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Really,

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my thinking,  is always about Everything.  there's never any seperation.  somehow, for me it's all just the same whirl of thought.  so today, when i did this

009

it was about the cloth.  it was about what that side IS.  in contrast to the other side.  in contrast to the middle.  why?, did i do that?  i don't know.  why? will it stay?  i don't know. 

and also, while i am doing this and washing windows and stuffing cracks with plastic grocery bags, i am thinking about how the Maniac's niece is calling from Phoenix where her father, the Maniac's brother is on life support.  and all the daughters there are trying to decide what to do and if they let him go,  what then?

the Maniac himself, who is also known as my late husband of 10 years, is out under the now defunct stump of the willow tree.  his ashes.  when he died,  some of the daughters/nieces were into dividing  him up into these little vials that can be worn as necklaces.  hmmm.  no.  so…he's just out there, in the dirt.  now, what to do? * none of them know that i am going to leave this place.  what good is it, to tell them that?  hmmmm, again.  so…i suggest that i dig him up, his ashes, and we all traipse up to Jemez Springs with everybody's ashes and scatter them by the old grandmother. 

*they were thinking of bringing some of the brother's ashes here.

so, the point is………..that cloth for me,  is about a LOT of stuff….about the whole of it.  memories, today, the "maybe" of tomorrows.  if you asked me to tell you what this cloth is "about", it would take forever.

 

 

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50 responses to “Really,”

  1. Michelle in NYC Avatar
    Michelle in NYC

    I never asked, but I figure all our work, even portraits of other people in fiction, poem or paint, in cloth, stitch, story or song, is about us, the me of myself and the you of thee, that which is in process constantly. I have my own ashes to ashes story about when my mother died, and I, an escaped Catholic, but still romantic pagan soul, wanted ashes to keep since her departure made me an orphan. I got the Church’s permission, and my brother was okay with it, but, my Aunt Mary, she who never missed a day of prayer, and for whom the Pope was the only word of God next to the catechism and the bible, stepped in and squelched it. So into the ground my Mother went, in an unmarked spot not even near where my father was buried. it was later given a stone. But I never returned to see it. I do have the ashes of the last little companion animal of many many many. And, a friend of mine swears she sees that cat out of the corner of her eye whenever she sits facing the shelf where the little container is nestled amongst family pictures and other treasures.

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  2. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    “the me of myself and the you of thee, that which is in process
    constantly”
    there is no end, no beginning
    just the story
    love to you, michelle in NYC

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  3. nance Avatar
    nance

    and that is a lot. what dramas we all have!

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  4. Michelle in NYC Avatar
    Michelle in NYC

    Just stories, Nance, just once upon a time true tales.

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  5. Nancy Avatar
    Nancy

    Grace picked up on the same line that I did, Michelle. I was just talking to a dear friend about ashes of those passed. My ex too…gone. His brother has most of the ashes that were once him. My 2 children took some to their homes in baggies on an airplane. My friends mom made the 5 hour drive south with the ashes of her long-time husband next to her on the front seat…the urn seat-belted in for safe keeping and her driving a huge old golden cadillac!
    Yes…so many stories…

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  6. Jacky Avatar
    Jacky

    Tough times….family,love, guilt … they are all a part of our life. Good and bad. The story keeps evolving.
    Jacky xox

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  7. Penny B Avatar
    Penny B

    Every stitch we take is a story unto itself.

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  8. Marti Avatar
    Marti

    My sense is that cloth becomes what we need it to become, a part of ourselves. We touch it with our hands, our thoughts, our hearts, our visions, and the fibers respond, taking in from our cells, our story and so to me, cloth lives and in so doing, the connection between fiber and sinew is real.

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  9. Linda Avatar
    Linda

    i agree with mart that cloth is part of us.. i think we all believe that. it is our spirit going into it. i feel like that when i stitch and when i weave. sometimes i tell stories of my family and people say i should write a book. we are all stories .. wear ashes in a necklace? kind of like taking the dead person’s hair and making necklaces like in the civil war.
    i like the cloth very much…

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  10. nance Avatar
    nance

    i brought my first husband home from france in an urn. we placed his ashes on cherokee land and then in the pacific ocean. two places dear to him.

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  11. nance Avatar
    nance

    yes, and marti, you prove that over and over again!

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  12. Nancy Avatar
    Nancy

    Nance- Ah, yes. So many ways to honor. I’ve thought about, considered cremation ever since seeing the Sunshine (see my blog) movie at 15 years old!

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  13. Marti Avatar
    Marti

    Well I’ve just come in from cleaning up the last of the bell peppers, frost hit them, even though we had covered them. Dug the peppers out, chopped them up and added to our compost piles, worked it in and tonight, the voles and mice I spotted this morning enjoying breakfast will have a special treat for dinner. We compost all of our veggie scraps, even some threads that come out when I take apart my dye bundles and I thought about those fibers, and cloth.
    My husband and I are vagabonds, living in several different states since he retired, the one common denominator is that we ask if we can garden before we rent and if the answer is no,we move on. There has been important talk of place here in grace’s blog; permanent, transient. The common denominator for me, what holds place and connects me is the dirt I hold in my hand from each home. When my time comes, the idea of a green burial, wrapped in some old cloth, maybe some that I have dyed with the gifts of the land, laid in a spot that needs composting – this holds a sacred appeal for me. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, cloth to cloth, cycle and recycle.

