windthread

this one has been the most difficult to photograph.   Partly things i am not understanding yet about the new camera,  but i think really,  because of the extreme of Night and Day  and i think,  well, of course…that is what the Cloth is speaking of….Solstice….the dominance of Mother Night over SUN.  Of Course.  

 

on the left.  the Sitting.  Meditating to Morning.   On the right,  the Return to Mother Night.

 

Receiving the Day

 

and then…the Giving.  The Giving to the Day.

 

This feels very very good.

 

and i got an email from one of the "Quiet Ones" today with this link.  She'd been to the Library and was looking through Mother Earth News…saw this and emailed.   How BEAUTY FULL is this!….This is how we take care of each other,  from distance sometimes,  from being Quiet,  but we keep eachother in mind and in Heart and are There for eachother.    What can be better than this????,  nothing.

 

I don't think Chinche has much time.   She can no longer stand.  When i take her Out,  she collapses.  Today she licked snow.   But she DID lick snow.  I talked tonight to Tay about when she's gone,  when Tay will be the Only dog.  How it might feel.  That though Chinche doesn't do much of anything anymore,  she is still one of Tay's.   What will it be?,  when it's just me and Tay?   So i talked a lot about that and she listened and looked deep into my face,  listening to my language that is not her language.

my Social Security  is $713 a month.   I give to Avaaz.org  $12.oo monthly.  I give to Dharma Bum Temple in San Diego California $5 a month…this because  the granddaughter was planning to live in San Diego and i wanted her to be a part of their Sangha.  She didn't move there,  but still, they serve the Community there.  If you are not connected with Giving,  the two of these are places that care for the Community that is US.   Consider this.

$5 and $12 isn't much,  i know.  But it is what i have.  and it is what it is.  Please Consider.

 

Old Goat woman seeking smart hermit with chickens.  Must have solid handy man skills.

What do you all think?

Ok.  that's enough of that for now.  I have things i want to do.  Today it was housekeeping in the ROOM.   Such a layer of dust.   

 

so these are Cloths i've kept for one reason or another.  Will be looking at them for a while.  Looking at the particular small thing that makes them important to me.  Looking at similarities…what is it that appeals to me most in a Cloth?  and Why?  

 

i think this is the Best Cloth i have ever made.   Why?   Am looking to know that answer.

 

and i look at the Face….What if i use the Inktense Pencils ????  

 

here they are a different way.  Couldn't leave them in their Tin.  But spread all over the table wasn't it either.  So will try this,  more organized,  as in color families,  but maybe.  Or maybe it's just going to be all over the table.  It's how i am.  Don't think that will change in a year or ever, really.

so

My BEST Wishes to All of Us,  the YouMeUs for a coming year of whatever it is that we feel the need to Give to the days as they go…for ourSelves and for humankind, the EarthBeing.  May we work with Love and Joyful hearts.

Again…i am so deeply grateful for this exchange here….for all who speak and all who are quiet.  I love you.  You are such an important part of my sense of this world.  Thank You.

 

I love the eve of the calendar New Year.   There is a real sense of Doneness to it.   A sense of having gone the distance, no matter,  and come out at this POINT of the tip into the New Year.

 

Some HouseKeeping today,  so  the frequency of the vibes are High and Clear.  Stuff is ready.

 

Tay wanted more time OUT Side.  We shoveled More.  We shoveled the Corridor all the way to the Way Back and along behind was a parade of Goats coming along.  So funny they won't go alone but stringing along behind they came and we got there,  through the opening in the fence and i know they had been hoping that it would all be as it always was Out There, as in, no snow…just earth and food bowls…well,  it was snow there too but we hung out and  just felt what it was and it's about half melted,  so…SomeDay everything will go back to how we know it best and love it.  Then i shoveled for Gideon and Flash so they have a good space for lying in the Sun and then over to Nogal and Tenzen and working to lift the block of ice from their water bowl and couldn't but i Could push it down and they each came and drank Long.  Tomorrow i'll dump it out,  block and all and begin again.  Begin again.

 

so, 

it's Done.  The Calendar Ritual.  Things brought forward.  Days marked.   It was really Easy this time because nothing much was noted except for the Old Cowboy Things.  And to bring forward of those,  only 2 really,  the day he cried and the day he died.  So i have an elegant New Calendar tomorrow.  Ready.  Ready.

 

and a Wreath.   Kind of an odd place for a Wreath?  But it's where i want it.  Cynthia sent it from the wild lands of Vermont,  from her family's Farm of Breezy Meadows.  She harvested herself…a note accompanying says…."picked for you with an audience of goats, pigs, chickens and cows"  So i look out my kitchen window through the cedar and spruce of Vermont,  of a farm worked by two young ones with all their Hearts and Souls,  a good,  very good way to look out at January.

 

the HouseKeeping was dusting clear the Altar and placing a birch candle holder from those same Young Ones of Breezy Meadows and i guess this says what needs to be said…Bless the Young Ones who are Making.  Bless them.  Bless them into 2016.

Love.  BIG AND BIG LOVE, to all who read here.  Let Us go Forward.

