windthread

it really is.  72 days.  72.  and What?  to "show for it"?????, i am thinking.  but anyway….

so i drove today two towns away to pick up this milking stantion.  FINALLY.  i had called this guy around Christmas.  Yes.  he could build me one.  OK.  we agree.  and since then, about every few weeks or so, i'd call…"how's it going?"  and well, "any day now".  Today, FINALLY, he called and i could pick it up. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee and i GO.  and yes.  a good strong practical stantion.  Plenty of room for a goat and even a person, sitting on the edge.  Metal and strong, for a buck.  and i visited with him for almost 2 hours.  he and his wife are Goat People that my daughter had connections with.  and visiting that 2 hours, i understood how it took this long.  they have maybe 130 something goats, he thinks.  they have chickens, turkeys.  they have llamas and alpacas.  some sheep.  he spends 6 hrs a day milking and storing the milk.  they have a grandson and his wife and child living with them recently.  they have a daughterinlaw who died from cancer.  they have…they have…they have.

and i listened and i looked.  and i came away with this stantion, all new and strong and painted green and understood a little more about Life.  so, O K and good.

and i spent some time looking at all this STUFF out there.  in the Albatross as i am fond of calling it.  in the what i guess is most a Pole barn.  where 3/4 is partitioned off for the Goats bedrooms…2 of them…seperated, and one not being used at all in the moment because of Buckwheat being moved in to that end  but where the Maternity Unit will be in a few weeks….Oh Jeez.  do i get RID of a lot of this stuff?  i need the SPACE.  eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

and then.

Then……..there is this.  and last night i dreamed.  i won't tell the details but it was about the usual confusion of things and people and creatures, but………………….THE DALAI LAMA was there.  and there FOR me.  and then Alz B came into that scene and some small spotted creature…animal type and as always, the children, the babies and in the dream, as usual, i was just trying to figure it all out.

~RAIN~

a Good, Strong, Long Rain.  good Thunder, good Lightning.  water.  Seeping in.   

the first and only Rain.  all the fields, just in time.  there is a reprieve for what feeds the Goats.

and guess what got caught on the clothesline?…out taking a day in the Sun after a long winter….

so beautiful, Wet.

and while all that, it was time to see what can happen with Suzanna's Jelly Fish….i don't know.  we'll see

a day for sure of just basic  goodness.  nothing fancy.  but moving slowly and softly of it's own accord.

how garlic sometimes just gets an Urge and does something very different

and today, it's Sure.  the Holding has begun.

and this.   the only tree there is the Locust,  Doris' Snake Tree.  and i looked and looked and looked and…no,  no nest.  so…where did this come from?

 and i spent the day off and on with this 3rd Altar Cloth.  it's in the tube.  ready to be mailed.  

How much they are teaching me.   the listening, looking and making.

this is pretty much it.  a couple more thread beads of the Day that are in the space of the night.  but otherwise…finished.  and i will put this pic twice here.  one at the end too.  it has been with me since the other day when i wrote what i did about remembering Chogyam Trungpa's teaching on Basic Goodness.   so…this altar cloth, this Teaching has been very much the center of the days since then and continues to be.    Things in this small world here and in the larger world Out There have been challenges, but this Teaching of basic goodness has held me, has been my focus, my intent.

i talked to a woman who is a GOAT PERSON, up north some, and let her know that little Grace and Barbara are for sale.  little Grace is a very excellent goat and Barbara is what might be referred to as a Utility Goat, even with her breeding credentials.  this is because of her scurs.

and little Grace

i will also put an ad in the local paper.

then, there is the Scarlet Runner Bean

Three of them are touching the trellis.

a bloom is forming.  hummingbird will watch closely.

and i just liked this little tangle of effort

and the result from some iris blooms that Tawanna, my favorite cashier at the grocery brought me.  they were pale yellow with a couple rust colored.  don't really love it.  but…who knows.  the dark is the oxidation.

the beginning and the end.  here we are again.  Basic Goodness.  

i remind self of this.  over and over.  when trying to understand them.  Yes,  each is very singular.  it's true.  but with Goats, it's the Herd.  even though they live here in this artificial world, every single cell of their bodies whispers…herd….Us.   for Goats, their existence depends on the sense of herd.  the wellbeing of newborns depends on the sense of the herd and the newborns learning first and fast their place in that herd.  no single mother can protect.  the herd protects what can be protected.  

So…today was some of a bust.  the Old Cowboy's lifelong friend came to visit and a big chunk of time was spent with that.  but it was interesting for me to listen to self talk, tell about them and about what i have learned and hope to learn.  so…in it's way, it was ok or even good.

there is a hole in the cucumber patch.  it's big.  almost 3".  Whose?????????????????

and FINALLY.  the Purple deMilpa Tomatillos sprouted.  as are all, or really some, of the flower seeds in the Child Buddha garden.  i'd wondered.

