there are many ways i could approach this post and i am too tired to think ahead so it will be interesting to see what appears here in the little white box and the letters appearing as my fingers go along the keyboard.

that laundry hanging on the line yesterday…it's where i'd gotten to when my Friend arrived.   Once we unloaded her vehicle into the refrigerater and here and there in the house there was a little over

TEN 

hours of non stop conversation.  and i mean that totally literally.  Non Stop.  She would speak, i would speak, she again, i again.  till after 1 oclock in the morning.   

What do i want to say here?  What is Of Use to say?  I didn't get to do my Calendar thing.  i had them set out.  she knew it.  and once even commented,  Oh, Your Calendar Ritual….but then the talking just went on with a life of it's own.  

And i guess really,  although there was a LOT,  i guess really it ends up being about how You Never Know.    about how things rise up in a life and you either go toward them or not.  if you go toward them you find yourself doing the best you can which what presents as it goes.   She is almost ten years older than i so, has ten more years of living, and really, these years that come after we begin to go into the long stretch are  seemingly HEAVY with purpose and meaning even tho we don't know what that Purpose and Meaning exactly is.  so…i listened and responded,  offered.   Her beloved is now dead.  she again, Begins again.  most likely for the last time.  and what it boiled down to really,  is

Just Going.     Jude…i appropriate here…..

Just Going.  Ha!

so ok.  ok then.  

IMG_7769f

tonight then.  not on the Eve, but on the Day.  because there was Just Going to be done.

 

IMG_7770f

and almost on the heels of her leaving this morning the Goat helping guy called that he had the perfect window of time to make that final Gate i envisioned, ?????

and i felt like i'd been run over by a truck but then..Why Not?  so the rest of the afternoon was the final gate.   Here in this pic you see it superimposed against the old gate,  the wooden one, which i will take off probably tomorrow after i get the hardware to secure the new cattle panel/wire fence gate that will allow the Goats to SEE.  unimpeded, and in my hopefull imagination, make that transition, that migration back and forth from Front to Back easier for them.  

so…i am about done for.  and i am going to do the last night's Calendar Work and then…Crash in my wind scented sheets.  Wake tomorrow and Just Go.

 

 

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35 responses to “306 January First, Twenty Fourteen”

  1. Valerianna Avatar

    “so the rest of the afternoon was the final gate.” Fooled me… I thought, oh, we’re done with something.. but then again, she’s up and going. Happy New Year, Grace! Thanks for going around and around with me!

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  2. Jan Avatar
    Jan

    you are a good friend, grace. happy new year.

    Like

  3. grace Avatar
    grace

    Jan…i went to add wood to the fire after i wrote this
    post and sat there a little. i am really tired. i like
    so much my own solitary space with all the things how i
    like them, mostly the silence….but
    then
    i ready your words here and they melded with what occured to me just now ….that being a friend
    that’s of Good Value.
    being there, over the years to one degree or another, sometimes even not at all, but when things become very Real, still being there. being somewhere to Go. Somewhere Familiar.
    and i feel good about it. nothing really was lost. and
    who knows?, what it actually IS?

    Like

  4. grace Avatar
    grace

    yup…up and going. up and going. up and going.
    Happy New Year to you, V Happy New Year to you too.
    I am feeling like it may surprise Us All….

    Like

  5. KAMFreeman Avatar

    sometimes, yes some time…yes it expands to hold all the words necessary for friends to share..and savor, and hold until there is another time for the friend sharing..a good start to the new year.. and a gate, so much…those beautiful, fresh air sheets, the best ever way to sleep.

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  6. grace Avatar
    grace

    those sheets. everytime. every single time.
    i am so deeply grateful for the sheets. crisp, rough
    cotton sheets, pillow cases,
    on a bed
    where i am able to lie down and not be afraid. just lie
    down. no War outside my window.
    no fear.
    for that time “being”, that “time being”, to lie down
    on those crisp clean wind dried sheets

    Like

  7. nance Avatar

    You are a fortunate person to have people call you friend.

    Like

  8. grace Avatar
    grace

    i remember a conversation i had with her in the parking lot of the grocery store. years ago.
    and she said…
    i don’t remember the details, but it was when i first knew her,
    she said
    WELL, grace. Don’t you have friends?
    and i thought
    and said
    no. i don’t. to have a friend, you need to be able to BE
    a friend. and i can’t.
    i don’t remember what was said after. but i do, distinctly remember that exchange.
    and then, over the years, i was able to BE a friend, kind of and then yes, a friend. it took time. and often, during the years i was not a Satisfactory Friend in her
    terms.
    and the beautiful and oh so soft parts of last evening, she said that now, she no longer needs Certain Things from people. that now, for whatever reason, she has let that go. people Are who and what they are. and that’s Fine with her. Just
    fine.

