windthread

you can kind of understand the slope.  At the upper end of the pic you can see the two lilacs  in their landscape pots.  For Alyssia to decide…where….she gets  back tomorrow.

Most of what has been planted here has come to the apex of it's LifeSpan.  We will make notes of how it's gone and our thoughts about that.   Everything we planted, grew.  Some Well.  Some,  just some.  There is a lot to learn about how we continue to amend the soil.  Some will remain unknown because of that initial  stunning Spring Garden of volunteer wild plants which we will have to assume,  used their fare share of nutrients the virgin soil had to Give.

the other thing is to sit with the thoughts about the fact that we CAN plant and grow Anything.  But we need to think about the reality of what we really want/need.  We have used everything so far.  With the Auto Immune Protocol Diet,  there is endless joy of stir fry greens and we have used them all.  Radish Leaves, pods,  the leaves and Stems of everything else.  I smile,  as i chop.  All the stems that all my life i've sent to the compost.  Now…crunchy additions.

the big failure has been the onions…or leaks?maybe?  anyway…that family…they are still  so spindly.   ??????

we didn't end up planting all the squash seeds.  I still might try.   It remains warm into the end of November.  

These,  a few  thoughts.  So many.  it is such an incredible JOY to learn a new Place.

 

 

 

 

the final walk.   The whole of it,  the Hill,  from the big Gate at Carefree Way,  is i think,  about 8 times this expanse.  Maybe only 7.   At the end,  you can see the travel trailer.  Behind it the horse trailer that we will be moving down soon in case there is need for it.  It will be parked  down by the Rooster Swamp.

in this pic.  to the right is the second forest yard for Sunny Ray and Jack Flash.  The one with deer fencing that they summarily escaped.  Just beyond it is the way down to Campsite B.  To the left,  across from Tay is the Chicken World and Tenzen/Nogal's forest.  You can see two bales of alfalfa.  Those orange buckets are what i fill with Goat manure/compost and take here and there.  Each evening Tay and Puppy and i walk down to A and water.  Make our way back up.  We go up and down at other times too,  but for sure,  each evening.  It's almost a Full Moon.

Tonight i worked on a watering barrier around the Fig.   It's been running off.   down.  Has been ok,  but only ok.  Needs the barrier so i can let it trickle,  let it seep in.  I think it's good now.  4x4s and rocks.  The two trees we planted,  a Hosui Pear and Apricot Plumcot  are good today.  No sign of shock.  It was cooler.  Only high 90's.   The Hydrangea has stem buds.  

Today was Fate's evaluation in Sacramento.  He's on the "spectrum".  There was the thought that anything it is was from prenatal drug use.  Which ordinarily resolves around 3 yrs.  But they have placed him "on the spectrum".  Autism.  Ok.  I am even more glad we got into the creek.    Alyssia and Emrie come back on Wednesday.    Her  (Emrie's) father's mother,  her Houston Grandma,  took her to church yesterday to "formally introduce her to the congregation".   I have to wait to hear from Alyssia what all that  entailed….??????  Don't know what kind of church.   But Alyssia was going to Walmart to buy a dress.

am sitting on the step of the travel trailer writing this.  A dragonfly came and sat on the screen.

 

i am a slow bloomer.  i take time.    This is looking out, down the slope to the Hut site at B.  I am where i often sit these days,  above,  over through the trees from the Travel Trailer at C.  Where it is cooler and where there is always the at least small breeze.  Sometimes Wind.  But shade.

for the first time today,  i brought this laptop friend OUT Here.  I brought the phone,  which connects me to the Internet.  With what i imagine is the new additional tower,  Verizon has hooked me In and i can sit here,  on the Earth,  in leaf  and pine needle mulched ground and 

write this.  I have been here,  over an hour,  going back and answering the comments of the last few posts.  Sun has traveled across the sky.  Wind has rustled branches,  leaves have fluttered down,  black butterflies and black and yellow butterflies have passed near.   

