Maybe it's the degree to which i have become symbiotic with the Whole of this Place.  My words are my mind.  Which is less and less the self that i am now,  less and less the part of self that i hold of value.

It's the Being me,  the just going me the me that is Same as OutThere,  OutThere being the whole of it, Wind, Light, Air, Leaf, Dirt, Stone, Goat, Bird, on and on.  Their lives are my life, Same.  and maybe more so since the Goats…because they have tied me to a rhythm that is bigger than my single self.

With words,  i really can't tell of Them.  The photographs can, do…

ok…so i was going to show You a weed that had placed herself perfectly between two rocks,  creating an elegant rosette pattern.  Here are the WORDS for what i was going to show you.  But

oh well….it's happening again.  No pics.  

what to Do.  How to Feel.  

……………………………..OK.  I am going to stop whining.  OK.

What ELSE there was to this day was that the Old Cowboy was ecstatic.  Travis,  the new Angel in his life,  TRIMMED HIS TOE NAILS yesterday.  He says he feels like a new man.  He was HAPPY!  with his toe nails.   It was after his Monday shower.   And i think of this.  How in the so far to now past,  he wanted me to do everything.  Partly because he didn't want to PAY anyone to do things.  He wanted me to clean his house and supervise his shower and cut his toe nails all for no more than the Usual.  I was stubborn about that.  I would clean his house,  shop etc.,  but nope.  I would not do the other things.  So we had been at a stand off for a long time.  Then…with the disappearance of the possibility of moving UP to the relatives,  with his decision to stay put,  some how stuff changed and he was willing for more,  more being Travis.  But today,  as i cleaned his house and washed his clothes and put away the groceries,  he was ……THRILLED….with his toe nails.   THRILLED.  like, really, THRILLED.  and i was too.  Bless us.  Bless Us All as we figure out how to go.

and then…i got an Email from Kelly who has my goats, Barbara and Magic,  and who i bought a little Buckling goat for from Deanna who used to be friends with my daughter Jenny….got an email from Kelly who said that he arrived on Sunday,  little buck,  and his name is Moon,  his Family name,  his registered name is still to be decided,  but little Moon,  who is a bottle baby,  went with her this morning as she did her chores,  following along.  He will be the sweetest of the sweet,  these bucklings, and she will be IN LOVE with him,  but soon,  he will take on his Buckness and tho he will always continue to love her,  he will be totally preoccupied with Barbara and Magic,  the doe Goats from here and he will become Herd Sire.  

I'll go over there soon.  Take a pic.  Which i may or may not be able to show YOU here…..

 

 

 

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19 responses to “Symbiosis”

  1. Tina Avatar
    Tina

    That saying…a picture is worth a thousand words. Well…they have not read the words of Grace Forrest!

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  2. grace Avatar

    Tina….after writing the above, i went to sit on the steps. There are 3 Hawk moths in the lilac blooms. I would have taken the camera out, see if i could capture one in image, but instead, i just sat
    and watched. Looked.
    I want the Pics. But what if i can’t have them. Then what.
    Then what.
    in this moment, what does it MEAN that i can’t have them….

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  3. grace Avatar

    and now, just later, there are maybe 7 pale yellow moths

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  4. Liz Avatar

    I was here earlier and shared your dismay … no words for no pictures
    Then came back and found the good news about Old Cowboy. We take so much for granted when we have our health and autonomy. Losing those things … losing control … can be so disorienting. Finding a way back to a solid sense of self is everything …
    I hope your pictures return sooner rather than later, but for now I wish you peaceful be-ing

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  5. Mo Crow Avatar

    beautiful word pictures Grace

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  6. Marti Avatar
    Marti

    Well, I’ll just look at the photo of the cottonwood, the ladder, the sky and be content that at least, you could give us that photo…and I know that it is of no comfort to you at this point in time, but as I have said, as others have said, we see through the “eyes” of your words plus we have the memory of other photos and can scroll down and recollect, it sustains us…until we get another EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE from you telling us the photo mystery has been solved.

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  7. jude Avatar

    ha, which i may of may not be able to show you, loved that.

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  8. Deb G Avatar

    Thinking about what an internet without photos would be like.

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  9. Liz Avatar
  10. Deb G Avatar

    Probably…

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  11. debbie.weaver Avatar

    Grace your words are enough, not that I don’t love your photos as well.

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  12. Wendy Watson Avatar

    “Bless Us All as we figure out how to go.” I shall repeat these words often . . . it’s all we can hope for and all we can do.

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  13. grace Avatar

    i want MORE. I want to DO more, to Know more, to Be Sure of
    more but really, it’s just true. it’s all we can hope for

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  14. grace Avatar

    no…the words aren’t enough. I don’t have that capacity anymore, or the Will maybe
    need the pics

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  15. grace Avatar

    realizing that there IS NO SOLID SENSE OF SELF

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  16. grace Avatar

    not enough

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  17. grace Avatar

    need the pics

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  18. grace Avatar

    it’s an intense thing, to consider this. It kind of HURTS me
    there is a thin kind of wire ting when i think of it

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