windthread

funny as in Odd.   

in a way,  this Cloth is about Quantum Theory,  about trying to Understand that.

is also about quantumtheoryofspirit:   Cut the link.  from person to Presence.  Put the weight in

Presence.

Understanding what this might feel like.  a little.

in the back,  almost 12:00,  Celia lays on her mother,  Lucky Star.  It's hot,  yet she rests upon her mother.  I love this about them.  So much.

Rebecca Solnit said,  in the Faraway Nearby

"To become a maker is to make the world for others,  not only the material world but  the world of ideas that rules over the material world, the dreams we dream and inhabit  together"  and at first, reading i thought YES!,  but then immediately …..NO!

the world of ideas does NOT rule over.  It is a world of itself.  The "material world" is what it is.  And the dream world that we inhabit together, yet another world.  All Valid.  All interconnective.  All Beauty Full and all vital.

 

Old Cowboy Tuesday seeped into Wednesday with a visit from the over seeing Nurse from the Hospice Mothership in Albuquerque.  Checking up,  kind of a quality control visit.   And we "passed".  I am always a little ify about whether or not OCB really qualifies.  I am so used to him and he seems the same to me with just an incremental loss.  But we were good and OK and i am grateFULL l and i say that.  I am Grateful.  Thank You so much and it's ok.

But, still, time.

 

taking this slow.  I didn't have a full piece of tea dye Harem Cloth.  Just scraps.  so i pieced them together on the Backgound Cloth first.  Never did this before but it was extremely satisfying.  Once done,  the harem cloth to the background cloth,  i invisible basted this "front",,,,,,this STORY on.  Again.  Very satisfying.  Yes.  It's telling a story.  It's telling …me…a story.  It's a story that i don't even know yet.   Soft,  slitty eyed eeee  kind of thing and yes and ok.  So, Tell me.

And after all the references to    The Faraway Nearby     Rebecca Solnit    from Mo

i finally Have it.  And it is not disappointing.  She WRITES.   I read.  and i think about how these Cloths are efforts to speak Story.

pretty much. but yet…

 

Eyes

 

 

Chocolate Flowers…how perfectly the flattened calyx holds the seed

 

 

 

 

 

Here we go.  The Next.

 

 

Morning

 

Finished.  For M1130 and F1305

 

the Raft

 

Native Sunflower….thrives…in over 100 degrees while other things wilt

Goats thrive.  Run the corridor,  back and forth through evening into early night.

 

the Dog.  The Dog is Good.

 

this photograph….somewhere around 20 years ago.   a Solstice.   A moment that marked a moment… when i realized it was going to be different than i had imagined.  Harder.  I didn't have a clue how hard.   But i had a sense of Holding Place.  But NO sense of what that might mean.

So i sat.  Watched dark come.  I DID hold Place.  but i thought tonight about what that had taken.  What i Gave to Hold Place.

 

Next.

 

we'll see how far we get here.  At a point,  the computer begins making a buZzing sound and i just turn it off.  so…who knows.

the fennel

 

the Guest

 

 

She came.  Black Swallowtail Butterfly and laid her egg and here,  the caterpillar.  Planted the fennel for this and Yes.  As it IS.  YES.

Patricia had wondered what it was like when i came here.  I looked for the photographs to no avail.  This is not a good one,  but what i found.   This is the Asylum that i made of railroad packing crates and scavenged window.  You see Fern,  the 1975 Ford Van that brought me from a different life to a different life and hauled the Asylum here.  Shortly after,  hauled the "Airstream" here.  

The two 4×4 posts you can see at Ferns front are the same two 4×4 posts that are the House Yard Gate posts now.

 

While looking for those pics,  i come across this.  And of Course,  it is so correct because it speaks to STORY of a couple days ago….this is Her….just before she changed the Story

then Her again.

and in looking,  i found this pic of my Beloved Marge.  My beloved Marjorie Burke Price.  We used to go camping on a weekend,  a day or two.  We would do ART and then Burn it in the campfire

you would think,  that it's SO HOT,  that they would just rest or something.  But no.  They saw me through the window moving and zeroed in and began calling.  Goats have 4 stomachs.  Well, really,  one divided into 4 compartments.  So..heat or no,  their compartments become empty and they NEED.  Ok.

it's finished except for the thread beads.  14.  Seven for one Seven for the other.  Tomorrow on Solstice.

the corner.  the Southwest corner where there is Love,  and yet, danger.

Next.

 

Because the first electrician never called back and when i re-called,  said i was "on the list",  i called the Other electrician yesterday.  Left a message.    The not having electricity in half the house wasn't really a problem,  the heavy duty extension cord took over well enough,  but there are all those images that flash through a brain of trailer fires from faulty wiring.  And this is an OLD trailer…1960's model  and dragged around through who knows what before it ever got here,  and then all that WIND that batters it year after year;  Electrical things make me nervous.