Sitting here,  there's been NO insects,  other than the butterflies.  No ants even.  None.  There is so much i want to learn.  When i change the water for the chicken Talkie,  under her water bottle are small ants.  So…ants ARE here.  When i forget and leave the door window open in the travel trailer,  flies come in to drive me nuts.  But no flies here.   No ants.  No spiders.  No ticks.  Just earth and trees and wind and dappled sunlight

So, from where i'm sitting,  down the SLOPE 80 some feet,  is that first crossbeam of the frame of the hut.  Then,  across the 14 ft of the whole frame to another maybe 15 ft of flat and then a maybe 20 ft of drop slope to the road/driveway and 20 feet across that to the rim for some maybe 20 more feet of a gentle slope to the edge of the drop off that dives down to the creek/canal.  

There is a board pointing up toward the middle of the photograph…to trees…and these are the Tops of trees probably 40/50 ft tall that are growing on that final slide down to the creek.  If you can see a small light square in those trees,  at the center of the pic directly up from the extending board….that is some building…miles away…and up as the valley rises in that distance.  The sky….the green line and the blue sky….these are MANY MANY miles away and UP.

Does this make any sense?

This morning we planted Alyssia's two trees in holes that Jenny had made with the rented Excavator  yesterday.  It digs through the rocks.  They had rented to continue the trench for the water line.  That was yesterday.  If we had dug the holes for the two trees with a shovel and pick it would have taken a couple days.   Sunday morning is also drop off day for Fate.  His father brings him and daughter Jenny,  his grandmother,  delivers him to his mother.  Shared custody.  Every week.  So usually he needs to be returned on time,  but we needed the early day to plant the trees and asked if he could stay a while.  Ok.  So he helped in his almost 3 year way to Give water to the hole,  to water the landscape tubs with the trees.  As we worked,  adding some of the Goat Manure compost to the holes,  getting the planting depth correct,   easing the root ball from the pots,  the Sun rose and we were sweating and hot…we took off his shirt.  Wanted to take off our own.   When we were finished,  we went to sit by the canal/creek in the shade,  Fate with his usual loved pastime of throwing stones into the water,  but it was approaching 100 degrees and i moved to sit on the metal culvert and brought him down to sit between my legs.  We dangled our feet in the water.    And i thought….why not?    and moved him with instructions to WAIT….and got IN.   It was over my waist and i reached up and lifted him down and IN too….he was startled and thrilled and i told him to splash and kick and i splashed and it was ok because Jenny was there to save us if we got too crazy.   And i was filled with joy.

this is what i wanted to come for.  To be here NOW for.  While i can still do these things.  While i can be the only adult so far to GET IN the creek,  they say it's very cold…it's not,  it's a fast flowing creek,  and  it's just FOR getting In to….and when we were done,  my wet clothes kept me cool for hours.    I am day by day more aware of how incredibly amazing a gift all this is.  That i had the courage to let go.  To take the risk.  

 

      

 

 

on the day of Solstice i put up this small cloth line.    This taking way longer than ever before.  I guess because of having no idea about the  "house".   It's shape even,  it's orientation.  Where would the door be?   But it seemed now time.  Some pieces of baling twine tied together strung between 3 small tree trunks.    Along the East side of the slope where i'd begun clearing a path to replace the original one i'd been using that had become too worn and slippery.   I had to cut away dead branches for that.  Maybe that's what gave the momentum for the Line to be strung?   And then,  i realized i had no clothes pins.  and realized further that i didn't Bring my clothes pins,  that most likely they are still where i left them at the Other Place…on That clothes line.  Which brought forth a lot of memory….that thing of Slide Show….still images,  one after another…click….click….click….

I don't hear from Travis and Everett.  They're not much for communicating.  Everett has a FaceBook page but he pretty much just marks his moods.  Sometimes what game he's into.  Or that he made a macaroni salad.  Mostly it's just about his moods.  He has many ups and then downs.  He doesn't mention the place.  So…all this led to my calling Travis who says everything is good.  That they have planted trees and that the lizards and "frogs" (eeeee,  toads)  are good.   That Wheat,  the underhouse kitten has kittens of her own…under the house.  That they are fine.   I guess.

so this clothesline here.  Strung now.  And today being Go To Town day,  i stop on the way back at the hardware and buy some clothes pins.