Mexican Elderberry begins to bloom.  ohhhhh and eeeeee, the fragrance.  if anyone knows the scent of Boxwood…then this.  and a black throated hummingbird comes.  different.  maybe due to the climate changes here?

already preoccupied by Goat Thoughts, i hear something going on out there.  De ja vu.  i freaked out last year because they were picking on Lucky Star.  that's when i opened the other side and seperated the does.  Jenny said that wasn't necessary, but ok.  Jenny's not here now.  so.  ok.  go out and just watch.

first i try to divert attention.

try to get Arctica to let me touch her.  Everyone gets involved in that.

bring out a new batch of free choice minerals…always a happy moment

but no.  the Undercurrent remains.  what IS it?

Lucky Star is giving off some vibes.  Why.  ?????  She is about a month short of kidding.  it's the same as last year.  and watching, i suddenly think i might know.  she is an addition to this herd.  her only biological connection to it is Just Going, her doeling.

all the rest are aunts, daughters, granddaughters sisters.  Lucky Star is the only one without that Lineage.

everyone else here began with Snowbunny

and three time.  i have gone out there and interfered.  Three times i have chased them away and called Lucky Star out from being cornered here in the back corner of the Guinea Hen Palace.  and for the 4th time, there she is.  She says something.  or Does something that challenges them.  she is very heavy with kid.  and i am Not a goat.  so i watch.  just watch.  try some stuff..like providing a leg for them to rub

with where their horns would have been had they not been disbudded…rub, rub, rub,….apply one's scent on the leg.  Claim the leg for one's own self.  

Goats.  oh, Goats.  and

Goats.

and i forgot.  i forgot to hang the laundry

first was going back to the dump.  today it was successful.  then, off to the Old Folks Home for Alz B's 88th birthday party.  Her daughter flew in from Portland last night.  i'd called around, her Swimmers friends, different people i thought of.   I got birthday thingys…like those blow things???some that whiz out when you blow, some that make noise…got those and a carrot cake and ice cream.  her son Bill brought 3 state of the Art pizza's from the Brew Pub.  we took over one of the outside patio areas with several tables and a good view and Partied.  B did really well….didn't make a whole lot of sense, but was responding to things around her.  she broke out in a smile to a couple of her birthday cards.  We sang happy birthday i think a total of 5 different times.

Then, i went to the Old Cowboys to spiff up his house for a visit tomorrow from a lifelong friend that lives in Kansas.  Shopped for a slow cooker pot roast and got it all in the cooker.  it can remain on low.  Cleaned.  did a load of his laundry.  cut the top part off three pairs of socks where he wanted it.  

Came finally HOME.  fed.  gave water to All.  looked at the inbox here.  listened looked again to Jude's latest post.

Off again to the above mentioned Bill's, Alz B's son ( i should make a list of significant actors on a side bar) to get the grass hay for the Goats

the dogs had found something of interest

aside from a few scattered feathers, only this was left.  a Roadrunner.  i brought it home for Saskia.

and a friend.  loading some of the last bales of the year, ….this Being who had been in the wrong place at the wrong time.  still moist, still totally intact.  We sang, Bill and I, the dying song for him.  i have taught Bill that song for many things that have died there.  a couple dogs.  some horses. a couple cats.  this time, it was his suggesting to sing.  that was nice.     I think i'll leave them on the dashboard of the truck Sunny.  it's a good place for de hydration.  what i'd like to do is send the lizard for sure to Saskia.  but i need to ask her first.  there may be rules of what customs allows, country to country.  i don't know.  

so…they are out there tonight.  together on the dashboard with the burden basket hanging from the rear view mirror.  maybe the jingles will "sound"…i left the vent window open so Wind could find them.

Bob Marley watches over them from the viser.

AND.  A BIG AND….  Nurse Cindy was there.  AND…against all odds, YES!!!!!! she WILL come.  She WILL disbud the babies.  She WILL teach me and young nurse Kelly to be both competant Goatherds and Competent Women.    and…to Mo….she said yes.  she has used an anesthetic.  feels comfortable doing that.  and yes.  she did have untoward results once.  a baby unable to recover.  unable to nurse again.  unable to live.  it's the risk.  but yes.  it's easier on the disbudder for sure.  babies are dopy.  for a while.  so…now…i have a new decision to make.  They're running like a River lately, these decisions.

still thinking about yesterday, today.  about that Burn Box, about what all it is to Live with Goats.  another post is coming soon about all that.

and i loaded up the bits and pieces of the 8ft fence panel that WAS Buckwheat's shade house roof until he totally demolished it with his horns and i broke it down piece by piece because parts were to awkward for me to get up and over his fence…did that some weeks ago.  and today was the day to load into truck and take to the dump, which i did, only to see the chain across and the sign saying Closed Due To High Winds.  turned around and came home.

