• 20200809_174433

     


    20200809_174418

    Just Jenny today.  The two of us.   She never says what she has in mind before hand.  I find out when she shows up.    She called me on phone from the bottom of the Hill,   asking me to bring down rope.  I ask what kind,  how long,  for what and she says as long as i can find.   Ok.   Turns out she's into making some kind of bridge/dock  at the bottom of the low Hill across the creek.  Something we can just sit on.  Dangle our  feet.  Down  far  enough from the Carefree  Way.   close to the young Cottonwood.   Wants the rope to measure the distance down the slope and across the creek.   Maybe 70 ft?   We never got that far because there's a river willow there that's grown into the creek with branches extending horizontally IN the creek and creek debris is caught there,  making a little pool of Stuff.   This is the kind of thing that the Feather River people would clear with machinery when they come every couple years.   And  in clearing this,  most likely,  the young Cottonwood too.   There is no bank.  only a maybe less than 1 ft space with a slender strip of Goat Trail.  inches.   We study this and look at the two huge forms of the Sea Weed that is intermittant all along the creek,  in it's huge form looks ominous.  Like a large fish or animal down there and i'd just watched a Utube about sturgeons.   They look like 7 ft sturgeons.  i think,  eee,  but  she says no…look and grabs some that's close and pulling it out,  it's feathery,  very much like the stuff you buy to add habitat in your aquarium…its NICE,  strand by strand so ok i think and since there's no way but IN,  i go IN.   Extending from the edge there's a granite shelf  about 3 ft,  of course, sloping like everything here is,  but solid and just at the end of that the middle of the creek dips down and turns out to be over 4ft deep.  I am in.  And she hands me the Racheted Loppers  and i begin.   Branch by branch that we can easily see,  but then i need to reach down,  feel my way  under water and we can't see because it's all stirred up.  She tries to cut from the bank but Not so she's IN too.  We work…freeing up the tangle….letting it go in the current.   It's 99 degrees.  Water is cold.  The conversation strays to many things.  Memories of her hermit crab,  vacations,  to Julian and Emrie,  Alyssia,  to her dad,    We work.  We talk about what she envisions for her bridge/dock.   Time goes by and we slog around,  two EXTREMELY large crayfish show up and are interested in her shoes   and it's time for Alyssia to come bringing me ice so she has to leave.   It's a little abrupt.  But she tells me she took two days off from work.  Just to get away from the Virus.  She'll be back tomorrow.  When i got back UP,  i layed it on the bed (unmade) because  i was so HUNGRY and needed to hurry to cook food.   Some of which was FROM THE GARDEN.

     


    20200809_174217

    she saw them first.  Only on this branch….What's THIS?    we don't know…these Beauty Full Flowerets made of leaves????

     


    20200809_174202

    on ordinary branches as in the first two pics….there are Several.   ??????

    I am an old woman.  She,  middle aged.   a Woman.   Off and on through those hours,  i thoughtglimpsed the fact that she was my old Jenny,  my little girl Jenny,  the one that was Emrie's age and on….What it might have been like to have wandered in this creek with her then,  how she was never afraid of anything,   how she was so adamant about Who She Was,  Her Self….and What it was like to do this work with her today on this HILL  in California 2020 ,   this Hill that belongs to her.  That no one can take  from her. Ever.

  • 20200807_130133

    every few days i think this is "the end"  for the season,  but then come down the next morning and Ta Da!….NEW!  She has self seeded 8 strong child plants.   I'm not sure when to transplant them.

     


    20200807_124305

     


    20200807_124053

    Green Bean blossom…B Garden.  it is POSSIBLE that i might be able to have a 

    bean.   

    last week there was yet another Visitation by TheWhatEverItIS.  More destruction and severe to Jalapenos and the Cherokee Purple tomato.   The two largish ripening Slicer Tomatoes DISAPPEARED…totally.  There and then GONE.   There was a cantelope yesterday. It's had crack but i left it hoping it would continue ripening and i could share it with Jenny today.  Mid morning….GONE.   The interesting thing is that there is no damage to surrounding plants…vines….IT is neat.  Nothing walked on,  nothing pulled away or down.  Just    GONE.

    the Malabar now with it's secondary leaves…,   Boc Choi same.   Mustards are UP.   Bell Peppers REGROW leaves that are strong  and GREEN…quite Beauty Full,  really….the Tomatoe plants hold their own,  their stumps pointing to the sky.  I think a lot about Farmers…Organic Farmers….how there is such a fine balance  and we just can't know.    The protective cover stuff arrived today at Alyssia's.  Tomorrow i'll begin making the fencingArches that will hold it.   

    No te Rindas.  si.  yes and okay.   No te Rindas.

