windthread

it's been uncomfortable for some days now….in such an odd way…….           almost difficult to think about…no way to think it.   Because partly of their perfect timing,    the Salzberg and Tolle practices are         working.      i am quiet.    and when i become NOT quiet it is easy to settle .    the strong sense that this will become more and more so.       so      Finding self wondering….Now What?     realizing so clearly all the Things that have    uhhhhh,    inhabited   my life,  made up my life.   The Doings.    What  IS there,  who am i  with out the Doings?    

it was intense last night….that sense of     nothing    and just before sleep,   i clicked in to YouTube and what awaited me there?

Eckhart Tolle Meditation :   Becoming comfortable with nothing happening.

So i slept.    Woke early this morning,  earlier than needed so there was time for a Little Sleep.    I dreamed that creek of my childhood…..i watched the oh so loved caddisfly larvae  with their intricate body shelters made of all manner of  leaf debris, tiny tiny sticks,thin as a line of a pencil,   grains of sand…these portable  shelters   in the glimmer and sway  of the sway of the creek as they lived

my totem spirits     because it's time.        and i drew the pic above.   All my stuff    cloth needle thread books string trinkets paper pencils all manner of beautiful things     creating my Life Shelter as i grew  through the years

  then i thought how i'd gotten to the 77  year  and how this new time of 78 feels different.   I think i am the eldest of Us that come here?    Is that true?    maybe this is common?   i don't know.   but it seems to be a real and true Shift.      and somehow all this makes sense.   

I feel at ease.      i think how i'd wanted a Therapy Group for Help with letting go of those life long aspirations…hopes….that couldn't seem to  come   true……and today this sense of Ease.   that        that angst was just the gateway to realizing  things about the authentic becoming that a life can be ;  and i don't have better words for that now and maybe i won't,  but i have the  Felt Sense of it   and that's enough  in this moment.   Enough for     Now.

a YouTube     the Underwater Life of the Caddisfly       Cahaba River Society             there are many.  This is short and Sweet.

Nogal's forest…..today,   a Thistle forest.      nowhere else.   just here.    leave it alone.

yesterday,    somehow i misunderstood the batteries….thought i had one more and  i didn't…..so no post……

but where i was        was       coming back up from an extraordinarily perfect SUNny day in B Garden,   where i made progress with creating the faux raised bed for 2024,    walking and thinking and       What If i had all the time in the world?????  and i stopped and looked over and saw this Free Space of Blue amidst all else….and  "saw"  that i     DO.    I do,   or      can     have all the time in the world.    

i have always had a garden…even if it was only a few plants,   but always.      And always,  a garden was not the  priority,  but what i did inbetween the other things of living,     working for a living,  creating what i wanted to be Art   becoming what i imagined i wanted to become…..    never tho a priority.    What if  this time around      it is?       What might that be like?    and there…..that Beauty Full clear blue space……???????

so…maybe this time around.    Why not?    

Today again.   a stellar  SUNny day   and as i nailed together some boards for that  faux raised bed i     decided.    Yes.   As if I have all the time in the world.    and     the kids.     Now,  not just Emrie,   but Jeff's kids….Brinley    and Jax  who is there a majority of time,    bringing them in .   Emrie was easy,   they are hard so they didn't come there last year.   Before that,  Brinley only a little.   i want Emrie there and so……it means they all come.      But………..I have all the time in the world,   right?   

i close my eyes and breathe.   i feel that Blue Space  between my eyebrows….third eye…..      a spaciousness  teaching me about all the time in the world.   which at    78,   you  can give your self….just by acknowledging it       still,  no easy task.     

don't have words for this.   maybe tomorrow,  maybe not.    maybe i will just need to be silent.

Walked down to take the trash dumpster to the roadside for emptying tomorrow morning…usually do that when i drive down on the way to town.   but off rhythm as with many things.    good practice for Minnow on leash.    and i was curious what all the noise had been in those last Rain days.    Thinking the guy in the Green house across Old Olive Highway  doing one of the many loud things he does……not.     and as i said….don't have words.    They had come.   and cleared the area of their  right of way all along the little road that follows next to the creek,  a run off creek of  overflow from  the Fish Hatchery.   Things are 

gone

all the  grove  of   Scotch Broom,  considered an invasive.   All the so loved Button Bush around those 2 corrugated metal  culverts you can see in the foreground  and so much.   so much.   so much more.  Where the deer and the coyotes pass through,  that fox.   where the Quail live.  lived.

Us on the right.   the one lane dirt canal road on the left.    

100% rain.      There's been 7 days this month that have been what might be called Sunny.    Some days with bright splashes of sunlight for an hour or two.    Days like today of        complete      rain.             

this is not     "normal".

i have to keep trying to somehow keep things ok.   There are 11 of us,   Goats, dog, cat……  so…..stars   tonight.    they are there,   behind the rain,  under     the rain          Sometime it will stop.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

down at the big gate.    two perfect examples,  perfect      trees      perfect in the form of their kind,    Grey Pine and Live Oak.   Food,  once.   the pine nuts  and the acorns gathered  roasted .   eaten as is or ground into flour.  

in the jar with the needles….in the evacuation basket        just some of things   that are here,  everywhere.     Was nice to have occasion to look at them.   

to sit with this.   for hours.

a photograph messaged from Alyssia during a phone conversation.   We beheld the Moon    together.

and so surprising.    just to be clear.   those words on the envelope….longues……Longs?   ……   they are not at all long.  and again,  until you get used to them,  are awkward          But they make hand work with denim possible.   When i wanted to make this  cover i tried many needles and none except these would allow me to see the cloth through.    and now  make the idea of the Noragi possible.   My family knows my love of denim.   The more i think of it the more the noragi might happen.