no Wind.     finally.   after  6 months of Him.   and  what do we         miss?    Wind.   it is hot.  still.  the Sun flows from the sky down upon this place.   it's still, and incredibly blindingly bright with Sun.    and,  no Wind.         hmmmm. 

001

 and i think this is a milkweed type being?005

and i have not known how to feel about the fact that there have been no signs of a single toad.  there is a longstanding community of toads here.  i actually brought one from where i worked maybe 60 miles away in the beginning.  i think there were others, well, there must have been.  because over time, there has become a community.  but this year…none yet.  until this evening.   was it because of the harsh winter???  or because i water maybe only half of what i usually do because of so much that died in the harsh winter????   thoughts.  wonderings.    sometimes i am tempted to just water for the imagined happiness of toads.  but then, i think now,  well….what about when i leave?  then what?  Acey's flower essense works on this with me.  how to deal with these possibilities and remain true to all i would like to remain true to.   it's complex.  but……….look!…..this evening, while pulling weeds in the water bowl under the Grandmother Apricot tree……….

009
at first, i thought it was SandRock, a very longstanding friend, but no…i think a cousin.  but i was …..uhhhhh,   what was i?        i was………….  so just full.  FULL.  of joy.  of reassurance.  of….well, enough to say just this amazing RELIEF!!!!!   such beautiful eyes.   such a gentle kindness to remain while i ran into the house to get the camera.  co-creation,  yes.  co-habitation, yes.  and so much more.

010
and here we are.   in this moment.   maybe  on the Diaries cloth?????   i'm thinking not, but…who knows.   not me.

Love to You All who wander over here and watch with me.  i am thinking today how so much  that is Loving Kindness.  Thank You.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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30 responses to “103 degrees and holding”

  1. Suzanna Avatar

    Oh…such a beauty…

    Like

  2. Nancy Avatar

    Love the toad and oh that flower…the center…a-mazing!!! Reminds me of this book my boyfriend loves called The Golden Ratio. You may like it.
    http://www.amazon.com/Golden-Ratio-Worlds-Astonishing-Number/dp/0767908163/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1308983600&sr=8-1
    Your flower was a bright spot at the end of a hard day. Thanks 🙂

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  3. deb Avatar

    When I lived in NY I had a toad garden..nothing more than a undisturbed patch of weeds with a shallow clay dish recessed in the dirt which I filled with water every day it didn’t rain.
    Over time it became green with moss. I never saw a toad there but imagined they gathered round at night to wet their toes and discuss their day over bugs and worms

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  4. Deb G Avatar

    He is beautiful… maybe more so for the waiting?

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  5. deanna7trees Avatar

    as you have wondered about the toads, i have wondered about the hummingbirds. not a one this year and usually there are many in the front yard feeding on some of the flowers. we too have been in the 100s. already 15 days over 100 degrees and up to 106. best not to be out in that heat. we had no rain for 32 days and then a couple of nights ago a few hours of wonderful rain. summer has just begun. your eye has been quite mobile.

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  6. handstories Avatar

    the flower, the toad, the talk, you are wonderful. thank you.
    keep cool

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  7. Nancy Avatar

    I have wondered where our hummingbirds are as well.

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  8. Acey Avatar

    love the sudden happy appearance of a toad but, since it’s a different species and the others haven’t been around, there are still some mysteries. or dreadful knowing within the NOT knowing. That’s always tough. One summer I literally cried myself to sleep many nights because I hadn’t seen a honey bee in my garden beyond the earliest spring. It was september before I discovered great numbers of them about a city’s block away so at least I knew they weren’t gone completely. Finally I could rest a little easier. That particular essence definitely helps to move through and re-examine our reflex of squeamishness or the kind of deeply numbed emotional blank wall that comes from sheer overwhelm in the face of unknowns. I am glad there is so much range of motion in terms of how you feel it. Wish I had thought about that potential a few years back when there was that steady ongoing grief about the bees …

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  9. Linda Avatar

    it is still so cool and rainy here. would love more sun but not that heat.. too hot. 80’s are nice, though. i am so amazed how advanced your garden is and jude has tomatoes already. we are so far behind.
    leaving a place gives such nostalgia all the time. hard to live with, glad you have help..

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  10. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar

    yes…and i smiled, cause my first thought was the toad…
    but, yes, the sunflower too.
    sunflowers are 3rd year volunteers from the Zulu Prince
    seeds. each sucessive volunteerism they get a little
    wilder…more plant, smaller flowers and less distinct,
    in this case less maroon to them.

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  11. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar

    yes…you are very good with books. a librarian!!!!

    Like

  12. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar

    thank you for this good good story. i’m sure they came
    too.

    Like

  13. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar

    maybe a little. i just love the toads. in my midwest
    life it was both frogs and toads. here, two kinds of
    toads. these garden toads and then the crazy SpadeFoot
    that only rise to the surface once a year during Monsoon.
    that, ORDINARILY, would be July. so, soon. we’ll see.

    Like

  14. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar

    well…i don’t know. and can’t really know, and what i’m
    noticing, and i’m sure it is the work of the Essense, is
    that i seem to be finding myself “standing in a different
    way”. there is a kind of calm, but not that numbness…
    that is a good word, or even blank. a blank feeling.
    anyway, there is NOT that. but rather more a calm, with
    a slow awareness of what i want to retrieve from the past
    and what i want to just leave along that road where i’d
    left it. and also am noticing an interesting sense of
    being energized in the single moment. i really don’t know
    how to describe it, but there is a spontaneous Re Focus
    that is happening…or Can, in “this” moment.

