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a kind of Marker

now it's a Monday.     and i am still a little bit back in Saturday and SunDay.    thinking.

What is the difference…why? 

003

001

it's interesting how this came up now.    a good time, maybe, or as good a time as any, to wonder a little.   and do i have any lingering urge for the "dolls"?   no.

it just "got finished", is all i can come up with when i try to.  that part of me that was in the center, looking out,   just got finished.  and maybe began becoming some kind of self that is more simple,  just a        part         of some Undefined whole?

maybe  that's the important  word:  defined    ~  undefined.

i don't know.  but as i am thinking this morning, i am realizing that i don't have any sustained interest in         defining it, really.            so,  the cloth is spread on the doortable.  waiting.

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10 responses to “a kind of Marker”

  1. handstories Avatar
    handstories

    dear sis,
    defined was so important when i was younger, to know, to have answers.
    now, in the middle, i’m realizing the importance of recognizing that i can’t know, only be, and being undefined doesn’t have to be terrifying, or feel like a short coming.
    much love for helping me to think this today.

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  2. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    and after a while, i think maybe undefined really allows for
    the inclusion of the rest of everything….of what is equally
    alive …not just self. the view gets bigger
    love, your sis

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  3. Nancy Avatar
    Nancy

    This defining or not can be so important. Sometimes, I now have grown to feel, it is not important to have an answer for you may go round in circles and never get one. Sometimes, it’s OK to move along with whatever you’ve gained from the situation. We are human. We can only learn and hold the learning of so much. I think that is why I like the ideas of living in the moment, as I tend to over-analyze.
    This quote came to me in a very troubled time (not to suggest that this defining is troubling you!) and has remained a favorite and meaningful quote for me.
    Maybe you will like it too.
    “Worpswede, near Bremen,
    July 16, 1903
    …I want to beg you, as much as I can, my dear sir,
    to be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart
    and to try to love the questions themselves
    like locked rooms and like books that are
    written in a very foreign tongue.
    Do not now seek the answers,
    which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them.
    And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now.
    Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it,
    live along some distant day into the answer.”
    -Rainer Maria Rilke

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  4. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    Nancy, yes. those are SUCH wonderful words.

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  5. Doris Avatar
    Doris

    I also live with these words for a long time, a friend gave them to me when I had a very bad time. The two last sentences have been for a long time on my pin wall. Since those days I try to love and live the questions even if it is hard sometimes. But now I realize that it is easier when I become older. I feel more open for questions and don´t want to press the answers to come. Some came some didn´t I don´t run out of patience ( mostly 😉 )… live is as it is and it is good enough.
    I think these words open our soul for any sort of flow, and I think Grace when I look at your cloth, that your soul is wide open and I feel like this looking at it.

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  6. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    you know, Doris…i think it Does become easier over a LifeTime,
    and i’m thinking that it might simply be that after enough times
    “around the block”, we suddenly realize that its all about So Much
    more than just our narrow view, our feeble efforts to control it
    all, to keep it unchanged, to find answers that verify what we
    want verified?????????
    or something like that??????????
    you always say such uhhh, deeply supportive things to me, i thank
    you. it is a hope that something of the love i have for Life in
    general gets stitched into the cloth in a way that is visible to
    others. love,

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  7. Nancy Avatar
    Nancy

    Grace, yes after so many times around the block…sometimes we learn it’s not just about us, we are not the ones with control all of the time…some-times…But not all of the time. So to live (and I mean live, not Only survive) we must realize who is able to answer our questions and when is the time for that. And then…Accept.
    In a side note, as I have been sitting here with windthread, golden walnut leaves have been blowing, spiraling to the ground…twirling sideways in my peripheral vision…
    suddenly I heard it get very loud outside and I thought – that’s a lot of leaves. When I got up to go look it was just stopping from a big fat-raindroped downpour! The sun is out and the rays dance off the rain in a shimmering show for just a minute or so! Beautiful 🙂

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  8. Linda Avatar
    Linda

    grace.
    the dolls.. they are so incredible. i wish i had met you when you were selling them and been able to talk to you about them. i made one doll for my girl once. just a little one, but it made me so happy to do it. must have been wonderful to pour your heart into something that became someone.
    i remember always having to explain myself to people. when i moved to seattle i was 30 and i kept telling people my life story because i felt like no one knew me. it was difficult. i finally don’t do that. i am in a job where i meet new people everyday. i am just the nurse so i don’t have to have a story. it is taught me a lot about defining ourselves in different places.
    i love reading your thoughts.. i am sure leaving your land will be difficult. you will still take you with you wherever you go and we will still be here.

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  9. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    aren’t those cloud bursts just the most amazing things???
    shimmering……one of my most favorite words lately

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  10. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    yes. i will go with myself and yes, you will still be here.

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