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9:01 a.m.

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when i got up the temperature  thingy that Nurse Cindy gave me said 8 degrees OutSide and 44 In.

in 2 and a half hours and burning all the wood left InSide the house,  we have progressed to 15 degrees Out with SUN coming strong and 61 InSide.  I have paced back and forth.  The torn pics are doing their work.   

When my kids were young,  Frida was my heroine.  So this would probably be very telling about the Mother i was for them.   I know i also wounded them.  Not at all in the same way as my own mother,  but i am sure i did, if you were to ask them,  if they were able to articulate experience as Wound.  But i also very fiercely and exhuberantly loved them.  They could also say this.   But i was a little Wild.  Maybe a lot…, not really sure,  but some degree of Wild.   I remember my daughter staring at me with accusing eyes and my saying to her  "Wolves bite their pups".  

So am beginning this day looking at Colors and Shapes and Frida Kahlo.  Coming to terms.  and wanting to finish those windows because i feel a Cloth coming on.

 

 

 

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22 responses to “9:01 a.m.”

  1. Mo Crow Avatar
    Mo Crow

    I love that image of Frida, one of my favourite books is “A Love Letter From A Stray Moon” a poetic flight about Frida and flying by Jay Griffiths, from page 84-
    “There is a myth that all things wasted or lost on earth are treasured on the moon, which is why all the lost boys end up on the moon. The moon is always what might have been, and I do treasure what is lost, … . I will record it all, ‘re-cordis’, from ‘heart’ in Latin; it will pass through my heart again and again and again.
    …
    I will be the story teller of all that happened on earth …”
    and a little further along on page 91-
    “This is a strangely mythic age. Scientists speak of a law to conserve energy, but I think there is a law of the conservation of meaning.”
    and on page 106
    … “All those I have loved the most have had a quality of flight.”
    Aaaark! Aaaaaaarrrrrkkkkk! Aaaaaarrrrrrrkkkkkkkkk!

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  2. grace Avatar
    grace

    “a quality of flight”
    this would be all of Us…our souls fly in at birth
    and leave in flight in death
    flyers.
    Aaark!

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  3. Yvette Avatar
    Yvette

    moonflight…..

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  4. Saskia Van Herwaarden Avatar
    Saskia Van Herwaarden

    she was mine too at the same period in my life, will have to ask them about their wounds, although I’m guessing they’re too close to home (ha) to be able to answer truthfully, to be continued……

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  5. Saskia Van Herwaarden Avatar
    Saskia Van Herwaarden

    oh, and I had to google-convert from fahrenheit to celsius to get a feel for the temperatures you ‘re having to deal with, it IS cold out there! I do hope you are doing okay

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  6. jude Avatar
    jude

    i don’t have any heroes, heroines. that makes me odd i guess.
    it seem so odd that is so warm here and so cold there. but that will change real soon.

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  7. Tina Avatar
    Tina

    We learn from our mothers….how to be mothers…taking the best with us ….leaving the worst behind. And so it goes…I think??? I’m getting your little package together and have already added something given to me by my mother…gone already 20 years and missed. My mother was many things but what I take as her greatest gift to me is what you have given me in the short weeks since I’ve found you and that is unconstitutional love and encouragement!!! And so it goes…..

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  8. grace Avatar
    grace

    heroine was a lazy word to use. because, really, i just LOVED
    her. I loved her art, her Huge Just GOINGness, her wildness,
    her. I loved her. I loved her Story, the Life Story that
    she allowed herself, or Claimed???? Freda.
    I loved her honest depiction of hard things, raw things and then all those
    monkeys. the monkeys.

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  9. jude Avatar
    jude

    yes i love her too

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  10. Liz Avatar
    Liz

    At first I thought you meant 44 inches of snow, but 44 degrees inside, that’s almost worse. I am glad that you were able to bring it up and that you fill you box with three days of wood.
    As for parenting, I remember thinking I had hit on something when I got into the habit of apologizing when I messed up and then made cookie dough for the kids to atone. Until one day my older daughter said, ” Really Mom, it would be better if you would just get it right in the first place.”
    Except … one of the only sermons I actually remember was one in which the minister (who had his own alcohol-fueled demons, as it turned out) said the worst possible example we could set for our kids was perfection … which would rob them of the better example of one who can learn from their mistakes.
    To this day, when all else fails, I make cookie dough.
    P.S. In my experience, the parents who think they have all the answers tend to have the most miserable children.

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  11. handstories Avatar
    handstories

    I loved the SELF she created.
    & I think my boys will have similar memories, of the animal me, good & bad- one when 3yr. old Moon bit me while I held him & I dropped him to the ground. guiltily watched him limp for the next hour, thinking DHS was going to come after me, but still, when he cried that I dropped him, replied, “if you bite me, I’ll do it again.”

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  12. Michelle in NYC Avatar
    Michelle in NYC

    Frida the fierce….that’s what it took to live the life she had. Ferocity! I had a friend in my twenties who talked about her children. We talked a lot about feelings of mothering…she said, and I’ll never forget it…”There’s no way we can not wound our children.” I understood in the depths of me what that meant. Birth is, after all, the first wound, the first rejection, first displacement. Every Mother has her stories. Every Mothers child has them too. Our wounds make us who we are, and our work is to both overcome and forgive, as well as to incorporate everything that came our way. Do you know this song–“Love Wounds–http://youtu.be/gcf2rfL_6Sw–raw but it expresses a part of the truth. My friend used to play it. Love also heals.

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  13. grace Avatar
    grace

    they are. they are too young, yet

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  14. grace Avatar
    grace

    how to be mothers or how NOT. I look forward to Knowing you.
    Knowing you by what you Make
    That is what we want….Love…from the mother. Your mother is
    gone, now, so you brilliantly look for more of what it meant to you

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  15. grace Avatar
    grace

    cookie dough to Atone……it’s an Offering to Them, the dough.
    A Gesture. We have to listen to if it is enough or they need more

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  16. grace Avatar
    grace

    yes. the animal that we are. Were. Still are. Will be.
    The Animal Us

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  17. grace Avatar
    grace

    i’m looking at that now….from some years away…trying to SEE it..
    for what is the real Truth

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  18. handstories Avatar
    handstories

    Grrrrrrrrr……………………

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  19. grace Avatar
    grace

    yes. that gutteral thing…that can mean different things.
    But for sure, Animal. Yup.

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  20. dee Avatar
    dee

    we all wound our children. it is inescapable. to give wildly and exuberantly goes far. I hope I have done as much.
    Happy New Year, Grace… so strange to see snow in your backyard!

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  21. grace Avatar
    grace

    that’s a beautiful image…

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  22. grace Avatar
    grace

    do we? do we All wound our children? I don’t know.
    Probably, but i really don’t know. Maybe many are Unwounded?
    it’s strange to me to see it too. It’s Tuesday now and it’s
    still here in many places. Will remain on the North side of
    things. Some of it is turning to ice.

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