windthread

ahead of myself, beside my self, over and behind my self.  slowing down.  breathing.  

maybe it was because i was so sick?  and then miraculously wasn't anymore?  but i got all carried away by Jude's beautiful spare room and almost began dismantling the book shelves.  but then, overnight, reason prevailed.  it might be a wonderful experiment, i can see that.  but now is NOT the time.  the Goats will kid soon.  i need all the time i have to be ready.

today and yesterday were the work away from home days.  and today was way more than imagined.  Alz B was NOT good.   i arrived as the decision to change her catheter was being made. Yes.  do it.  and we did.  what should be urine was like pancake batter.  really.  it was worse than i have ever seen.  worse than i would have ever imagined.  THAT finally done,  Ann the Bath Lady from Hospice and i bathed her.  we washed her hair.  we washed her whole self, using the wash cloth to stimulate her skin.  we lotioned her, we balmed her lips.  all the while, she was "unavailable" except now and then, during the catheter change and i would say…Squeeze!!!, Squeeze my hand!! and there would be a weak response, but yes, a slight squeeze.  there's more to this but this much is enough.  Then it was the Old Cowboy who i had called ahead of time to find out what he needed from the store and when i got there he said he didn't think and really needed 3 more things.  i'd already gone to the store.   wha.

but then home.   5 days ahead.  they should be "mine".  we'll see.

and while i was almost foaming at the mouth in delerium about getting RID of all my books and shelves, i wondered what i would do then with my clock

and in these two days away the Chatalpa, which is a hybrid of Desert Willow and Catalpa has begun blooming.  it was almost done in by that Horrible Hard Winter but not and is blooming.  this time as a bush.  i will give up on the tree idea.

and so you know a little more about me, about how i am, this has been just outside the front porch since that day of rain.  it soaked the wet just inside the front door on the floor and i had hung it on the railing.  Wind blew it off and i have passed it, i don't know how many times, thinking PICK IT UP! but i haven't.

OH!!!!! AND ABOUT COMMENTING….  typepad helped me …. i think i know now how to check for lost comments and i will, every day.  i found many…many great comments in their spam folder. and hopefully have released them to the post they belong to.    They, typepad, are doing their best to make a new plan but in the meantime, i'll look, every day.  so…if you don't see your words, check again…hopefully i can free them.