early this morning i remembered that i'd put a wool sweater i'd been given into the stinky walnut vat outside.  days ago.  the sweater is 100% wool.   it was also chartreuse.  probably the only color that makes me cringe.  but a very good wool cardigan.  

 

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dripping excess back into the vat

 

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this afternoon.  almost dry.  had to take it from this direction because of  Sun in West.

 

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East to West, into late afternoon Sun

 

Jude's doodle Wednesday seems to have seeded here.   i think this is the second Wednesday in a row that i've drawn something in the morning?  but not as a doodle, but to clarify a thought.

 

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distilled.   part of a substance evaporating,  a more concentrated substance remaining.

3 times in the last month or so,  i was thought to be very ill,  depressed, or even dead.   the very ill or even dead were local wonderings,  the depressed came from over a thousand miles away in my Old life.    this caused some wondering on my part.  

Patricia commented yesterday about  "putting language to things" and when i read that it connected with something that has been on my mind for a while.   How i don't even make any great effort at language anymore.   Here,  which is now the only place i write,  i find self saying what i want to say with the most plain and few words possible.   For someone who always had wanted to be a Writer,  this has been a change.   but it has just occured.  nothing deliberate.   which then takes me to other thoughts.  When i began reading Preparing to Die  i was expecting to find so much that would cause me to question myself as i often have, about WHY i don't go forward with my Buddhism.   For a long time i have known that i need direct Teachings.   i need a Teacher.   but once again…my life, specifically, the Goats now,  have kept me from going toward that.  So, i'd expected to have those same feelings again.  But to my great surprise,  i am finding that i  HAVE been Practicing.  i HAVE gone forward,  a lot.  Things that i only understood intellectually before have become just part of How it Is for me now.  and this is a great great happiness.  Distilled, maybe.   parts of self just Evaporating.   no direct effort.   just the simple process of evaporation.   and the little picture above…well…it's true,  it's not much.   just those things are my life.  i don't go much outside them.  and maybe i'm seeming to go more Toward them.  Toward only That Much.  it's pretty small,  i'd have to agree.   

 

 

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39 responses to “distilled?”

  1. jude Avatar

    it’s a kind of undoing in order to be more directly doing. i think. nice green

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  2. Michelle in NYC Avatar

    Ho this is so just right for me tonight too. Everything is practice once the spark’s been lit. Sometimes we forget the light, or it gets temporarily obliterated by some foreground disturbance. But, just because the moon, for example, is hidden sometimes, it doesn’t mean it’s not there, still holding the light of the sun and reflecting it back.
    It’s not small or large, I think, it’s just what it is.
    I’m so glad to know you, to have you here bow and then talking plain and true and listening too.

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  3. Michelle in NYC Avatar

    now and then—maybe with a bow 🙂

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  4. grace Avatar

    not sure about the green, but FOR SURE better than chartreuse.
    i don’t know. it’s a focusing because of a kind of NEED. i don’t
    know if i’d ever have done it without the Goats

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  5. grace Avatar

    as i am so glad to know You…and Everyone else who comes
    here. it allows me to wander in all of this that has
    become my life with Freedom, really, and Freedom with
    the Company of Others. This is a great great thing.

    Like

  6. Deb G Avatar

    Funnily enough, I love chartreuse. 🙂 I think of it as spring shouting, “here I am!” This is a wonderful post Grace. Distilled is a great word.

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  7. KAMFreeman Avatar

    Grace….the new green is lovely to me…much like how I see the pine trees here. Your writing is always just right for me…I appreciate the flow of thought and process, the growing, flowing, changing, bending….beingness of how your life sits on the page in words and pictures…and I find myself flying through the universe to New Mexico to feel the wind, to see the gardens and the aliveness of the space outside and inside…and how the goats have become a piece of the fabric that is that place you share with us out here in the cyber world. Much appreciation for all you give… and for you as friend….ever filled with love for our friendship/ Many gifts come with windthread….Kristin

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  8. Dana Avatar

    I like chartreuse in other things, but wearing it is not an option…it makes me look ghastly. Your new green is gorgeous, I think. What an inspiration to put the lovely sweater in the walnut pot.
    I am surprised that you were unhappy with your Buddhist practice. I’ve always thought your writing here has exuded the true Buddhist spirit of being in the now, accepting what is and Just Going. I have always found it centering to read what you write. Thank you.

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  9. nadia Avatar

    Lovely post, Grace–to begin with a wild chartreuse and end with a philosophical consideration on focusing and quietness…and all the rest. You have your goats as teachers, I have my bees…I like your idea of evaporation…and the distilled green is beautiful.
    best, nadia

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  10. patricia Avatar

    i’m speech less.

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  11. beth Avatar

    I’ve been feeling this with distillation too. I admire the way Jude can go straight to the heart of something with just a few words.
    (Re: frogs. Waiting for a warm-ish night.)

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  12. ² Avatar
    ²

    i am still
    no words or toughts to add
    just thanks
    p s i’m enjoy the warmer wind
    and all the growing things
    and keep my had on for the sun

    Like

  13. Saskia Van Herwaarden Avatar

    we don’t really need a lot of anything, words, people, things…..
    just enough

    Like

  14. dee Avatar

    gorgeous green. The goats are not an impediment to going forward with the teachings, it seems to me — they ARE your teachers.

