it has been Some Week.  and i hesitate to put it all here because this blog is about Cloth, or,  is supposed to be.  but …..           Cloth turns out to be Life?,  it seems……………….     and this is Life too.  Jude's Contemporary boro 2….SO much.  aside from the denim jumpers,  aside from the Experiment that i have not photographed,  there is this.  this is the futon cover from the other Boro class.  looking for the pic i was surprised to see it was dated 10-8-2010!  there are weak spots.  so….these i will mend in this Boro class:001fix
here it is then

001fix
i tend to sit on this end and seams have pulled.  so i will mend them.

and the Diaries Cloth.  during this week, i have found myself coming to the stitching here over and over,  for just moments at a time.  one line of kantha, two.  three.  just the rhythm of it.  i am down into the Toad eggs, almost to where the "world as it really is" is.  almost finished with this side.

What will that feel like?

012fix

ok.  so then,  this is the part that i don't know.    "Weather" here has always been fairly predictable in my 20 years or so,  17 years here, in this Place.  now, Not.  this week has been very much like our monsoon season in July.  Storms,   electical magic shows,  rain,  but with the addition of very High Winds….which is new.  and i am living in the company of 14 sentient beings that i cannot bring

in

009
the dogs.  the cat.  i can call them In.   but the goats….no. 

so, since i have made a commitment to them, by penning them here…….i need to do the Best I Can to provide a place where they are sheltered.

and amidst all That,  it seems that because of the great capitalistic sense in this country, all of the states alfalfa was sold to Texas because of their drought.  and so,  since this spring has been not the usual spring,  there is NO alfalfa to be had.  Not a Leaf.  i tried to feed them grass hay that i COULD buy,  Wheat Grass, that i COULD buy,  and as i fed in the early morning, it was as if i was throwing NOTHING over the fence…they looked at me with such amazement…."What????  where is our FOOD?"  they were bewildered.

add to that that i had put off  doing something about the babies horn buds.  here it turns into more than you want to know.  but it Was.  i couldn't decide and finally decided to take them to the vet.  made the appointment.  $40/goat.  well…a LOT, but ok.  then,  by by some urge of intuition, went to talk with the County Extension Agent….who said to try the Other Vet.   long story short, $5 per goat because he is into 4H here.  $5 for disbudding/neutering the bucks.  so, i loaded them up, two babies and took them, them innocent and with little horn buds and it turned out that because of my putting it off so long,  the usual only modestly terrorizing cauterization needed to be a Totally Terrorizing sawing proceedure.  the little buck more so than the little doe.  and they have stitches that i can remove in 10 days which is the 19th.  ok.

so     ………………..         i am learning.  so much.  WHY?,  i wonder??????   but it IS what it IS and i need to do the very Best I can.   amidst this, they are loving beings.  very loving beings.  I open the door in the morning and one of them is like this

001
one of them, can you see her?,  one of them is watching for me.

amidst this, i stitch.  and realize more and more that Mending is really really, so much about Everything.  Everything. 

and as i am outside tonight, i see that different things have decided to grow here.  how interesting.

011fix
What IS this?  i don't know.  new. 

it's all new.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in

43 responses to “i really don’t know what to say”

  1. Suzanna Klein Avatar

    I love hearing about all this. What a gigantic difference from one year to the next…for some reason I need to repeat that I love hearing about it all. xoxo,s.

    Like

  2. Valerianna Avatar

    I would miss not hearing about your life here, as its all wrapped up in the cloth – adds context and authenticity to one’s blog, or maybe better word, humanity. Cause I come here for your process, your thoughts, your life. Whether it is cloth or clay or whatever, its about everything. Sounds stressful with the little goats, good luck.