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  14. Vicky Avatar
    Vicky

    all quilts, or simple cloths, have a story….even those that are made from a fabric that just jumped off the shelf….i have several here waiting to be worked on again, that i started while my mom was still here…maybe i should bring her little jar out here to join me again while i work on them.
    even the little jar her ashes are in are a story…i found the jar in mom’s bed side table, the lid says “grandma’s” ‘spice’..what better place to put mom??

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  15. Jeannie Avatar
    Jeannie

    So many stories, but isn’t the cloth a reflection of our hearts and minds. Our own version of the bag we carry through life. I have always felt that once someone passes, it doesn’t matter where the ashes or body lays. What matters is that they were loved in life and are carried in our hearts as we continue our journey. The door blanket is beautiful.

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  16. Jacqui Avatar
    Jacqui

    Grace
    Your beautiful cloth is so wonderfully full of you, to me. A story yes but also a place of shelter and renewal. A cloth that will be your wings to move to a different place in ones heart, yours and mine. Thank you. Blessings to you….Jacqui

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  17. Michelle in NYC Avatar
    Michelle in NYC

    I came back to point out the ‘spiritual’ discussion Judy’s blog is involved with today (http://judys-journal.blogspot.com/2011/11/moments-of-awareness.html)–and I see this sharing thread has also expanded. Having read all so far with rapt attention, I am bursting with the feeling of love for all of us. Grace’s cloth is already doing the work of connecting and helping us to open our hearts and minds to one another. What a big soul she is!

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  18. Eva Ucgatwork Avatar
    Eva Ucgatwork

    Yes indeed,
    reading the ongoing discussion, I hope I take my last breath abroad! Germany has a very strict law about where ashes are going to be set to their eternal rest!
    Just back home from California – I would chosse the great Pacific Ocean…or the deserts of the Southwest for my own ashes!
    Grace, your cloth is amazing, beautiful, let’s put it in one simple word of praise: WOW!!!
    Late at night – but lunchtime in my head… surreal, but not unpleasent
    Best wishes,
    eva

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  19. Wendy Avatar
    Wendy

    Ah, geez Grace. I love the firey blanket from the dawn, I love this firey story wrapper; the grass is so fragile, but seeing it in this image it looks taut like a bow. It is like real grass bending in a real breeze, only as far as it can bend, but also with all of its strength; kind of effortlessly bending and not breaking. There is all this energy right there in this cloth. And so of course it is about everything. Thanks Grace, I love this cloth and this post.

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  20. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    it’s interesting…and i AM interested…., as in thinking,
    mulling it all over…how it’s easier to use certain words
    because of laziness (i’m talking about myself here)
    i looked at this cloth for images of “drama”, of personal
    drama,
    and i’m not sure. today it felt like just almost impersonal Experience, for Felt Sense of life things…

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  21. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    i like that..driving a huge old golden cadillac..
    am thinking about whether we do these things for them,
    as in the deceased, or ourselves. i think ourselves?

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  22. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    yes. that is beautiful

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  23. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    so..it’s the Story that’s important?

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  24. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    story again……….

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  25. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    it IS real, yes but what does it Want?

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  26. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    to All, Marti makes the most amazing pieces of cloth
    from her field harvest only. and then, tho she does not
    consider herself a stitcher, she stitches. it is a
    great honor to watch this.

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  27. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    i like you very much

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  28. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    transient

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  29. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    hmmmm. will look forward to hearing how that goes. for
    you and for mom
    are you looking for some kind of reconciliation?

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  30. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    i need to come visit your beautiful round house. it
    always leaves me with happiness…….

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  31. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    i have a great love for Us too

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  32. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    eVA!!!! you are so good hearted. me, i am remiss in
    my correspondence. soon. like tomorrow.
    here, there are rules for bodies, but none for ashes
    except for some reason i don’t know, you cannot scatter
    ashes on Federal land.
    but then, who would know.
    How do they keep track of where ashes are put in Germany???

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  33. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    that is beautiful, Wendy…a taut bow….
    it’s exactly how the native grasses are here…they
    are so strong. once the summer is over, they dry and
    still are exactly as they were when they were green and
    only thinking of bearing seed. i love watching them
    in the winter’s wind.
    on the mesa lands, they stand like sentinels. they grow
    in communities…i don’t know why. but there will be
    certain small areas where only a single kind will take
    root.
    it could be a lifetime of study…grasses.
    thank you for loving this cloth. i often go to look
    at yours…they feed my soul.
    love

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  34. Nancy Avatar
    Nancy

    Oh Grace…the stories of her mom have been many over the years!
    I have to agree…pretty much for ourselves. But we won’t Really know until it is our turn.