but most of the day was absorbed in very small small stitches.

most of which you cannot see because they are invisible.   also began the Kantha in the middle.  was hoping to get further along, but i didn't.  But this Altar Cloth is really interesting to me.  as i have said, my wish is to do only So much with them, only go So far.  Leaving them to their Own way of being.  but this one….i found myself thinking about the words of Chogyam Trungpa as he taught about the concept of Basic Goodness.  so i found that book and re read:

"Imagine that you are sitting naked on the ground, with your bare bottom touching the earth.  Since you are not wearing a scarf or hat, you are also exposed to heaven above.  You are sandwiched between heaven and earth:  a naked man or woman, sitting between heaven and earth.

Earth is always earth.  The earth will let anyone sit on it, and earth never gives way….Likewise, sky is always sky….Whether it is snowing or raining or the sun is shining, whether it is daytime or nighttime, the sky is always there.  In that sense, we know that heaven and earth are trustworthy.

The logic of basic goodness is very similar.  When we speak of basic goodness, we are not talking about having allegiance to good and rejecting bad.  Basic Goodness is good because it is un-conditional, or fundamental.  It is there already, in the same way that heaven and earth are there already.  We don't reject our atmosphere.  We don't reject the sun and the moon, the clouds and the sky.  We accept them. ….Basic goodness is that basic, that unconditional.  It is not a "for" or "against" view, in the same way that sunlight is not "for" or "against".

The natural law and order of this world is not "for" or "against".  Fundamentally, there is nothing that either threatens  us or promotes our point of view.  The four seasons occur free from anyone's demand or vote.  Hope and fear cannot alter the seasons.  There is day, there is night.  There is darkness at night and light during the day, and no one has to turn a switch on and off.  There is a natural order that allows us to survive and that is basically good, good in that it  is there and it works and it is efficient."    Shambhala  The Sacred Path of the Warrior,   Chogyam Trungpa.

i read this first in 1984.  i have read it different times since.  the pages got worn and bent.  but just these words i had read many many times.  and today, stitching this cloth, i saw that what i was "saying" is these words.  about basic goodness.  Night Day.  and how each day is Singular and can hold this basic goodness.

so…it was a very good day, this day.

thinking i couldn't make a good enough Disbudding box, i ordered one from Caprine Supply, the leading Goat supply company.  Surprise.  

you set the little thing in there, it's belly straddling that block, it's chin on the aluminum support, close the lid, hook the latch and sit on it as you do the deed.  for these Nigerians, i'll also need to pad the bottom with towels so they are high enough.

it is amazing how minimal this is.  how easy it would have been for me to follow diagrams everywhere online and build one myself.  but….i didn't have the self confidence.  duh.  the screws they sent to afix the chin support are about a 1/4" too long and stick into the box.  could/would for sure, cause harm to the baby.  when i screwed it in, the front piece of plywood is thin and cracked.  it's still ok.  but really.  What i really have trouble with is holding a piece of wood while using the circular saw.  i need to figure out a plan for that kind of thing in the future.  But…it'll be OK.  and i was Watched from inside the Guinea Hen Palace.  Goats are nosey.

and you can see Barbara right there.  the perfect example of Scurs.  the one the Vet had to come for.  to trim.  

when at the Old Folks Home last weekend,  Kelly was Alz B's nurse and i reminded her that i had talked to her once because i'd been told she had goats.  (that time, i had hunted her down in the staff break room and disrupted her peace.  she was polite, but …..)  This time she was yacky.  Showed me pics of her goats on her phone.  She has a disbudding tool.  she did not use it because she could not bear to use it on the little little ones and when she could make herself do it, they were too old.  she has no box.  she has the tool.  she has the goats and wants to continue.  So.  we were talking about this when the Queen Nurse Cindy came to the nurses station.  What are we talking about, Queen Nurse Cindy inquires.  Goats.  What ? asks Queen Nurse Cindy (in her 60's….Kelly is in her 30's)…so, i tell her and Cindy says that she once had 30 some goats and disbudded them all.  By herself.  Castrated them too and not with banding but with making the incision and pulling out the little balls, snipping and TaDa.

SO.  

these Goats and me, we are partners now.  Who knows for How Long.  I need to reorient.  it's been a year.  Sunny Ray and Cinderella had their birthday last week.  the first to be born here.  Sunny Ray is ready to be used for breeding.  he needs does.  not mine now, but be offered as stud for other peoples goats.  Buckwheat will "prove" himself soon with the two bred does that will kid soon.  Tenzen is patiently waiting.  Gideon needs an opportunity while he still is able.  All this.  This is For Real.  again,  i need to Reorient.  it's Me and Them.