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a totally I DON’T KNOW day

no pics.  pretty much no nothing.  i have been stunned.  dumbstruck.  all day.  thoughts going around in useless circles.

this morning at 7 something a.m. my neighbor across the road called to tell me that she cannot  stand the Goats.  that the smell of them is in her food.  that she cannot eat.  is nauseated.  i went over there and she just repeated herself, saying she can't help it.  they are making her sick.  i was as i said, dumbstruck.  just a few days ago she called to borrow something and we stood and talked at her fence and she was laughing about how she liked the sounds they make.   In the two years they've been here she has never had anything adverse to say.

i can think of some reasons for this.  but really,  nothing matters except she is saying they make her sick.   i don't know what to think.  i don't know what to feel.   i don't know what to do.

i moved them back into the Front pens,  the ones that are on either side of the Albatros with the corridor behind it that connects them.  The Way Back is Empty.  WIND is blowing blowing HARD again and still.   I just feel uhhh,  Blank.

 

 

 

 

 

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60 responses to “a totally I DON’T KNOW day”

  1. jennann Avatar
    jennann

    I am breathing and thinking of you.

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  2. Dana Avatar
    Dana

    Oh golly. Something else must be going on.

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  3. grace Avatar
    grace

    don’t stop.

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  4. grace Avatar
    grace

    yes. but still the fact remains that her reality is her reality.

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  5. dedri Avatar
    dedri

    Dear Dear Grace – Your neighbor is an idiot. She is obviously upset by things she cannot control and so she has lashed out at you. Knowing it has nothing to do with you doesn’t help. The goats are your family. By attacking the goats she is attacking the things you hold most dear in the world. Maybe she will come around and maybe she won’t but you should do exactly as you have always done and not let someone else vote on your life. This is New Mexico after all (I live just south of you in Las Cruces) goats are a way of life. We are usually a people of live and let live – maybe your neighbor should go live somewhere else? Hang in there!

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  6. grace Avatar
    grace

    OH SO TOTALLY AND ABSOLUTELY BLESS YOUR HEART!!!!!
    O O O O O, BLESS YOUR HEART!
    THANK YOU BEYOND THANK YOU for saying this. oh….
    it might not make a difference in how this all plays out
    but THANK YOU SO MUCH IN THIS VERY MOMENT WHEN THE WIND
    IS STILL PLAYING OUTSIDE AND I AM LOST IN NOT KNOWING.
    the above X a million!
    and yes. she IS i am sure upset about nothing to do with
    Goats. it is a convenience. she gets “sick” when she
    needs to. she is now “sick”. and it’s not her fault…
    it’s the fault of the GOATS.
    and YES….you KNOW!!!!!…oh, you KNOW!
    Live and let Live….our state motto….OH! JEEZ!
    ok. yes and ok. i am hanging in.
    Really, dedri, thank you so much for this InFusion. really.
    Love,

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  7. deb Avatar
    deb

    friendly enough to come borrowing and to like the sounds and days later sickened by it all?
    ….schizophrenia….
    ignore her but watch your back.

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  8. grace Avatar
    grace

    i can’t ignore her. she is my only real neighbor. we
    have History together. long. long.
    whatever this is to her/for her
    it’s NOT about the GOATS and NOT about me, either.
    it’s Easter Week. stuff gets crazy in New Mexico on
    Easter Week. all that blood dripping from the cross.
    i am going to tie it down., close. wait. see what
    comes.
    and if and when it dissolves into the Rim of a day.,
    i am going to make it clear to her that she Cut me.
    Cut me with a low low blow. i will be sure she knows
    that.
    in the meantime…i can be ferocious.

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  9. Deb G Avatar
    Deb G

    Big hug for you Grace. You’ll have the right words when you need them, I have faith in that.

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  10. grace Avatar
    grace

    yes. i do.
    and if i need them this week, well, yes. i have them.
    the Maniac’s friends, they would say…she’s scarey.
    and it was nothing more than my Standing for What I Know.
    my Mouth.
    my Mouth, yes. words. yes.
    Standing. yes. Standing for what you Know.

