windthread

view from the toilet.  Alyssia couldn't bear to sell them,  but didn't want them.  I'll try them out,  see how they might work.  I love my big round baskets but they also collect a lot of dust and cat hair.  

 

 

waking at 3 am.   Wanting to stay awake,  wanting to go back to sleep.  Wanting Both.  Love the light of the night light on the Cloth Wall.   Is like it should be the opening image of a long or short story.  Loved the thought of how it would appear from outside,  maybe some distance away,  the light through the travel trailer window,  the travel trailer that doesn't go anywhere

 

Daughter Jenny held feelings about New Mexico.  Specifically,  for the WIND.  And although It could be harsh,  i continued to love It.  I'd thought i would miss Wind here….but i'm not because it has been so present.  So really present this winter,  the second winter,  more than last,  my first.  Those atmospheric rivers have been driven by Wind,  it's been severe.   In the forest over there,  up and to the far side of Campsite C,  3 extremely large trees have gone down.  and it's a forest,  so when an extremely big tree goes down,  it takes many smaller trees in it's Fall.   Up there today, i stood.  Just stood,  because i couldn't think of anything else to do.   I can't think of anything anyone might do next.  Do you let them lie?,  atop of live trees?  Crushing them over?  And even if the answer would be no,  how is it possible to cut them?  remove them?  from the place they fell?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the forest floor is very quiet and easy.  In one week,  moss has covered many things.  Completely.   Earth would take back those trees,  eventually.  In many years,  they would fall incrementally Down,  to be taken INTO Earth.   Become Earth.  What is our place here?

What is our place here?

there was an ebb in the Flow of the Atmospheric River.  There was SUN.  A "sky" with clouds in blue.  I walked.  I saw a million ways to be Alive,  and then there's that interior self that's forever unseen but in the million and one~th way,  the way that matters most,  how we rise up from our own compost and show ourselves To Our Selves

 

resting in the drawer for a while.  now…out and speaking.

no matter what.  no matter anything

 

 

there will always be Beauty.

over to try to clean up the trashed cardboard at B.  Got some done.  Feeling good.  Sun.  Warm enough.  Hauled some up to the blue truck that just sits there waiting for something to happen with the intent of putting all of the excess in the bed of it.  Twice.  and put cement blocks on large pieces that are still intact to hold them in place, so i thought,  then small scraps into the wheelbarrow~y kind of thing.  Progress.  

and then they came from wherever they had been and that was the end of that.  Ripping, tearing, pulling, rearranging,  a maniacal hoard,  i yelled some to no avail and just gave up.  Walked away.  Ok, then.   As long as there is adequate food,  Goats are very good at knowing what can be eaten and what can't.  I trust that.  Cardboard i guess is ok.  But still,  it bothers ME.  Tomorrow i'll try some more.  Try to be out there when they're down in the meadow by A.  

but on the way back,  i looked up to see that the young Manzanita is BLOOMING?????!!!????  Now?  But all over town the Almond trees bloom.  What an amazing Place this is.  February.  Maybe she blooms for you, Acey.

 

 

then i went to search the baskets for a particular last scrap of an old Rayon blouse.  Not here.  But it didn't matter,  these pieces were clear.  It's them.

 

and just such a little more for Lizard.  Need to go slow.  It's easy to do too much.

 

I follow a blog.  thekitchensgarden.org    Cecilia Mary Gunther   a woman Farmer in the midst of the industrial agriculture wastelands of Illinois working to keep an Organic Farm.  I am like a lot of people,  i read her first thing every morning.  I never comment.  But i know her days like the back of my hand.  She's a New Zealander,  somehow married to a USA Midwest Farm man who has lost interest in farming the family land.  She's FIERCE.  Nanette turned me on to her.  This morning she DID it.  What i have been wondering when it would happen,  when i wondered if it would be me that made it happen,  but no..it's her.  She addressed the reality of a dystopian future.  She asked:  What will the future generations need?,  say 150 years from now up the road.  What will those children need to survive and thrive? when things become tribal and spare?

there.  she said it.  and i read it.  i went back a couple times to read HOW she said it.  To feel,  how she said it.  For me,  it's more than she addressed,  my concerns feel uhhh,  more angstful.  My concerns are wrapped in the Loss of so many lifeforms, not just human concerns.  Loss of species.  

and here…i would like to send out a request to all who might read here….what blogs do you read that are addressing this?  Would you please tell me?   I know i must be ignorant of many….just not knowing.  ?????

so there's a little crossroad here.

a seam of something.  in last days,  continually rising to the top of the scrap basket,  just appearing there,  waiting.  Ok

 

 

 

a small lizard.   just begun,  but it will work.  Feels so good to the fingertip…small,  strong,  like lizards feel.  This makes me really happy.

 

 

Last night and then again, all day today,  there was no connection for this Laptop.  Out of the blue.  I had no clue.  Just NOT.  so i spent time thinking,  thinking about why i blog everyday anyway.  It's excessive.  Why?  and maybe i shouldn't?  Maybe it's been long enough.    So i looked at this particular day i would have put here Yesterday,  a kind of off kilter day,  the pic above of the cardboard boxes that Jenny had brought,  all nice,  but now a complete mess….Goats…..and then how  i'd happily gone to the Post Office and brought home some really Great mail but also late in the day opened the mail that told me that at midnight same day,  the 8th,  my vehicle insurances would be canceled for past due and spent TIME trying to figure out how to pay them on line in the nick of time which Alyssia ended up figuring out for me,  and how i'd decided to just call it a day,  which was good because the laptop wouldn't work anymore anyway,  something about Sync error with Google

but then,  i looked at the little starting pots for seeds that i'd gotten the last of at the hardware.  And thought about how there is Always something interesting, or worthwhile, or sometimes even absolutely Beauty Full,  gentle,  encouraging,  loving,  etc about any day at all  that makes it important to note in this world of chaos all around.  That for me,  keeps a balance as i watch and read the great sad confusion that abounds in the news from Out There which really isn't Out There at all,  but somehow touching the edges of Here too.  So Alyssia came to switch the batteries that ignite the Heat system here,  it's Cold.  Not in terms of other places that you are,  but Clold for here with great Wind,  and she tapped and tapped and for now,  Stuff seems ok.  Here,  in this moment,  All is Well.  I so Wish that for the World.  

Love…..

 

this is the bedroom of this Place.  At the foot of the bed,  to the left in this pic there is 12 inches  of space,  mattress to wall.  On the front of pic,  close to us is where the door also is and there's 18 inches,  mattress to partial wall/door.  There are hooks on the wall which are usefull to hang jackets etc.  Otherwise,  it's pretty useless.  I can't sleep in there.  It's claustrophobic for me.  So…the cloth baskets.  and that one long tub of cloth.   

The windows are good.  On all 3 sides.  

in the next couple days i'll go to the storage unit and bring back another same tub.   Both tubs will become the seed greenhouse sprouting world.   little growing pots with seeds sitting in some kind of little trays on top of the tubs.  It'll work.  

I swept and washed the floor at that 12 inch end of the bed.  Looked long,  and i can bring back  some of my books and whatever.  Books i think.  Alyssia's new Place has an attic.  The storage unit could be history after this month?  We'll see.  There's things in there that i can let go of.  I'd brought them imagining a different scenario.