it has been a very challenging week.  hard.  no use looking for better adjectives.  just hard.    the Alzheimer's person i care for began a hard crash and burn.  it was sudden and neither i nor her other caregiver expected it,  let alone B herself.  falling,  frantic searching for unremembered things,  almost total loss of coherence,  and what seemed like a total urge to Escape.  dear her.  dear us.  so her son was called back from Maine and we'll see today what we all think:   is this the moment we have known would come when she can no longer live at home?  or does he install an alarm system on her doors to the outside world and hire a third caregiver?   So, that.

and then,  at 1:10 in the middle of the night, that single   Bleeeeaaaaah

Lucky Star.  2 black and white spotted bucks and one red and white doe:

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she was the first out.  there was confusion because it was night and they don't do well in the dark. Lucky does not clean her, i am wiping away her nose and trying to get all of the milling goats out of there into the yard pen.  Lucky goes out to and another is born out there, and another.  bringing them in, and yes the first is still breathing.  finageling Lucky in and closing the little wooden gate door making her feel trapped.  she is uncertain about what is happening and just stares at them, going from one to another.  none of the 3 make a sound.  they are smaller and much skinny ier than the others so far.  they all look so fragile, but the little doe looks hopeless.   so i get the light hooked up and sit there in my birth fluid soaked hose dress alternately rubbing them with a towel and holding them to her udder, until they begin to make sounds and she begins to lick them, clean them, taste them, know their scent.  by 4 something a.m.,  little doe is UP!

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and by daybreak she is just going.  this is her from above

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almost there.   and then, yes, There.  and she figures out what to do.  all by herself.   as do the little bucks.   and later in the day, Lucky is more and more restless,  so i decide to let her into the outside pen, back through that little wooden gate door.  things seem ok for a while but then there is comotion.   when i go around,  Ona and Onday have her cornered and are ramming her HARD, taking turns.  ramming her into the wood fence.  she is not fighting back.  i watch, stunned until she goes down to her knees and then run in and do whatever, i don't remember, some yelling, some pushing and pull her out by her collar and return her to her inside pen where the babies are.

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i don't know.  daughter will come the first of the week.  we will think.  my guess tho is that we have reached some kind of "critical mass".   there are too many goats.  too many babies.  and the most difficult thing to think is that there are 3 more does to deliver.   oh, eee.

and the Monsoon rains have begun.  Intense and Huge Electrical Storms, sometimes one on the heels of another and goats DO NOT LIKE BEING WET.   they crowd into the guinea hen palace.  the uneasiness is Thick.  but in between all the above,  i have begun stitching a "housecoat"

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a thin cotton blouse, shirttails cut off, sleeves, collar and buttons removed.  3 rectangles of tea dyed favorite cotton sheet stitched on and the strips begun to be stitched in place.   yesterday some Deb Lacativa cloth arrived in mail.  i opened the package right there, sitting at the neighborhood box unit mailbox down the road.  i pressed these brilliantly vibrant pieces to my face and breathed them in.  they comforted me.  fixed me.   And this morning all 3 babies have learned to bounce and head butt.  oh jeez.

 

 

 

 

 

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29 responses to “monsoon”

  1. Valerianna Avatar

    Wow, definitely HARD! That little one is so cute, glad she got up and got going… good luck problem sovling. I can relate I’ve been in that for the last two weeks in Florida with my Mom and Dad. Intense times.

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  2. Margo Avatar
    Margo

    I think starting the housecoat will have it’s own way of saving Grace. Sewing strips and stitching is so meditative. A lovely way of enveloping yourself in love, something we all need.

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  3. handstories Avatar

    whew! your days are full of bright vivid threads that twist and tangle as you sort them out. adventures. thank goodness for your cloth.

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  4. handstories Avatar

    and love and thoughts for B and hers and you.

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  5. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    are you still in Fla or back at Ravenwood?

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  6. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    yes…that’s the usual feeling, but this week it was
    more of sewing for sanity…like they had the power to
    preserve and direct toward goodness. which they did/are doing still. do you need a couple little goats up
    north there?

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  7. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    thanks, …the love for B. it is just so hard. it’s
    been a nightmare at moments.
    we are having a pow~wow this afternoon at 3 to figure
    out all the options and assign tasks for implementing.
    no more hoping for the best.

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  8. Mo Crow Avatar

    (((Grace)))

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  9. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    Thank you, Mo…a good strong hug.

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  10. judykeathley@cox.net Avatar
    judykeathley@cox.net

    oh my god grace–
    oh oh oh —
    life to the millionth degree–
    love to you –& all —

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  11. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    thanks, Judy. our meeting was encouraging…we have a
    few things to try out about home care. and really, there
    are many hard things in human lives. am thinking this
    eve that it’s all really ok. hard but ok hard.
    and the housecoat is really coming along…happy.

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  12. dee Avatar

    wow, so much going on with life and death and creation and wonder… Hope you sort out the proper numbers for your household soon, so that you can weather the rainy season in a little more peace (I never knew goats disliked being wet).

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  13. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    they abhor wet. one drop of rain falls and they all run screaming for shelter. it’s really funny.
    the proper numbers, yes. all these current babies need to
    go, except for Magic. and that means weaning and that means milking begins. it’s all Catch 22. to the enth degree. Daughter has enough to drown her in the moment,
    but soon, yes. hopefully this next week. the high temps
    have broken. now just the normal low 90s which are ok
    and even good.
    Over and over i notice that needing to be away from home
    days in a row takes such a toll anymore. Being home all
    day to day made a difference. and supposedly tomorrow too.
    and stitching. so good to see the changes in the strips.