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  11. Judith of N. CA Avatar
    Judith of N. CA

    Of all the thoughts one might have to say about the neighbor, I personally am going to blame it on the Blood Moon…what the hell..who knows what’s going on in her mind. But it’s your mind that we want to reassure…remember your love of them, on your property..their faith in you, on your property…and all the folks who send you love, on your blog.

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  12. suzanna Avatar
    suzanna

    Yes, sending you love, Grace. Sometimes people say things and they don’t even know they are saying them, but it is so hard to ignore, once the words have come out. The wind will blow them away, eventually. Meanwhile, more love and ferocity. More love to you. xoxo,s.

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  13. Mo Crow Avatar
    Mo Crow

    (((Grace))) “soul on deck and shine” * stronger than ever from your raft in the desert
    * from Clarissa Pinkola Estés – “Letter to a Young Activist during Troubled Times

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  14. Michelle in NYC Avatar
    Michelle in NYC

    Golly–what a threat–unspoken but a threat none the less–I remember this sort of thing with dogs when I had em. It cuts deep.
    However, since they were okay for two years, this is some sort of NEW problem–maybe the moon, personal problems, allergies for the spring budding, but surely something way out of the ordinary. Maybe someone cut her. Maybe someone wants the land. Maybe she’s jealous of your relationship with them. I’m all over with thoughts In any case, it’s something you hardly need worry too much about, but keep thinking about the why of it, and keep an eye on any developments…and I wouldn’t threaten a person who feels they have to threaten. It’s counter productive. I only get tough if I’m backed into a corner on a critical issue for my life–then it’s not a threat but a legal defense. We are all on your side, love you and I’m sure youknow the right guidance will appear.

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  15. ² Avatar
    ²

    grace how was your emotion in the talking and listening at your neighbor when she called to borrow something ?
    maybe she can’t go on with it , your goodfeeling and the goats , is it possible that you showed her as a mirror … her inner pain ….
    no.. no …an other can’t make her/you/me sick
    that’s we always we doïng by our selfs … even we/she can help it … it takes his own time to heal
    so don’t make sick yourself …
    i know it is hard to you as a person
    persons give each other lessons bud to heal that ‘s only the heart and souls work
    and so overflowing love embrase the smell in the wind and clear it up
    feel the connection of the youmeus
    greeting you

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  16. yvette Avatar
    yvette

    my first thougt was ….i fly to you and pinch het on the nose……..i can grrrrr mean
    second thought was
    as i learned from pema chodron…..mirror love to her
    try not to feel grrrrrrr bur sent love
    if you want me to pinch her behind if she hurts the goats
    i’ll be there

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  17. Julie Avatar
    Julie

    glad to see your ferociousness will protect you. Still, the deepest cut is probably to your peace in the neighborhood, in your home. Now, your reality and her reality no longer are in peaceful coexistence. And that is yucky and requires a rebalance, at least it did for me. If anyone is up to it,its you, Still…its yucky.

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  18. Cynthia Avatar
    Cynthia

    …they are almost visible..these threads of love and support being sent to you..coming through the air..over such huge distances..of full of love and support ..they make me smile..from the love to the wise words of caution and balance to the pinches…
    it is interesting to see how many of us can identify with this…sad but true…but somehow let that give even more strength to the balance that you seek…and that it helps you simply continue to Be
    be prepared but do not let the building of those defenses wall you in…you do not know exactly where she is coming from…but there is so much good and strong in where YOU are…look back on your own words of this week..stamp your feet..maybe a nice yell or two instead of the songs of the house with the iris…and look forward to kids coming…the very worst is when the hurtful words burrow in..and then just try to let it loosen..come here often and know how much love is surrounding you..breathe it in deeply ..and may you go fierce warrior wrapped within gentle self into this day and enjoy the goodness
    oh …and i am looking at my meadow totally covered with snow all over again as i write this to you..so not really wanted but so beautiful…go look at those beautiful salt cedar blossoms..touch your goats..and if there is sun..oh bask in it ..gentle day grace