    Like

  9. Jan Avatar
    Jan

    it’s good to have our own ‘rituals’ and also to surrender them when that is what is needed. the tiredness must be on so many levels. to be there with your friend in her grief and life-changing time is stretching your own threads. . .your own fiber. not to mention, the stuff you had to do yourself. . .to keep your household and herd going.
    and I feel like these early days of the new year are rather elastic themselves. not fixed, like certain things for certain days, but just. . .whenever we get to them. any day can be the eve of something different. does that make sense?

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  10. Linda Avatar

    happy new year, friend.

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  11. Nancy Avatar

    Ahhh…Grace the subject of friendship, something I have valued the Most in my life, to be a good friend…to have a few select very good friends. But, also the subject that has brought me much pain, sadness, lonliness for a long list of reasons…for a long time. SO complicated this human connection is. A night like yours last night is something, is the kind of time I treasure, embrace, yern for. It’s the best when the talking is so thick with each other that there is always just one more thing to say. Now my friendships come through my fingertips.
    Happy New Year to you, my friend.

    Like

  12. Wendy Avatar
    Wendy

    Happy New Year, Grace.

    Like

  13. ² Avatar
    ²

    thats true , any day can be the eve of something ….
    a new year when does it start
    and when is it new ?
    but yes it is a other number in the counting of time in eternity
    thank you for your words
    it make threads of connections
    threads that hold and let go
    so wi so forward

    Like

  14. ² Avatar
    ²

    good day Grace
    and also good night Grace
    i call you friend from over the ocean
    the ” friend ” word means that i recognize in myself
    a little bit of you
    of corse i wish you a powerfull peacefull open eyes year
    and give you a big hug and bigger smile
    love you as myself
    and thank you for sharing your life with us
    p s it is hard for me to write in english
    and sometimes it will mis understand because i write
    the words wrong

    Like

  15. patricia Avatar

    i’m thinking about this–friends, friendships–just wondering really. what does it mean to BE a friend? what does it mean to HAVE a friend? what are the responsibilities? requirements? these questions–my own questions– seem too heady right now. too academic. i think about it and think “thinking” is the problem. isn’t it–and i’m talking to myself right now–isn’t what “2” above just mentioned–that the ” ‘friend’ word means that i recognize in myself a little bit of you…”
    so this thought is what i want to carry into the land of moving forward. i’ve always tried to recognize the “god” spark in others–and frnkly sometimes that’s been a stretch. but recognizing a little bit of ‘myself’ in others–that seems much more realistic–me with all my warts and blemishes–and yes, the good things as well–yes.
    humanity. a fine kettle of fish. who said that?

    Like

  16. Julie Avatar
    Julie

    i like her

    Like

  17. Michelle in NYC Avatar

    What an outstanding time you two had. This is the quote I chose for under the header on my ‘other’ blog (the one that’s essentially pictures”
    “Every human creature is constituted to be that profound secret and mystery to every other.” -Charles Dickens-
    That’s so, in general, I think. In the recognition of a common humanity, though, some of the mystery is sometimes shared. It’s the true magic of association, that.

    Like

  18. nadia Avatar

    In your inimitable way you have drifted into the New Year, yet you remain grounded through the goats. What you say about friendship is so gentle and touching. I finally have a friend in Tunisia…it took a long time.
    May the New Year be filled with creative and goaterly adventures!
    best, nadia

    Like

  19. beth Avatar

    I’ve been thinking a lot about the unforeseen since you’ve often talked about it. One’s whole life could pass in dealing with the unforeseen. What a great gift the giving of one’s time is. And sometimes it makes me happy to do that for someone. But I have found that what energizes many (most?) people–the being with–is very depleting for me. I have to dole it out, make it count, and I have to say “no” a lot.
    And I have to say thank you for giving me a place to come, to sit in thought and companionship. To show me what you see and think of. Because this really feeds me and connects me. You could not BE more of a friend in what you have given me. Love and happy new year.

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  20. saskia Avatar

    hi friend, happy new year!

    Like

  21. grace Avatar
    grace

    like Maria…i love that…
    “any day can be the eve of something different”
    yes…total sense because it’s true

    Like

  22. grace Avatar
    grace

    i’d like to think that i have softened too.
    that the four years has worked us well

    Like

  23. grace Avatar
    grace

    YES!, Here Here to the Creative and Goaterly!!!!!
    more best to you, Nadia….

