Mother's Day. a Hallmark day. And even tho i have OPINIONS about Hallmark days, they are a part of my life since i was born, really, so no matter the OPINIONS, i am Imprinted.
and i debated all day about whether or not to put this here, of course, because i am me, i am.
and as a Qualifier, i want to say at the beginning that i am FINE. I feel really GOOD and this is NOT a Sad telling, it is just a True Telling and True Tellings set us FREE. If you were Here and we were sitting on the porch at the end of this day, you would easily know this. But because we are distances away and there are only these little black marks on the screen, it might be in question…so, Just to Say.
Without going into it, because i really don't know what the IT is, just to say, Something is Amiss with me and my daughter. I don't know what that is. She does. But she, for whatever reason, is not into sharing that. So…i am here, at my end, not knowing. And really, having absolutely NO idea. That Said.
Tho Mother's Day is really a fake day, still….it's Mother's Day. Whether we are mothers ourselves, we still HAD a mother. There's no other way to have come to participate in this human drama.
This sets the scene. You have to get born.
And then it goes from there. OK. What's important here?.
I have two issues. Two. Two for sure, that i work with in my life. There are some more secondary ones, but really, just the Two. and they are Both about Mothering.
The other place i live is over at Spirit Cloth, Jude's World. and she talked today about how a woman is like a basket. You can go there to see what she says. And i think.
I have had this URGE to make this cloth
and i look at this and think how prescientient this urge was. and really, how all the Cloth Making is.
last evening i received an Email from Wendy Golden Levitt about the dog cloth i'd sent
and then, the Night Work which might be called Dreams. Dreams. What ARE they?
i wake, probably because i need to pee and i get up and then i go back and lay there, waiting to fall asleep again and i wait and drift and wait and drift and often, ALL the STUFF that i am not sure about Arises. It's not Fun, the Stuff. It is the Stuff that i am Unsure about, Stuff i have Questions about, it all is There, sitting, waiting,
it's all Stuff that i can't change now. of the Past and i can't change it….other than to continue to be willing to Talk about It??????
anyway…
in the Email from Wendy, she offers this. From her Mentor and good Friend, Marion Woodman. A Zen Koan:
"Ride your horse along the edge of the sword,
Hide yourself in the middle of the flames.
Blossoms of the fruit tree will bloom in the fire,
The Sun rises in the evening."
so and then the Information that rises in the night. Mothering.
Lying there, wondering, suddenly there is this thought! As with Goats, it was a Successful Breeding! How it came out so WELL for him, their father. How they are FINE children. How his life now is so GOOD from this breeding. He has his good life, his children, his friends, his present wife. How it all came out so GOOD for him. And what this means for me is that i can totally LET GO of any sense of …..guilt…..for Leaving. He has this. Completely. and i can just uhhhh, I can just well…be the uhhh, Thing that i AM. It is All just very much OK.
windthread 
Leave a comment