windthread

JOURNAL ENtRY

it would take days to tell the whole story.   I'm not sure what the point of that would be…so until i figure that out…..This is EZ.   who is  and is not so much….easy.       April 29th,  Alyssia, Emrie and i went to a person's home in Oroville,  exchanged money for this minivan.      Back when i first became aware of the making of Nomadland,  over a year ago?  way more?   I started again watching Bob Well's UTubes.   Had watched for years before that,  off and on,  with Peggy McG.   Now it was  HOWA,  Home on Wheels Alliance.   They talked a lot about minivans.   It began coming up in my mind and in conversation with Jenny and Alyssia.  In my mind,  it caused facing the reality that Beloved Honda car was a thing of the past.  No longer are parts available.  Anywhere.   They don't exist.   Leaving me only with Sunny,  Toyota pickup.   Who hasn't needed a part,  but at 38 years old……,the same might be and probably is,  true for him.  Sunny is needed as the Evac truck .  Pulls the Goat Boat.    This is my 4th year here and we are on the edge of this year's Fire Season.  Which seems to be beginning months ahead of  "normal".   The first two Evacs i slept with Tay in the Honda.  That first one,  remember?  about 10 days or something at Gridley Fairgrounds.  The Paradise Fire.  Last year,  no Honda and since the only seat in Sunny is 42×19 with the gear shift in the middle,  only 2 days then to Alyssia's house in town for the duration.  Leaving the Goats in the benevolent care of others.  Visiting only.  I also took next to zero of my belongings.

the reality of What If sat quietly in my mind.    Alyssia had begun watching the sale pages.  Just because that's how she is.  A sale page person.    This went on and then a Big Jump to…..

Out Of The Blue…..I received an Incredible gesture of Loving Kindness.   E and M,  who i used to work for in New Mex,  who had moved away,  but who had stayed In Touch as friends…..Who had given me the truck Sunny,  years ago,  ……sent me a check.  M referred to it as a windfall.  saying they thought i might be able to use it.   In the amount of 2 stimulus checks.   LOVING KINDNESS,  Shining,  Glowing, Pulsing,  ALIVE.   And that…combined with mine….

made this possible.   a 2002 Dodge Caravan.  Spotless with  87, 239 miles. $4,ooo.     We had been looking for a Honda or Toyota, but in this price range mileage was much higher and beside that,  almost as soon as they were posted for sale,  they were already sold.  You had to be glued to the phone 24/7.   

Leaving a much longer story short,  this is EZ.  Who is not exactly easy for me.  Everything is push button,  little lighted symbols,  none of which make sense.   I feel like a different person.  I cannot orient.   But EZ means two HUGE things.   One…a Place to Be if necessary.   and two,   Equally Big,  a way to be able to take Emrie and Julian someplace.   Any place….like the Farmer's Mkt,  the Library.  There is a place for a car seat for Emrie.   For a year that didn't matter.  But now it can again.  and NEEDS to matter.  Emrie is 3,  almost 4.  She is very aware that there is a world out there aside from her house and this Hill.  She sees people.  She is becoming insistently curious.   I want to be a part of that Experience for her.  

When i received this Gift from  E and M,  my 75 year old instinct was to     SAVE  IT.  for "in case".  To use it seemed so risky.  But my New Mexico Self was standing and facing.   No longer do i live in a small town in the desert…alone.   I live in  California.  I live as part of a family.  These are my end years,  only some of which i will be able to fully participate.    I might want to SAVE that WindFall for in case,  keep driving the same TrueHearted Vehicles  into the Sunset.   Rolling my windows up and down by hand.  Be afraid of all the buttons and lights.  

Ram Dass says     BE HERE NOW,  right?    

those middle seats would come out during Evac.  There's back seats that fold down for a bed.   The 11 Super Large ZipLock bags of scraps with the now mended denim futon cover will be a mattress.  Room to take some stuff.   Maybe a basket even.  Room for Tay to lay down.