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  24. grace Avatar
    grace

    and you, friend…

    Like

  25. grace Avatar
    grace

    it’s a HUGE thing, being a Friend
    would take a LOT to speak of it in this way,….offering
    individual thoughts, commenting, commenting on comments…
    i a very conflicted about a lot of the realities of
    Friendship.
    and back to you….wishes for Goodness

    Like

  26. grace Avatar
    grace

    WENDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    i am trying to email you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    love,

    Like

  27. grace Avatar
    grace

    Maria….this is a beautiful way to say this….!!!
    “the friend word means that i recognize in myself a little
    bit of you……”
    this is Wonderful and so exactly true….THANK YOU FOR
    THINKING IT AND THEN PUTTING IT HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    and then you say
    “love you as myself”
    yes.
    love you as myself. yes. i am very Glad for YOU.

    Like

  28. grace Avatar
    grace

    Patricia…it’s complex for me too. and yes, Maria
    who identifies as 2, Maria of Flanders, says….we
    recognize ourselves in others… this opens the door
    to Exchange.
    and i think my friend and i arrived somewhere at the
    end of all that talking….to be able to appreciate
    the Other for who they are. Enjoy them when together
    but i think there is something very HUGE too about being
    the friend of One’s Self. i think that’s just very OK.
    to be the friend of one’s self. of one’s Life one is living.
    i think mostly, i am a friend of my life. and i feel
    incredibly grateful that i can talk with Everyone in this
    Cloth world through this computer. Everyone here shares
    one of the things that is so so Loved by me…Making. No
    one in my everyday life does….
    and this is just the best for me. and fills me and feeds
    me. and is SO MUCH Enough.
    oh…it’s a very BIG thing…Friend.
    and just as i said that, i had the thought that people
    here
    are “other me’s” . How good is that. really really Good.

    Like

  29. grace Avatar
    grace

    it is
    common humanity, yes.
    but it also is how one chooses to spend one’s days, which
    really is one’s life.
    i need
    NEED
    to do certain things with my days. and those rise above
    all else

    Like

  30. grace Avatar
    grace

    i recognize myself in you….i could have written your
    5th line on. i need to cut to the chase. moments of
    a day are
    precious
    I Thank YOU for coming to sit, for offering your thoughts
    that tell me, reassure me, that i am going in the
    Good direction. I THANK YOU for this.
    Big Love and here’s to Just Going ever onward….

    Like

  31. grace Avatar
    grace

    Hey, you friend…..
    Here’s to IT….

    Like

  32. grace Avatar
    grace

    sitting…late…watching the fire
    Thinking.
    maybe it’s what FEEDS us. Each of us are FED by different things, according to our…uhhhh, history.?????
    according to something.
    what feeds me is Making and Earth.
    so…if it’s what feeds me, allows me Life, then that is what i will go toward, always,….wanting to live.
    i do not go toward ummmm going out to lunch. i do not
    go toward attending group events. i do not go toward
    intellectual conversation.
    NOT to say that someone else shouldn’t.
    but maybe the question for me at the bottom of this is
    WHAT FEEDS ME?…WHAT energizes me to live Fully? whatever that means…live Fully?
    it’s so COMPLEX….but i love that you talk to me, Beth…

    Like

  33. vicky aka stichr Avatar

    My daughter looked at the calendar still on the wall, then gave me The Look. Today is what? and I still haven’t changed calendars??? But the spare room got PURGED of crap yeaterday, er…yesterday…so does that redeem me in any way? Oh and thanks bunches for the bday wishes, it was a nice mostly quiet day!

    Like

  34. yvette Avatar

    tears, this is so me……..
    do you have friends
    a lot
    as years go by
    am i a friend?
    i’m empty
    hollow
    where are my friends?
    just one or two remained
    am i a friend
    she who fills my emptiness says
    yvette you are such a good all giving friend
    recieve
    at last

    Like

  35. grace Avatar
    grace

    yvette…you are my Friend. you are my Friend more than
    anyone in my own life here in this day to day. isn’t that
    STRANGE? but i know that if i were to write to you of
    something Hard on My Heart, you would respond. you would
    respond in a way that would help me.
    i hope this is true of me, to you.
    that i can speak when asked. that i can say that even
    tho we are FAR away
    that i have come to know your Heart and i have come to know
    that if i needed comfort, i could call on you…YVETTE!!!
    i need comfort!!!!!!
    and you would come..immediately. i know you would. and even though it’s this way……little black marks on a screen, it would be comfort.
    so…YES.
    WE ARE FRIENDS. TO ME, YES. WE ARE VERY MUCH FRIENDS.
    YOU MATTER TO ME. A
    LOT

    Like

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