windthread

i can't possibly describe this day.  if i tried, it would seem flat on the "page", so i won't.  but just to say, i WORKED on how to make a space for moving Onday and little Mercy back into the Bitchy Girl Pen.  And yes.  that's the new little doeling's name…Mercy.   and soon after i'd just begun making headway, i began to notice Snowbunny making all the textbook moves a laboring goat would make.  Oh, La.  so i shifted gears and got the birthing pen ready and moved her in there in hopes i was right.  and i WAS!  this was the first birth that didn't take place on dirt or sticks.  TaDa!  i am improving!!!.  So after i got her settled in, i went back to the original plan of creating shelter in the Bitch Pen.  the only remaining one of those, Ona, and her two bad boys.  They were very happy to have me working there and paid very close attention, inspecting everything.  So, that  was nice, to make them happy.   Snowbunny labored long and i wanted to photo document every step but that somehow felt funny so, i only have these.  Her, in her very uncomfortable LARGE state and then the rest.

i didn't yet get a pic of the second ~buckling~.    he is mostly white with grey markings.  one grey hind leg, one white.  very nice.  This one spent an enormous time with just his head born.  his legs were positioned wrong and had to be born against his chest.  ordinarily front legs come out with head.  She WORKED, HARD.  many vocalizations.  Which seemed to inspire the first born buck, Sunny Ray who was careening around the large pen doing very adult buckly things and it was really terrible.  he can impregnate.  Fortunately, no one there was able to be impregnated but that didn't stop his zeal at trying.  it was awfull. 

SO after the first baby was born, during the breather, i  moved him.  He is now among those of his kind.  With the bucks.  Tenzen and Gideon pretty much thought it was Ho Hum but Buckwheat was all into it…someone "below" him on the pecking order and so the remainder of the afternoon was pretty much pandemonium and there was a great Wind Storm to add to the celebration of it all.  Sunny Ray, the amature debaucher CRIED to his mother across the way. (he still nurses) and she CRIED back.  which made every one else put in their 2 cents.  OH JEEZZ.

But now, it's heading toward dusk.  the marble is rolling.  it's pretty quiet out there.  If we were breeding bucks, we would be GREAT.  ALL of them are beautiful and ALL of them different in their patterns and colors except for Los Dados.  They are Stunning little beings.  But a herd of 20 milking does really only needs one buck.  and there are no lions around here.  so.

i think one more doe to go.  Barbara.  maybe two, Arctica.  and then, knock on wood, we will be DONE!  daughter Jenny has ordered a MaggieDan milker for me till i figure it all out.  These freshened does can be milked maybe a year before re~breeding.  Cross Your fingers!  enough is enough.   we have, so far:

Bucks:  Sunny Ray, Darth Vader, Inky, Dado, Dado, Nogal and the two today = 8

Does: Cinderella, Magic, Just Going and Mercy = 4

ok AND A WONDERFUL, REALLY SURPRISINGLY AMAZING THING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nelia noticed, out front of one of the restraurants (sp)  in town….oh….EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE a WALNUT TREE.

Walnuts.  More than enough there.  AND among them, the tree outside the Old Folks Home…guess what?  an almond tree.  these are the pale green husks.  So, into a pot they will go.

 

 

 

 

 

so before i could even take a pic of the new little buck who is Grace's son,  today there is Onday's DAUGHTER!!!, a little doe.  oh hooray.  finally.  and here is what my head is like:

it might rain.  Ona and her two sons, Darth Vader and Inky, Onday and Snow bunny are all in that new pen for bitchy does.  However, that new pen does no longer really accomodate a baby.  the little bucks, Darth V and Inky are pushy already as is their mother Ona and then Snowbunny the Matriarch.  SO.  not good to leave Onday and her new one in there for the night.  i need to take her out.  Where, tho?  if i put her back in the large doe pen, how will they all feel?  and Lucky Star has taken over being alfa doe with her three babies, los dados and Just Going.  because Grace is so quiet, she was able to merge with her new buck baby.  Not so with Onday.  eeeee.  and i COULD try it.  but that would mean that during the night would be the comotion and i really don't want to chance it.  I could move Arctica over with Snowbunny and Ona and the boys, but who knows how that would go and/or Barbara, who is VERY pregnant and likes so much to isolate herself on the shelf in the guinnea hen pen.  hmmm and ack.  what to do.  So, what i have done is move Onday out with her new doeling into the inside Albatross area closing it off to the main pen.  All of them will have to sleep outside tonight or in the guinea hen palace and i have no idea what they will all think of that.  and only 2 does  in the third pen and everything always goes better with 3, but ……

the back part of this place now looks like this

at the far end you can see the only open space anymore.  there will be a 12ft gate there.  maybe tomorrow? , but soon.  and here we have it.  it is extremely Private.  which i love.  really LOVE.  i can sit on that back porch and be in a very seperate reality.    but i have also further insulated myself from my community, passersby.  it's Closed.  i am the only one around here like this.  What does that mean?, i wonder.  But envisioning the goats out here, so much SPACE for them even if it is Space with Walls.  I am dreaming of building them a play structure.  Their lives will be more…FUN.  FUN.  fun is good. yes?  so it's ok, yes?