    Like

  3. grace Forrest Avatar

    Suzanna…DEAR Suzanna…i looked at this Post Entry after
    i made it and though: What On Earth Am I Doing????????
    and sat and then
    here you ARE. oh blessed you. thank you for showing
    up here….oh,
    Thank You for showing up here.
    LOVE,

    Like

  4. grace Forrest Avatar

    and Thank You So Much, you TOOO!
    they are fine now. but the little buck, he SOBBED. he
    cried most of that day. just stood there in the middle
    of their space, in the hot sun and cried. his ears all
    drooped. there was nothing i could do for him.
    I am realizing the reality of farming/ranching. how
    FOOD we eat and take so for granted is FROM people who
    spend each and every day creating what arrives in our
    grocery stores.
    Daughter’s commitment is to raising DAIRY goats…because
    they need so little compared to cattle. it’s a real
    NEED. in this country and elsewhere, but at this time,
    we buy little amounts of goat cheese at the store for a
    Price…why? it can be different.
    but all that
    and in the meantime, this little buck just was so miserable and it was because i needed to learn.
    anyway…he is good now. All is Well. and even though he
    will be sold as a Weather sometime in the near future, i
    named him.
    Sunny Ray.

    Like

  5. grace Forrest Avatar

    wether. not weather. or????????????
    anyway, wether. neutered.
    but nonetheless,
    Sunny Ray.

    Like

  6. Nancy Avatar

    Grace, it is good to put it all here, I think. it is a good place to keep these stories. Then in a year’s time, you can revisit and see how much you’ve grown and learned and Done! Besides, I think those of us that frequent your blog space like to read of your life. I for one, can say it is so different from my own, so I learn too. This is your life…space…cloth. This is why your cloth is so alive…so alive it fairly Breathes!
    I’m glad the little guy is doing better. And so Happy Mother’s Day to you, Mama Grace who cares for many. πŸ™‚
    BTW- I heard about those rains yesterday!!!! My daughter and grandson were standing on the side of the road with a police officer after getting rear-ended 😦 They are both ok now too!

    Like

  7. KaiteM. Avatar

    dear grace, this is how life is at times. hugs to you for being a Mother of Goats on this our Mum’s Day.

    Like

  8. Penny B Avatar

    Oh me, oh my, that was quite a week. The joys of motherhood.

    Like

  9. jude Avatar

    what a patchwork, the things we might choose to build a simpler life, closer to need. I was outside yesterday, fighting the growth that moves in from the forest, bringing the biting bugs with it , covering the seedlings to keep the blackbirds from snipping off the tops. considering how it is to really grow one’s food. and cloth, i know i would have a sheep, but not grow cotton, because well, no way i could handle that. thinking about skill and the willingness of a community to share knowledge to survive. finding my dad’s old scythe in the garage, and easily clearing the tall weeds from the hill, thanking him for that. like sweeping.

    Like

  10. Valerianna Avatar

    I live in a town with lots of people who farm – Dairy and CSA farm next door, my friend up the road with goats, chickens, geese, horses, goats, 3 vegetable gardens, she hays her own fields, plows her own long driveway, fixes her tractor and does landscape design. It is a HUGE amount of work. Don’t know why I’m writing all this, I guess just saying that I understand a bit about the work – the commitment, and how much there is to know.
    Lots to learn, about the weather, or whether or both!

    Like

  11. Deb Avatar

    We have dear friends who farmed sheep and pigs in rocky upstate NY. From having a kitchen full of lambs who needed TLC to Peg’s magnificent and so humane method of slaughtering a hog as big as a VW, learning about the 24 life of responsibility to the animals and the land was always fascinating. Keep us informed and keep records for your own learning as you go.

    Like

  12. saskia Avatar

    so much happens in your life, happening still, I do like reading about it, feeling connected; looking after all those animals, yes that is a big responsability, and keeping up with the classes and blogging and life! just the one class is quite enough for me right now; went for a walk this morning with my husband and the dog, that was really nice, don’t do that often enough. thank you Grace for sharing, it means a lot to me. happy mother’s day

    Like

  13. deanna7trees Avatar

    we talked the other day at jude’s place how we need to release what is inside. it makes us feel better and we see it in a different light. and getting support, even if it is only with words, boosts our energy level and the will to go on. so your telling your story here is a good thing and for you to know that we are all thinking about you and sending support through the airwaves. wishing you a wonderful mother’s day.

    Like

  14. Deb G Avatar

    Sending you a hug. Glad to hear baby goat is doing better. It’s all one thing to me…you know.

