windthread

well….it doesn’t open here. On my phone, if i press it with my finger, the open facebook icon appears…
tap and it’s there.

you have noticed.   I am repeating self here,  a lot,  lately,  repeating images.   I need to do this.  Want to.   Some Things i can feel are falling into place,  just behind my conscious Knowing.    So…as a journal entry,  i say to this journal….I am aware.   I am "following instruction"  to Repeat.   I wish i knew how to switch over to italics.    it would be nice to write that sentence in neon blue italics.

here,  Tree Woman and the Crow….images go back to Michigan.   30 years.   The cloth strip on the side…all is securely stitched in place with Jude's invisible baste that she calls Glue Stitch.    There is no backing.    Just this thin cloth.  These scraps.    Time now to decide about the EYE.   Which is also repeating.  The eye.   

And more repeat.   On Being.   where once a month or so will be devoted to The Future of Hope.   Today.  i wrote two fragments down…"widening our aperture so we can see  [reality]"        "I will do things for no good reason and i will love it."  both quotes of Kate Bowler.

the repeating widens the aperture.   encouraging me to do things for no good reason

so i'd gone back to September of last year here….to remember something.   I don't often do that…go back.   and that led to going over and back with Ms. Uncertainty Principles.blogspot.  Michelle.   it was the September 18th 2020 post there.  She said:

"How does a caterpillar rearrange itself into a butterfly?   What happens inside the chrysalis or cocoon?  First,  the caterpillar digests itself,  releasing enzymes to dissolve all of its tissues.  If you were to cut open a cocoon or chrysalis at just the right time,  caterpillar soup would ooze out.  But the contents of the pupa are not entirely an  amorphous mess.  Certain highly organized groups of cells known as imaginal discs survive the digestive process.  Before hatching when a caterpillar is still developing inside it egg it grows an imaginal disc for each of the adult body parts it will need as a mature butterfly or moth….discs for its eyes,  for its wings,  its legs and so on.   In some species,  these imaginal discs remain dormant throughout the caterpillar's life;  in other species,  the discs begin to take the shape of adult body parts even before the caterpillar forms a chrysalis or cocoon.  Some caterpillars walk around with tiny rudimentary wings tucked inside their bodies,  though you would never know it by looking at them"

How did i not read this post then?!!!   but looking back both places….we were Evacuated.  I was staying at Alyssia's in town…3 weeks…pretty much not conducive to orderly anything.    But this post of hers is  so much,  totally,   Michelle.  She was answering this for some one else,  but it is the question i once again have  in the last days…and i would have wondered aloud here and she would have answered with the above.   Which,  she kind of did.    and a while later,  i am looking for a blank envelope and come across the card/drawing above.    Synchronicity?  Maybe.   Maybe Michelle.  

Hello, Michelle…i love you.

the small weave,  bottom left is of the hand of Jude Hill

i went back to September of last year because i couldn't remember.   Things flow and become same and different….are no longer distinct.   Is that true?   not sure.   Everything is in question.

but i did plant peas again today.  Maybe there's enough time,  it's for the pods,   so why not?   

Love these….they tell me that the Inside of me is ok.    I can make any kind of cloth at all and these are the ones that arise.  This is good.  The InSide of me is good,  is …..well…..like Michelle wrote about the imaginal discs of a pupating caterpillar.  I have good and interesting and HOPE FULL imaginal discs.   i am reassured.  Thank You,  Michelle

it's been a while since i started from a beginning.  I think over a month…could go look,  but a while is enough to know because i can't really remember how the small cloths happen.   I know that a piece of them just "floats to the surface" of one of those 13 bags.   And it somehow goes from there.   Today though,  it didn't.    That purple cloth…i love it a lot…it's FULL of imagery but i have never been able to use it.  Even when i was making much larger Cloths.  And same today.   And then the one on the left,  more love.  So i'll just wait.   I enjoy looking at this "installation" a lot.  It feels good.  The purple cloth feels really good.  I'll practice being content.

and well…..eeeeee.   There was zucchini pizza in the oven  this morning.   But this front being?????  the first of it's kind?  and it seems from the regular yellow squash plant,  but i don't think that's possible?   Is it edible?   is it ornamental?   is ornamental also edible?  The squash plants were from little ones that Jenny brought from Tractor Supply.   They had the usual identifying thingys…none mentioned or pictured this.   Any one know?

and back to the cloths at the top.   Crows have become present throughout the days lately.  They don't light in these trees but have been flying low and loud.   More than ever before.   That Purple….i think….Crow.   Maybe i'll need to cut a small piece of it and use it.  

Margery Knott's blog  trickster'shoard.com     Her Raven Shawl   and these words of Padraig OTuama

Narrative Theology #1

"And I said to him:                                                                                                                                                                                                            Are there answers to all this?                                                                                                                                                                                       And he said:                                                                                                                                                                                                                     The answer is in the story                                                                                                                                                                                            and the story is still being told.

And I said:                                                                                                                                                                                                                         But there is so much pain.                                                                                                                                                                                            And she answered:                                                                                                                                                                                                          Pain will happen.

Then I said:                                                                                                                                                                                                                       Will I ever find meaning?                                                                                                                                                                                             And they said :                                                                                                                                                                                                                 You will find meaning

where you give meaning.

