it seems impossible that only a day has passed. that it was yesterday that they were born. last night went on forever. i slept a very different kind of sleep. not sleeping, not awake….an inbetween. hour after hour with waking many times. listening. i listened all night. i listened for Lucky Star, for the little ones, i listened for Caroline, in case she began to kid. and i listened to the dogs. i slept on the couch because one of them, Ramon, was dying on the floor in the bedroom. on the dogs quilt, under a towel. the one with cancer. the other three went back and forth all day and all night, checking. sitting. lying in the doorway. in the dark i could hear their toenails clicking along the floor. back and forth. and i listened to that too. Please, no need to express sadness for his death. he was who he was and he had a long story and it was time for him. but still. it took forever for him to let go. and today, his absence is huge. and it was a work away day and that was hard…feeling like i really needed to be Here. but i went. and it was all ok.
But so many Thoughts. so many Feelings. So Much.
and this is as far as i got with more pics…not far
and then, this
windthread 
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