the first day, i saw her. And almost didn't post her….chances are, she might not be "beneficial". But…..so so exquisite.
and then….her children. sO tiny maybe 3 could fit on a pin head. And those amazing black and white things….their egg cases? They share the leaf, at least in that moment, with aphids.
and perfect timing….this present Cloth, the August Cloth
i've begun stitching tiny beetles, tiny seeds.
i need to keep this here for a while. However long, i want it here, every day. For a while.
walking Down, to give water
the hollyhock seeds. There is nothing, NOTHING more perfect than hollyhock seeds. And they take me Back. When i was very small child there were hollyhocks growing in the alley in Detroit….Michigan. At Ghost Ranch in New Mexico, at Georgia OKeefe's home and the garden of a walkway where i put my hand out and skimmed the hollyhocks there, pocketing many seeds, bringing them back to plant them. They grew.
Just in the last few days, going through all the STUFF, i find a baggie of seeds, Black Hollyhock, From Jill Lee Jones that's been lost since 2015, that i have searched for many times, but i find them a couple days ago.
So maybe it's Hollyhocks. It is hollyhocks, but as a symbol…
it's as Sue in Calgary so perfectly put it, perfectly, in yesterday's comments: "It seems to depend on what's challenging for me now. it's some aspect of the person i was in that place that i really miss."
i love the choice of words….some aspect….
she brings a cold back from Texas. She plays anyway, until she is exhausted but still, she plays and can't let go into a nap.
Cry. Then just surrender, on her sleeping bag, OutSide while her mother and i work to figure out what is Next. Tree gives a blessing
we stayed late, down at the Wall Garden, pulling the grasses that would like to rule that world. Letting Emrie learn about tomatoes…green, not ready, red, YES. Harvesting leaves of things. Late. then came up. Sitting long and watching as slowly but not slowly, the sky became dark and STARS, STARS filled it, totally FILLED it, the sky. The Three of us, one 73 years, one 31 years, one 2 years and we were companions, equal and each offering a perspective. And they left. So much later than usual, late.
but we sat, Tay and I. Feeling it. And walked over to the young Manzanita above B, the Janet Chair. Taking the flashlight that felt like sacrilege but we couldn't see till we got there and then we turned it off and sat.
somehow Alyssia, Emrie and Emrie's father were visiting with a Great Aunt. Who has been married to a husband for Many years that the other female members of the family did not approve of. For all the years, this husband has been addressed as Mr. So and So. When they were leaving, Emrie, who is extravagant with blowing goodby kisses, did and to him, many many and the words, Goodbye Uncle. See you soon. The old Auntie told Alyssia he cried all the way to work.
i think about a lot of things. This morning, i thought about how great it would be to pray. As in the way i was brought up as a child. To pray to Jesus and God, and be sure i was heard. People do that. and are Sure. How great that must be. But i don't have that, didn't as a child. But i thought today, anyway, about praying. About if there is something that i do that might be similar? About my "beliefs". About what "sustains" me. And you might know by now my deep connection to the Earth and Spirit of Earth. But i don't pray to the Earth. What is it that i DO do? Still thinking. But i'd taken this piece of old linen off the beauty Full Deb Lacativa cloth i posted 3 days ago. It just wasn't saying anything there, and i just unstitched it and in unstitching, had to cut the threads of the eyelids of the Earth Eye. This morning i held it this way, just it and the harem cloth, so light it almost had no weight at all and i thought , like a prayer. Maybe my cloth making is similar to prayers? I then followed the urge, and found some very small scraps in the basket that sits on the ledge behind me where the house altar is..the one with Crow. Yes. and i thought about my love of Tibetan Buddhism, the deep and instinctive connection there. But i don't pray there. I Learn there. and i remembered the Beauty Full Chants for World Peace, the Gyuto Monks and went to UTube to find them. Chanting. Prayer. ? I listened. It's been a long time and while listening, i remembered how i'd had the great good fortune to be at Mt. Shasta about 30 years ago when there was a Celebration for Earth and how the monks came there and walked the long path up, people lining the way….what that felt like. And i listened and envisioned the Gyuto Monks walking the Earth, walking through countries, through wars, Through, chanting. Chanting for every living thing. I "saw" people joining them as they walked and chanted, children, the children danced along side. I saw them approach and appear at the border of the United States and Mexico, stand still, for some long time, days, chanting, ringing the bells, the horns and the drums, raising the Vibration to where it could be felt in the bones, chanting for every living thing. Chanting to "unfold energies which can serve the benefit of All". And all the while, i held this cloth, so nothing, really, but so Everything too and am still thinking, but maybe it's how i pray.
each evening i do an inventory of Lady Parts. Thats the term a nice young man on Utube used….yet another video about Goat birth that i watched….his Goat's lady part. I call it twat. When Jenny and Alyssia were little, i called it their Coochie. Alyssia has taught Emrie it's her HooHoo. Alyssia's great grandma in Michigan refers to it as one's CooterCat.
Anyway, i hang out with them and check. Looking for some discharge. So far none. Dry Twats all around. They are so healthy looking tho…shiny coats, bright eyed and plump. Plump extending to Fat. We had better get some kids, or will need to cut the alfalfa. For now, it's just waiting. Celia continues to look the closest. Old Onday that is usually rangy is also quite plump. i hope things go well for her. She is my favorite. I love her a lot.
this Cloth has been Waiting a long time. This morning, i saw it totally differently….not the insert image as ON, but rather, as seen Through. As looking into a far distance, Through. It changes everything and maybe that's what its been Waiting for?
today is the day last year that we let the Goats Go. Let them Free. Not knowing, but having some kind of Faith. Emrie spent the day yesterday with her father at some kind of birthday celebration, not hers, and then spent the night with him. Alyssia was elsewhere. This morning she went with her father and his sister, her Aunt, to the zoo. She has not asked for MomMom although they have done the thing with live in your face conversations a couple times, whatever that's called. She is Fine and Good and very much Just Going. On vacation. Emrie is on vacation. I don't know how to feel.
