Hill was there, yesterday. The tomatoes continue to ripen, there are many. Parsley, kale, broccoli, cauliflower, some hot peppers, strawberries even. The Moringa is stronger. Mother's Day hydrangea thrives. Vetch is blooming all down around the water source like tiny purple orchids. Birds. The marks of us everywhere. our being there. Those little tidy Goat balls.
put one of the Janet Chairs with young Manzanita…keeping eachothers company. it's time to go back.
I
this came in the middle of the night to our FieldHome here. Things are still coming. A lot of horses left today. Maybe half? I listened, well, eaves dropped as a gentleman, dressed in LLBean type style, with a small tidy pony tail, carrying a very small dog talked with one of the formal volunteers about a pig. He studied the pig. No. It was not his pig. His pig was a darker black and her snout was different. So…no.
Looking for your pig.
there was a young boy, maybe 8, moving fast, up and down the row across from us, back and forth and i said…are these your Goats? Yes. and i asked what their names were and they were names of plants and herbs, some trees, as was Aspen, the herd sire. He told me that last year a bear had tried to drag Aspen off but his dad went out with a 2×4 and banged it LOUD on everything and the bear dropped Aspen and although stuff was coming out of him, he lived and got well. he kept going, looking back at me and i followed him. He showed me their sheep and told me names. When we were at the end of that, he just stood there. Quiet. Looking off. After a long silence, he said I had a yellow house in Concow. I said, i'm grace and extended my hand. he took it, said i'm Liam. We stood quiet. he went off to find his dad
this evening, when i was there to do the evening feed, there was a curly haired woman, i think my daughter's age…which would be 40 something, raking out pens. We talked and she said she just came to volunteer for the day. Asked a lot of questions about Goats. When i was done feeding, i began my Walk Through and down the way found her in one of the sheep pens, squatting, a very plain sheeps head in her hand, her mouth close to it's face, talking. I stopped and watched. She said I have never given love to a sheep. I have never known this. I left her. Giving Love. receiving so much more.
the energy shifted today. Since yesterday, they have been putting up tent like structures in anticipation of the rain that might come on wednesday. And the fewer horses. There is some sense of consolidation. Maybe tomorrow i can ask one of the ones i've come to know what they are thinking.
this is a chicken rice cheese bean burrito from up at the people food table. My across the field neighbor brought it to me. it's got a lot of fresh cilantro in it. Some chilis…it's hot, as in spicy. I was planning on beginning to catch up in responding to comments tonight, was looking forward to that. But there were a couple phone calls and now, i'm tired. Now, i feel like i am finally back in my body. Like i have been elsewhere for some Time. So am just going to go to sleep
since morning, there are 24 new pens put in place and FILLED. A large, like large Black Llama. Many sheep., one ram, skinny but with such beautyFULL markings. he stares back. He is striped with greys. I would call him Ash.
multiply this by maybe ten. Might be close enough to what IS. All along the main road here in the Livestock area. it continues. trucks in. trucks in. We have moved through the initial Energy of it and it's quieter now, somehow, quieter like now for some long haul. In the beginning, you imagined maybe a day or so. A few days. But now, realizing More Days. They are saying maybe by Nov. 30.
i watched them change the dressings on the alpaca's feet. He is much better. Eyes bright, his ears….moving to the sound of our voices. He eats.
The orphan lambs, standing, moving around.
The two chickens with their burnt buts, also, moving, speaking.
two lambs born as we watched. This morning, an animal rescue truck setting out for a cat. a single cat.
we watch and read the movement of the Fire, the containment. Still no way to know. Wait. We talk. How do we do this?
pay it forward?
in the afternoon, i stitched the Metta on that sweatshirt, this time with Deb Lacativa's threads….the colors of Things i see.
Sarah Oh's pinchpot on the dash board of this old Honda Car, holding thread. To be clear. I am living from and sleeping in this Honda Car. Had a conversation on phone with Kay today and understood that i'd not make that clear. I am living FROM the car. The travel trailer is still there, on the Hill. I live in the car. me and Tay.
that back part, the green ones, Granny Smith. Every year, for so many, this time of year is Apple Pie time and i go looking for Granny Smith. Here's crates of them and no circumstance for baking a pie. In the FAR upper left of the pic you can see where we are, the red/copper horse trailer? Can you see it?
for as much as buck Goats are completely awful beings, lacking all sensitivities, being totally self oriented, hormonally driven, 0blivious beings, …….. Who do we Love here?
