windthread

i finally got it….how it actually is….this central image of the Letter Blanket….a Deb Lacativa

 

spores.  at B

spent the whole day at the Wall Garden,  trying to figure out how to work the drip hoses,  still about 5 ft short no matter what i do….?   Well….need to continue anyway and i did.   Pulled as much of that Crazy Grass as i possibly could,  my fingers are cut up but it's good.   It's all turned,  a trowel deep.   Will find out if that's enough.  All the oh so small wispy onions i put in in mid spring/summer are suddenly GROWING….they had disappeared,  in the heat,   but here they ARE  and at B  these mushrooms.  I still haven't learned.  Edible?  Not?  i don't know,  but they are Rising Up out of their own sense of Life.  That's enough.

 

not just RAIN,  but     storm.    Everything tho is wet.    Wet has seeped in.  Filled.   After so long.

Us.   Who i live with.   The table at night.

affirmation given along my path

this here again because i love it so much….the rain~ness of it.   i searched for my rain jacket,  could not find it,  searching and searching remembering how daughter Jenny bought it and brought it the first day of my being here….3 years ago,  December 15.   I was not happy to receive it,  i was not happy with Rain.  was a desert person in the company of desert Goats.   a hard first winter.   Last circle through was better…i knew what to expect,  knew what to do and knew that soon enough the heat would return.    This time everything is different.  i have adapted.   I find self….singing…believe it or not….singing out to the Goats,  to Puppy and Talkie,   watching for a short break in the downpour and getting done what needs to be done with …..ease.   Part of it might be the relief  after Fire Season,  but that too is adapting,  tuning to Place.  This is my ecosystem.    i am becoming  OF  this Place.   There is a real  and palpable physical sensation to a connected ness with the Trees….i can FEEL what it might be like for them as the wet seeps into their bark,  i feel them as kin.   the plants…lichen…moss   their energetic vibrations rise all around.  i find that i LOVE RAIN.  Love the evolved magic of this Rain/noRain part of this planet Earth…the great great Beauty of the evolution of the Life here.  There is joy.   

 

first Mend.    a second has begun.

 

and the Red work continues.  Opening out in unexpected ways,  and this adds to the newness of this circle of season.   i can see that it began with finding the Carnelian stone.   being called by the stone.   which began the ending of a 3 week long  UTI that had me feeling helpless.   the second one in my lifetime,  the first was 30 some years ago.   Maybe i will be able to write about that,  maybe not,  but Red began there   and then,  Acey.    Time inside a small living space surrounded by rain give opportunity for a certain kind of sustained focus.  The little Cloth here is the one from Jude so many years ago that had become my Altar Cloth.   They are connected….as is the work of Deb Lacativa's gift with Color,  thread and cloth.  it's all a part of the Chakra work that has been at play all my life,  which…i smile…of course,  it would be,   being born with that root.  But how i chose to live it.  and what i choose to MAKE of it now.   it's all a Wonder.

this spans about half of the Wall Garden.   it's curved,  hard to take a pic of all of it.   it's almost ready.  Where you see the shovel handle is the strawberry patch that has become inundated with that tentacle grass.  and  5 clump grasses…shovel.   Forecast tomorrow is 100 % RAIN but after that i'll lay the drip hoses and proceed with my NEW PLAN.   The hope for all gardening here is to learn what it takes to grow what we actually Eat.   As in,  if there were no store,  what would we need from a garden?  Maybe next year we can get to canning.  Who knows.   and we now need to factor in the Deer.  I do not expect her  to forget.   She ended up eating  pretty much everything but cucumbers and parsley.   She ate all the tender tops off the tomatoes although tomatoes are supposed to be toxic for her…????   but the end branches are where the blossoms are.   So the plan is….we use lots of garlic, onions and potatoes between 3 households.   Supposedly,  deer don't  like them.   So the whole span will be these three.  Potatoes are also good as trade vegetables for some reason.  Will have to wait til February to plant them,  but garlic and onions go in now.

Part 2 is that all else will be planted up in B Garden.   I'll need to do a lot of work there to enlarge it and amend the soil.  Will also use large landscape pots.   B is much further up the road In,   i don't think she will come that far up and Tay is very aware of any activity there.   So…maybe.   I'm happy having a Plan.

Between Alyssia's tire problems and the batteries i use to charge things here seeming to suddenly be having dwindling function i was almost completely without  "the usual".  Had to not use phone for anything but the possibility of emergency calls in and out.  Was difficult.   but i think good to be aware of how it is for so many now experiencing losses…jobs, income,  homes even.  How internet is a true luxury.    I am continuing to work with RED,  that root chakra…..SAFE.    Also,  Alyssia went to get the propane tanks filled and for the first time in 3 years,  there wasn't any.  This is at the beloved Lakeside Gas and Grocery.  Which supplies propane to MANY households all around.   For some reason the big supply truck just didn't show up.   No propane means no cooking,  no heat in the morning to cut the edge.    more  RED.   and i have been reviewing,  in dreams and then in long mid night awake times that prolonged period of UnSafe in my life….interestingly triggered by and strangely similar to the unwillingness of the person who has held many of us hostage for 4 years to ….GO AWAY.   I find this all really….uh,  something.   and am grateful so much for Rain.  