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  35. Jacqui Avatar
    Jacqui

    Grace
    Your beautiful cloth is so wonderfully full of you, to me. A story yes but also a place of shelter and renewal. A cloth that will be your wings to move to a different place in ones heart, yours and mine. Thank you. Blessings to you….Jacqui

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  36. Nancy Avatar
    Nancy

    Where can we see some of Marti’s cloth?

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  37. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    and comment to ALL….
    in keeping with one of the threads here…
    i really don’t care what becomes of my physical self after death.
    what ever is convenient for my kids, really. and they know that.
    most likely it will be ashes and they could go just anywhere.
    i had one of the most epiphaneous moments in my life in an asphalt
    parking lot when my daughter was a teenager. i have told her
    about that many times. maybe i should tell her again…refresh
    her memory…..but i was waiting for her. she was pregnant with
    my oh so beautiful granddaughter, Alyssia (now 23)* and i was
    really angry at her. i had to wait. it was really a Wasteland,
    this parking lot. so, as i sat there on the ground, i began
    looking around and
    a stick here, a bit of celophane there, a very thin piece of string,
    a candy wrapper and i don’t remember what all, but i built a very
    very small shrine of these things…and as i built it, the anger,
    the fear, the whatever just dissapated…..was GONE and all i saw
    was a small piece of beauty made of nothing, really….
    *i had wanted her to abort her, daughter chose not to
    so…i could be flung in a parking lot. no matter. it’s all
    my beloved planet………

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  38. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    the door blanket was a surprise…seeing it there in that light…it’s a kind of rust color, in it’s blanket form.
    but there, yes…! who’dve guessed…….
    and, loved…well…i guess too…sometimes i think
    what matters is that we
    try.
    some, like “the Maniac”, fail.
    but thinking about it…i have to accept that he did
    try
    he wanted to
    but he
    couldn’t.
    does that not count then? hmmmm.

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  39. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    i have tried to get her to put it “somewhere”. she
    won’t.
    and so, alas, “we can’t” see some.

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  40. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    and this is
    TRUE
    we won’t. till it’s our turn.
    this is a
    FACT.

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  41. Nancy Avatar
    Nancy

    Me too! (((hugs)))

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  42. judy martin Avatar
    judy martin

    Wow
    What an amazing story within you and your cloth Grace. What you share here is so very true and mysterious, and that you have had so many comments and discussion shows how the feelings you have about cloth and ashes are universal. Blessed.
    And thank you for the affirmation you put on my blog recently. It made me feel so light.

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  43. Jeannie Avatar
    Jeannie

    Perhaps he loved as best he could? I think that counts. I know that I am overly sensitive and feel emotions deeply. I have a dear friend who could watch “Where the Red Fern Grows” and not shed a tear! She doesn’t understand my emotions and I feel sorrow for her lack of emotions. I think it is a protection mechanism. If you do not feel, you also will not feel pain. Not sure I totally agree with that theory.

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  44. Treena Avatar
    Treena

    Well, all I feel is that this cloth has a LOT of energy connected to it; and the center seems to glow ‘happy.’
    Or is it just that luscious peachy color? There was a choice involved in putting it there.

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  45. Treena Avatar
    Treena

    Ack, that came out oddly…
    I’m just really liking how this cloth is evolving.
    It feels like something good is coming on.

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  46. Marti Avatar
    Marti

    Nancy, grace is correct about my cloth in that since I don’t blog, it is not readily found but I have participated in several blogs, especially India Flint’s found, stitched and dyed blog. Here is a link to one of my pieces, Landscape, the entry is from Sept.16th.
    http://found-stitched-dyed.blogspot.com/2011/09/landscape.html
    Also as a brief aside, I did contribute a feather to Jude’s magic feather project, # 347 in October.

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  47. Marti Avatar
    Marti

    It Wants whatever we want: for some, maybe it serves as a place for artistic expression or mastered technique. I can’t speak for others and since I am a neophyte in this world of cloth I can only speak to what cloth has become in my life: It could be as basic as having a pile of dyed cloths that one day you realize, want to be more than a pile of cloths in a basket! More and more, cloth wants to be an active participant in my life, which at first I was reluctant to let in. Now I find that it can be all of the following: an outlet for thoughts and emotions; a sampler of a moment in time, a day in our lives, a place; a representation of a long held memory that has come to the surface and wants attention…or something dreamed that is now real and manifests itself in the comfort of cloth.

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  48. Eva Ucgatwork Avatar
    Eva Ucgatwork

    Hi Grace,
    I just don’t know.but I guess the guy who puts your poor old body in the oven is going to put everything on record…but I think there are ways to cheat them.
    northern California was awesome! Wrote a letter…
    Stay in New Mexico, Grace! You would most certainly miss the canyons and the deserts! Although…the Pacific isn’t too bad either!
    xoxox, eva

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  49. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    Judy..thank you for coming by. i think we all have
    thoughts that weave together
    i loved so much your “path” and then there was the
    perfect question…it made me feel light too…

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  50. grace Forrest Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest Maestas

    Treena…not Ack at all…that color was the beginning
    of it all…again, Deb Lacativa’s genius
    and i hope it’s coming on…
    it’s getting kind of complicated for me at that point
    ~thank you~

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