 

 

 

 

 

 

so…i thought it was IT.  But it's not.  i can't do it. 

everything was really, ok but the mouth.  just too small, the muslin shreading with the stitching.  Close, but ….alas, Not. 

so, ok.  I can make these kinds of drawn faces:

but not what i thought might be IT.  Ok.  If i want to draw, then i can draw.  If i want to make cloth i need to learn to work with cloth.  and Cloth it Is.  so……….

Tomorrow is another day.

and it IS.   and it wasn't because there was anything profound to think or say, but just a dilema about using DRAWING in a cloth.  that's all.   i would like to incorporate simple faces…woman's face in the next cloths i make.  Woman and Earth.   and i really would like to have a simple ink image of the human face and the rest be represented with color.  But this proves harder than i Imagine it.   How to make it seamless???? 

So, since part of the day Friday and then all Sat Sun and today, the fence guys have been here.  Of course it all is more complicated than anyone guessed and of course it is very HOT so they must come in and out for ice and relief,  and then some more stuff, and then just as i was thinking there might be a break…Yet Another little goat is born.  This one to Grace.  a single.  but a very strong and adept little buckling already.  Yes, a buck.  oh…eee.  BUT he is very elegant.   I don't know a color to call him.  At first he looked all black.  But as time has passed he seems a kind of  black/grey/brown…so maybe walnut?, in spanish, nogal….so maybe that is his birth name, Nogal.  He was born this afternoon to Grace who did Very Well as did he.   And i'll tell you more than you need to know because it emphasizes the singular personalities of the goats.  When her placenta finally plopped out, it was substantial.  And as it is, she began to consume it inbetween licking and muttering sweet things to her baby.  She consumed and consumed.  She gagged and consumed.  She rested and consumed some more.  By this time,  with the others, they gave up.  ENOUGH.  But not.  She continued and since i was sitting out there to see how the rest of the herd were feeling about Yet Another Baby,  when she was diverted for a few minutes by visitors,  i took the last chunk of it and flipped into a bucket.  To make a long story short, she cried and cried, as if i'd taken one of her babies and did not stop until i dumped the glob back onto the straw where she immediately FINISHED it up.  gagging all the while, but following her Imperative.  DONE.  oh, eeeeeeeeeeeeee  AND other good news is that a home for 4 of the little wethers, the neutered bucks, has appeared. They have 4 children in grade school.  Perfect.  So Sunny Ray, Darth Vader, Inky and one Dado will go.  Maybe tomorrow.  If not soon.  Perfect.

so…here is where i am today.  More dilemma's than even the face……I really want to get away from the Personal images, not having much luck with this one yet.  How does that Happen?????  hmmmm.

there have been many fragments placed and taken away.  STILL very much un decided.  Her hair will be stitched and will flow out and into some kind of a circle that embraces the whole.  The thought in the moment is that in her hair will be lizards and birds.  The lizards are again, a personal symbol and may or may not appear.  And that whole right side……What to do?  I like it empty, but that is not the way of a cloth. 

So…that's today and it's becoming dusk and i need to ready everything in case i need to be up in the night with Them.  I left the door to the Albatross open.  I spread straw everywhere and put Nogal in the favored corner of newborns where Grace set up her SPACE.  In a perimiter around them, i spread the birth towels in a semi circle.  As it becomes dark, the rest will want to be in there.  It's where they all sleep.  Things might go smoothly.  OR there might need to be changes.  So, i want to be Ready.

So, That's Today.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

words later.

it is a time of Rainbow rain.   Each evening, lately, a storm.  Sometimes great Electrical energy, sometimes, like just now,  a soft rain from a single cloud.  fast, from nowhere, and leaving a rainbow.

so….That pieces of cloth with things just pinned together has begun talking.  there will be a face.  there will be How the lizards, the birds have always pulled the Energy forward.  I see it now.  it has begun.

i was given, as a "going away gift" for Alz B,  $2,000.  Her son knew that i wanted to fence in the other half of this acre so the goats could go there on a "day trip".  maybe not so much for the goats, really, but for sure, for me.   I have this sense of Space Needed.  This will ease this for me.  On Saturday Paul will come and the materials will be delivered for the addition of the fencing, the wood privacy fence.  This will reduce the possibility of any loose dogs from becoming attached to facination with the goats.  Will keep them "safe"…if that can be.  But as safe as i can keep them.

