windthread

i woke this morning in one of those  uhhh,  particularly acute sensory modes.  i sat.  watching the Light come.  i Loved my house.   and i thought about how if maybe a photojournalist was wandering america doing a "piece" about how people love their houses,  it might not occur to him to stop here.   from the general area,  s/he might not imagine that someone would Love their house.  so s/he would miss a story of great great Love.  i love my house more than i have loved any lover.  and i love it most early in any day,  when the dawn reveals the beauty of it to me…over and over and over.  i never tire of it.   and looking today,  because the curtains are still off as i am waiting for the UPS delivery of the Miracle Mop to wash the ceiling,  it was inordinately beautiful.  the naked windows.

and all tangled in this love,  i suddenly understood things about this Purpose Less Ness thing.  and was lost in thinking about it when i was jarred from that sacred space by a 

KNOCK on the door.   Whaaa  and EEEEEEEEEEEEEE  someone was actually knocking on the DOOR and it wasn't just barely light….and it was my brother's friend from Minnesota who winters in Mexico every year and has in the past stopped here on his way through.  he is a very good person and it was ok,  but he does have the phone number…..   anyway….my reverie was ended and i spent the next 4 hours 

talking.

and i realized, when he left at almost noon, that Purpose Less Ness takes time.  

trying a variety of things at hand,  this will work for the time being.  there had been a hook latch that afforded enough space to stick your hand in and un do.  this S hook pulls it too tight.   ok.  Now,  it will need to be how it's done here in New Mexico.  if you arrive at someone's gate and they are not expecting you,  you honk your horn.  or, if your horn doesn't work,  you yell their name.  if no one comes,  you go away.  so half the day was gone.

and i wanted to put more pics here,  about Purpose Less Ness.  but it's taking beyond forever for them to download and  it's not the way i want to spend these final moments of light of This Day.

so, am giving up.  Maybe to try again tomorrow.  Maybe not.

Fall Cleaning.  we have Fly Season here.   it's usually August.   this year came later and lasted longer because of the Unusual Rain.  Many flies.  Many Many flies.   i even succumed to using fly spray on the windows of the Room because it felt hopeless.  and i got a little crazy.   so after swatting so many flies,  Fall is the time to wash curtains, walls, ceiling.   i didn't do it last year.  but today i finally began.  North wall of Living Room.  Living Room.  funny term.   it's the far West end of this metal box i live in.   washed the curtains in a bucket in the bathtub and hung them out to dry.  washed half the wall.  the rest maybe tomorrow, maybe not.  i have to wait anyway.  the miracle mop i got at the State Fair maybe 4 years ago has been in the bathroom closet.  seems it petrified.  was unusable today…for the ceiling.  so i ordered a new one on line.  it's a squeegie thing, works great on the ceiling.  so…till it comes,  all that can be on Pause.  but the curtains are clean and smell like Sun and Wind.  yes.

fixed.  which means ReInforced the gate to the back side of the Albatros in anticipation of letting the Whole of the Herd "back through" soon.  added wood.  tied in with baling wire.  Strong enough.

and while i was clearing space for the gate,  i looked.  and i am on my knees stricken by the Wonder of how stuff goes.  This was sand.  like pale,  sand.   This IS naturally composted Earth.  this is how it is meant to go.  Animals eat, animals shit.  the shit mixes in by the action,  in this case, of their hooves.   This area was last belonging to Buckwheat.  Stinky him.  and now, with the manure and urine worked into the excess of his feed….it could NOT be more Excellent.   and i brought the handful to my nose,  and ohhhh,  the scent of good earth.   i have a smile as i write this and my eyes get all teary.  the beauty of this is nothing short of Miracle.

and i finally gave up hoping for a woman to respond to the flier at the grocery store and called the handy man guy.  the one that helped me build the shelter in the Way Back.  he is very nice.  he is very ADD.  he is very smart, well read, eccentric in the way that many citizens of New Mexico are, and that probably includes me,  but…his faults are 2.  he talks a mile a minute and he never wants to go home.  So.  ok.  i tell him i have budgeted 2 hours.  that's it.  and ok.  he is going to be the Other Person for the hoof trimming.  ok.  so, he comes with the above.  it is a carpenter's apron with a piece of sheet metal afixed so that if a Goat might kick him,  nothing will be damaged.  ok., well.  and he did fine.  we did two Goats.  that's 8 hooves.  and it went well.  i just let him talk and didn't answer him, kept clipping clipping clipping.  i am VERY HAPPY about this.  only 17 more Goats to go.    he will come every Wednesday until it's done.  he left his protective apron hanging here.  