His paper says Unknown. Rescue. Those are two thick collars on his horns, presumably someone's idea of a way to manage him? It's how he was found, how he remains. You stand in front of him and he positions himself on the fencing and snorts and spits in a way that he imagines is his most endearing. Many of the Rescued will remain unclaimed. Their people finding themselves homeless and without resource for themselves, unable to imagine care. I asked and they will go to the Animal Humane, who will try to find at first foster care until something more longterm is offered. There is no timeline. Until is the word. Until. They go. We talk to him everyday, at least twice. Sometimes more. He's a heartbreak.
There are 3 pigs wrapped in blankets tonight. One, the one that has been given so much surgery. But there was no IV tonight, so we take that as Good News. All lie very still, quietly snorting. The two bottled fed lambs. The female who would not take the bottle. We see tonight, took 8 oz. They have sweaters and a heat lamp. The alpaca. was standing. We offered a peanut in the shell, but he stood, blinking. no. ok. we say words of love to the blinking eye.
there is nothing spared. Whatever is needed is given. Completely given. as if for the most beloved. ALL are the most beloved….Unknown or not. The most beloved. UC Davis…3 mobile Vet trucks. Everything that might be needed.
the young woman who does our line of Goats takes forever to clean their bedding and renew it. She loves Lucky Star the most. But all of them. Her kind and gentle slow slow way.. We ask if she would like us to do it and she says no…she likes getting to know them. Slow. Loving.
so today is day what? 4? The fire is still there, in some kind of holding pattern, winds quiet. Today there is a sense of maybe a long time. Not just a day or so but some kind of long haul.
Morning…i looked up, into the visor mirror
emrie is very good at Noticing. She saw how people were taking buckets here and there and went off to find a bucket for her own
put scraps of stuff from the floor in it and then carried it up and down the corridor, dispensing. She loves this.
Cowboy 911 was here today. Macho dudes. Alyssia and i were mesmerized. The across the field neighbors, Kathy, my age and her son Gabriel probably late 40's. From Paradise. The back of their horse trailer, burnt, the tail lights melted. 4 horses here, 1 old mare left behind. Kathy cried with the telling. Gabriel talked of his herb garden. They went over to where Red Cross had blankets and jackets, came back with down jackets and down vest. Her sister from Oregon arrived late in the day.
We walked slow and over to the way right, some so Beauty Full horses with burns. We walked slow. Stopping at every one. To say Love. Their Eyes.
the two very young lambs, a note left with them that they were being bottle fed. We talked to the woman working with them as she went in to try. The female won't take the bottle. But tonight, did press close into her as she sat on the floor, holding her. She's weak.
Talkie, so happy to see us, Talking, Talkie, and we held her. Some chickens, burned, heads pulled close in, but being cared for, being given healing.
Metta
this so needs the Telling.
We are at the Gridley California Fairgrounds, a designated EvacuationSite. About 20 miles from the Hill. This is day 2. So much to Tell.
We left the Hill yesterday because i am no good at night driving. And it was/is so ify. The wish was that it wouldn't be necessary, but we found ourselves watching the sky, watching the sky, knowing how fast this Fire can move, knowing we would have so many minutes, less than an hour to leave, maybe even not that…they didn't in Paradise…..and it is/was maybe 10 miles away, so we left.
Some info said Gridley was full. We arrived and were welcomed.
I want to tell this right because it is so Beauty Full. So really beyond anything i have ever known of Beauty.
one might wonder. Why would anyone in their right mind live in a place like this?????, that can be eaten by a dragon? Consumed. Why? Maybe everyone should move from California….go somewhere else? This is a question.
but, they do. Live here. Live WITH. And they go.
it's kind of Primal. I don't know what to think yet. But what i am seeing here is so incredible….is so much of what the Spirit of Existing in Circumstance is about….i am transfixed.
this is Flow. the flow IN of people, animals the flow in of Help. All day all night. Flow. How it can go, this flow.
There are so many horses, burned, not burned. On their fence is a form telling of their circumstance. Some were brought here because of evacuation, but many were brought by Rescue. No known information. And that is also down the way where we are, where we take up a whole row of 3 animals to a pen. Many are rescues. Pigs. Chickens. Turkeys, Sheep. Ducks. Ponys
this alpaca. He is at the end. There is an info sheet zip tied to each pen. His…rescue. Which means no known owner. Some of the rescues are never claimed. Who ever was their Person, often too overwhelmed by their own circumstance to imagine being able to care for the animal. His info sheet records that he has not been eating. It records the Vet ing that he is being given by the two UC Davis mobile Vet trucks….the medication, the care. But that he is not eating. We visit him a few times a day. Stand some respectful distance, not to frighten him. His ears twitch as we speak to him.