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  14. Wendy Avatar

    Oh Grace, monsoon is right. I can hardly believe the baby in the first photo is the baby in the others. That is just overwhelming to me. I hope thing, all of these things are turning corners soon; my thoughts and love are with you, with B, with Lucky and the triplets, all the others, the snakes and toads. Just all of you there.

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  15. Nancy Avatar

    Oh Grace, so many important happenings at your place. The new one is precious! And I really like the stripe of colors growing on the home-dress. My daughter told me about the many rains 🙂
    Hugs to you and best thoughts for B and family.

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  16. Jacky Avatar
    Jacky

    Never a dull moment at your house Grace. Great excitement and responsibility with all of these babes arriving. The tiny triplets are so sweet, but disturbing for you the other goats treatment of Lucky …. makes you wonder how nature works sometimes.
    And then all the upset with B and what her future holds …very hard times for you Grace, unsettling times.
    I smiled though when I saw your housecoat and those beautiful Deb Lactiva coloured pieces. A ray of sunshine, your little rainbows end. Happy stitching my friend.
    Jacky xox

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  17. Eva Ucgatwork Avatar

    Good morning Grace,
    Wow, I must say…it’s not what I would call a boring life…so many difficult things are all happening at one time.
    But, yes, but that seems be the be the nature of “Problems”: they love to get together, team-up and…here they are!
    I love to see your new project, the “housecoat”.
    today is the first day of my summer holidays…and it’s cold and rainy. I am thinking of a small project that I can carry with me and work on while on holiday next week…
    Going to write a proper letter…
    Take care!
    eva

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  18. KaiteM. Avatar

    grace yes it has been a hard week for you, very hard, but you’ve also had successes. just work it minute by minute until daughter arrives, slowly and thoughtfully you will sort it. some things are not under your control tho, they have to run their own course and will do so no matter what.
    my love to you, k.

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  19. Michelle in NYC Avatar

    Hoping your storms brought better weather for you and the goats…oh if I had a bit of land…that new little doe is to die for! Oh, pioneer woman of the cloth and effort–how you manage I’ll never know. There must be magic in those ringed fingers, that useful hand. May daughter and you have a powerful pow-wow that brings brilliant solutions to agrarian problems, and may you get enough sleep to allow your own caring body to refresh and revitalize itself for the days to come. How I love and admire all your handiwork dear Grace.

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  20. saskia Avatar

    oh my Grace, I don’t know how you manage, yet you Do!
    my mother-in-law has dementia and lived at home until ‘enough was enough’, which was about a half year ago; she lives in a good home – all is relative – but for her it is not home and her only ‘coherent’ thought is to escape and go back home, which is no longer possible of course, I don’t know what she feels or thinks, but her behaviour shows all the signs of her being extremely unhappy, it his heartbreaking; I find it hugely sad and if ever am diagnosed with dementia have decided to ‘opt out’……
    And all your goats, old and new, they sure do need a lot of taking care of, balancing the numbers, balance is a big deal I guess.
    I am happy for you that there is still the sanity of stitching, I am thinking of you;)

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  21. ali Avatar

    oh, jeez, no kidding! I’m glad daughter is coming soon. So many babies, and so much rain, electricity. A wild combination. You amaze me, handling it all, and with energy to sew, too. Sad times for B and family–hard is a very good term here, I think. who knows what the future holds for any of us…

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  22. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    yup…we need to turn a corner. OR, as it seems to maybe
    becoming, just get more used to the corner we are on.
    am trying to work with that. we are ok so far. and
    i remind again and again, the Rain is NEEEEEEEDED.

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  23. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    yes…Albuq is getting actually more that we are here

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  24. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    no…there isn’t, it seems. i love the housecoat and
    yes…Deb’s cloth in it is just so perfect somehow…well,
    it always is. her cloth is the perfect partner to the
    organic colors i get on old cottons…i love them next to
    one another
    xoxo to you Jacky…thank you for keeping track of stuff
    here

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  25. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    Eve, good morning, good evening, good morning again and
    on………..
    SO glad to hear you are off now from your Teaching…will
    look very forward to hearing what your TIME gives you…
    xoxo

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  26. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    this is important “will run their own course and do so no matter what”….yes, i feel that, but with animals i find it harder to act out of that knowing. thank you for the
    words though…they remind me and shore me up
    love,

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  27. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    Oh Michelle, i bask in your kindness…………..

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  28. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    i have thought a lot about when it’s “my turn”, my daughter and granddaughter talk about it when ever we are all together. when granddaughter was about 4, she used to
    tell me she would drive me around in a stroller when i got so old. i used to read them the part in One Hundred Years of Solitude, Gabriel Garcia Marquez
    where the children kept the very old grandma up in the attic and decorated her hair with dried lizards and string.
    everyone else thought she was dead.
    i like this. We have humor about old age. i think it will “carry us”.

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  29. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    Ali…yes…who knows, but i always think that somehow
    the future comes to be made from each of the days we live.
    it’s like a science experiment tho. we’ll see if i’m
    right, but i really think that when i am so old to do much of anything, i will still be looking in love and wonder at such plain and small but excellent and WonderFull things…
    ???? Who knows.
    xo

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