a day.  

we went.  me, the 3 little bucks.  to the different Vet.  this is the old vet, the one that neutered and spayed the dogs maybe 13 years ago?  he had left, gone to Missouri but then come back.  i like him.  he's very quiet but answers questions very thoroughly.  and ok…just the important things here.    

What i have been Given to See….is…..that i still, always,  assume that other people know more and better than i do.  Sometimes, this is not true at all.   and much that i know is intuitive.  and/or a collection of bits of information.  and that i can trust that.  sometimes.  this is nothing Huge, really, but its like you, Cynthia, feeling like you and your man can and need maybe to be barefoot, within reason.

So back to the Vet.  we were taken into a side room to the operating room where i could watch through the glass wall as an operation was happening on a very large dog.  Both Vets were doing various parts.   The other one is Theresa Gonzales, who has a HUGE reputation in the county and who takes no new patients.  But, she was in and out and through and stopping to watch as the 4 young women Vet Techs were.  a lot of conversation.  that told me that no one they know of has Milking dairy goats.  one meat goat operation and someone maybe still has La Mancha, but don't milk.  so…really,  if you have goats in Socorro County,  you need to learn to be your own Vet as best you can.  They are there for the basic body mechanics.  but all the details are up to you.  if you research and ask, they will supply with any assistance they can.  but basically, it's up to me and nurse Cindy.  

AND, Mo, you will be so relieved to hear that they give anesthetic.  and one  after to reverse.  Vet said that if i decide to do the disbudding he will supply these to use here.  this is a big deal.  it meant a LOT.  he saw me as Able.   and one of the Techs wants to come over to see the goats with the intention of getting two for her daughter who is 10.  Perfect.  

so…tomorrow morning it's the little girls turn.  then we can breathe easy a bit more.  take some slow time to figure out what/how to do what is next.

and in the meantime, today, that was i think 105 give or take,  the first marigold opened fully

IMG_6320f

 

and the first wild sunflower 

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IMG_6319f

and all too soon,  all in the Blink of an Eye,  the day, day number 119,  was over.  it's how it goes.  fast.  and i am thinking about how i do not want to spend a moment of any day at all, lost in anxiety,  in worry,  in undue concern.  What a waste.  Stuff happens or not.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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31 responses to “119”

  1. Jan Avatar
    Jan

    grace, it sounds like a very strong day. about what you know, your intuition: sometimes I think that what we actually know is so big, that it takes some effort to steady ourselves. to act on what we know. and then again, there’s nothing as reassuring as seeing how something is done. practical things like the disbudding. you will know in future, how much strength and preparation that takes. sleep well.

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  2. Saskia Van Herwaarden Avatar

    ‘…..assume other people know more and better than I do’, that’s a feeling I know only too well; this gets me muddled up in situations I don’t want to be in (I trust someone will do what we’ve agreed to do, both of us, I keep my end of the bargain, they supposedly know what they’re doing, turns out they don’t and I’m stuck with the choice of either having to fix it or let things collapse…)
    There’s so much going on over at your place Grace, all those lives you are responsible for. I believe you will be able to manage it all, as you have done this past year, but it isn’t (going to be) easy. it is as it is

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  3. Marti Avatar
    Marti

    The wisdom you carry, my wise and dear, dear grace has to do with the fact that your instincts are at a high and right level. By right level I mean that old idea of “and harm none.” You will care for the goats in the same way that you have cared for all that you have loved on your land – With attention, hard work and determination to do the right thing. This I have always known about you and it is good to see that you accept and are coming to know it as well…

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  4. Deb G Avatar

    You have done such a wonderful job keeping up with your days, the fullness of them.

    Like

  5. Cynthia Avatar
    Cynthia

    o grace..i am in bed not even up..the second day after travel seems harder..and i can look out and see a meadow that has changed from the yellows and roranges of twp weeks ago to one full of blues and lavender and pink.. the mist rims the mountains beyond and the tri colored black bird who owns it all is swooping and trilling his heart out..i feel as if he is singing just for you grace..your note has made this day start so beautifully even though my feet have not yet touched the floor…and it is sooo late
    external validation..sometimes it is the very best thing..the salve we need to heal a worried spirit…to know from this source that our faith in ourselves was the right thing..that you are in fact extremely Able..and ..of course cautious …because you are dealing with the lives of beings that you deeply love, care for, have responsibility over..it is a lessening of worry..a break of a link…a very real small but huge perception that slightly changes your world order and gives your own self a permission to go forward on your own path..it is lovely to have back up…and i am so happy for you
    oh and his feet ..grace ..they are browning in the sun..no more sickly white…and a true gift…when i was little in california my parents planted wooly thyme and it grew over rocks and ledges and i have never forgotten the joy of being 9 and able to fit onto a soft ledge to read the afternoon away…
    in delaware it turns to a mouldy blackness..but someone has planted it here..it has spilled onto, in between brick and pavers..to walk barefoot is a sensory overload that is amazing…he has lost much feeling in these huge size 16 feet and falls can happen as he learns to rebalance his tall self..(6’5″) so getting him up can leave us sometimes in tears..but more often in laughter..he is here afterall..and to walk across the wooly thyme …the scent that surrounds you is…a remembrance unexpected and a gift
    much like these pictures..as always pieces of beauty ..some immense some small ..all delightful…what a wonderful way to start my day..many thank yous..may the day go well for the doelings..and for you and your strong and wonderful and well aimed heart….enjoy xox much cynthia

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  6. Valerianna Avatar

    Seems that anxiety and worry take us from the present and dangle us somewhere in the unknowable future, so far ahead as to have no thread to the moment. I think its that lack of thread that breeds anxiety – with our roots dangling, our source of knowing is cut. Or, something like that, seems to me.

