there were two baskets of cloth on the bench outside. They got rained on. and when i looked, these two pieces were so stunningly BeautyFull…as if i'd never seen them before.
i said i was finished with the Evacuation a couple days ago. Seems it is not true. The Rain spoke of it.
I took practically Nothing when we left. Last year, for the Paradise Fire, there was more time, just a little, but more. And i drove the Honda car. More room. I took things like a few articles of clothing, my coffee cup, box of tea bags. a towel. Sheets and 3 pillows. I took two baskets of cloth. I don't remember what all else.
This time, it was just Jenny and i and time was consumed by loading Goats, their bowls, some feed. Getting Puppy and Talkie crated and secured, feed for them. Water bowls. Setting up the portable fence things that we use to baracade Goats in or out of places for loading. Positioning vehicles and hooking them to the hitches. We were not prepared.
What were we thinking?, that because last year it was so all consuming for the entire Community, miles around, that we would have a break? Like at least for another month or so? I guess. It took us by surprise.
Evacuations go two ways. You are evacuated until they are able to "contain" the Fire, which means create barriers that prevent it's forward advance. This is done by air drops and on ground firefighters. OR, you are evacuated because there is no way to contain the Fire and the land is Consumed. You can return when there is only a burn scar left. All else of human endeavor is gone. It goes both ways, all the time. It's called Fire Season. It repeats every year. the 5th Season. Every year.
In the last few days i have realized that this really was my first Evacuation. Last year, i was still a little numb from the newness here, a little stunned by it all. It was one foot in front of the other. This time, though we let it surprise us, i knew better, had a sense of it and had CHOSEN in a certain way to be dumb. So i took almost nothing.
In these last few days, i have faced the fact that if i lost Everything, I would have regret. It's possible NOT to lose everything. I would regret that i did. The Rain helped me with this. I'd gone down to B on Sunday and gone through things there from the Storage Unit. I'd collected all the paper things…spiral drawing books, envelopes, random kinds of paper, exotic note pads, PDFs from Jude's Classes, folders of stuff i love, the Old Cowboy's family bible that i never sent to his niece, on and on and i put it all in one tub. Because i care about these things. I want them. It was very late and i knew it would Rain the next day but it said 7 am and i couldn't find the lid for that tub but told self i'd come Early in the morning and find it or switch it all. And i didn't wake in time. I wake now again ordinarily around 4. But this day, it was so close to 7 and RAIN. It all got soaked. Including the little pic of my son's First Grade photo when he insisted on wearing the stewardess pin on his shirt. I'm drying it all out today. Regret? Regret.
This morning I knew. I went through all the cloth stuff in that back room. Sorting, deciding. It's all OF USE, but some of it i LOVE and would never be able to replace. I've told myself that it would be ok if i coudn't. And it would. BUT if i don't HAVE to take that chance, Why would I? So…now, i have 5 of the baskets from Africa that the nomad people there weave and use. Full to their brims of cloth i LOVE. Ready. I can flip them into garbage bags and into the bed of the truck. It might take 10 minutes. I cleaned the shelf that is the altar behind where i sit at this table. All extraneous has been moved to the back room. Only what i would TAKE. Small, quick things. Rocks, the Crow, prayer things, the Inktense Pencils, the small czech vase for water. Tomorrow morning i will think more. Maybe do more. But for now, it's good. And it's different. I am Claiming things. Back to that word, Claiming. I am Claiming that i Love stuff. and so, Claiming responsibility for that Love.
?
windthread 
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