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129

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today was an odd day.  i couldn't Place myself.  anywhere, really.   nothing i could put my finger on.   so i went out early to water and to check how deeply my watering goes.  the cucumbers are suffering.  is it because i am not watering deeply enough?  or is it just the sudden and then prolonged Heat?  and while there,  over in the garden of the Child Buddha,  i hope you can see it, but a single DILL plant.  how amazing.  i haven't planted dill there in two and i think, three years.  this seed waited.     What to think of That?

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and then, glancing over at the Cairn,  in this crevase…Toad.  

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and more stitching.  the Butterfly's body got put.  no need to wonder now.  Butterfly.

and tomorrow,  Buckwheat hopefully goes off to a new home.  This is the first totally independent decision i've made about the Goats.  i hope it is a good one.

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22 responses to “129”

  1. Julie Avatar
    Julie

    will you miss him?

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  2. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    will i miss him.
    i want to say YES because of how you love him.
    but no. i will never stop thinking of him. every day i will.
    but miss him…no.
    what i won’t miss most is his voice. anytime i am out there, he
    has this constant call. non stop. he Wants he Wants he Wants.
    non stop. all the others are noisey when they are hungry. but
    feed them and they spend hours quietly. not Buckwheat.
    and he is noisey because he wants things. he wants something to DO. and i can’t provide that for him. where he is going is
    larger space with browsing. this will ease his ache. and he will
    be the Only buck. this too will ease his ache.
    he will be more comfortable there.
    so…i will love him forever. and probably keep his daughter
    Starling.

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  3. Nance Avatar
    Nance

    Well for not placing yourself, today was quite the day. Toad,zinnia,dill.
    And good progress on cloth.
    Not a lot more one could ask for.
    Hoping all goes well for buckwheat’s big move. He will thank you in the end.
    xo

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  4. grace Avatar
    grace

    it’s almost dark. past dusk. and i sat on the Back porch. the
    bats are here. finally. i’ve been waiting.
    and, Julie, the other thing, at any given time there are at least
    a couple does in heat here. Buckwheat takes this seriously.
    in Las Cruces, there will be two does. Jasmine is already there.
    Tomorrow, before coming here, they pick up Marina. soon, not sure
    their schedule, but soon, he will breed with them both. and that
    means everyone gets to be peaceful. no hormones calling back and
    forth for 5 months. and then, when the kids are born, for a while
    yet. so he will be able to relax. no work to do. just be.
    here, that is difficult. so….for him, this is a good things.

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  5. grace Avatar
    grace

    yes. it’s the best for Buckwheat. his own world.

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  6. beth Avatar
    beth

    The butterfly is perfect. And love to Buckwheat in his just going. And to you as well.
    It is midnight here. A new moon. A hard day is drawing to a close. An unforeseen life changing event with a family member. All I can do is LOVE from afar and that I have been doing all day…

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  7. Michelle in NYC Avatar
    Michelle in NYC

    All good–all good. No need to place self I think, when self is in it’s right placem with it’s right plan and one each of an absolute butterfly, a frog, dill and emerging zinnia.

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  8. julie Avatar
    julie

    I am so childlike sometimes, forgetting that of course not everything in your world is idyllic! Didn’t know all that about Buckwheat, glad to hear he is getting a full time job because that is clearly what he needs.

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  9. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    loving from afar is difficult.
    i will hope for things to be as well as they can…
    love to you

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  10. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    Julie…i am still working on understanding it all too.
    with this many goats…13 mature breedable does and 4 bucks, what would be ideal is if half those does were bred and in milk at all times.
    but this is not the ideal scenario. in a certain way, this is the first time i am moving away from the ~Keeping Them
    for Jenny~ mindset and into a different one that sees no
    forseeable future and so needs to work with things day to
    day.
    Buckwheat is really my granddaughter’s goat. it was she
    that was adamant about keeping him “whole” and not neutering him because he was “such a Man”…but then, she’s in her early 20’s. she will be the one that’s
    sad. but really, he will be just what, two hours? down the Freeway. we can go see his new world if she comes here.
    love,

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  11. grace Forrest Avatar
    grace Forrest

    dearest Michelle, i have to Correct you…a
    TOAD
    frogs are amphibians that need to live in water. ponds, river, lakes.

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  12. Michelle in NYC Avatar
    Michelle in NYC

    thank you grace for that distinction…I think I knew this but it was late at night and so..in Massachusetts there are frogs in the stream and tree frogs (?) in the woods that sing.

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  13. Julie Avatar
    Julie

    so you are at last owning these goats. for you. Girls in their early 20s and their admiration for testicles…

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  14. grace Avatar
    grace

    owning our lives, through the days until she is ready to
    take them. except for the little does born here…Magic,
    Just Going, Cinderella and Mercy. and probably Starling.
    and well…that admiration lasted me through my 40’s

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  15. grace Avatar
    grace

    it’s ok. and i just have to do that. i took a vow in 3rd grade
    when i wrote and illustrated a manifesto about reptiles and
    amphibians.

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  16. Saskia Van Herwaarden Avatar
    Saskia Van Herwaarden

    ah the toad, there are sooooooooo many in our garden, whernever you brush against a plant or lift a stone or tile, a rustle a sudden movement and hey was that a toad, yes it was and he slip-jump-slides away or else, if too exposed he’ll just freeze and wait for you to leave so that he can scurry off to a hide-away once more; have I mentioned we inherited bats when we bought the house 17 years ago? well here goes, they live under the wooden batting on the east-facing upper wall of our home, our outer bedroom wall in fact and we see them flitting at dusk, feasting on the mosquitoes and assorted insects, there’s a living room window with bat shit all over I have never managed to clean because it’s in such an awkward place, the rains have kept it see-through though

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  17. Dee Avatar
    Dee

    Ha! In fourth grade I wrote a paper on snakes… cut up one of those little illustrated books and glued pictures to the pages.

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  18. Dee Avatar
    Dee

    P.S. I was very proud of myself for not being scared of them… or at least, knowing which snakes to be fearful of, perhaps that’s more accurate.

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  19. Dee Avatar
    Dee

    I think this first-sole-decision is a very BIG turning point. And, maybe I didn’t realize the extent to which your status as — what to name it? — ‘foster parent’ — was influencing your decisions. So, bravo to that.

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  20. mimmin Avatar
    mimmin

    thank you for this… it really made me laugh!

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  21. mimmin Avatar
    mimmin

    deep butterfly, toad and zinnia love xxx

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  22. grace Avatar
    grace

    Thank you, mimmin and i would give the same back to you….xoxo

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