• i do this.  rush to the book shelf to find maybe a sentence or two sentences, maybe that i need in the moment.  this morning it was from The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy

    and i found the two sentences i needed, but they were right next to many sentences that immediately filled me with images of you and your tent and the young men hesitating to ask for meat.  so, here:

    "In the broad, covered corridor…the colonnaded kuthambalam abutting the heart of the temple where the Blue God lived with his flute, the drummers drummed and the dancers danced, their colors turning slowly in the night.  Rahel sat down cross-legged, resting her back against the roundness of a white pillar.  A tall canister of coconut oil gleamed in the flickering light of the brass lamp.  The oil replenished the light.  The light lit the tin.

    It didn't matter that the story had begun, because kathakali discovered long ago that the secret of the Great Stories is that they             have     no secrets.  The Great Stories are the ones you have heard and want to hear again.  The ones you can enter anywhere and inhabit comfortably.  They don't deceive you with thrills and trick endings.  They don't surprise you with the unforseen.  They are as familiar as the house you live in.  Or the smell of your lover's skin.  You know how they end, yet you listen as though you don't.  In the way that although you know that one day you will die, you live as though you won't.  In the Great Stories you know who lives, who dies, who finds love, who doesn't and yet you want to know again.    That       is their mystery and their magic.

    To the Kathakali Man these stories are his children and his childhood.  He has grown up within them.  They are the house he was raised in, the meadows he played in.  They are his windows and his way of seeing.  So when he tells a story, he handles it as he would a child of his own.  He teases it.  He punishes it  He sends it up like a bubble.  He wrestles it to the ground and lets it go again.  He laughs at it because he loves it.  He can fly you across whole worlds in minutes, he can stop for hours to examine a wilting leaf.  Or play with a sleeping monkey's tail.  He can turn effortlessly from the carnage of war into the felicity of a woman washing her hair in a mountain stream.  From the crafty ebullience of a rakshasa with a new idea into a gossipy Malayali with a scandal to spread.  From the sensuousness of a woman with a baby at her breat into the seductive mischief of Krishna's smile.  He can reveal  the nugget of sorrow that happiness contans.  The hidden fish of shame in a sea of glory.

    He tells stories of the gods, but is yarn is spun from the ungodly, human heart."

    happy the biggest holiday of the year in Greece, Manya……xoxoxoxo ad infinitum

     

     

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    wooHOOOO, i think it's better????

  • the favorite, applicable phrase for Everything of the little boy who used to live next door.

    and it certainly seems to be true of the moment….         just start feeling fancy for correcting the techie challenge of mysterious russian text, and THIS computer begins making an un nerving buzzing sound and then shutting itself Off.  for no known reason.  and so….

    if i just am not here, out of the blue,  will be because of the above and i will be figuring out how to get a new computer. 

    and, i finally got a thumb drive and for the last two days Daughter Cloth Jenny has been trying to walk me through (phone) downloading my photographs.  which is now done. 

    and then, look what happened

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    because of Kaite's unrelenting concern about this being the base cloth for the Moth Cloth, i separated them.  but still had deep feeling for this Universe cloth….and DID like the gauze there.  so…you never know.  now it's own cloth and a Heart cloth nonetheless.  because i don't so far want to interrupt the cloth itself, i am What Ifing with the gauze, threads, and maybe a particular string, if i can find it             and i will border the whole cloth around all the edges with things, maybe????

     

     

     

  • so, today,  after the Tai Chi lesson,  i go to alzheimery B's house. washed her just so recently fixed curved windows in her kitchen.  cleaned the kitchen, which i had not been able to do for almost two weeks because of the window work.  all the while, she is commenting about being hungry.  am I hungry?,  she asks several times?,  no, not really,  i answer several times till finally i say      do you wanna walk up to the Plaza and get a wienie from the Hot Dog guy?   enthusiastic response!!!!!  YES!!!!   so lick and a promise to both bathrooms and we are off.   slow going,  her balance isn't good.  couple weeks ago she fell and got a shiner.  it's still vaguely greenish.  so, slow.  and we notice the same things we have taken note of for the last couple years as this is the same place we're going as where the Farmer's Market is.  it's our route.  crumbling curbs that she doesn't approve of.  houses that look empty and uncared for (disapproval),  the place that takes salvage metal…, (an eyesore) .  but some trees are blooming and we check each for fragrance.  we talk to everyone and anyone on the way.  and we get to the Plaza, which is a circular center of town in any older place in New Mexico and TaDa, our first wienie of the season from the Hot Dog Guy who greets her  with gusto and we sit on the bench with our hotdogs, chips and drink.  there is a good wind today.  we have to keep track of our napkins and even chip bags.  weighing them down with stones.

