i knew it. it's coming. actually, it's happening, has been, but it's making itself known.
i came home from work today did a few things and then lay down on the futon couch in the livingroom. on my back. lying on my back ensures that it will only be 15 – 20 minutes or so if i happen to fall asleep. which i did. and i woke with late afternoon SUN flowing around, soft Goat sounds. and i just lay there, not moving. except my eyes. which traveled the room, traveled the ceiling, into the kitchen, and then…over to the Room. and Locked on this.
it's been hanging there since we made the Room. before that it hung over the place where the morning chair is now, but then, the table was there. so…it hung over the table. before that it hung over the little table in the Airstream trailer i lived in for 5 or so years. the table is where everything happens. where food is eaten, where Work is created, letters written, company sits.
it's some kind of a large vehicle gasket. old. i found it in an arroyo in Arizona when i was living there. put it together with Things when i first moved to New Mexico…that first year. i vividly remember doing that. stringing what i strung. looking, deciding.
for a long time now, i haven't really seen it. it's so much just a part of things that it was well, kind of invisible. but today, i SAW it.
i climbed up on the chair and pulled off some greasy dust whisps, there were a couple dried dead flies stuck in the feather. it has years of i don't know what coating things. tomorrow i'll wash each small thing very Care fully.
and in looking at this, i realized that it's happening and i don't know how to describe it, the words that are true about it, but it's a kind of ummm, no…..i don't have it, so i won't try. but what it's about is every 7 ~ 10 years, there is a shift. and i move into something, some way Different. much of the "old" me remains but things are dropped, shed, like old cells of the skin are shed from the body. this is an old skin, shed by the self. i'd said something about wanting to become "plainer". i think this is it. plain. plainer. but i don't know, really. it will just slowly happen. and there's something about how i have all these little rules about how i need to be, how Stuff needs to be. these at this point in my life have been self created, self imposed. but they are going to change again. So, Solstice comes and then soon the New Year. the two points in the year that i am close to.
and i cleaned at Alz B's son's house today. company is coming so i paid close attention to the large guest room. and dusting the bookshelves, there is one space where a lot of B's stuff is. Stuff from her house, her life. Most of it is stuff that she never really liked. her adult children sorted through all of it and took the things that had meaning to her or them. her son just keeps the residue there in the corner on the shelf. and as i dusted i saw…in the same way i SAW the thing hanging from the ceiling…..i saw this little figure…just in front of Buddha…i don't know what it's made of, metal tho. with that green cast to it. i've seen this a million times before. dusted it. but suddenly today i saw that it's a
Goat
so i brought it home, for Solstice.
windthread 
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