    Like

  15. Jennie Avatar
    Jennie

    Dear Grace, During the week without a word from you I knew there must be extra stress. And you made it thru. I can feel how you care for the creatures entrusted to your care and that they KNOW you care.
    Having noticed the Big Denim Cloth on your sofa in room photos I now see the whole thing! Wonderful; and I love that you SIT on it, and that you are now STITCHING on it. Can’t be easy needling thru heavyweight cloth. But you don’t shy away from not-easy, girl.
    Thank you for catching us up.
    Jennie

    Like

  16. Hoola Tallulah Avatar

    Ah sweet goats, I miss keeping goats, beautiful, inquisitive, wonderful creatures…. I am new to your blog, it is magical.

    Like

  17. nemo-ignorat Avatar

    oh, don’t worry. you see, we are as much interested in the goats and yourself as in your cloth. I enjoy reading your blog and I keep my fingers crossed that everything goes well. thank you for sharing, cloth, goats, feelings and all.

    Like

  18. Joan Avatar

    You have been through the wringer this week! I so totally understand the responsibility one feels for the beings that are in our care, especially the little ones. My heart goes out to your compassionate heart, Grace, and to your little flock. Life does tend to pull us apart at the seams, doesn’t it? …and then we must mend again and again. You’re cloth is beautiful and it sounds like it is restorative for you, too. I love the couch cover–the little white stitching detail you showed. Wonderful.

    Like

  19. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    i’m glad you wrote this. glad that you can watch her.
    am thinking that the more we can SEE this…either in
    person or through someone we know’s eyes, the more we
    will think about what all it is to
    eat.
    a CSA is just an amazing thing.
    so, Thank You. a lot.

    Like

  20. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    YES…they Would have been under pretty much the same
    sky as here, i forgot!
    so odd, this July weather in May………

    Like

  21. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    oh hey hey hey Kaite…..
    this IS how life is.
    THANK YOU for watching over me…xoxoxoxo

    Like

  22. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    well…in this world, it’s them, the mothers. i am
    some kind of friend, partner, something….friend, i
    guess? i hope so anyway…….

    Like

  23. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    yes. how a community shares. some do this, some do that.
    but everyone DOES. and no one needs to do it All.
    exchange.
    i love that you found your dad’s scythe. they are truly
    so akin to a sewing needle in their perfection of function.
    a good scythe changes everything. how wonderful you have
    it. you would sharpen it…i love the act of sharpening
    a tool. something so almost sacred about it….and
    then, using it…sharp…as it was intended.
    love this image of you. Thank you for it.

    Like

  24. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    you are so lucky to have this connection.
    does she get the hog drunk? that’s the way here.
    this blog is the record. i have no urge to make any
    other anymore.

    Like

  25. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    Thank YOU, saskia, for sharing your walk with the dog!
    these small daily details do connect Us, don’t they. i
    was telling someone the other day about my friend who
    was visited by a man in a blanket and a walking stick.
    it means a lot to me, too…..

    Like

  26. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    “will”. that’s such an interesting word. thank you
    for giving it..
    xoxo

    Like

  27. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    yes, i know. and i am grateful for you

    Like

  28. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    oh HEY, Jennie! actually, the denim is not hard for me
    to stitch through…i get a new needle…sharp, like
    Jude’s scythe, and really, i don’t find it hard. ????
    and yes…it’s GOOD to mend it. really really good.
    xoxo to you

    Like

  29. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    Am SO happy you visit!
    They ARE, more and more just so interesting to me. learning how to relate to them in ways that make sense
    to THEM…..and they are so responsive…….
    i hope you come again!

    Like

  30. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    Ulrike…thank you for your crossed fingers…i’m sure they
    make a difference…..
    thank you for witnessing……………

    Like

  31. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    the stitching holds it’s place. interesting because in
    the past, i could have gotten waylaid by all the Other…
    but somehow, the stitching, before, between, all the
    rest somehow is allowing me a balance that i have been
    unable to find before…
    like i had to take away from one thing to accomplish
    another. but somehow now, it doesn’t feel that way.
    thanks for being the catalyst to this thought forming….