     

  • 20200807_160550

     


    20200807_150658

    this could not be more PERFECT.   This

    feather

    IS a Downy Woodpecker feather…and yes….they do inhabit this forest and i hear them more than see them…they are Fast through the trees and only occasionally light nearby 

    but this feather was a direct gift,  a message, an Alert to remember a moment in time

    and in keeping with how it's all going right now,  these Markers rising up into awareness that shine light on others…

    in the last few days alone:  Chaos,  Rupert,  being stoned,  the diorama of self,  appearing as things do for me in that metaphor of Slide Show….again…diorama…the image in the Image   that then tells a whole story of a Piece of Time.

    I needed to remember the Flicker.        I was driving down Spring Street back home,  Ann Arbor Michigan,  driving down from Bird Hill at the top of the street where i would  "run away to" ,  finding solace there from whatever was weighing me down….driving  home and a truck right in front of me hit a bird,  i saw it in slow motion strike the hood and be flung into the weeds alongside the street…..i skidded to a stop and ran back,  looking,  looking,  the yellow gold underwing was askew  I picked it up, it didn't struggle,  was still but breathing through open beak.   Standing there,  holding it,  was the first time i had ever felt the exact moment and FEELING,  the physicality and Soul or Spirit separating,  the Spirit lifting from the body,  loosened and lifting FROM the body,  leaving me,  holding the now vacant form
    I need that "memory" right now,  that particular "slide" image.   Flicker asked Woodpecker to leave a feather on its behalf.  In a place i would be sure to find it.    There is   amazement,  Wonder,  and deep Gratitude for this.  

     

     

     

  • 20200806_071212

    does anyone know….this pattern of feather on any bird other than Flicker?

    is this….a Flicker feather?…..

    From my life in the midwest through my early 30's,  on to   Oregon,  Arizona and then New Mexico,    this feather would be  FLICKER

    lying,  in so Plain Sight on the road down this morning,   i stood,  staring at it on my footpath   Placed there.   Placed there.

    i carried it down,  through the Gate and off,  into the world.   I drive down the winding road into town,  through town where life continues it seems as usual but i only drive through it,  do not stop or hesitate,  but make my way directly to Alyssia's house where Tay and i get out and spend the day while Alyssia moves through the interface for food.   

    Flicker has been a spirit bird.   Crow is Cosmic.  Flicker is personal.

    Do any of you know of this feather pattern?   This is important.

  • 20200805_151509

    found.

     


    20200805_104606

    the "agreement"  was that there would be  no  forethought.   it would be random…just what ever caught the eye…

     


    20200805_104916

    when i looked into the basket,  only a corner of this was visible….but it's large.   Do i honor the original agreement?,  or change the rules……?

  • 20200803_065719

    Pushed the laptop across the Morning Table…to the other side where someone else sits.   Like this person would be someone else.   Got the tea ready.

     

     


    20200803_070010

    Double clicked.   Made eye contact and said…."Got a minute?"   And then,  after some time,  i really don't know how long,  i went to Deb Gs…she'd posted it said,  so went and she liked the link to rumblestripvermont.com and i clicked on the link, went again, and this time noticed the thank you at the bottom with note about someone's new podcast and clicked and it all went from there.   Bianca Giaever  podcast called Constellation Prize,  the episode:  Crossing Guard.   The thread was pulsing.   Went down to give water at Wall Garden.  Listened while there.   Back up and the email notice ping,  mail from Fantastic Fungi movie site telling me that on Aug 2 the director of that movie Louie Schwartzberg received the American Visionary Art Museum's highest honor,  the Grand Visionary Award and this somehow led to Merlin Sheldrake

     


    20200803_142122

    young man,  and how many Sheldrakes do i know,  only one and yes,  the son of Rupert who i remember loving for some Essay in the 80's,   but this is his son,  Merlin who has just published a book called Entangled Life.  Blurb says Merlin's " research  ranges from fungal biology to the history of Amazonian ethnobotany,  to the relationship between sound and forms in resonant systems. A keen brewer and fermenter,  he is fascinated by the relationships that arise between humans and more~than~human organisims.  He is a musician and performs on  the piano and accordian. "   He is admiring some fungal being in this pic.  Just look at that face.  and  googled  his father, Rupert to read a little there,  i'd not thought of him in years and years,  why?,  why? did i quit thinking about him and what he wrote?,  and on the page

     


    20200803_145110

    this…LOOK at this Beauty Full face!  and i clicked it for just  minute and there was a round table of men,  the first of their exchange there totally compatable with my whole morning but i decided to just leave that for tomorrow,  if i can find it again.  