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  19. Marti Avatar
    Marti

    Reading all of these words, comfort, commiseration, love, caring- a resounding YES to all of it.
    Me, when a friend is hurt, my bruja tendencies rise to the surface and I’m a believer in throwing things out to the cosmos. To that end, when I spoke with grace last night, I asked if I should make a voodoo doll, NO, not an evil doll, but a doll of dissolving…
    A final cloth had been soaking in my dye soup, the one that she put on her blog. I had added iron bits because I was in the mood for a dark cloth. The cloth was bundled with strips of grapevine bark that had been dipped in walnut,(walnut dye from walnuts that grace brought me last autumn so there was that immediate connection to her and this cloth.) The bark became my paint brush, the cloth wrapped with more strands of grapevine tendril bark. It is customary when making such a doll to use pins and I did. What was pinned were 4 strips of paper with the words: “narrow mindedness, mean-spirited, unkind, small in spirit.”
    The doll was placed on the floor, candles were lit around it and a blessing to dissolve all of those words, sent out into the air…This morning the “doll” will be unwrapped, the spattered cloth will be hung on the clothes line and the blessing to bring back kindness and understanding will sway in the wind. It may or may not work but my sense is that throwing out positives to dissolve negatives can’t hurt…

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  20. Cynthia Avatar
    Cynthia

    ..i love that you have done this

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  21. donna wilkinson Avatar
    donna wilkinson

    My friend has had goats for years and they dont ususally smell bad ! Dogs can really smell!
    Pigs too,
    chickens maybe,
    are you zoned agricultural?
    Might be the moon, do nothing for a time. I am wording for you. donna

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  22. Carol Price Avatar
    Carol Price

    My first response was that this neighbor has got to be bi-polar and then I read what you wrote Marti and …yes, you are right…throw it out to the cosmos. I love that you performed this positive ritual. Grace-I really think it has nothing to do with you and the goats. That woman has something else going on. Sending you positive, loving vibes.

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  23. beth Avatar
    beth

    Dear Grace. Ah neighbors… You have listened. You have made an effort by moving the goats. The winds will eventually calm down. You now know and can plan how to stand your ground if the need arises. Sending love into the mix for all.

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  24. lindamorris Avatar
    lindamorris

    dear grace. this brings back a memory from years ago, myself, husband, a friend and fellow kndrgrtn teacher and her husband were at a pizza restaurant in small agricltre community outside vancouver. a man came up to us and yelled how we all stank of goats and were disgusting .it was awful and we were shocked we couldnt smell a thing, neither could our waiter. however the other husband in our party, had taken his female goat that aft to be meet up with a mister goat for breeding,he had had a shower after that but i guess some people must be very sensitive to that scent ? i tell this tale for what it is worth, but i do think your neighbour is being rather a jerk for some other reason and i send you my love and empathy and support for a positive solution.

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  25. Mary Reilly Avatar
    Mary Reilly

    Farms stink, Billie goats worse than most. So what? I assume you’re zoned for farm use. I feel for your neighbor but the reality is if you live in an agriculture zone it’s going to smell some times and spring is the worse. When I was a kid our neighbors (a mile cross lots) billy was awful. The good news is it doesn’t last long. Take her some of those chili relanoes, take her mind off the goats.

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  26. Mary Reilly Avatar
    Mary Reilly

    That same man probably thinks food comes from a grocery store!

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  27. Mary Avatar
    Mary

    Remembering Noelie Lemire Houle and her story told by Jane Bregoli in The Goat Lady.

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  28. Coppercreekers Avatar
    Coppercreekers

    i agree with you. same things were going through my mind. usually when someone strikes out it’s usually due to fear, jealousy or just wanting to hurt someone so they can feel better, or powerful.