Anyway…a call from the Second this morning,  he was on his way.  Ok!!!!  and when he got here,  i said just park there,  on side of road but he said no,  needed to bring his truck in,  and i said it's ok and he said No.  Wanted to bring his truck in and i hooked up Tay and opened the big gate.  He said not in this neighborhood.  OK.   He's "from here" and there's no discussion.  Ok.  I remind self that i am naive.   I ask and he is ok with dogs so i let Tay loose and she pants and drools over him as he works.  It's hot.  He tries a few things.  Does a test.  Nope.  A few more things.  Nope and then some more and Yes.  Ok.  And i ask how much and he says $30 and i say that's not enough ….and though i had rehearsed myself before he got here about "talking too much",  i say WHY? and he says…

gesturing with his head,  "It's Nice here".  

It's Nice here.   It's Nice here.

i gave him extra because he came so quickly,  because he didn't mind Tay,  because really,  what he did was worth a LOT to me,  even more than the extra.  But really,  that thing about Peace of Mind.

Everytime something goes wrong with the plumbing or especially the electricity,  i expect the person to say "There's Nothing i can do."  Expect it to be   The End.   It's such an old frail frame of a home.  It would not be surprising.

But here we have it.   "It's Nice here".    Ok.    Metta.  May I be safe.  

And while he works,  his phone rings, and i listen in,  …. No,  he can't do something on Monday because he needs to go to Albuquerque for a colonoscopy and he adds that if that isn't enough well, that's as far as he will go.  No more.

so if anyone can,  light a candle for Grisly Electric that his test goes well and is enough.  May he be Safe.  May he be healthy.

Just after he left there came a Magnificant Electrical Front….THUNDER  beyond THUNDER,  heat lightning and vertical direct strikes,  Just Magnificant

and it passed and  i went Out

now the electric is on i can get the Swamp cooler going.  I hauled the little ladder back.  Took off the panel and looked.  Ok.

it hooks into this and i forget how.  Maybe i can remember.

just a little after 12 oclock you can see the tubing break.  This would be someone's teeth.  Perhaps a Goat because that's all that's back there and that tall.  Rabbits are are too short.

 

interested Observers ….retaining information for their next lives?

and i asked him if he knew anyone who fixes lamps.  He said no.  No one does that anymore but he looked over and said it's a nice lamp, isn't it and i said yes and he,  his name is Beetle,  he said that either of the hardwares in town would have the part i needed.  He said just go slow and take it apart and put the new part in and then go backwards putting it back together.  How he said it makes me think i can do it.

 

 

 

all morning, my mind is whizzing along and things connect and connect and i am making copious notes with arrows,  this to that,  with circling arrows and then it got hot and i slowed down and suddenly arrived at a Thought that….

and the center,  it is all just a manifestation of the I AM.   I took a breath.   a Few breaths and then began to arrange all the thinking around this thought,  seeing it as the pebble in the water,  all the rest the ripples OF that original center and how to explain the connections and then 

how ironic

why not just stay at the center?

So,  here i am.  Now the third time in maybe almost 30 years….and that's ironic too….i seem to go in 10 year increments,  so, of course, i think

Here we are again.

"It is enough to know what you are not.  You need not know what you are.  For, as long as knowledge means description in terms of what is already known, perceptual, or conceptual, there can be no such thing as self-knowledge, for what you are cannot be described, except as total negation.  All you can say is "I am not this,  I am not that".  You cannot meaningfully  say "this is what i am".  It just makes no sense.  What you can point out as "this" or "that" cannot be yourself.  Surely, you can not be "something" else.  You are nothing perceivable or imaginable.  Yet, without you there can be neither perception nor imagination.  You observe the heart feeling, the mind thinking, the body acting;  the very act of perceiving shows that you are not what you perceive.   Can there be perception, experience, without you?   An experience must belong.  Somebody must come and declare it as his own.  Without an experiencer the experience is not real.  It is the experiencer that imports reality to experience.  An experience which you cannot have,  of what value is it to you?

Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj    from   I AM THAT   1988  Acorn Press

Okey Dokey.

My kids, grandkids and great grandson are all in Lake Tahoe at the welcome of my X,  my kids father, for a reunion of sorts, or a celebration of father's day.  And just before he left,  my son on phone talked about them coming maybe for Christmas.  I think to make me feel better in case i needed it.  But i looked this morning and well,  Christmas is nice,  but i really want them to come when it's like this

 

 

 

 

 

so i hope they accept this request.  No matter what i am or am not,  in this Round,  i am the grandmother of their child and this is the world i would meet her in.  Mid May to early June.

