windthread

i like to look all three ways.   in my hands,  on the wall,  and then, here….which is somehow the most objective view.  so…i'll be back later…..

even if i wake to a pink and lavender world tomorrow,  i am going to GUARD the day.  i will also GUARD the next day.  2 days.  GUARD.  this means putting a perimeter around them.  nothing, no One can cross.  will not even answer the phone.   the next two days are primarily Cloth days.  that River cloth.    Today was the Old Cowboy, then Alz B then investigating other possible sources of Goat feed then talking to the feed store young man about helping with Goat things…he was willing…and then 

 

picking up the Coon Ridge Goat Cheese that picky Peggy brought me from the Food Co op in Albuquerque.  this cheese is EXCELLENT.  could not possibly be better.  could not.  and  it has been so long since i had any, as it is $15 for 7.5 oz jar,  i didn't know if i just dreamed it so great or if it really was so great and really, What exactly IS, so great cheese.  Well, it IS so great.  but also, how amazing, i also know that i can make cheese just as Great!!!!!

 

 

so i have some decisions to make in the next couple weeks.  Goats will come into heat.  if i am going to continue this Cheese Effort,  it means breeding.    do i want to?  i don't know.  but, this is also what i will Guard my days from.  This thinking.  Tomorrow and the Next Day belong to the Cloth.

 

 

 

 

 

the Morning said,  "be pink and lavender,  like this.  I'm showing you".  and i did.  i remembered, all day.  to be like this Morning's light.  it only comes this way this time of year….for some short days.  But here it was.   so even though i had to drive 140 mile round trip to pick up the Old Cowboy's chewing tobacco,  and even tho the Goats were still not feeling good about their life,  i remained Pink and Lavendar.  i  got back and spent time out there, inspecting each Goat, carefully, closely, everything about each one.  and i did it in a Pink and Lavendar way.  and then, because there wasn't much real time,  i began darning the holes in my most favorite of all levis.  

 

i used the wide clear plastic ruler for the darning egg

 

on the inside

 

this is very close up.  in person, you can't even see the first completed hole.  running my finger over it…i know that this mending will last my lifetime.  that long.  yup.  it'll last that long.

 

the Propane guy was supposed to deliver early.  and then it moved to before noon.  then it moved to "shortly".  he came at 1:30.  i had to be here because the tank is in the Back Goat yard and i need to let him and his big long hose in through that little gate.  the Goats watched.  closely.  from a distance.

and mostly the day was not great because i began feeding with this Cut of grass hay.  and there's no good point of talking about it, it wouldn't make any sense to anyone who doesn't feed livestock, but just to say, the Goats were startled.  to them it was inedible.  unedible?  both.  they stared.  they milled around.  they stood and Looked Off.   the one thing important to a Goat first thing in the morning is Eating.  and so.  it felt really bad.  

so i spent a lot of time on inet reading about hay that's good for Goats and hay that's not.  and why.  and protien content and first, second, and third cut and how they differ.   and i spent a lot of time thinking….did they not eat it because it wasn't what they were used to?  what they had come to expect?  OR because it isn't good for them.  Goats are extremely good, when they can browse, at eating things according to their nutrient value in Season.  what they won't touch in the spring, they love in the Fall.  and vice versa.  so….and anyway, trying to understand about this.  i may need to find another source of feed.  oh sigh.

and all the Propane stuff made me late to my work away which then had to be done during the time of Goats milling and milling by then meant sticking their heads through the fencing around the Oasis to eat the weeds in there and Arctica does get stuck and i was Gone….

so, i did stick pretty much with the now.  but the now wasn't all that great.  but then,  compared to Other Nows,  it was really not much on a scale of 1 to 10, was it.

i took that diamondotgrass on and off too.  made it straight, let it move.  Off, On,  Off, Oh.  I looked a lot at Spirit Cloth.   trying to understand some stuff.

and i thought about planting this garlic.  but i didn't.

 

 

 

 

 

 

i am beginning to really Re Honor my sense of intuition.   today it worked oh so well in my behalf.  it was cheese making day.  but…i had no sense of needing to begin the cabecou,  which is next on my Learn List.   it's complicated.  and i was feeling like i just didn't want to be complicated.  Good Thing.

 

just as soon as i got going with washing things to be sterilized,….LOTS OF SINK AND WATER ACTIVITY,  there was a whoosh and the sink drain pipes came loose.  WHA and EEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   What does one DO?  well…go out, get a cement brick and a couple varying pieces of 2×4 and ….prop it in place.  which is fine, for small doings, but Not for Big Cheese Doings.  so…ok.  and i instead made Paneer.  which i love and can use a Lot of.  but, it didn't come out exactly how i wanted it either.  i need to learn and understand how the industrial hotplate works and now i know more.  so…it's not as light as i like it.  not light enough to take to Peggy, my quality assurance person,  but for me..it will be fine.  sauteed till carmelized in olive oil and tamari, it is excellent.  and i love it that it's just Raw Milk.  no pasturizing.  YES!

and look.  a visitor.  first here, but then

 

 

and the most beautiful part of this is…look at the strip of cloth at the far right…….