    I sat and thought what all this felt like.  It was somehow very familiar and then i suddenly realized…it was like being stoned.  The tangential quality of it all,  this turning into that into that into that and being amazed by it all and how it all just went together so Beauty Fully in an Of Course kind of way and i was just smiling,  that kind of stoned smile you got when it felt like you couldn't stop smiling and it started to feel stuck but still,  the feeling of the smiling was so Great but there was also more….

    and after awhile i understood it was that it had no Use,  any of it,  to the "reality" of my life now,  that it was uhhhh,  just the joy of being amazed and i realized how i'd been running  such a tight  ship for a while now and how this new life of just being Here, on this Hill is probably going to be for a long time and how i can pretty much keep abreast of important info fairly quickly by checking certain trusted news sources and MOVE ALONG       And i thought about how i'd learned that John Lewis liked to dance and how his staff said he was always joyful.   

    I did all the things that needed doing and i even stitched secure 3 edges.   Spent some time with Talkie who was feeling extra friendly after her morning egg.   

    I made a second batch of Hummus,  heavy on the tahini and garlic.  and it was  a great day.   All of it.   I think i want ALL of it.  I think i can HAVE all of it.  Why Not?

  • 20200802_090621

    I've stolen two things in my life so far.   That Crow,  on the altar behind me,  and this shirt i have on in this pic.  This is the first time i've worn it.  Both are stolen from my brother.   The Crow,  i've told the story here before a few times.  This shirt…

    a couple or a few years before i left NM my brother and his youngest son Eli took a road/rail trip to visit.   Brother was looking for something in his back pack and took out this shirt along with other things and threw aside,  i was riveted ….I asked him if i could have it and he said no…they'd found it at a thrift shop along the way i forget which state…they coming from Minnesota,  so i said i'll trade you.  Anything i have.   He said no.   in the next hours,  they were tired,  i hung it over the back of old Cowboy's chair at the table…same chair that is at this table here now,  the old black one of Old Cowboy's Mom's,  and in the morning when they were still sleeping i put something else over the top of it.   They forgot about it as the days of their visit went on…it sat there under the thing over it.   Day came for them to leave and they packed up,  i didn't say a word and they left.   Since then,  it's hung in the closet.  First in NM and then here.  Just hung there.  This morning i took it off the hanger and came over to the Morning Table and slowly and deliberately cut the collar off.  Put it on.   it's rayon,  a size large men's.  just how i like them.  Drape.  Lots of it.  The color of Orange/Red…the Red i can love wholeheartedly along with scab Red,  and the designs on it,  i love,  just love and swirl in the looking at….so i put it on.   I messaged Alyssia…the book…Sensitive Chaos,  Theodore Schwenk…somewhere in the books she has at her place,  can she find it for me and bring?   It's my Chaos shirt.  Am not sure what that means.  I'll find out.

    i might become a podcast junkie.   Beginning with this one…rumblestripvermont.com   her post on Turning 50  and the song Total Eclipse of the Heart…..i love it.  LOVE LOVE……she loves words and how they go together like…out to pasture, don't go near the waterfront,  the 50's being the puberty of Life,  crossing the rubicon of relevance and she Wonders about ambition…ambitionless drive…to produce for other people,  the continuity of ambition to NO ambition…a next one is about the Museum of Everyday Things….the year's focus on Knots.  There is a hair display.   i will turn 75 in a few months.  75.  think of that.

     

     

  • 20200801_201725

    i'd tried for about 2 hours to post things.   about chaos.  about wanting a little chaos  and how this morning went,  providing a little chaos that i realized i might be missing,   having worked to run a tight ship for a few months now,  but  the pics and the words would just suddenly disappear.  it ended with a Big notice on the screen…you are blocked.  Blocked from this site.  ok.

    but it's almost dusk and i went down to B to give water.  and there were these.  I'll give them to Jenny tomorrow.   What i am left with tho,  at the end of this day,  is how they feel.

    Walking up the Hill,  holding them like this….the Feeling of 5 figs in the palm of my left hand…their weight and weightlessness,  their softness,  roundness,  plumpness,  their Figness.   Their skin,  touching my skin.   

  • 20200730_173230

     


    20200730_173514

    i can't leave the ClothWall pulled down.   99 degrees…inside and out,   there are just wisps of air that can flow from that back room through the bathroom into Here…even a wisp is needed and the Cloth Wall blocks that.  But for some moments i hung this Cloth there and looked and it was good.   

    i saw these words today

    You didn't come this far        …   to only come this far

    no attribution 

     

  • 20200730_160902

     


    20200730_160656

    first the light comes from one direction.  Then…from another,  changing things….making them different,  but then too, i suppose what they Are in that Light at that moment..

    i went to the Funeral this morning.   For so many years i didn't "do" funerals.  I didn't go to my Mother's or Father's funerals.  But i have been to a couple recently,  like today.  I went to His funeral.  

    I don't know the true attribution for these words,  they have appeared here and there and they appeared here today again….

    "He loved America until America learned how to love him back."