windthread

fence side of B Garden at Sun set

so even before i knew,  i knew.     and i knew i knew because on Thursday,  of course.   On Being is with Sharon Salzberg…the title of the episode….The Healing is in the Return.

For maybe 40 years,  my life has grown out from a ground of Buddhist Practice.   Learning as much as i can,  as best i can without formal connection.   That's actually one of the hopes i'd had about coming to California…that making that connection would be possible.   And this drawing is so clear….but i didn't  see that until i listened to Salzberg talking about all the same old same old.    the 5 Hindrances,  mind states:   Grasping,  attachment, clinging.      Aversion,  anger and fear.     Torpor, sleepiness a kind of numbness.    Restlessness,  worry        Doubt,  lack of trust.       She has a way of speaking so clearly.  I heard her.  

We simply return.   Begin again.

 

 

Emrie's dragon Tree.    it was actually two trunks a distance away that broke at the base and fell…so slowly there was no sound and as they fell they leaned and broke off maybe 30 ft of the tree that Emrie sees as her dragon.   We will try to trim the dragon's mouth,  try to find a way to seal it.  Watch closely over a Winter's Rain.   if it is taking in water we will have to blunt cut it or the tree its Self will succumb to underground termites and die as those two that fell did.   She hasn't seen this yet.

i do this blog because i like to.   It's like a grounding at the end of any day….taking a look at what i saw and felt.   For my Self,  for those i love who i understand,  read here.   A sharing….like someone might do with their loved one in the late evening.       It's a journal in photographs of this Hill and all who live here.        it's also an ongoing letter to Emrie now.   For when i'm no longer here.

so yes.   it began as a journal of ClothMaking…back when i was new and so ecstatic to be new.  i am no longer new….the cloth making has taken a different place over time.  No less loved, and   There is some sadness about this.       So…i will sit now,  a little while in that space called Here.   Unpack the baggage….look at the contents.   Let go of some,  rearrange.  Fold it up and set out again for the present Iteration.   I like that word a lot.    Iteration.

Wikipedia :   Iteration is the repetition of a process in order to generate an outcome.  The sequence will approach some end point or end value. Each repetition of the process is a single iteration,  and the outcome of each iteration is then the starting point of the next iteration.                              The thing is….do not be attached to outcome.    Just Go.

 

 

what to say?

i woke,  made tea,  sat down and looked out the Morning Window.   Lo and Behold.  Same View as yesterday,  but                              different.

I don't know the correct terminology for these Oaks.   There are multiple trunks of the same Tree.   Here,  two of one Tree broke at the earth,   leaning just enough to bring down the neighboring trunk…Emrie's dragon Tree.  Which looks even more like a dragon now.    These three might be 60ft  tall?…that's a guess…am not good at measuring.  Tomorrow Jenny will know.  

there is part 2 for this post.   Tomorrow.   or Sunday.   Tomorrow,  i hope.  a lot of work to do to clear a path for Toyota truck.

 

i am repeating.   I can't help it.    Things are requiring that of me….requiring that until i can move.   out of the repetition.    The urge to just stop blogging was Strong today.   Do i want to?    

i am repeating.    repeating is not  "blog worthy"  but i also have ZERO motivation to  "come up with content".    

it's where i am.

i drew this earlier…..that path that repeats and returns.   the figure hauls her baggage.     Acey said this about how blogging can feel…. like

"just driving around and around the main island of Hawaii"    i laughed,  reading that….

 

it's time.   Both.   consciously.      aware.    ok.

i don't remember making this much so far….?????      Found today when looking for something else entirely.   Was just

There

Time to continue with this,  with awareness,  with conscious ness.    Life is short.

6

the potatoes give the answer.     and  the answer is about so much more than  the potatoes.    

I LOVE.   BeYond  Love   how this Cloth….is an absolutely Clear       illustration    of  what it all  is.  

 

 

 

maybe words tomorrow

 

the "flannel boarding"  continues

 

i interpreted it as Stuck….  the slide show in my head….stuck,  like something was wrong with the Projector,  or maybe the slides themselves…..but today,   Re Viewing  again,  after the again and again and again,   i realized it is just that i am unable to understand these two things.   So they,  i guess,  will remain until i      Listen.     And maybe i have begun to do that this evening.  Giving water to the potato plants at A,   a LOOOONG process,   i suddenly decided i needed to know what all this giving water was doing…or….not doing.   to face it.    I began moving the earth,  the amended earth away from one of them,  digging my hands through layer and layer,  scooping it up and over and down  and all that  time with the hose positioned had in reality only soaked in so little.   it was hard to believe how little.   and i made my way to the bottom to find such a small root system considering the size of the plant its Self.   There were some small,  very small potatoes.  I washed one off and chewed it…it was snappy and bright and Potato ie.   but the size    ummmmmm   the size of  a marble.   ok….so.    it is Clear now.   Yes.  i CAN grow potatoes.  But for them to actually FEED people,   it is clear that a drip system is absolutely needed.   The daily hose is not enough.   When i came back up,  i looked on the Calendar.   Except for 2 days,  i have gone there and diligently given with the hose  for  75 days.   

e v e r y     d a y

and recently…this last month,  every day with temperatures of 100 and over.   This is how it is.   This is how it will be.   

so

it's dark now.   this day is over.   i know more.   i need to Face more.   and will do that in the morning.  Maybe the slide show will 

CLICK   ??????

have been harvesting squash small.    for stir fry.  there's always that zucchini that hides.   This one was a foot long,  Round….heavy.  at first i was bummed…how didn't i See????   but then i remembered the summer Ecstatic Ritual…..of…..Zucchini Pizza.   Probably the totally BEST thing.

Shredded 4 C zucchini…with skin.       1/2 t  salt    2 beaten eggs    1/2 C  Parmesan Ch.    2 C shredded Mozzarella      1 C shredded Monteray Jack    1/2 C  onion thin slice or as much as you like    1 bell pepper thing slice     8oz thin slice mushrooms    15 oz some kind of tomato pasta sauce.   For me,   a can of stewed tomatoes and at least 3 very ripe large fresh tomatoes.   Whatever kind and however much seasoning.    I like none.   i change it up during leftovers….different toppings,  like Trader Joe's  Chili Onion Crunch   or Aioli  or  black olives or or or

400 oven     sprinkle shredded zucch with salt in colander and let drain 15 min…then squeeze.    Combine  zucchini,  the eggs,  parmesan,  1C mozzarella and 1/2 C monteray jack  and press into  9×13 casserole.   Bake uncovered 20 min.

sautee onions and mushrooms and whatever spices.   Add sauce.     Pour over  and top with bell pepper  and remaining cheeses and i sprinkle with more parmesan.    Bake 20 min again.

only in Summer.  Only with a hiding zucchini.   it is just so so beyond  Fine.     i woke at 3:30   to be ready to light the oven early.  it was 90 degrees when i turned oven off.  

i didn't have stewed tomatoes so used some tomato paste and the fresh tomatoes .   It's ok   but i like it "thin",  light…the sauce.  It should have bubbled through the cheeses and browned a little on top.   but it was

Ecstatic.

zucchini….grown in a granite garden….fierce and "meaty".    i Feel it.  Today,  plain.   Tomorrow,  breakfast,  Aioli.