 

this is what had…Showed UP….early this morning.   out of the Blue.   was on top of one of the baskets.  i would say i haven't seen it in quite a while.  but there it was.  it's some supposedly 100% cotton.  a bolt end that once,  some years ago now, when i was at Walmart getting muslin,  was on the $1 a yard table…

reading the printing on the cardboard bolt, it said made in China.  and at the time, i know i stood there a long time.  i knew that this was not Fair Trade.  I knew that it took advantage of so much/many.  but i for some reason really loved it.  it has a magical quality to me.  and i thought about whoever designed it…the repetition over and over of the diamond and dot…what they might have been thinking and i thought ok…maybe for that Person.  maybe ok? or not.  but i bought it.  And today i see it as perfect for my sense of Grass leaves….how they carry the Whole of the Life of Grass within them…that diamond and dot…..and i tore some.  as small as i could, narrow,  and then wound those strips around a stick and stuck it in the walnut juice

 

YES.  they portray the magic of the Grasses.  yes.  and looking….what about the stem with the seeds?  do i put that here?,  or just leave it with these two leaf blades?  and i look and see that the whole image could be out of balance…that the right and left sides are different enough…but  ….IS IT?  somehow, it's not.  somehow it's just OK.  or is it?   the right, to the viewer, the left for the Cloth, is with the Openness, with the folds of the harem cloth extending ….this is the part of Potential for the Next,  waiting for seeding of the Just Going.  

so

?

 

This far.  and i wanted to see it here because i can enlarge it best.   The right side now.  

 

so…i printed it and drew on a stem of grass, one long leaf blade.   What if i did this.   the cloth is about Water.  about Sky Water that becomes River.   and Water, Sky Water here is symbolized to me by wild Grasses,  Native Grass,  high desert prairie grasses  that are as basic to Life here as Earth and Sky.  they  dot the Horizon,  like beings, like sentinals.  live in community.  Wait when there is Nothing,  Appear magically when they can.  Grasses.  They feed so many Beings with their seed and hold the fragile Earth together with their roots.  

so  a Grass.  i think so.

am going to make tomatillo salsa while drinking wine.  Go out and rake the dry things from last week and think about this.  but i'm pretty sure.

 

LATER:

 

the wrappings.  next to a tomato.

 

Tomatillos, halved, rinsed and naked  in the broiler pan

 

in honor of Julia Child…the bliss of cooking with a little 

wine

my hand, as i type this, exudes the fragrance of cilantro, onion and garlic.  a little later,  the Goats noted this.  Noted that Shesmellslikethesethings.  Their nostrils flared.

 

on the way….

 

raked up weed stems and dog shit.  into a pile.  in the middle of the "drive way",  where it can be burned.

i am verrrry happy today.  things are OK today.  they have not been perfect.  but no need to talk of the imperfection.  Generally,  Stuff was/is Good.

so…O.K.

 

nothing Special, today., here, at least.  Elsewhere in the World, so much.  but here,  nothing much, sort of.  this to show for it

 

a kind of lasagna.  squash,  eggplant,  goat cheese.   it's good.  but missing the Parmesan.  didn't have any.   and i thought about that.  how i think i need parmesan.

and i spent a good amount of time with the Goats.  i looked closely at them.  the quality of their coats, that are thickening already for the cold.  and thought about how amazing that is, that their bodies    KNOW  and begin changing for the times ahead.  

and then, there was an unexpected need to go check out Alz B.  did that.  she's ok.  

and more kantha.   there is a LOT more kantha yet to do.

But because, i think, it seemed so quite uhhhh,  quiet today, in comparison, ….i had good opportunity to watch my mind.  had good opportunity to watch when it leapt, raced into the

FUTURE

and i needed to call it back.  to notice how many times this happened,  seemingly of it's own accord.   but also knowing from today,  how peacefull it felt.  when i called it back to This Moment.  here.  Now.    and so.  a very very good day.

 

 

it is the first day that the milking seemed ……ordinary.  that what was happening was finally accepted and understood.  for a few days now, i have been just letting each doe out, ignoring her while i re secure the gate.  and today, no waiting, no urging either of them.  both went directly to the milkstand.  Lucky Star, who is second and the babies, still on their separate side were milling, but without a sense of urgency.  just milling.  yes.  that's it.  Without a Sense of Urgency.  on anyone's part.  it was GOOD.

and i saw a wasp carrying a large green caterpillar along the stone walk…on foot,  the wasp.  i ran to get the camera but when i got back, they had disappeared.  i have photographed this before, years ago, the wasp has an underground home.  it takes the caterpillar there.  Seasonal doings.

and early this morning,  i took the scrap with walnut seeped into it, with a piece of the karma flower afixed with one stitch only off that linen runner and pinned up the piece of Grey that Marti gave me.  she was not fond of it and knew i love grey and because we didn't get to it when i was there,  it appeared in the mail on Wednesday.  

i don't know what to say about this.  but it fill me with a feeling that is in keeping with Time.  What will happen next?   Anything?  Nothing?  i don't know.  but just this gives such a sense of peaceful ness.