The answer is in the story                                                                                                                                                                                             and the story isn't finished."

I want to memorize this.   I want to walk it,  each evening as a prayer.  

just as an example.   This     is a result of what i have learned from Jude Hill.     This.   Whatever it means to anyone else.  Whatever it is they see.   This is where i am.    it's one of the small cloths that i have so far called Invocations…..the definition i use…   "the act of invoking something or someone for assistance".  Invocation.   it's Asking.

they are small.   5×7.   Small Askings.    

they are collages of scraps that speak of a FEELING,   an EXperienCE….something in a day.  A moment.   A realization.  A Hope.     they are a lot…

a hope

they arise from what i have.   Those 13 huge ziplock bags of scrap.    Supersized Ziplocks.   there are many askings therein.   

this is what i have from Jude.   And i am eternally grateful.   Eternally grateful to her for  showing me that i can go here.  Where i am.   Where i am.

i was ready for sleep and it began.   Not the glitter kind from a while back,  but RAIN.    Drops.   of substance,  volume.  Rain.  Plopping on the roof,  the umbrella outSide,  PLOPPING,  these drops,  all over the place.  i listened until i couldn't anymore and went to lay down and sleep.   Waking this morning to

more.

more Rain.

Nothing is wet….it would take so much more,  but it was as if a reassurance,  a promise,  that Earth still knows Rain and will do what is possible to bring Rain again….don't despair….it says.  Things can happen.  

i woke,   thinking about  Guppies.   Where did that come from?????    But i went on with the usual routine of waking….on the internet to see if the world is still here in some familiar form and Tea and then the 20 minute ReSleep,  ReSet but it was still Guppies.    I read this,  Marti's response to Dee's post…. from Joy Harjo's new book..Poet Warrior

"We are all here to serve each other.  At some point we have to understand that we do not need to carry a story that is unbearable.  We can observe the story,  which is mental;  feel the story, which is physical;  let go the story, which is emotional;  then forgive the story,  which is spiritual,  after which we use the materials to build a house of knowledge."

the day proceeded surprisingly intent on unfolding a very large and long story of scenes in my life.  that seemed disparate but were Not,  simply offering the reality of the complexity of   a lifeTime (  including Guppies).   Mid  afternoon,  i took this Cloth and those two stones with me to give water at B.  No known reason.  Just took them.   I set the hose for the flowering People and checked the Janet Chair.    …..   ok,    for this.    Set the Cloth and stones and stood looking,   to see    just on the right,  maybe around 3 oclock a single very very small greyblue most likely breast feather.   Someone had come.

When my kids were little,  like toddlers into kindergarten,  off and on my Brother's then wife would bring their two children the same age,   to live with  us.  Jenny and her cousin Sarah  were tight.     I asked her,  the other day…..What did i used to do with you when you were Emrie's age?    Her response was….Nothing much.  You had installed all those baby gates.  We lived in the dining room.  You threw food to us now and then.  We had eachother.          Which was so so much a Jenny reply.  So her.  So ungiving,   ongoing into this day when we live here on this Hill in California,  all still in our own cacoons,  coming out now and then but going back in,  to    "finish"…….but what she got wrong was……how they would say it.  Not….each other,  but

Ourchothers.   When i point this out,  she softens…a smile.  yes.  TheirChothers.

both of them said it that way.   Ourchothers.    it wasn't   Each   Other   but    Ourchothers.   They needed things,  for their chothers that day they decided to run away.   Dragging a dresser drawer up the street to the corner where there was a great stump of a tree,  where they set up housekeeping.   The bag of graham crackers and apricots….food for their Chothers.

and somehow all this.   I Utubed Guppies and found Dexter's World.   How to produce Thousands of different varieties of Guppies.   I LOVE.   Love Dexter.   i think he is in the Philippines?  I LOVE Dexter.   sent her a link.   To this day,  she loves the sound of an aquarium water filter,   the glow of the small light.   the little world  there in.  

have been at Garden earlier in the day….figuring out how to extend the planting space and to plant the Walking Onions.   Also a new stone bed , planted  Cilantro.   Next Arugula.     It's hot,  so as i do these things and give water,  i squat.   for Four days now,  a very small lizard has appeared.   At first,  i thought a young one of the ones i know, because of size.    but then,  Being With more,  i think now this is a different Lizard and a fully mature one.   Yesterday was the longest of the Meetings.   S(he)They  stayed.   On the log,  just inches from my face,  my hand that held the hose.   Was very still and looking AT me,  UP at me.  There was eye contact.   I spoke and they stayed….listening,  looking into my face.   At one point,  i moved my hand,  in a Gesture of contact and S(he) disappeared behind the log  but only to come  up just on the other side of  my hand to continue the exchange.  Like with  the Goats,  i was the one to break the contact,  moving off,  to continue.  Today,  S(he)  was present again,  but fleetingly,  as if to acknowledge,  but also to say….don't expect too much.

i can't carry the phone,  camera,  with me as i do all this,  so the chance of a pic is limited…so i made this drawing.  The Being is smaller than depicted here..  A Very  Small Lizard.   and this,  with the Garden pen.   no fine line.   They have burnt orange decorative dots.

today might be the last of the 100 plus degree temperatures.  Maybe.   Forecast is for a few 90's and then DOWN to 80's.  If so,  Hallelujah