i began the day listening to a link that Michelle sent me. let's see what happens when i put all the stuff here for it….: http://youtu.be/e6Mn8 TBm6cc nope. didn't light up. oh well. it's Ram Das Death is Not an Outrage. maybe Michelle will put the little blue link here???? in case anyone is interested.
so began there. Planning to sew all day but soon finding that i'd hurt my thumb yesterday with all the stuff about getting Goats moved and the Way Back gate open enough to let the truck in. Thumb knuckle swollen and sore. Arnica. and since i couldn't sew i thought i might as well do one of my 2 Alz B days for the week, since i didn't go yesterday. and i thought about the Ram Das words as i drove there. about being Empty of Who I Am and it was….. , well, it was. Alz B was gaging up a lot of phlem and the CNA and i changed her shirt and bagged up the icky blanket and stuffed frog and changed her pants (diaper) emptied her Foley bag and tucked her in for a (hopefully) nap. it was inordinately busy in the halls…lots of people wanting/needing things and not enough staff to respond immediately and there was a Do Not Resuscitate going on halfway down B's hall and everytime i turned around there was Virginia, who i'd thought was only in her maybe late 30's, but she's older, there she was…wanting to hug. many times. Huging Virginia is, is ….what? Huging Virginia is so very well…excellent. she's in a wheelchair which she skoots around in on her own, so you lean down and her arms slowly open wide wide and wide and then just as slowly close in around you. Firm. but so Softly. and it stays like this, for long seconds. and then she releases and her arms go back out like wings and she looks into your face with such love. such benevolence in her eyes and smile. we aren't supposed to know anything about anyother of the residents than "ours", but i know that Virginia has some kind of problem with her brain, with blood clots and that they had to do brain surgery…her head was shaved…and that before all that she was Bi Polar all her life. but slowly we have become friends enough to Give/Receive hugs, those slow motion hugs of such soft soft intensity. and then there was Johnny who wanted to tell ALL the details of his catarac surgery…and he was ecstatic with is new Vision and wanted to talk about it. and then the grocery store was full to the Brim of social interaction as it sometimes is. won't go into that. so…that was THAT movie
and then home. where i just SAT outside the rest of the day. sat. i realized that it has been so so long since i have sat. and i tried to get Empty. Tried to release all the thoughts that were floating through and just Follow the Breath. i sat in different places. on rocks, on wood and then finally on the porch steps, following the path of Sun as it moved across the sky to the Rim. sometimes i was able to be just Empty. and when i wasn't, i just Listened to the Goats. Listened to how they spend their afternoon. now and then i would look over and always one or more of them were watching me.
What would it be like if they were gone?
windthread 
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