    all the while, in the privacy of my mind, i am mulling over the latest estimate for tree cutting up. i have three.  two from some previous years that have been just laying there and then my recently fallen Tree Husband/Lover.   some years ago, how many?, hmmm, i would have cut them with a saw.  i dont particularly like machine things of any kind.  but…that would take me days.  i'd rather be sewing.  so….thinking.

    on impulse, i ask if she thinks she feels like walking over to the hardware.  yes.  so, we go and spend a considerable amount of time studying chain saws with the hardware guy and also a few different customers who had opinions to offer.  all of the gas saws require starting with that Pull Thingy.  the hardware guy who sold me my Weed Whacker says, yes, it's harder to start these chain saws even than that.  hmmmm.  by the time i start my weed whacker, which is a heavy duty Brush wacker, really, …..i am all worn out.  so…

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    it's electric.  

    it's wimpy.  it's less than what i would have had to pay any of those guys to cut the wood.  and the hardware guy swears it will do the job.  and really……..to be totally honest, i'd rather be working on the Daughter Cloth than sawing sawing sawing for days.  so…i've                     Sold Out. 

     

     

     

  • Very. 

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    SO Very Out of Character that i am finding it difficult to even ….uhhhhh,  even,  well   ummmm  stop staring at it.

     

  • in Jude's Whispering Hearts,  the lesson for today is about

    securing edges

    i have taken the day from the Daughter Cloth to work on this small moth cloth. 

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    the moth is not there, in the moment, because i wanted to make the moon's ripples first.  moth is just sitting in the basket.  waiting.

    i spent most of the day trying to make the eye different.  i'm not sure at all what i wanted it to be,  but different.   softer somehow?maybe????  but it wouldn't.  no matter what i did, and i did a LOT,  it was just what it was. 

     

     

  • ok…so that photograph in the previous post.

    there was sand.  3 kinds of weeds.  that's it.  an acre of it.

    many many different things didn't "take", but what is still here is:

    a mexican rosewood,  3 locust trees,  a chatalpa,   a chaste tree,  3 new mexico olive,  a giant sage, 2 feather sage,  1  blue mist,  3 lilacs,  2 fig,  1 pomegranate,  4 native plum,  1 ornamental plum,   4 desert willow,  2 three leaf sumac,  1 apricot,   1 mexican elderberry,  1 smoke tree,  2 grape vines,  1 honeysuckle,   3 russian olive,  1 mimosa,  rosemary,   sage,  lavendar,  3 narrowleaf cottonwood,  2 golden current,  1 coral berry,  1 wild rose,  egyptian onions,  tiger lily,  iris,  hollyhocks,  datura,  oleander,  crabapple and  many kinds native grasses including 3 giant sacaton.

    and a home

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    i am trying very hard to find  a way to go through this period of time and so far not been  very successful.  it's like there are different rooms of thinking/feeling.  in one all of the reasonable intellectualization            in another,  it's raw but there is the understanding of  unattachment  and that this is such good Practice for It All.       another room, it's just messy with feelings that change from moment to moment

    and as i write these words in this moment,  i  am realizing, i think, that maybe all there is to do is to just struggle with it.   to surrender to the  fact that it's all i am able to do in this moment.  i keep wanting to "work through it"….be done with it and go forward.  maybe not.  maybe this is  exactly "where" i need to be??? 

    so….go sew, grace.   ok.

     

     

     

     

     

  • 002

    ok.

    i need

    to put

    as much here as is needed.  then, just leave it alone for a while.  leave it, and just go with what is happening in the moment.    ok. 

    this, this photograph is what was here when i came.  then,                         i added stuff.

     in the morning, i will enumerate what was added.           then            i will leave it alone for awhile.  i think.

     

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    butterflies   moths   first bird           and eyes