windthread

the conditions under which Joy arises

 

 

i have a zillion words just rising up.  I probably should be back in therapy,  like i was,  i guess 40 some years ago,  but who would i "go" to?  How long would it take,  to tell what i would need to tell as the prologue to what i am looking at this morning?   So,  i be in therapy with me.  I already know a lot of the story,  just need to look more,  listen to Self more,  try to get some distance and look again,  listen more.  as much as it wants to take.  It's as good a time as any, right?  

I see recently,   the major themes i seem compelled to repeat.  in this clothmaking,  image making that i seem to continue doing because of the pleasure of it but also the desire to see the story,  to re~enact the story over and over.

there is a figure in many of them.  a woman.  not me,  but i guess me,  but not me…a female human being.   More and more i have followed the urge to let this figure be made of graphite,  some ink.   She is not fully defined.  kind of vague.  in keeping with the marks of the Plants?  looking at this…in keeping with the marks of the Plants?    Note to self:  look more at this thought.  

and the other image is that of the Eye.  often a single Eye.  

these two images find themSelves amidst fragments of cloth,   often very colorful and of interesting defined shapes that portray my sense of the Planet.  a single "still" shot of a single spot in a single place of the Planet Earth at a single moment.

~~..~~~

ok.  i don't know what this day is going to bring,  whether i can continue like this or if it will include others and other activity.  So i wanted to put this much here,  so i didn't lose the clarity that i got to this morning and really,  as a commitment to coming back to it and going With it.  Seeing the images on the phone screen doesn't work for me in the same way that seeing them here on the lap top does….the laptop allows some distance and i can stand away and See,  better.  the laptop i guess,  the pics and the words is a kind of design wall.  That's interesting……..?

so i'll  click publish and see what we have here.  If it's still not it,  will just let it stand as is.  This all makes me smile.

 

how great.  I'd tried to put this pic twice before and once it was all elongated and then the second time,  it was squashed.  On this third try,  it's how it is,  but it did not edit the other attempt,  but deleted it.   But what it IS, is that i have a surprise full day with these Cloths…and how that's such Happiness!!!  That i almost wasted by trying to photograph the Happiness.  So, now i'll just Go,  and be Happy.  I know it doesn't make sense,  but, oh well

the day didn't go as imagined.  We ended up waiting till Julian got off school.  Which actually made sense,  because the most pressing need was pants for him.  He grows.  Only has three pair.  One is ify.   He has sensitivities about his clothing.  Like Old Nana  like boy.  No one would ever guess by what we actually wear. But.    The new Goodwill in the old Sears building is huge.  a LOT of clothing,  a lot of nic nacks…sp?  and as it seems here in California,  next to no "linens".   Bummer.   No recycle here. Nothing to send to Deb L. 

but there was stuff for sure.  I found a "new" shetland wool sweater,  you could tell by the label that it  had never been washed.Two pairs of levis in the boys department.   A belt.  that is actually made for someone my size.  All my pants .  slide down.  I ordinarily use some kind of string.  so, a great belt.   I got another pot.  My brother had called me,  concerned about my using the steel wool on the teflon,  making Julian help me.    Telling me that was a grave error.  He is a lurker on this blog.  Yes.  I have a brother.  7  years younger than i.  In Minnesota.  We are last remnants of an odd family.   All subsequent offsping are unremarkably normal.  sort of.  

and then,  this.  you know,  how you stand there,  just before entering a check out,  looking at what you have put in your cart…  thinking…i don't really need that.  I won't wear that,  which was what i was thinking about the sweater because it's a pull over and i am so inclined to an open front,  to the cotton hooded sweatshirts,  but it was such a great sweater,  and

this really great egg beater.  It's a TOOL.  heavy.  Made for forever.  It spins loose and FREE.   Most assuredly the top of its line at some point.  I stood there,  holding it,  studying it,  ….  i don't really need it.  Julian chimbed in that  it would be what we need if we made pancakes.  Still,  i'm not sure.  I look up and there's Alyssia's face,  smiling,  ….get it gramma….she says.  It's really nice.

so ok.  One more thing to leave behind if we need to.

 

 

 

ok,  it's just how it is.  

Unless there is some further input from the forest It's Self,  i realize i am not going to be able to use lichen, mushrooms, and mosses for dye.   My purpose would be to satisfy curiosity,  to satisfy curiosity for the purpose of pleasure.

as i am "out" there,  moving through the trees,  there is such a strong strong sense of BeingNess going on.  These beings have waited.  Through the months of no rain,  waited to begin their work again.  I read a lot of how these living beings will play so big a part,  a crucial part in the mitigation of the Burn.  How simply being what they are,  they will work,  in an indispensable way to restore the land.   As much as i am wanting to ….know….i can't.  I cannot just take them,  any of them.  Not one.

i watched the video of the Campfire Community Meeting on facebook this morning…over an hour.  Many entities respresented,  local law enforcement,  the mayor of Paradise,  Cal Fire, Fema,  PG and E,  insurance entities,  public health,  on and on and the MAGNITUDE of what work is ahead became a little more clear.

it's not a matter of the Fire being gone.  There is no Fire.  But the Burn Scar remains.  I watch.  It isn't "us" this time.  Maybe it will never be…who knows,  but it is Here.  It is next door.  and it is the future of this land,  with what it is and with what the changing climate will bring.   Everywhere,  across this country,  things are occuring.  In the midwest.   To watch so closely and to learn. To learn what to ask for.  to ASK for,  from your own particular powers that be,  our own particular elected representatives.  We need to educate ourselves and participate as Community.  It's an opportunity.