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  15. donna wilkinson Avatar
    donna wilkinson

    Like the (new)sweater, the color is beautiful. Where did you get the walnuts in the hull. How old about is the apricot tree, can you dye with apricot Pits. is it soon to blossom? New Mexico seems to me a far away place. I appreciate your working with the goats. have a beautiful day.

    Like

  16. jennann Avatar
    jennann

    “part of How it Is for me now” That’s all there is…you have your teachers (cloth, goats, Alz B)…no formal teacher needed.

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  17. Mo Crow Avatar

    (((Grace)))your posts are beacons of light shining out from your raft in the desert

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  18. ² Avatar
    ²

    i see them glow

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  19. grace Avatar

    you loving chartreuse makes it a much better color for me
    already. it’s soaking. we’ll see.

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  20. grace Avatar

    Friendship. it’s a beautiful word and a beautiful thing,
    isn’t it.

    Like

  21. grace Avatar

    being Present yes. and it’s not unhappiness, it’s just
    that i know i have so much further to go. it’s Attachment.
    i have an Enormous Attachment/Love for this Planet. i need
    to learn more skillful means in that regard.

    Like

  22. grace Avatar

    goats and bees….how lucky we are, Nadia…
    and yes. you and Deb G. the wild chartreuse…
    thank you for stopping by…love…

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  23. grace Avatar

    we wait for them.
    it’s an interesting thing…distilling, yes?

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  24. grace Avatar

    ooo, warmer wind for you….this is good to hear.
    i’m glad you are still. remember, just looking at the
    pics is more than ok….
    Love to you, Maria….

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  25. grace Avatar

    i have come to need not much. it’s a Good Place.

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  26. grace Avatar

    only in that they limit me going to where i can be with
    a Buddhist Community, connect with a Teacher there.
    sooner or later, it’s just a given.

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  27. grace Avatar

    oh…hello, donna again…..the walnuts are from a tree in
    town. the only one that i know of. i watch for them to
    fall and gather them up. i planted that apricot tree.
    she will be 19 years old this year. was just a twig.
    and no…i don’t think the pits give color. She blossomed
    a couple weeks ago and now we’ll see. out of those l8
    years i think there were 5 that produced a lot of fruit.
    Usually a frost, but more likely, WIND takes the blossoms.
    But it occured to me this time, while looking at the blossoms that maybe it’s enough that Apricots blossom so early. almost always they are the Only blossoms and the bees who have awakened are blessed by this. So, maybe they are really just really for the bees? which would be good enough.
    i love
    living with the Goats. and it keeps deepening.
    a Good Equinox to you…. thank you for coming again…

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  28. grace Avatar

    i think at some point i will need to. i have questions.
    but for now, they Ready me.
    love to you…

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  29. grace Avatar

    that Raft….

    Like

  30. Deb G Avatar

    To be fair, chartreuse can be a difficult color, a bit of a trouble maker. I wore my chartreuse sweater today. It’s a good color for me. 🙂 I like the green your sweater is becoming too.

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  31. grace Avatar

    i just thought…i had a chameleon for a long time. his name was Charles. he was, in his relaxed state, Chartreuse. and then, he changed to so many things…one of which is this
    Leaf color. i did, DID love him so much. my father made
    a fly cage out of straight pins with a circle of a cut cork for the bottom and top. he would catch flies in restraraunt
    (sp) windows and put them in there…bring them home for
    Charles. i should draw a pic of the fly cage…OR…
    actually, it’s around here somewhere. maybe i can find it.
    it’s good enough for me that you like it and it’s a good
    color for you…you are a little of a redhead, i think???
    Chestnut????

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  32. Deb G Avatar

    That is awesome that your father made a fly cage! 🙂 Well, yes I lean towards chestnut depending on the light. And a very pink skin tone.

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  33. grace Avatar

    you probably Blush easily?

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  34. Deb G Avatar

    It’s ridiculous how easy I blush. People think I am embarrassed when I am not, well not as much as they think anyway. My mom knows when I am tired because my face gets flushed.

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  35. grace Avatar

    then i am Right! today, at Music Thursday at the Old Folks
    home, (i had to go because Alz B’s son couldn’t) Shirley,
    who plays the Mandolin’s granddaughter was a part of the
    Music Makers. she was visiting for her spring break. she
    SINGS. oh, does she Sing. she’s maybe 20 if anything.
    and they had a THIRD banjo player, a young man who is housesitting for someone at the college and so the WHOLE
    EVENT was ENERGISED with the new and the young and quite
    suddenly in the middle of a Train song, the young woman
    SPRUNG out and
    DANCED!!!!!
    RIGHT THERE…SHE SPRANG OUT AND DANCED that kind of Celtic
    clogging or whatever it is and it was totally
    MAGNIFICANT and everyone was just WideEyed and as she
    sprang back, she BLUSHED the most elegant Blush and it was
    great, because i thought she is like you. i thought this
    is how Deb G is. it was very very WONDER full. i can’t
    even tell you. and the blushing was almost the best part

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  36. Deb G Avatar

    Guess what I am doing…. 🙂 Thank you for sharing this. That really makes my day, to be thought of that way. The word that comes to mind for me is joy.

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  37. grace Avatar

    yup. Joy. all the way around. the Circle is wide.

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