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  29. Coppercreekers Avatar
    Coppercreekers

    grace, it’s not you and your goats. if that was the case why did it come up this year and not before?
    could be that she has something bearing on her. it’s no excuse to strike out at someone else but it could be a cry out for help. she may have regretted it as soon as she spoke but couldn’t back up.
    OR!!!
    SHE COULD JUST BE IN A B*TCHY MOOD AND NOT CARE THAT SHE HURT YOU JUST FOR A POWER TRIP FOR HERSELF.
    this pi**ed me off … that doesn’t help your hurt or your problem.
    (((HUGS))) sending you thoughts of Peace and Blessings… and to her also.

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  30. Judith of N. CA Avatar
    Judith of N. CA

    Rock on, Marti !!!!

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  31. KAMFreeman Avatar
    KAMFreeman

    Grace…so many wonderful words, thoughts shared here…Marti’s ceremony was felt through me as I read…keeping all positive energy thoughts flowing forth as I see you there, wind blowing, spring pushing forth life in your trees, bushes and from the seeds planted in the earth…all so beautifully wrapping around your land as your life is fully expressed in love … and your goats are a reflection of your love, nothing more, nothing less…love, yes it is all a bout love….and love for this woman who has expressed some of her own personal pain in, perhaps, the only way she know …to give the source of paint to another…
    Thank you for sending out your voice so that your community of heart across the globe can all hold you, your land, your goats and, yes, your neighbor in the light of all that is good….Namaste my dear friend

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  32. deb Avatar
    deb

    Good for you.

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  33. Martine Avatar
    Martine

    Moon was difficult these last days, so maybe your neighbor has problems with that. And she put it on you because the moon doesnt care.
    Please waith a few days as i guess things will take care of themselves.
    Sending loads of love and strengt to you and your goats Grace………..XXXm

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  34. jude Avatar
    jude

    i have neighbors like this . and it is only dandelions.
    does she live alone. it probably goes deeper.

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  35. grace Avatar
    grace

    Everything goes deeper. deep. yes. she lives alone. she is maybe 10, more, years younger than i am. has two living children of 5. this time of Easter, the holiday of Guilt,
    is also the anniversary of her favorite son’s death of
    murder in a sentencing to a Rehab Center. she called me
    over a while ago because she had found the crude and simple cross his father had made for his grave, that she threw far into the back of the property there because his father, the father of all her children is “evil”. she found it. and
    didn’t know what to do.
    this could be the person in the White Truck.
    and she is a Bright being, with great fierceness of living but who has chosen to spend her life smoking weed and watching TV. it’s what she does. no car. no running water for on to maybe well over 10 years. she has illnesses that she tends to. cares for. stomach stuff. intestinal stuff. she has panic attacks. she is sometimes so FULL beyond human fullness of fear and grief.
    and she is also funny and fine and loves to be taken to the casino all night by a friend. She is Her. and i have known her since she moved in there. slow but sure we came to know each other. she was Witness to the Maniac. a quiet Witness because his Ways were so common to her…nothing new, but she understood they were not common to me and that is also our History. She’s no small thing to me. She’s Her. but then too, I am Me. it’s going to be tricky.

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  36. grace Avatar
    grace

    yes. it could be so much that…all the hype she see’s on
    TV…blood moon. blood moon of Easter Week, the holiday
    of blood.
    and yes too. i am holding strong with Love.

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  37. grace Avatar
    grace

    Suzanna…you could be here. yes? your beautiful soft
    gaze could only help….

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  38. jude Avatar
    jude

    Its all in the story. She is using the goats.

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  39. grace Avatar
    grace

    yes. the Raft.
    the Raft is for Just Going

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  40. grace Avatar
    grace

    well…the Goats are a critical issue for my life.
    how to work it. go slow. softly. slow and soft.

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  41. grace Avatar
    grace

    i’m not sure. maybe just the Closest Something. i think
    that might be it….????
    i really don’t know
    and that’s why it came with such intense and stunning
    Surprise

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  42. grace Avatar
    grace

    Maria…you are Right. “to heal that’s only the heart and
    souls work”
    maybe no understanding will come. maybe just to find
    some way to Go.
    i love so much how you are so SURE. are you?

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  43. grace Avatar
    grace

    if i would call anyone, i would call you.
    i might pinch her. we’ll see.
    but she would know better than to hurt the Goats. i think.