 

 

 

 

 

i've never stitched on new commercial fabric.  it's cotton.  but it's new and the "hand",  that there is,  is dense and stiff.  There is no Give.    I began the stitching across the top and usually by the second row the rivulets begin to appear,  the third  for sure,  but here,  not.  I wanted to quit. Let it go.  Change it.  But  for some reason,  i also want to continue.   Sat outside,  on the ground,  up in the shaded forest place above B.   Continued.   It was over 100 today, but there, a small breeze.   An easiness.  The Families remain a constant in my heart  all the while.  Now and then i'd come in and check the news of Them.    Go back and stitch.   Feel what it feels like to be doing Nothing…what that feels like.  Just feeling it.  

The Wall Garden gives food.  For breakfast i had chard and radish pods stir fried in sesame chili oil.    I've never experienced radish pods before.   We only ate So Many radishes and many have gone to seed…long almost vines.  Seed pods,  like small pea pods.  As i water i eat them  just as they are.  Stir fried they are excellent.  I think how incredibly Lucky i am to be living this life.

 

 

 

 

 

we arrived here,  at the New Place,  ten days before Winter Solstice.  Time has passed.  Days.  Days are time.  Time is a life.  a life is days.  

this morning,  on the way Down to campsite A,  to look at the Fig Tree,  Puppy of course came.  Puppy always comes.  Always.  Everywhere you are,  Puppy is there.  100%.   So…thinking back to Puppy.

Puppy Merced Hill.  Merced…phonetically,  mer said,  spanish for Mercy.  but here,  Merced for her birthplace…Merced Califrnia.  Somewhere near a dumpster at a gas station.  The story can be retold.  

We are stopping for gas…the All of Us,  Three Vehicles,  many drivers,  a dog,  an old cat,  a months old baby,  i am out,  in the bright lit parking lot with Tay on a 20ft lead, hoping she will pee.  Wandering. Hoping.  As we pass a dumpster,  a small shape moves and comes into the light.  Small kitten.  Moves into the light.  Tay lunges. Small kitten just stands.  Pulling back on Tay.  Daughter Jenny walks up….looks,  says we should take it.  I say No.  We begin to walk away and the small kitten comes forward,  following us.    As all the gassing up is completed,  daughter tosses small kitten into the Old Cowboys truck.  Back seat.  Where the Old Cat Tazmeena is in a carrier.  Kitten digs in.  Goes to sleep.  

Morning.  We have arrived.  To the Somewhere.  Kitten has been put in the Toyota pickup for the night.  Given a towel and a little bowl of canned food…we are not sure she is weaned.    She shit neatly on the floor mat.  Ate the food.  We let her out.  And as i walk this Place for the FirstTime,  with my daughter,  my granddaughter,  my great granddaughter,  my dog,  there comes Puppy.   Tiny.  Coming.  Coming Along.  Like a puppy.  and so it is.  So She is.  Puppy.  Puppy Merced Hill.

Months have passed. Winter with it's Rain.  Spring with the burgeoning of GREEN,  and now,  on into Summer.  Where ever anyone is,  Puppy is.  Puppy is with the Goats.  Puppy is with the chickens and then now with the last chicken.  Puppy is with who ever arrives down at the Gate at A.  If i happen to leave the door open,  Puppy spends the night inside the Camper Trailer.  Puppy is Everywhere.  Puppy just goes.  No guarantees.  No forordained.   And she is Everywhere.

 

 

 

Ceanothus.   California Lilac.

Flowers give green. Leaves,  a tan orange.  Root a red brown.  

Daughter Jenny,  who presents a disclaimer right off,  for a lot,  has searched.  I said i need one.  at least.  She has searched.  Today she brings this one.  When she brought it to  the check out place of this local nursery,  the woman said.. "oh dear".    and "oh my".  She didn't know what to say…it was somewhat scragly,  but Jenny said she WANTED it,  her mother.   The woman said then ok,  maybe $5   Jenny said…anything.  doesn't matter,  anything…it's seemingly the ONLY native lilac in Butte County.

