windthread

it might be pretty   "nothing much"  here for a little while.   Today was spent with the Old Cowboy and the Hospice people.  It was his initial Intake Evaluation.  He was evaluated.  and I was evaluated.  Us.  WE were evaluated.   They came and were There and talked and listened and KNEW things about Us from what we said and did not say.   I told him when they were finally gone that they were not just looking at Him,  but they were looking at me.  Both of us.  They were looking.  To see who we are.  To see Where we are.  

and where we are,  me and him is a Grey Area in their words.  Somewhere Hospice is "going".  So we are in kind of a new space.   Not quite imminent,  but close.  Waiting for a crisis.  But the crisis is still in the hinterland.  We know it will come.  but we don't know any more about it  than that.  So,  we are just kind of in a Limbo.  OK.  

I go again tomorrow to meet again,  she was there a little while today,  to meet again with the medical social worker.  I'm not clear Why she is  coming again tomorrow,  but i'll be there.  Will find out.   I like her.   I am hoping she will be my ally in the Whatever Comes.  I am hoping she will act as a sounding board.  Tell me when i might be being too cavalier,  tell me when i need to change paths.  Old Cowboy and me are very used to eachother.  Used to how we do things.  Maybe we need to change some stuff?  She is the one who will be my ally.  And i talked with the Granddaughter who was driving on her way to her class in Sacramento about all this…it's what she is learning in her class work,  Social Work,  …so i want to be very Clear to this woman about how i think and OPEN to her to mirror back to me 

i came home after being gone a long time and Tay was …..Tay was…..glad.  She had dug some holes because i was gone a long time.  It's her way of expressing herself.  Digging holes.   The Goats,  they were OK,  i was very close to on time.  But it's all

FELT

 

 

 

and i go to this strip of cloth on the wall,  to the "saddened" pieces of walnut dye,  to the small bits of copper wire to the Stuff and seek comfort.

 

 

 

I press my face.   I press my face into cloth.  I press my face into the face of Dog.  I press my face into Goat face.

I press my face.

 I say the words of Metta.  the meditation of loving kindness.

May i be safe.  May i be happy.  May i be healthy.  May i live with ease.

May you be safe.  May you be happy.  May you be healthy.  May you live with ease.

 

Breathing in.