There was an urge to just keep this money.  I have no other "safety net" anymore, money wise.  But,  what IS a safety net?  What does a safety net DO?  and so it goes. 

This morning i got out some of the pieces of cloth that have occured over the 2 1/2 ~3 years with Jude.  i pinned them on the wall.  Amidst them, the one that is coming on now.  Looking.

Then, i went out and fed the goats.  I am seeing/feeling/felt sensing how this is all melding into One Thing.  Who would've guessed???

 

 

 

maybe it will just stay this way?,  kind of hovering  of some sort.  just on the edge of things.  like this first small cloth since Magic Diaries and Boro…i am invisible basting.  it has lost pieces and been turned sideways.  today one of the Moon/Suns of Deb Lacative arrived but otherwise, nothing has come into view.  but there is a strong sense that it Will

this

was lying in the dirt in Jamie's yard.  it's a 6ft plain off white cotton quiltish thing.  someone gave it to her.  she did'nt like it because it wasn't WHITE white.  the exact reason i DID like it.  all over it, even after a super duper wash at the laundromat, there are all these little black stars…they are the handiwork of mold it seem.  so they are a reverse dark night universe.  i like it a lot.  it's stiff.  it will be perfect in all ways for winter window coverings in the ROOM when i need to keep the cold out.

and then,  i am still very much reading Lierre Keith's  the Vegetarian Myth  ….   food, justice and sustainability.  i wish she had chosen a different title…it's not really about how we personally choose to eat things,  but rather how we USE the planet rather than be in wise partnership with it and all living things…. but i am beyond grateful to her for writing what she has written.  there are words here that could have come from my heart, from my understand of how things are.  really, it's the first time EVER that what i think in my own private moments have appeared on a page, or in the mouth of another person.  i have felt so alone with this thinking.  now i don't.  and it is incredibly energizing.

so,  rising from that,  i have also been thinking of the Great Grandson Julian sometimes known as SunnyDay/DarkNight by his request.  i spoke to him on the phone yesterday…it was his mom's 23rd birthday.  but he and i talked about him coming here for some days.  i told him that i was thinking maybe we could build a little World.  out where the toads are.  and we could build it how we want it.  make ponds and stick bridges,  stick houses.  and we could make flags to hang down from the sky over these.  he liked this.  as much as being able to come and see "his" goats who he misses a lot.  So, in the middle of everything today, i cleared the tree well under the Apricot Tree and set these things, just to see how it might go

so far, there is a butterfly..turtle..Raven..horse with bird..goat..lizard..dinosaur being..and a castle.  I will just look at these for some days.  i think,  wait now until he's here.  he can decide about more.  we can go down the road to Polvadera Trading.  a place BRIMMING with stuff…where i got two of my copper pots.  She has a store full of antiques and oddities.  we can look there fore more inhabitants of our World. 

and i moved over two of the chairs, the small table.  i trimmed off the low low branches of the tree so that we can sit there when his Nana, my daughter, comes.  we can eat there,  looking down upon our World.  it's cool and shady.  if we keep it wet, the toads will come every night.  maybe that bat, too if we're lucky.

and back to about Magic, the young girl goat.  i don't know enough yet to say much.  i thought i would, but it's still in the making.  But what she CHOSE was partnership.  in talking with daughter Jenny and in telling her my own observations about the goats,  i became clearer about how they vary so in their Interest in relationship with human beings.  Some not at all.  Some a LOT.  and then there's Magic.  who is deciding, being a thoughtful goat.  and what is happening is that SHE is defining how it all can go.  What I do is to respond to Her.   but it's not far enough along yet to say a lot about.  So, As It Goes.

 

 

 

 

 

ok…well, i guess now it's back to normal.  i can't figure out how to open comment box in the post from last night, but that's ok.  Actually, i was surprised to see it there at all this morning.  there was a typepad statement last night that said it had failed to post.  so, at least it's there.

there is so Much coming…just flowing In.    so this is a prologue.  of this night, in the darkness.