Flowers give green.   Leaves a tan/orange.  Root a red brown.

how does one Stand?    When hatred is not an option.  When violence is not an option.  Then….how does someOne stand?

Here,  she stands with.  Stands with the Spirit of Earth…maybe called Mother… Mother Earth,  or,  maybe one of the Mother's devas?   I always have hesitation with the concept of Earth as Mother.  Earth is so much more than Mother.   So…here,  maybe one of Earth's spirits….i think there are many.   But we all find images and word images to help us Hold Space.  All are true.

the whole of the commercial cloth…the more i looked,  the more All of it was needed for this.  

i finally got the hole deep enough and planted the hydrangea.   The Fig,  also from mother's day,  continued to develop yellowed leaves,  that dried and dropped.  Not for lack of water.  Alyssia has difficulty making decisions.  She is "easier" with things having multiple possibilities.  But Alyssia is not here and the fig tree needs something.  I could have repotted it???  But instead  dug and planted it on the ridge behind the Wall Garden,  just behind the 2 SunFlowers that have such Will to grow.  I don't know if it's where she might have envisioned it,  but it's where it Is.  Gave Water.

and for The Children,  yet another day.  Another day of Emptiness.

 

if i could.

if i could snap my fingers and become 30 or even 40 again…if i had made different choices,  if i had in my wildest imagination imagined this day today,

which i could not have

but if i could have,  this would be me.   I would travel and simply STAND at the places where inhumanity occurs,  i would stand,  silent,  focused and Raise UP the fiercest of all Metta i could,  i would hold the fiercest of Tonglen inside me until i trembled.  and beyond.  

Jenny (daughter) and i loaded the Old Cowboy's Pick Up with Stuff today.   We went at a steady pace.  Talking in between.

We loaded the tent that Alyssia and the kids had set up late in the winter months, early spring.   She'd found it on the Buy Sell Trade facebook thing.  It was missing the piece that covered the screened top…used a tarp for that.  the midling kids had set up housekeeping in there but then there were some winter drenching rains.  We loaded it today.  We, I mostly,  went through the Goat Trailer…the one that transported the Doe Goats.   All manner of things were stored there over the Wet winter months.  Some of it gone now.  We loaded the several bags of quick crete cement at Campsite A that had gotten rained on and were now solid concrete bags.   I think 6 of them.  Fencing wire scraps.  

in between,  we talked about working on how to let the herd of Doe Goats clear a lot of the land.  That Official Person will be coming soon to do the  "walk through" and give or not give the ok to go forward.  We want to at least have a Plan to present.

the day was extremely FINE.  Warm but not hot.  Easy breeze.  Birds overhead.  No baby needing baby things.

late in the day Alyssia called,  there is a spontaneous camera thing on the phone,  she said click it  though she knows i don't much like that,  but i clicked and there i was and there was Emrie in Texas….i said….EM!   Emrie!  it's me….!   She stared,  then looked like she was going to cry but then went about her doings….the image rocking and turning.  The Aunties were coming to take them for ice cream and then to the Grandma's place.

this pic of the cloth….i rummaged through the baskets that are here…on the bottom of one,  this commercial piece…it's 13X28.  Was a gift from someone a long time ago and i don't remember…am so bad about that….but it's pinned to the wall together and as it has been since i've been here,  since December,  it's colors that i would have not used before.  But i look at it,  from here where i sit at the little table,  across the distance of maybe 13 ft to that wall,  

it's fierce,  the color.  the pattern of it.  maybe………

it's another day and the children who have been taken from their family,  from their one loved parent,  those children will spend yet another night.   I read an account of a doctor who was allowed in to a facility.  The children were fed.  their diapers changed.  But the rule was that the care givers could not hold them.  Could not pick  them up.  As she observed,  a small girl maybe 18 months lie on her stomach,  pounding her hands into the floor,  sobbing uncontrollably.