 

 

 

 

today i thought about chickens all day.  chooks as my Australian sisters call them.  I think i'd call them chooks too.  This because i have only a half dozen eggs left and it will not be till the Light truly begins to Return that i can get more.  Everyone who has chickens this time of year only has enough eggs for themselves.  No excess.  Jan,  the Dog Trainer,  no excess and her chickens lay in secret places all the time anyway making the possibility of any at all for me,  slim.  So chickens.  But as with Everything,  there is a front and a back.  The Front of Chickens is that they are Funny and Interesting and they give good FOOD.  The Back is that they would love to tear up the Goat feed in the Albatros which is totally Open across it's front.   It's their shit that would be the problem, really.  So…am thinking,  i guess i could tarp it all the time?  Would that work?…???

but i thought too about how it might feel if there actually was another human being here,  in this space with me,  the term  "husband" indicating relationship,  but really,  could be male or female.  so lets use the word Partner.  It would mean that right now,  when the only sound there is is of the wood burning in the wood stove,  there might instead be

conversation

if i were to find a partner,  which i have done in the past,  but then for hormonal reason,  if i did find a partner,  i would need to be prepared to compromise so much of what i hold dear.  Like Silence.    Like total Silence.   Like not having a single,  no matter how loving,  interruption to any of my thought spaces.  Everyone has thought spaces and what if the Other wanted to share their thought space?  and i was so contentedly in my own….????  sounds kind of Selfish but…..

 

Tay and i dug out the hoses that give water to the Goats.  Mid day,  they thawed and we ran water.  I cheered and Tay ran around.  We have hung the hoses from the trees and across the Old Cowboy's lawn furniture.   Tomorrow,  more SUN so it should stay ok.

 

We unSnowed one of the wood ash pots and cleaned out the stove

 

and if you are thinking that the wood is HEAVY and you are kind of getting whiney about  hauling it in,  get one of these.  They go through the snow like nobody's business and Tay likes to bite the wheels

 

the little soggy path to the Wood Pile

 

but all day,  Tay and i did what we needed to do.  We were good company,  this lesbian dog and me.  Really,  just Good enough,  us.  Silent,  together,  working,  getting it done.  and now she lies with Chinche and even Tazmeena is with them.  All three.  I'll see if i can take a pic of them,  next to the wood stove and it is so so everlovingly QUIET.  The Quiet is stunningly excellent.  So…maybe chickens.   Chooks.

 

Here is a pic for Mary lou ….the eyes,  that aren't really cross eyed

 

here's the pic

can you see them?…it's hard to see Tazmeena,  closest to the wood stove

 

 

 

 

Nanette linked me to a really really great blog in Maine.  Small farm of sheep and goats.  She linked, thinking they have "weather" and i might like looking there.  Well…it's just GREAT and they happen NOT to be having weather in the moment,  but i went back through and it's really so Heartening.  And it pulls to the forefront the thing about me needing to at some point make a Move with my dilemma re the Goats.  This would be the year if i can muster the wherewithall.   So…maybe what i need is a husband i am thinking?????  This woman has one and he seems to be an equal cog in her wheel……  but i don't Want a husband.  Really,  the last thing in the world i would want,  but i do have

 

Her.   The One that is ever present on the big window curtain at the West end of the house.  This is where Fiction might enter in to the picture.  I don't even have a name to call to her with….She is just there….with Yvettes beautyFULL felted silk…a Goat Goddess but i don't much think in terms of Goddess',  so…..

 

and this one would be me…kind of dorky but Sincere

i don't know.  Am just at loose ends in the moment.

 

up in the right hand corner,  the orangyambery looking thing….i had sent to Saskia and the Bird King for the Gang at Bird King's Hostel.  It's the last of the tiny gourds i used to grow and then paint or draw on.  These,  Shelters for Wandering Spirits,  and i thought it would be perfect there for however the beings there  might find use and to see it here in an email pic today just sent my Heart Sailing….

 

there is back and forth.  back and forth.  and inbetween the back and forth,  the gloves dry some while resting on the Walnut Pot.

last night it was 5 degrees,  or -15 celsius.   so the fear was this morning….before i went Out for the first time, …..what would i find?…..did they make it?    Sun shown on the Way Back tree branches ,  bush branches like strings of fine  crystal,  sparkling.  I put off going Out.  But then do.  There They all are,  waiting.  Silently,  just waiting for me.  and spring to Life with the dropping of the feed.  Even old Gideon,  he is so Glad and comes quickly to the gate.  So we did make it.  I know more now.  More about what can be endured.  I wonder how they experience this,  everything completely Different than ever before,  being confined to such small space of shoveled paths?  They don't give a clue.  They just wait for what's next.

All this day spent trying to make it better,  or,  trying to keep it ok.  More shoveling for Them,  shoveling the car off and part way out when the across the road rancher comes with his big equipment, clearing the road and then circling around and coming back and clearing behind the car with nothing more than a wave and a smile.   I drove the car around the "block"…stuff was ok.  Back to Goat paths.  Back to hauling buckets of hot water that i fill in the bath tub and lug out …having added snow to the tubs first,  the hose to that part of this world is buried and frozen.  I tried,  but i couldn't get it out.  So,  many buckets of hot water added to snow =  drinking water.  Ok.   Carrying Chinche out mid morning and setting her on a shoveled path,  i find her a few minutes later awkwardly in a snow drift.  Carry back.   Clear snow from the tarp over the wood pile,  half ass endeavor with a sauce pan,  but in out in out in out i get enough wood in for the night and tomorrow morning.  