    Like

  32. handstories Avatar

    you are one of the fullest people i know, overflowing. love seeing that little face greeting you, and the mended boro. i can’t believe i’m in a place where i look forward to the wearing out so that i can mend. i’ve been thinking about, too, and feeling unsettled about, what it will be like to be finished with the daily squares, if i ever am. i so love coming here, where the “world as it really is” is. x

    Like

  33. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    Cindy…yup. how great is it that it’s all just equal?????
    and today, during the day’s storm, i began that place, and soon,
    that whole side will be finished except for the thread beads
    of the spew of the lightning. i LOVE it.
    xoxo

    Like

  34. Nancy Avatar

    Deanna~ This is so true. Today I not only got to talk to both of my children πŸ™‚ Yea!!! But I had a super long FB chat with an old friend, whom I hadn’t spoken to in years. It really does help! People who need People…
    Tra la la

    Like

  35. KaiteM. Avatar

    hah ha, i fly over on my wings of knitted string every so often. kisses…

    Like

  36. yvette Avatar

    Grace, I see you standing there weeping with the goats pain..you will find it back forever and ever in your cloth.
    Later, you feel relieved that the pain is gone and you find that feeling back in your cloth, for ever and ever.
    Since following your blog I have “Grace” pieces.
    I cannot find a mail adres on your blog but I would love to write you a mail.

    Like

  37. ali Avatar

    “I am down into the Toad’s eggs. almost to where ‘the world as it really is” is”…this is a song, a poem–I wanted to write about my goats, about doing the same thing–waiting long before disbudding–and I guess I just have, but really, I can’t stop thinking about your words, the phrasing, “I am down into the Toad’s eggs. almost to where ‘the world as it really is” is” and what would that mean, to be, literally and metaphorically, down into the Toad’s eggs? to be–to live and breathe and think– down where the world really is? maybe it’s my flush of being out the city and relishing county life for a few days, but to me, this morning, you’ve said so, so much. much to think about…

    Like

  38. Susan C Avatar

    I thought about you last week, Grace. You have a lot of little lives there with you. So glad that little guy is better – animals are truly so patient and forgiving. Your days sound very full in every way.
    The native grasses and sedges we planted in our yard are beginning to bloom/seed. I always think of you when I see lovely grasses and I have been working in the yard a lot lately. Sending you well wishes in all you do now.

    Like

  39. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    Yvette…i would love to get a mail from your world.
    it’s
    grace Forrest
    NBU 16
    Polvadera, New Mexico 87828
    the email is grace.porvida@gmail.com
    por vida means for Life in spanish.
    we, the goats and i do not weep today. that is gone.
    today we dance in SUNrays. love you, Yvette….~

    Like

  40. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    ali…down where the Toad eggs are is down to the most
    basic essence of life ongoing is here. i’ll write more
    about those toad eggs when time comes…in a month or
    two when the Big Rains come. but they mean a LOT. they
    tell us here whether or not things are going ok….
    more then.
    i love that you are touched by these things…make me
    know more that we can “know” people all over and
    Everywhere. this is important to me.
    I am so GLAD you had a chance to be in your country life
    for that time. very glad. you will now be renewed.
    xoxo

    Like

  41. grace Forrest~Maestas Avatar
    grace Forrest~Maestas

    i love to hear of your plantings and seedings there in the
    mid west. i know that part of the country so well, by
    heart.
    the animals…they go from day to day. having nothing
    to compare it with…. something really important there,
    yes?
    love

    Like

  42. Robyn Ayaz Avatar
    Robyn Ayaz

    Dear Grace, what an amazing time you are having and I for one would WANT to hear about it ALL.. the little sobbing goat had me swallowing very quickly and wiping a tear! All of your dear friends as we have become are there for you at all times, really ALL TIMES! Whatever time, one of us is sure to be not far from you with this cyberworld we live in. That is a good thing I think. Lots of hugs from me to you and an extra one for the little goats.

    Like

  43. stickyfingers Avatar

    sorry to hear about the rough times for your goats and kids – i had no idea they were such picky eaters … and as for the surgical stuff, ouch!
    your weed might be rosebay willowherb also known as fireweed – it was used medicinally and is prolific/invasive depending on your point of view!
    re:links – to add a link to a post while writing your post
    1) open a new window and find the thing you want to link to – copy the URL (the code which appears in the address box near the top of the screen)
    2) return to your post and type the word/s you want people to click on to see the link – highlight the words
    3)in the list of symbols atop the post box will be a symbol for links, in typepad it is to the left of the ‘insert image’ symbol, it’s supposed to look like 2 links in a chain – click on it (in some systems you have to click twice)
    4) paste the URL you copied into the top/URL box , click ‘insert link’ …. bingo, all done!
    there are other ways but this one works for me – good luck

    Like

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