 

 

how the Magic is always there,  already there.  Can you see the small figure in the upper right?  Arms extended to It All?

how in the midst of everything,  Earth continues against all odds.   

a woman evacuated with her fish.  in a canning jar.    Did i already say that?  if i did,  it's ok,  because it's worth saying again.

the children are back in school.  

there's a Goodwill in Oroville.   Just come.   In the old Sears building.    Down the same street as the AAA place is,  just keep going,  down by the McDonalds.  and also,  that's where the Tractor Supply is.  My world enlarges,  circles out.  Tractor Supply is where the good large bags of dog food are.  Goat minerals.  I think how my concerns are different from other peoples.  I think about that a lot.

the sheep we would hope to foster are Barbados black belly sheep.  There were several,  that word Unknown on their paper that hangs from their pen.  These sheep,  because they are hair sheep.   Other sheep,  wool sheep,  would require shearing which we would not be prepared for  now,  maybe never be prepared for.  Though it's a really great thought,  but shearing,  Wool,  though WonderFull,  is not in this lifetime for me.  There's a need to be realistic.  What,  really,  can we do.

i spend a lot of time doing Metta.  Tonglen.  I am full with it.  Blessed be,  All.  just so much.  Blessed BE,  all.

 

 

 

i got steelwool today so Julian and i can set to work to rid the saucepan of it's teflon coating.  Course, med. fine.  That ought to do it?    I have so many feelings about Taking …living organisms… these would be the first here,  that i would Ask for, to see if they might give color.  It's not going to be easy.   

Outside the post office on the big steps,  a man,  not young, not old,  sat,  a small folding table,  making longstemmed roses from palm fronds.  He worked as he sat.   I dont have a pic here,  i'd arrived down at the gate at the same time as Alyssia and gave it to Emrie.   It's in her car.  But i asked him about his work when i'd finished the long long line to mail the pennant to Mo.  There were so many people in line again,  and i think this will be how it is for months as there is no mail service to the areas of the Burn and most likely won't be.  Maybe a year?  he had sheaves of fronds layed out and i commented on how much they seemed like Yucca and he said they are much kinder to the hands.  He had interesting facial tatoos.  Not a lot of teeth.  A nice hat.  He said he'd make me one from the beginning if i wanted to watch and i did.  His hands moved with sure precision and in a couple of minutes,  a rose.  He began snipping off the threads but stopped,  saying he'd seen how i'd liked them,  touched them on the raw fronds and i said he was right.  

across the street from the hardware for the steelwool is the Library,  where i've not gone yet.  But,  with my new sense of everything,  i walked across and to the door…nope.   There were two gentlemen sitting on the bench next to their parked bikes with saddle bags of stuff.  They informed me of the Library hours.  Sunday till 1:00.  Monday closed.  New.  I told them i wanted MAPS….and thought the Library might have some that could be printed out there and they were interested in that, i said i don't talk to that "lady" on my cell phone,  don't ask her for directions,  that i wanted a map in my hand,  showing me the streets of Oroville,  and the Yonder,   that i didn't know my way around,  coming from New Mexico and they were interested in why i was here and that story over,  one suggested i go to the AAA place.  He was sure they would have maps and gave me good directions on how to get there from this Library and i'll try that.  Street people are having new feelings with all the influx of evacuees.  It was a good conversation and i also asked them if they knew what i would need to get a Library Card and that i did have a picture Id but it was my N. Mex driver's licence ….that's how the New Mex part of the conversation actually got going,  but they thought that the N Mex licence and my California Voters Registration would be good enough.  it was a nice exchange.

Alyssia had read that there is reconsideration of  "tiny houses" happening.  That there are companies that manufacture them wanting to donate to Paradise.  Actually,  SENDING them already.  That though Butte County had been dragging their feet about allowing such dwellings to be coded,  there seems to be a change of heart.  They make such practical sense and all this would help us with the redtape with code here that she and Jenny have dealt with for the last year,   the issue of building permits where there is no orthodox electric from PGE…it's the electrical grid that sets many of the fires…and they won't permit housing here with just basic Solar to begin….all this.  These Earth Changes will cause so many changes if we are open to them.

 

 

 

 

 

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part of me watched this cloth all day

 

 

she brought them before light,  5 something,  sleeping children from car to sleeping children in my bed.  Off to drive a Uhaul to Sacremento or somewhere…a fundraising for Paradise

 

 

Emrie wanted to go look for her.  We walked  all the way down the Hill road,  all the way back up.  Some kids hold up their arms,  say Up.  Emrie walks.   The Goats came.  Talkie and Puppie.  Julian,  his pre prepubescent self, slept.

it's almost dark again,  Sun rolled across the sky,  Emrie finaly conks out.  I am left to continue watching that cloth.  

Somehow i read that all displaced children from Paradise will attend the Oroville Bird St. school together.

an organization called Cultivating Place,  conversations on Natural History and the human impulse to garden  is gathering things like gloves,  hand pruners,  something called Root Pouches. Knowing it's too soon,  they are thinking that people might just keep them in a corner of whereever they find themselves,  to remind them that things will change.

Alisa Golden on lichen…."it cannot be cultivated"

late in the day.  They might come this evening and it's dark so early,  5:17,  so i quit stitching and doubled the canvas up,  over the dowel.  It works this way.  Just half…the little Cloth,  there,  looking back at me.  That's the Moringa in the pot.  Brought her up from Wall Garden.  Need to re-read about her Wintering Over.  Though she might look small,  she is exponentially More than when brought home.    She survived that WIND.

 

 

 

Up from the dashboard.  Back to window sill with Crow.

SUNlit.  Warm enough.  These little seedlets are coming up Everywhere,  in Profusion.  I have no idea what they might be.

They are growing where there is just dirt,  from where the Goats have "cultivated" with their hooves  ????  not grasses.  more 
????????