• 20230806_190634

    and again,  Double Click ,  please

    and the Goat, in the distance,   appears like a ladybug on the leaf

    it was supposed to be the Best Garden Ever    i said.    because i  intended  it to be.  and followed through with everything i had and then 

    the heat,  days over 100 degrees    things wilted,  dried

    and it could have been disheartening.    But some things continued.  Like  this SunFlower who had planted HerSelf from last year's  unremarkable plants,   amidst the Echanacia,   and is  HERE.   Today.   So perfectly Here because of the partnership…Her intention,   my care    of giving water….together….we reach this moment.   and it IS.   The Best Garden Ever.

  • 20230806_190640

    at a time when i am questioning Every Thing

    Here is an Answer

    to Every Thing

    the answer is Yes

    self seeded,  self planted,   grown in partnership with       me.      We.  

     

    be SURE to double click

     

  • 20230805_155843

     


    20230805_155913

    what is it?   maybe a strip of shopping bag paper?  maybe the handle of a shopping bag?   

    how did it curl  into  its Self and create this form?   it twirled

    and there was moisture involved  and then it dried   stiff  strong   in this shape of its choosing   and somehow was Seen and Kept  and for no reason at all   i love it.  

  • 20230731_162013

    the Swing….watching the red washcloth flutter like a flag

    i thought of the words of LaceLady in the comments yesterday where  she tells of a book   The Poetics of Space,   the author  French Philosopher Gaston  Bachelard   a particular chapter of drawers, chests, and wardrobes

    and suddenly there was a FLOOD of images,  sensory images of DRAWERS….that thing  I  have in my mind/brain that is like a slide show……the projection on the wall….the click click click one after another of images……….

    it is astounding how many i have….all through my life,  how much i  love drawers and what they keep      the small jewelry box like thing my Aunt had with small drawers and things in those drawers i didn't understand,   click,  the drawer upstairs in the attic room of her son who was 10 years older than me who i idolized,  that room where i wasn't allowed but went to look in his desk drawer full of baseball cards,  his father's old union buttons,  jackknives,  click,  my grandparent's drawers in the old oak library table with small papers,  my grandmother's penciled script, click,   their credenza,  napkins never used,  intricate silver ware butter knife,  tiny spoon   papers with  writing that i somehow knew was old,  way older than they were and from another country, click,  the built in drawers of the room i shared with my sister until she died…looking in her drawer afterward,  how it smelled like clearasil ,  click,  the drawers in the workbench organizers down in the basement of my father and grandfather, for washers, screws,  nuts, bolts,  WING NUTS,  then all sizes nails,  drill bits and on and on, click,  all the Everything Drawers of people's houses where i worked,  electrical tape,  rubberbands,  toothpics, click,  the drawers of the Old Cowboy and Alz Betty,  click,  the heavy drawers of big tools  in Bill's Shop that he paid me to clean now and then,  click,  my own drawers in all the places i lived,  the house on Spring Street that had kitchen drawers in the walls,  my Beauty Full and excellent junk drawer there,  click,  drawers in the baby changing table smelling of clean diapers

    these are a FEW and all SENSORY memories….in total detail….as if i'd looked in them yesterday

  • 20230803_135712

    that small,  1  1/2" round  mold marked,  worn,  craftpaper/cardboard container.    Again….taken for granted as just being there and i forget what's in it.

     


    20230803_135816

    OH!   the pearl button…..Michelle's moon face drawing so distinctively and unmistakenably Michelle,  her signature   and some folded piece of paper

     


    20230803_135928

    which is her return address…..her  handwriting.   also.   singular.  Only.   Michelle.  i turn the button and on the back….a small brass saftey pin,  kin to all the others that i ordered and then poured out into this  basket……all this.,  years apart,   yet   FOR today.

    i love you Michelle,   Thank You

  • 20230802_114940

    inner child.   cliche now,   but still,  we all  have one.  

    i don't remember any reason why i drew this.   it's how it goes.   just touch the pencil to paper and  something appears.  

    will spend some time with this.   who is the child.    and for that matter,   who is the woman?   Do we also have an

    inner woman?

  • 20230801_091402

    touching in with Numinosity each morning.   This Circle Basket then.  Some things in it were in it in New Mexico.   Some are recent.   It sits just to the left of me on the Table bench,  my place,   on a basket,  the drawing board.  the calendar.  Some stones are from Michigan,  Lake Superior.    Months can go by and i take it for granted.   Just being there.   it's where i keep the Carnelian stone.   i get the stone and move along.    put it back and move along.    Now though,  i will linger.  Each morning.  Touching in to so many things that have meaning.   Acknowledge them  and their meaning.   They will help me know where i am now.

  • 20230731_135416

     


    20230731_150839

    before i got here,  Jenny had gotten a 12×12 chain link kennel….6ft tall….so i could  use it for Tay.  I never could bring Self to do that and so we fell into that thing of her not being able to be LEFT.   which meant in hot months,  i had to go and return from Anywhere by 10:00 am  or so when temp would begin to exceed 75.   Even with the windows opened for a dogs head out, Californians are known to break windows.    This was not Good but was the reality i'd created.

    .so,  yesterday,  we spruced up the area and put a shade cloth roof and this morning i  put a bowl of water and that other hard rubber ball,   Her,   and said    I'll be back.  Walking away i said Metta.     Down at the big gate,  leaving, i heard one Bark.   the only one since she's been here.  More Metta.   2 hours later,  i returned with a new tennis ball from Pet Co,  a collar tag with her name and phone number.  in case.   groceries,  dog food from the feed store,    corn from the roadside stand.

    While i unloaded stuff,   she hopped in….stayed there,   to clearly express her preference but was….fine.   Why was that so hard for     me????????????   

    Later,  i woke from my Swing Nap like this.   Her same Self,  same plain Hopefulness,   her Trust.  We are OK.   All is Well.  and soon,   she CAN go.   We can go check the  Walnuts on that road to Gridley.  

  • 20230730_154824

    the rope broke on this one of the hammock swings,  the one that is "Emrie's"   her preferred  and the other one,   Brinley's preferred….it broke mid swing and she crashed and skidded.   fortunately it was a soft swing,  not one of her Big ones where she kicks off from the big branch      But anyway,  it got a new strap  and i thought ok and got in,  mid day heat for a nap and it was just so so Fine,   never quite still,  always a soft almost imperceptible swing  and BREEZE   and  SHADE   

    this is looking up

    and the      dog     rests almost under it.  her Ball between her feet.    Incase   i wake up.

    dog

    i talk to Alyssia,  just kind of mindlessly about her,   her here,  what it is,  and how it feels  and is it possible and how it feels and what it is and at the end of the day yesterday i heard mySelf say

    i just didn't want to love that way again

     

    i just didn't want to love that way again

    there was almost relief  with the GAP of losing Tay.    that that kind of love was over.    some kind of relief.   even tho it was a huge chasm of empitness   ????????????????

    but

    here's this dog.   her eyes.

     

     

  • 20230729_171556

    the word for August,  2023    is  

    authentic