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  7. grace Avatar
    grace

    ~Exactly~ that. Seems to me TOO. yes. the lack of
    thread….and that dangle coming from a kind of
    pathetic refusal to learn from what is repeated right
    in front of my face, over and over.
    thanks..love….

    Like

  8. Jennie Avatar
    Jennie

    Those last words of summing up, DO NOT SPEND A MOMENT OF ANY DAY AT ALL LOST IN ANXIETY, IN WORRY etc. are emblazoned in my mind and heart and should be woven into my current tapestry. More likely they will be a mantra for the movements of hand/bobbin/weft as the weaving goes. So often you say the very words one needs to hear that very day.
    Blessings, j

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  9. Nance Avatar
    Nance

    For me too… Tis is a really good analogy and something to keep in mind. Thank you valerianna.

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  10. KAMFreeman Avatar

    Yes, Nance…what you write is so true for me..and thanks to Valarianna for the post…and dear Grace..ah yes, you do know…and that thread of fear is being stitched down so as not to trouble so much in the going forward…you know in your cellular self..you feel, you intuit, you know.
    Kristin

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  11. Dee Avatar

    those words really grabbed me, too — and they are so much a part of letting go of this idea that everybody knows better, somehow.

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  12. dedri Avatar

    Thank you Grace for sharing all of the trepidation with us. There is some way that your vulnerability lends us strength in this world. Would that everyone would go to such lengths for their furry children.

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  13. Mo Crow Avatar

    ah this is good news!

    Like

  14. grace Avatar
    grace

    this is particularly playing out with the Goats.
    as your words, requiring “steady~ing”….

    Like

  15. grace Avatar
    grace

    no. it isn’t going to be easy. and am looking at that.
    how so much we or, Me, like things to be relatively
    easy. how some things, like farming/ranching/small time
    Goat keeping, never have been easy. it is not the nature
    of It. and so.

    Like

  16. grace Avatar
    grace

    that “shift”…..

    Like

  17. grace Avatar
    grace

    i am looking at it all…now that the kids are born
    and beginning to just go, their disbudding accomplished.
    and looking, realizing i have reached some particular
    point but don’t know what that point Is…..

    Like

  18. grace Avatar
    grace

    i could listen to you All Day….., your intense
    WordPictures….
    love and love to you

    Like

  19. grace Avatar
    grace

    thinking this morning (Sat, now) that now and again
    it’s a requirement of some sort…a little fear?

    Like

  20. grace Avatar
    grace

    what i’m thinking today, (Sat) is that Fear will naturally
    rise up, is real. but it’s the getting lost in it that
    is such a waste of Life.

    Like

  21. grace Avatar
    grace

    by learning of others’ vulnerability and efforts, we
    are strengthened….that it is also what we all have
    in common. details differ, but the meeting it all face
    to face is the same…?
    LOVE YOUR NEW SHOP!!!!!!!!!!!
    oNE OF these days, i will drive down there and see it
    with my own eyes!!!

    Like

  22. grace Avatar
    grace

    yes..good news said the crow

    Like

  23. KAMFreeman Avatar

    yes, yes..that little bit…just enough to add a bit of “color” and “learning” and “listening”…year fear has a positive … a seat at our table…our learning spice

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  24. grace Avatar
    grace

    am going to be continuing to think about this…

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  25. KAMFreeman Avatar

    typo…your not year…but perhaps year sometimes…thinking, me as well..some great points of exploration in this thread… and it is good

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  26. KAMFreeman Avatar

    yes..getting lost…rather than looking at…exploring…learning…and growing in awareness and so it is all part of the process

    Like

  27. mimmin Avatar
    mimmin

    hello Grace
    Today I am exactly a year behind but I want to catch up in the order that you lived and wrote, so I can’t bear to look ahead to now. Your little goats leave me full of wonder. I have missed reading your words so much.
    mimmin xox

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  28. grace Avatar

    ~MIMMIN !~
    O!….O wow!….i have wondered about you many many times!
    So GLAD to see you here today…..!!!! oh just YaY!
    love to you and that small bear of yours….

    Like

  29. mimmin Avatar
    mimmin

    thank you for wondering! I was lost in anxiety and worry about family for so long, as Valerianna so eloquently put it above, “roots dangling” my “source of knowing was cut” with “no thread to the moment”.
    no threads at all, as pain in my hands meant I didn’t sew, so as Kristin added, my “threads of fear” were not “being stitched down so as not to trouble so much in the going forward..”.
    So much wisdom here, thank you for being you Grace; you are a strong woman and make me want to be stronger xox

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  30. grace Avatar

    too me, this is what the best is about blogging this way….
    to be in response TOGETHER…over even the small things. The
    exchanges here are so so good and important to me…and over
    time build as strong a relationship as can be…
    I am GLAD you are back here.
    Love,

    Like

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