 

new neighbor on porch who has incorporated a Mexican Feather Grass seed wad as web deco element.

over 100 degrees in the Sun and Snowbunny is Content,  resting in a feed bowl.

 

Filling the dogs House Water Bowl for the zillionth time

 

How i LOVE,  LOVE, LOVE this corner,  the Beauty of the Tangle Fray and Moon

 

LATER…after sitting on the porch

Tay has dis assembled a large old sunflower stalk.  I watched her.  layer by layer.  She comes and pants into my face,  her breath smelling like dry sunflowers.

The Nighthawks have arrived.  Just feet over my head.

 

 

equals HOT.   somewhere around 100 degrees.    Moving slow.

 

 

New weed.  the blooms are smaller than a pin head.

 

Moon rings finished…thread beads appearing on them.

Tay is back to normal.  Has 5 more days to go of her antibiotic and anti inflamatory.  It looks like it's going to be just so OK.

 

WENT BACK OUT.

 

because it was so hot with no storm,  i set the hose under the Three Leaf Sumac in the Front Oasis to provide water on into the early night for whatever beings need it.  Next to that is the Stick Pile and i thought to spray it lightly,  like maybe how Rain feels.  I have no idea how many beings live in there.

 

 

 

 

still Out.  Looking.  Watching.  Thinking about

Story

thinking…this is the Sky that i Need.  But then immediately,  knowing that this is simply the Sky that is There.  I create story by saying i Need this sky.   Creating story. 

 

 

This might be a thread of thinking and wondering that might go on for a while,  maybe,  we'll see.  It's not new to me,  but is different right now in ways i am still not quite conscious of.    But it's about how we ARE story.  We are Story.  Several "examples" of this have presented in the last several days and back to that thought a few posts ago,  how if we touch our finger to the pulse,  we are Given things.  Given things to "help us along".  whatever That means…..

So…many things coming to promote this train of thought,  magnetized and being pulled to it to offer even more to consider.   

For instance:  I am very interested in the Rachel Dolezal   "story".  The story  "about" her that is being presented daily in the news,  but really, more,  the Story she has created as a foundation of her life at this point….Where will she take this Now?   And even the story of the woman who aided the prison break in New York state….story again…her life was going along and she then DID some things that will forever change Her Story.  

and then i look again and again at Jude's post of 6/16  "Gone".  The image she chose to accompany this blog title….Gone.  and then her words she chose too…."I am needed elsewhere".   I love this.

Because Any of Us could say and then enact this at any given moment.  Gone.  I am needed elsewhere.   I could just post the same.  Gone.  I am elsewhere.  and the story of me that i have put here on this blog for the last i don't know how long would be over.  Would be a memory.  ONLY a memory…..for those who might CHOOSE to remember it.  For some,  it would be

Gone.

During the writing of the above,  a phone conversation with Granddaughter who is driving from Chico California to Sacramento to her class…and we talk about the difference between Story and Reality….What IS it?

Yesterday,  at Alz B's son's house,  while i was working,  i saw again the book The Silver Star by Jeannette Walls and i brought it home.   I had loved very much her memoir, Glass Castle.  This book, not a memoir, but fiction falls way short of it,  but….was so much an example of this thread of thought.  A story where One Story is being presented and many characters,  many characters could relate totally DIFFERENT stories of the One set of circumstances.  And it reminds me of something that Susan Whittig Albert wrote about Memoir,  about writing memoir…i will try to find what she wrote because it says precisely what i am looking at ….  about how the Same Story is experienced so differently…this,  but also

the more important thing here, to me is that we can CHANGE the story at any given moment, Entirely.  This story of me,  here with 17 Goats and 2 Dogs and a Cat

can CHANGE.  I can decide i cannot continue with them.  I can put up an ad on Craig's List:  Excellent purebred  herd of Nigerian Dwarf Dairy Goats.  13 does,  4 bucks,  fully tested.  Free to committed persons.  I could do that this week.   I could give Tay back to Jan the dog trainer to rehome.  I could move into town and go to school at the college studying Geology or Hydrology.  I could go back to Michigan to Detroit and live with my old friend Wendy.  I could go to California and set up housekeeping as the Great Grandma.  I could

CHANGE MY STORY.  To the extent that if i didn't TELL my present story to anyone,  in a certain way,  it would not exist anymore.

I LOVE THIS THOUGHT THREAD

really really love it.  It is energizing.   and really, very very Beauty FULL to me.

 

this morning,  there was a really great pale blue color.  I put the pot outside in SUN…hot day,  it heated well,  but when i got back,  the blue was gone and there is a pale green.  Nice,  but not what i was hoping.  Pale green is easy for me to get.  That blue, not.  Hmmmm.

it think it's Kinnikinnick or Indian Tobacco