 

i've had a lifelong relationship with Red.   i had a red cotton jacket when i was maybe 6 or 7 years old.   That i loved.  it was flannel inside.   And then,  one more red…i think when i was going into 7th grade and we were school shopping at J.C. Pennys.  I was desperate to have a red faux leather vest.   i somehow got it but never wore it.  Ever.   i don't have any memory of that story.  and then…for the rest of my life until just recently,  my relationship with red was  "I don't do red."   but not entirely true,   i did like a very CERTAIN red…my kids had a name for the red i liked…Scab Red.  She likes scab red.    But i didn't even  "do" scab red much.   and then Jude and Spirit Cloth and clothmaking and threads and i looked at red and how just  "so much",  like a single strand of floss,   was really very BeautyFULL.    This is one of the shoulder pads of a blouse that i somehow had in maybe the early 70's.   i never wore it.  just had it.   it was wonderFULL,  the designs on it…like microbes.   i don't know what happened to it.   But always,  this shoulderpad somewhere with the sewing stuff.   

Acey said,  Red.   ok.   i thought and thought i don't really have much or maybe Any red,  but then   Bing!,  i remembered this shoulder pad and this morning went to look for it in that huge ziplock bag of scraps,  the bag that's as big as i am,  really,  that i'd left out in the truck bed  in case of Evac until yesterday,  i thought it must be in there somewhere and when i looked…

there it was.   Right on top.   Sitting there.   Waiting.    

 

She says,  Acey,  

"Find something vibrantly red and create a modest self-regulated stronghold for representation of things you value and know to be true."   ….things you value and know to be true….such interesting and laden words……

"give yourself time to hold yourself steady in contemplation."      hold yourself steady….hold yourself steady

"tune out the noise until you're able to start remembering what that feels like:  authentic inner silence"

 

by the time i got this far with the pics the RAIN was descending heavy,  the light had changed,  everything had changed.  RAIN meaning,  right now,   SAFE.

this far today,  "things you value and know to be true".    The magnifying glass=science.   The Carnelian stone=Earth.  The string of Czech beads=Art.   the Found Magic of the Angel=Spirit.

Science,  Earth,  Art,  Spirit.  

 

 

typepad is again having issues. The post from yesterday….all the pics ended up being black holes. Just now, i tried again and instead of a photograph, got numbers. So…for now, till they either work it through or don’t, i am living. i am doing. i am Going. and i am Good. There is 100% chance of RAIN tomorrow, maybe signaling the end of Fire Season. it’s Cold. Puppy is deciding to come IN at night.
Love….

 

it's inordinately cold here this week…a few days now and ongoing into the beginning of next week.   goes down to 37 F at night.  So i had to go find this blanket….the loved Tina and the equally loved commercial comforter from the Animal Shelter Yard Sale 20 some years ago  not enough.   i turn the little heater on in the morning for a few minutes but otherwise,  hunker down.  So…here she is.   From the thrift shop in Socorro, NM.   Old.    and   completely Fine.   But….there is an urge to give Her something of Beauty,  just for love……some small fragment,  Jude's integrated applique,   just because it would be pretty.  I can  let myself  want pretty right now.

 

this,  tho…..nothing to do with pretty.  It's the denim futon(less) cover that is on the couch/bed  where the kids hang out and where i sleep at night.   Because of the increased use since coming here,  and the increased machine washing now that i CAN do laundry at Alyssia's,  some seams have pulled free.   Also some of the worn denim it was made with is more worn.  Many places need mending which i have ignored for months now….but all of a sudden,  i WANT to mend.  not i Should,  but i really WANT to.   I tried out other kinds of cloth that would be easier but return to denim on denim.  And i tried a larger needle and two strands of thread…a more Boro look,  but i go back to the really small thin needle and one strand…it's more possible.  

All this feels really really GOOD.

all over the planet,  this Earth,   there are Gatherings.   Jude took us today to a Place of Gathering…far across this continent.

 

like i haven't stitched,   i also have not come here.

 

i just haven't.

 

this morning i did.   approaching from a distance,  stopping,  standing and saying aloud….I am here.

it's like having been in some kind of self created,  self imposed….container.   maybe because it was like so much was being drained,   continuing daily,  like a slow bleed and then some kind of anemia setting in…anemia of Hope  and i had nothing left to offer of anything real 

i don't know…but i do know that today i went there….first thing.   just standing.  I am here.   and maybe i reserved just enough to say…i am Ready.   Ok.   i'm ready.

i don't expect miracles but there is room to breathe now,  room to begin again.  try again.  and that's all we can ever really hope for…Trying.  Our Best.   i still have some Best left.