windthread

It is true that i have been preoccupied by  ~ "What to do about the Goats"~  for a while now.  And it's Winter.  When i am weakest.  Most suseptible to things that are Hard for me.    And it's true that after this Winter,  the Third Spring will arrive.   The Third Spring for me and Them here.  And i have been preoccupied by trying to understand what is Right about them.   For them, actually.  OR maybe it is really For     me?,    in my need to think i am doing what is Right for Them?    All this is tangled.  It is hard to see.   So i have kept looking.    Everybody can weigh in and i listen and hold all the thoughts and opinions and hold them and sort through them and try to See it All and it's remained tangled.   It's some kind of absolute Truth that i am looking for?,   and i wonder if there IS an Absolute Truth?,  maybe not,  maybe just the small and particular truth that is happening here as we,  me and Them,  just go?

Anyway,  as i have been,  i woke this morning to sit in the Morning Chair and do the TayMorningThing,  where she presses herself into me/against me and i move my hand on her body in all manner of ways and my mind is Repeating pretty much the Same Same Same thoughts and getting No Where, but going in a Circle that has become, really, blurred.   And i think that i am so Tired of this.   So tired of the circular thinking but i don't know how to change it and ….and…..and…and i do what i do,  write this down on a piece of paper that normally i throw out after a small accumulation, but for whatever reason, yesterday i went and got an old manila folder and put all the January Morning Thoughts in it,  without looking at them,  but stuffed them in there and out of the blue,  there was a line of thinking that was different and i can't really detail that because it's not just about me,  but Others,  and so not for me to put here,  but a line of thinking that said….What IF?….and  very Suddenly,  there was that thing that i have written about before,  that Felt Sense and as i sat with that What If and the Felt Sense of it there was this HUGE RELEASE.  Yes.   Yes. and Yes.   And i understood that Me and the Goats is so much more than Me and the Goats and i could let it unfold as it needs to.  That i do NOT need to make a DECISION,  that i can wait.      Wait.    wait.   I can let it be what it is,  All that it is.  There is No Need to DO something.  I can just go.   I can TRUST Just Going.  

 

 

 

 

and these might look at first to be all the Same but they are not.  There is subtle and Important difference of these BIRDS that had gathered and begun their SOUNDING on this Dead Russian Olive Tree that  everyone asks me how come i don't cut down.  It's been dead for a long time.  Cut it down.  But i always kind of feebly say,  well, because the Birds still Use it.  And this morning,  as i was Released,  they were suddenly THERE with all their Speaking,  Loud and So Much they had to say and i listened and was freed into their speech,  into what it is they Say

and i worked on the Windows,  making good progress

and took time out to just look at cloth…pin it up and look

 

 

I have no idea where i will go next with Cloth.   but….Somewhere.

I can say this today as total solid truth that this Way… of Focusing,   Eugene T Gendlin  that i first found in 1979…so long ago…. is Real.   I say that because today it came through for me without my even asking or trying,  it just came.   Knowing by Felt Sense.  and i realized what it was , Recognized it.   And it's quite and very Beauty FULL.