    Like

  15. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar

    learning about all of Our growing zones is amazing. this
    Place is WAY behind it’s usual growth. by now i would
    ordinarily have had everything beginning to come on…
    tomatoes, cucumbers, eggplant, on and on. it’s like 2
    months behind almost. i am hoping for a long growing
    season. if we’re lucky we can go all the way into
    October???

    Like

  16. Nancy Avatar

    Yes! My people are book people, this is for sure. 🙂

    Like

  17. jude hill Avatar

    the bright light was such a relief.
    no toads here. mom has them, but never seen one here.

    Like

  18. helen lee Avatar

    He is so handsome. I have seen one in our garden this year….evoked the same feelings as you had.
    It is wet and cold here…I am wearing a thick woollen, fleece-lined cardigan!
    Grace I would like to send you an email but can’t find your address. Would you be ok sending it to me?

    Like

  19. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar

    i can never decide which to call you…i like Buzz
    but also Helen is one of my favorite names. i like how
    it feels to say….
    anyway…i also don’t know why my email isn’t somewhere
    here on type pad???????????
    it’s grace.porvida@gmail.com
    will work on figuring out how to post it some where
    permanantly…thanks for reminding me…
    i have some questions for over on your blog. am going to
    go there now.
    they ARE handsome and appealing…it’s the eyes, all
    flecked with copper and gold……and yes, their toes
    too…
    do you ordinarily have more toads?

    Like

  20. Linda Avatar

    last year we didnt have ripe tomatoes till september. weird summer that one.
    not looking good this year either.
    guess we will have to stitch instead..
    XXOO
    linda

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  21. Acey Avatar

    yes thats the core of it, imo. Showing up (acknowledging the moment as it is rather than preoccupation, denial, or avoidance related to whatever we might prefer the moment to be) and staying present. Dont want to assume you know Angeles Arriens work so am going to pose it as a question. Have you ever looked through The Four-Fold Way? Im about to take my third read through it as a birthday gift to myself. The warrior archetype is one of the four pathways she explores in the context of what she describes as a balanced life map. There is so much there that virtually never gets discussed when warrior comes up because its such a polarizing and on many levels reductive word. Interesting that this is an archetype that many women reject outright or struggle to integrate. Of the four she discusses
    (warrior, healer, teacher and visionary) teacher was the rough one for me. Now I look back on the struggle with amazement and some compassion but, wow, was that a challenge and a half for most of my fourth decade.

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  22. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar

    so interesting…bright/not bright
    relief. a word that is rising up often….
    how strange, your no toads. i thought they were everywhere in the “northern” part of the continent. there
    is suddenly seeming to be SO MUCH i thought was true and
    isn’t necessarily so……
    how far is your mom from you??? i somehow had imagined
    her to be relatively close? and if so…then…there
    is this even deeper toad mystery…..

    Like

  23. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar

    i wrote a reply….where did it go???????? the
    machine is kinda unreliable today…
    loved the reference of a “quite mobile eye”….that just sets off all kinds of metaphors for me….
    xoxoxo

    Like

  24. jude hill Avatar

    mom is directly south on the southside of long island, the flat lands… i am on the north shore, very close to salt water.  and on very high uneven ground. turtles but no toads. snakes, lots of small snakes. moles, rabbits, possums, racoons, chipmunks, rats, sometimes foxes, a skunk now and then and many geese. but mostly mosquitoes. a few bats, many kind of birds, recently owls.

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  25. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar

    Acey…i had planned to respond to this tonight, but
    granddaughter phone….so, in the morning.
    but i think this is the KEY. i think these words are
    THE WORDS!!!!
    “ACKNOWLEDGING THE MOMENT AS IT IS rather than preoccupation, denial, or avoidance related to whatever we
    might prefer the moment to be”
    THIS IS SO SO SO GREAT. perfect. yes. and
    show up.
    more in morning and THANK YOU! for these words

    Like

  26. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar

    lots of snakes…hmmmm and turtles. ahhhh. snakes and
    turtles. and
    bats.
    two evenings ago there was First Bat of the year…alone
    …????
    and
    recently
    owls
    recently….that’s interesting.
    one of the most loved things about where i am is that there
    are rarely mosquitoes. sometimes during monsoon and when
    fields are irrigated right before a monsoon rain there might be standing water or saturation. then…for a few
    days, maybe.
    it’s a wonderful thing….to be able to be totally OUT
    at night….can sleep out there in the sand.

    Like

  27. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar

    well, now it’s morning and first, i’d like to say
    HAPPY BIRTHDAY, was it yesterday?????
    Arrien, yes! , but i know her from the Tarot Handbook.
    i have not read her Four Fold Way….she is brilliant.
    the Four Fold Way came along during that time of
    fog i think? i read some about it online this morning
    and i will get the book and continue.

    Like

  28. Acey Avatar

    I really admire and enjoy here ability to synthesis TONS of information and cognitive theory in a fully accessible format. Shes got a fabulous book on the classical Muses as well. My birthday is next Wednesday. I just start actively anticipating the event as soon as I reach that introspective solar-return mechanism that happens for so many of us.

    Like

  29. helen lee Avatar

    No, we don’t have a community like you do. The odd one here and there…in the woodpile in the autumn, in a corner of a deep~bed last month, and last year, a baby one kept coming in under our back door :~) We were very scared that we would tread on it and kept putting it out in the wood pile….but it kept coming back in for a week. We love to see them :~)

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