 

and Jude and Acey are talking about rattles.  this Tree has many.  when Wind comes Just Right, they all Make Sound together.  there are no words to describe this.  

and my neighbor across the road, Margi, called…all lost in her fear.  wanting me to come to the gate because she needed me.  i was in the shower at the time and when i went out, 

 

she had left this on the bench there.  sure it was one of some final gifts.  but we read her report of her CT scan, her Ultrasound, and it is all still a Question.  she goes to the specialist next Thursday.  so we agreed, that if she is not going to die, i will return the vase for next year's flowers.  and as with Patricia's link to Thict Nat Hahn,  i listened to her fear.   it was a good thing.

 

 

 

today,  This Moment, Now, was a lot about Goat.  and not about "future Goat", but today Goat.

Lucky Star's left teet seems uhhhh, clogged.  so twice i applied the cureall from Molly's Herbals : olive oil, comfrey, calendula, bees wax, tea tree oil, lavendar, essential oils and vitamin E.  and then,

the tincture:  alcohol, water, white willow, fever few, valerian, st. johns wort, licorice and stevia.

i think the teet is tired.  it's Nogal's side and he has become rough.  he needs to be moved in with the bucks and take his big Chance.  

and then.  Celia was suddenly SCREAMING.  and i mean SCREAMING.  i ran out and there she was, her right leg wedged in a space of the picnic table.  WEDGED.  there was Nothing to do but to force her leg, her knee, OUT.  FORCE.  the only other thing would have been to go find a saw and take the forever to hand saw the large pieces of wood.  no…she was SCREAMING.  so i lifted her even with the trapped knee and pushed pushed pushed her leg out.  She sat.  on my lap.  panting. maybe 20 minutes while everyone else gathered around and sniffed her and chewed on my hair, my skin, my clothes.  it's all a Goat can do.  mouth and nibble.  they have no hands.  they have no hands. 

they have no hands.

and finally, when i let her down she limped over to the rocks and lay down.  but within maybe 20 min was up and at the feed bowl.  there appears to be no residual swelling?  i'll look again in a while.  but again.  the question always arises.  What if i had not been home?  and like when  Mercy  was hanging from her hind leg,  from the tarp rope,  she was almost done for.  So…i guess that baby Goats are sometimes just Done For.  ok.    but not this time.

and before that and amidst that,  i did two other things.  I finally listened to the On Being interview that Krista Tippett did with Thich Nhat Hahn…Mindfullness, Suffering, and Engaged Buddhism.  Patricia, Followingthread.wordpress.com,   blogged it.  and i thought a lot about Why, when it's all so simple, why do we not let go of Monkey Mind.  

and i stitched the kantha side.  doesn't look like much progress.  but it was hours of stitching.

and all the while, i called my mind back.  i called it back to the breathing, the stitching, the Now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

a good day.  a good day of Looking at Stuff.

stitching down the River,  i realized that i could incorporate the stray fray threads that i love so much with the invisible baste.  i could baste Over them, hold them a little in place.  Enough in place.  this was wonder Full to understand.

and then, thinking about Cindy ….Handstories….and her uneven ness,  i saw how much i loved this one thread, a stray, that went at an angle.  how i Want it like that. . .   how it doesn't seem like much at all, but IS really, a lot…it's Great….this single stray thread at a slight angle.  and while seeing all this and stitching, i thought about how i will miss Jude if she Goes Off.  but also i thought about how i have learned more than i ever could have imagined there was to learn from the years with Spirit Cloth.  and how, in keeping with her most recent post in Diaries,  it's repetition of something that is important to us, repeating it over and over with small differences, small changes, ….how we come to really know things.

 

and then, there's the Goldilocks Principle.  (you can google Goldilocks Principle)   this was running along side the cloth thoughts.   i sold some cheese today.  the first cheese i sold.  i sold it to an old friend/employer  Peggy who is a very deeply convicted vegetarian…also no eggs.  not really a Vegan, but close…but she Does cheese.  Peggy is a Foodie.  she's 88 and a follower of Ishwar, you can google him too.  Ishwar Puri, Sant Mat Teachings.  she meditates 2 hours EVERY morning, first thing.  has for many years.  She is the most committed to a Spiritual Master of anyone i have known personally.  and she had asked to please have some cheese when it happened.  so today i took cheese and i took half of the dressing for roasted root vegetables i made.  i had intended to just have her critique the cheese.  but….she insisted on PAYING for it, for both.  and Peggy, i can also say is one of the most frugel persons i know.  she saves everything, including her money from selling at the Farmer's Market, for her 3 times a year pilgrimage to be with Ishwar.  Frugel, like, totally.  but she gave me $20.  that's a LOT.  it is a LOT more than i would have imagined felt fair.  she said if i refused to take it she would have to waste her money on a stamp to send it in the mail.

so, here we are.  The Goldilocks Principle.  and i am thinking too about Dru's comment.  about all of it.  how it is somewhere NEAR too much.  but i am not Overwhelmed yet.  i AM whelmed.   yes.

whelmed.

but looking.  trying to understand what it all is.