I watch my Self,  all this,  and think  WHAT AM I DOING?????  is this CRAZY?  but then i think,  well,

what would i RATHER be doing?   and i am ok again,   just doing.  Just Going.  Ok.   We need to make it through this week and then the "weather"  will return to more "normal".  The snow for the most part will have melted.  And we now know that we can,  CAN,  do this much.  Ok.  

In that jelly jar that's on the wooden box that is the "table" for the Morning Chair,  i keep torn scraps of printed pics that didn't come out right…usually from needing to change the ink cartridge.  They are interesting,  just pieces torn about 3×2"  or 2×2.  I use them for grocery lists and just writing very small thoughts on.  I noticed one yesterday

 

this one…it's been there for a long time,  don't know what it came from,  but this one,  This Morning appeared as IT.  Appeared as how January really IS.   January is NOT vertical, but rather horizontal,  with the before and the after attached.  So three pieces of cloth…attached horizontally.    Maybe tomorrow,  or the next day,  or….the cloths will appear?    In the meantime,  there's enough to do.

 

 

18 inches in flat places.  drifts considerably more.  And we did the best we possibly could.   It's almost 5:30 now and it finally has quit snowing.    There has been a significant change.    A sense of a peaceful surrender to What Is.   I ascribe that to the making of the Solstice Cloth,  the constant attention as the stitching continued….to How It Is….no more no less,  simply How It Is.  Letting go all the commotion of the Mind,  stitching,  i found all that just fall away.  So.  Nothing more to do but Knock on Wood.  I listen now to the noise just out the big window to the left of here,  it's been going on for some days, every late evening at dusk,   so i finally oh so stealthily parted the curtain,   It's two Thrashers….large enough birds,  vying for that corner space of the awning.  A pair?  don't know,  is there room for two of them there?,  i don't think so,  but it goes on until dark falls then i can't see and won't know.  

 

and i think that yes,  this will be the January Cloth,  the True Winter Cloth.   Will teach me True Winter because it's not over with THIS snow,  this Cold,  and like old Chinche,  there's nothing to do but keep going.  One step at a time.  We will do our best and it will become February.  For her,  i hope she can make it till then,  when it's easier.  But that's not for us to know.  So we go.

 

I took down the 2015 Calendar  to look at last January and saw that i was whining about 4-5 inches of snow right around the New Year.  We've lived a lot.  Loved a lot.  Learned a lot.  

 

Here's the new one, back to the beloved Butterflies,  that i was lucky enough to get from the Dollar Store before they were all gone and need to make do with a Flower one like last year.   It's ready and waiting for the New Year Eve ritual of going through the months of the year and transposing what is of note,  needing to be remembered.  Butterflies.  Butterflies the whole year round.  It's a very soft and Gentle DarkTime.

 

it's highly likely that the electricity will go out…so…here's how SUNday begins today

 

and still snowing.

 

the colored piece of Deb Lacativa presented itsSelf a couple days ago.  This morning,  pinned  this way…maybe the January cloth?  January is really,  ordinarily,  the only real winter month here.  The green and gold,  the Deep Heart of January….

Off to see about GOATS,  shoveling a path.

 

here the scraps of Mother Night are most clearly seen

 

here, the Threads of a Winter Sun.  Neither is how it is to the naked eye.   Naked Eye can see both, easily.  Camera can not.    And it struck me today,  looking,  how really,  well,  Beauty Full this picture is and it surprised me.  For someone who has had so many feelings about Winter,  what this Cloth has become is really BeautyFull….limited by Time,  but Beauty Full.  And i am letting self feel that.  

Cloth teaches.

This will be January,  most likely.  The pic at around noon.  The rest of the day,  just More.  It never stopped.   It's dark now and it never stopped.   They had to run,  against their own natures OUT into it to eat this evening.  This is so hard for me and why i wasn't  "made" to be a Goatherd.  SO many feelings about them and for them,  hard.  They are so unsure of Everything.   I can't make it different.

the snow blew from the East for whatever reason and tho i had done what i thought i could,  still,  Gideon and Flash's space had snow except for the imprints of their bodies.   Travis just called,  just now,  is back from Oklahoma and he and Rebecca and young Zarek will come tomorrow and we will  do Something to correct this.   We will do something.   I Ache for them,  Out there.  I know it isn't necessary,  but i do.  I can't change that about myself.    or…..can I?   

 

an index card hung on fishing line over the kitchen sink…says ……Drip

 

to help me remember to let the water drip for the night….it will be in single digit temp,  the pipes freeze.  Drip keeps us OK.

WINTER has been a challenge for humankind since forever.  No different today.  There are casualties.  and i realize that i wanted to think in terms of Fiction,  because if my life were Fiction,  there very well might be casualties….they would be just part of the Story.   hmmmm.  interesting.