i want to tell you the extraordinary THING that is happening here. All VOLUNTEER…it is like a bee hive, so many, caring for the sentient beings, feeding watering, ministering to needs of any and all kinds…even a surgery tonight for a pig that was so burned. Food. Care. a table for the human ones with an endless flow of food saying Help Yourself. Trucks come in, all day hauling feed and plywood to create warmth for the pens, all these from individuals…volunteer…RESPONSE.
because people here KNOW this, live with this, they Respond. it's astounding, really, and why i want to stay right here, witnessing it.
i am sleeping in the honda car. Me and Tay. Tonight Alyssia took Tazmeena to her place in Chico. Tazmeena peed on my purse last night. to say: I COULD GO TO ALYSSIA"S IN CHICO, but i don't want to. I want to KNOW what's happening here, want to watch this oh so Kind and Loving Phenomenon. So, here i am. in the light of a little battery lamp and the aid of the beloved Charger for the Inet juice. We go. The Vet techs stitched a cut above Tenzen's eye tonight…Nogal had hit him hard. They've been seperated. Talkie has been set up with nice heat lamp in the poultry section…her name there and to keep her egg, owner will come for it. The Fire is hovering. Burning but not moving. In this moment the Hill stands. We will be here until that Dragon moves on. have no idea how long.
to say. I am not afraid or distressed. I am LEARNING and grateful for the opportunity. I would not choose it, of course, but i am standing facing things as is. And it's all fine, in some odd way. it's all fine. DO NOt WORrY. Just see your own world clearly and love what you can, try to fix what you cannot, but love that too. And THANK YOU ALL so much, so deeply
all the new people…i LOVE so much, thank you andthankyouandthankyou
Yesterday, 5PM
Just arrived. Gridley fairgrounds. Waiting to get checked in.
I'll be staying here with them.
Big love
the Fire seemed where it was and so they left. Around 12 midnight, a call….Chico had Evac Warnings. Nothing here, yet. But Paradise was gone. the Dragon was moving, propelled by Santa Ana winds. Ok. So. Get ready. I packed one of those grocery tote bags. Tea bags. charger cords, laptop that wasn't working cause there was no Internet, Emrie's Farmers Market Basket that is home for Bear and Rabbbit, with Bear and Rabbit in it, her fav book, Moo Baaa La La La. Toothbrush, I sat. Thought. the drawing journal book. graphite pencils, sharpeners, kneadable eraser. Intense Pens. I changed my under pants. Added an additional undershirt. Sat. thought. Night, just quiet. No sirens. really, no traffic. Completely quiet. I went out to see Goats. Buck Goats in particular. Spoke to them. Spoke to Talkie tho i couldn't see her. Puppy. Tay came.
returned and sat. Gathered all Deb Lacativa's threads. Gathered what i'd put on that "wall" during the day, rolled them and put them in the bag. The spool of neutral silk thread, a cone, needles stuck into the top of it. Rolled the cloths i'd been working on for the last months. Put them in. Put them in a bag. I got the box of seeds., from many of You, many from Joanne recently. Seeds. Into the side of that box, the 3 plates. And i made my bed. The quilt that Tina sent, all it's whirling pinwheels, made my bed and lay me down.
And what i am most Grateful for is that all these years of working at it, all these years of Practice, Gives. I said my
mantra, the words equivalent…..I AM….and in between, Metta. And i was soft and just ok. and there was no fear, no anxiety. Stuff was just what it was. Stuff was.
that was about 3am. I woke at first light, 6 something and it was a stellar ordinary morning, as LiZ said…the leaves fluttering like sequins…sky was Blue. Just Blue and all was so well. I walked down to the car with these two books and with the pinch pot of Sarah Oh, student of Debra Price Agrums, Artisun Whitney High School, Cerritos, CA and i carried it down, thinking STRONG, how i really WANT to make pinch pots. If we go through this, i Will. Come Spring. And i loved Sarah Oh's pot, her lizard, so fat and of such Great Well Being…Sarah OH!…i love. Love. this pot. It's now on the dashboard of the honda car. For in case we need to go.
All day no internet. The Fire on that great new tower that gave consistent connection, oh well and i went down to Lakeside gas and grocery which was packed. Small talk in the line and what i loved most is that no one said it would all be just fine and ok, but instead we all KNEW it might not, but were all there anyway. I liked that a lot.
Around 3p internet came back on. Jenny, her man, Alyssia and the kids came. Did the EFFORT of hooking up trucks to trailers. Positioning them. It took a long time. Good thing we had that time. Done.
Alyssia and the kids sleep here tonight. There are no evac warnings. Wind is low. There is no knowing yet. It can go any way at all. But for now, it's quiet and soft and Peacefull. For now. And that's i guess all we ever have, right? For now?
