teach me so much, gemini woman, about letting the hard stuff roll on through. Wind moving fog. I wish we were close enough physically that I could reach across the table and hold your hand very tightly. We could not-cry together for as long as you needed or wished.
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Damn damn damn about the trashing of Pulvadera. I wish you could take it back and give or sell it to someone or ones who might care and caretake. Oh, Grace, this being human is more than poignant, it’s heart breaking and heart making. Your long shadow touches me.
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Everything you say touches so deeply.
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The front and the back: for 20 yrs, you nurtured, coaxed, worked hard to create a Polvadera substation, an oasis, a place of respite and wonderful growing things and it was a place of love, calm as well as vitality. I felt all of this each time that I came for a visit. To me, this is earth magic at its highest. When it came time to leave, you gave an opportunity for others to live and grow and create. It turned into heartbreak and there is nothing that I can say to ease your pain on knowing what has occurred and seeing the photos except to say that you GAVE a gift to Travis and Everett, one that was given freely and with heart and that is all too rare these days.
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we are but caretakers for a time … the choices we make as we tend the land are unique to us … even as we know we cannot “own” our small pieces of earth, only enable them to be what we dare to envision … until we are gone, like motes on the wind, leaving other choices to be made … our hearts breaking at the knowing of what could have been … then turning to make real what we can, what we hope for, where we are …
I share your sorrow …
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Someday, years and years from now, they will look back on what you gave them and what they let go.
but I am so sorry they left it trashed but perhaps this happened after they left and people scavenged?
Love to you. I also wish I was there to hold your hand and share this pain with you.
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well…
your words DO hold my hand.
and we not~cry.
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heart making. It’s heart making.
will need to figure out the best way from here.
It was never yet formally transferred to Travis.
A lot of legalities that needed to be taken care of
for that to happen and he didn’t follow through. In
the way i do, I’d thought it would be simple…to
just “give”, but it still requires so much paper work.
Anyway…as it turns out, it didn’t matter anyway.
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life is deep, yes?
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yes. i am just dumbfounded.
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share sorrow
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no…Everett had only finished moving Wednesday.
it’s how they walked away.
I guess this is where the lesson lies….in just accepting
the reality of that. When i talked on phone to Travis
last week, he said everything was good.
This is the same Travis who helped me so much during the
old cowboy’s last year…the CNA Travis, capable and
compassionate care giver. How one person can be so
many things. I would have never imagined this.
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How is that I come here only to find no words to express what my heart feels. I just want to gentle wrap my arms around you because really that would say it all.
You and all the 2 and 4 legged beings that you write about here .. all beautifully lovingly depending on each other .. giving unconditional love each and every day. Grace you are all going to be OK because what I see in that photo is a woman sooo strong and tall filled with enough courage and love to just keep going .. spreading seeds of love.
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