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  44. grace Avatar
    grace

    yes. this is the thing. and to come from HER…i would
    have never imagined!!!!!
    …so what to think??????????????
    and again…how it is like the Whole of the World now,,,,
    Craziness ruling
    i am hoping beyond hope that we can go back to the Live
    and Let Live as Dedri reminded me. this is my best and
    strongest hope.

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  45. grace Avatar
    grace

    your words wrap me in Goodness. so much. just so much.
    and you speak this well…the hateful words burrowing in.
    no. keep it loose. flick them away. say no to them.
    oh…begone, snow, from Cynthia’s world…GO!, begone.
    Give her SPRING….

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  46. grace Avatar
    grace

    i SMILE. YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    cloth is Strong.
    Cloth Rules!
    YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    and i printed out the pic of the released cloth in the wind and push pinned it to the fence just across from her house.
    it’s been there all day….fluttering in a kinder Wind
    you did just the most beauty FULL thing…so Great…yes….

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  47. grace Avatar
    grace

    Carol…we all are bipolar…we all rock and roll with
    hard things. but we all need to Just Go, too. that’s the
    trick. just going. find a way. oh Sigh……….

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  48. grace Avatar
    grace

    there is well, just no zoning here. it’s rural New
    Mexico. we don’t have zoning. just the Law of the Land.
    thank you…i count on you from Florida

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  49. grace Avatar
    grace

    love into the Mix. yes. this is what it needs.

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  50. grace Avatar
    grace

    Yikes….a VIVID image…
    and, really, also very REAL to the one who was so disgusted.
    that’s the thing. what is REAL to one may be nothing at
    all to another….how to work it, then….
    xoxo

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  51. grace Avatar
    grace

    well…thing is, these Goats are not on a six month cycle.
    they come into heat monthly. like women.
    but it’s not the bucks. it’s the DOE Goats she is having
    this about. and they DON’T SMELL. they just DON’t.
    period. they DON’t.
    and Mary, have you forgotten? zoned. who zones Polvadera?

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  52. grace Avatar
    grace

    Yes. she was here. with me. all day. i came and sat.

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  53. grace Avatar
    grace

    love all these possibilities….you made me SMILE…and
    i needed that. who knows. it is. we will see. and no.
    i’m sure it’s not me. i am sure it’s not the Goats.
    but how can we work it is the Big Question.
    Thank you for the SMILE….Thank you a LOT, Love,

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  54. grace Avatar
    grace

    YES and that’s what drives me NUTS about these kinds
    of Comotion. So Unnecessary. so DUMB. but they rise
    up like HUGE in any moment.
    STOP!, I WANT TO SAY. but…it can’t be heard. so…
    we back off and wait, listen,

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  55. grace Avatar
    grace

    scapegoat

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  56. ² Avatar
    ²

    about wath i feel
    yes i am

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  57. Coppercreekers Avatar
    Coppercreekers

    great! so many times i visit and come away with such wonderful feelings. i’m happy that something i said gave you a SMILE. now i have a big SMILE on my face.
    LOVE and SMILES
    someone else mentioned the method that the mustang woman used. i think that might could help in this instance, also.
    it is.

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  58. jan millington Avatar
    jan millington

    This sounds a shock, and baffling. Coming out of nowhere it seems? But hang on in there Grace; stand your ground. Yes, the goats are your family. You’ll defend and protect. And your online community are here for you. XXXX

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  59. jan millington Avatar
    jan millington

    This sounds a shock, and baffling. Coming out of nowhere it seems? But hang on in there Grace; stand your ground. Yes, the goats are your family. You’ll defend and protect. And your online community are here for you. XXXX

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  60. grace Avatar
    grace

    Tomorrow will be a week since she said her words. There
    has been no communication since. none.
    and i feel it. i feel that GAP . and i am trying to understand HOW to defend and protect while also Hearing her.
    Hearing whatever it is that she is trying to express.
    i am no more ahead today than a week ago. i am at a total
    loss. I wait. wait for SOMETHING. Wait. i sit still.
    waiting.

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