he brought a watermellon as a snack.  we had that.  Nice.  but i had to say…"OK, done now"  and he went home.

after that,  the wood guy was supposed to come.  but he called and had had an Unforseen.  so tomorrow.  but i cleared the space for him.  there's some left from last year.  Life is Good.  he's bringing Alligator Juniper.

and coming in after all this,  i noticed….a small clump of Blue Grama!  so near the porch steps.  How could i have missed this before?????  but i DID.  and so, seeing it was like a kiss on the forehead from the God Thing.  this is just the BEST.  i call it eyelash grass.  it's the most loving of all Native Grasses….i am grateful.  and there.  right by the porch steps.

and all day.  Off and On.  Out of the corner of my eye sometimes,  i watched the Cloth on the Wall.  it is making sound.  the Cloth about migrating birds.  the Cloth about visuals from so far above the surface of the Planet.  this is referred to as a Migratory Corridor.  i love those words.  and again…, last night some owl is out there.  four days now.  it might be staying.

another work away day.

a mouse poop, nicely,  in a shell.   these shells are all over here.  it used to be a flood plain of the Rio Grande.

morning glories

pomegranate in a copper  pot that i forgot.

i took a long nap.   then just walked around Looking.   with no particular purpose in mind.  but saw all kinds of Purpose of the Heart.

 addendum:  be sure to click the morning glories and the two of the wild sunflowers twice to see close and Close.   i wish i could have these pics the size of the sky and live inside that leaf

and i think i have a little more info about Purposelessness.   it seems that Each Individual Thing i Do is Whole, unto itself.   as in,  not connected to "more" of something.  Each doing is Complete.  Just it.  it begins and it ends.  There is something very satisfying to me about that.  and is very important information for the Experiment.

i picked the last of the tomatoes.   almost all of them experienced a full season.  very few green.  a lot of these are small.  and i don't know why.  but am going to pull off the mushy ones and turn them under.  see if i get good healthy Volunteers in the spring.  i'm thinking i will.

and i decided to look for Barbara's scur until i found it.  i'd kinda looked before,  but let it go.  Today tho,  i wanted to find it.  i wanted to look at it and try to understand what happened.  i could look at her re maining horn in the last couple days and it wasn't making sense.  but…finding it and seeing what it is, i understand.   i want to do some research about horns.

and i tried to sneak out to get a pic of what's happening out there but failed every time.  i know by the sound of it,  that Nogal has begun to Play.  There is a metal water trough turned over.  actually, two.  one in the Buck Pen,   one in the close Albatros pen.  they like them because of the sounds they make when they jump on them.  kindof a Goat Drum.  and i know by the sounds, that Nogal has begun jumping off and on and Sunny Ray and Tenzen are "chasing" him, off and on.  i want to see it.  But when ever they see me, they stop what they are doing and come to the fence.  

i worked Away from Home today, Monday, and went to the Laundromat.

Her house is made of stone and earth.  One room.  It is not decorated.  It is shelter.

She is not building anything.  She does.  Every day.  But the doing also undoes, of its own accord.  So it's becoming,   then,  dis~integrating.  A constant motion.  Back ~ Forth.  Back~forth.

Day 3 for Nogal's new life.  He is a particularly smart Goat.  

in the late day feeding, there is an appetizer of pellets before the hay.  there is much competition for every single pellet.   and Nogal has discovered that the most Sure and Peaceful place at the Bowl is directly under Gideon's head.  all of the pushing and shoving goes on above.  under Gideon's head,  there are many pellets.  

and LOOK.   Arrived.  Beyond what i'd imagined.  and perfect for this Time of Purposlessness.

and this morning i had a thought

i think i am going to go about the Experiment of Purposelessness from a different direction.  i sat long, looking at this photograph of an unknown old woman this morning before dawn.  into the dawn.  and then on into the beginning of the day.  Just looking.    and it occurred to me that maybe if i imagined her life,  the life that at 20 something i knew i wanted,  maybe i would know more about the direction i would like to go.   

so in the initial part of the Experiment,  i am going to begin imagining/visualizing Her.  Her world.  actually,  her Diorama.  where she lives.  what she "has".  what she does.  How she lives.  if it goes well,  i will "ask" her.   Back in the day when i studied Intensive Journal Process,  i did a lot of this.

It's been years.  a different lifetime, really.  but i wonder if i remember how.  and i wonder if i can "find" Her.