 

 

the Morning house coat has turned into the late evening house coat, the dark house coat too, the sitting on the porch watching house coat. 

and i don't want to attach too much to any of it in this moment, but just let it Float of its own accord,  seeing where it finds itself in the morning and then again,  when dark comes tomorrow, which i trust it will. 

last night, as daughter Jenny and i sat in the ROOM, and she was readying herself to return to Albuquerque after a long and complex day,  there was

something

at the window.   How amazing the brain is.  There was a very subtle movement, really, but brain identified it as Not a bird, Not a moth, but    BAT.   and yes.  there at the window, as i looked at my daughter, just behind her at the window, a bat fluttered.  We STOPPED conversation and looked and got up and went to the window and then opened to door to see more closely and it WAS a Mouse Earred Bat…just less than a foot away…and the markings on it's face so similar to the girl goat Magic's markings.  Small, sparrow size bat and it clung there and licked it's wing.

tonight, earlier, that afore mentioned girl goat, Magic,  or  by her formal name, Crazy Wisdom's Jude's Magic, …. tonight, earlier, she chose.  of her own accord.  for no reason that i know.  for reason maybe she may teach me….who knows?, ……but she chose to make a very clear and unmistakable connection.   i am not knowing what to think.  so, i took these pics and i will go dream.

Friday morning…seeing if i can edit so that comments works….

was planning on taking pics to act as verification of what's going on in my head.  but, alas.  the camera batteries ran out.  and in accordance to the agreement with self, i have to WAIT until there is more reason to go into town.  but here:
the "housecoat" from Jude's Boro 2.  originally i'd intended to make a robe from the concept of the basic rectangle.   but in keeping with what we NEED,  i didn't NEED a robe with sleeves, etc.  i needed something to cover the top half of my naked body when i wake before dawn and turn on the lamp and am visable in the windows of the Room.  who, i wonder, might be up at that hour anyway?,  and looking…but, oh well.  naked.  naked is , well naked.    So,  from a blouse that i liked.  very thin cotton.  sleeves, collar and breast pocket removed.  a very favorite sheet tea dyed for the bottom, cut into 3 rectangles…2 fronts 1 back.    2 strips of cloth that pulled my attention and the intention  to repeat on the other side of the front until i noticed how the very slight addition of cloth made it all heavier, and what i was looking for was as close to Nothing as i could get.  For hot mornings.    So, here we are.  one side only.  good enough.  and actually, really good.  i like it.  it works.  it's what i NEED.  no more, no less.  i love the combination of cloth in the strips..many are from you, Deb Lacativa….how they move in harmony with the dyed pieces from this place and the cheap but oh so appealing pieces from the walmart dollar table, designed by some person "over there" in China who would be a sister to me if i knew her.

i'd taken off the breast pocket, thinking that i would match this side with strips but then, when i decided not to,  well….hmmm.  what to do here?  i'd been sloppy in the removal and there are two slits at the top sides where the pocket was?????????????  something needs to happen here.

ok.  and then, this is calling.

it seems like forever since i just worked on a   Cloth.   a collaged story.  Magic Diaries, then Boro 2.  and these odd plain pieces have been on the wall.  i watch them.

and then,  so much in this world.  Alz B has gone to the Old Folks Home.  it's here in town, up the highway toward the mountains.  on Friday she went.  her family all flying in to witness this.  so my life will be very changed.  in many ways, she has been the center of it for a few years in an intense way.  before that, some.  and now,  not.    I will go, maybe once a week, maybe less.  I will go and visit,  taking my Mary Oliver books.  Reading to her.  She has always liked this and i am thinking that will continue to be the case??? ,  but I really don't know.  Everything has changed.  So, That.

and the Goats.  i'd intended to post a bunch of pics.  but the camera batteries died.  so here are the two little bucks of Lucky Star,  Los Dados,  Dice in English . 

i am spending time every morning and every evening with the Goats.  With the babies to keep them from their wildness that is innate.  Why would a goat want to be touched???  Only because a human being wants that.  For them, it is not important. 

Daughter DID come and we created another space, a pen, for the  three bitchy strong does.  this land is being patchworked for the needs of the goats.  Mending spaces that are outgrown.  Last night, just after i had fallen asleelp, i was woken by their voices.  the new pen wasn't secure and they were loose.  Milling in the dark.  it took a long time to convince them to return.  i held the advice of my daughter in my mind as i tried.  When i was trying to milk Ona and being really, a failure at that, she said " No Emotion".   just keep going.  Do Not have Feelings.  just keep going.

and ok.  so i did that in the Dark last night.  Calling to the  escapees, Come Come in a cheery hopefull voice.  it took a long time, but they did come and did go back into their new pen space and i secured the faulty fencing, in the dark.    I am learning a LOT.  i am not sure what i am learning but i am sure it is of Good Use.  and of Good Use for the Good of the Whole.