The STORM was GRAND. It was Wild and Unrelenting and Crazy. And finally, it spent Itself and became Rain. Steady. It rained all night long. It was still raining this morning when i woke. Finally, it was enough according to its Self and stopped around 9 am. The Sky returned to a sky blue Sky and Wind was strong but easy.
as always, the effect of Sky Water is immediately evident. What were transplanted seedlings the day before are now Tomato Plants. Strong and Sure.
the Wild Sunflowers and showing their purple edges and thick veins
Overnight the berries of the Three Leaf Sumac began to blush their color. So many berries this year…the birds have abundance.
All this i could have anticipated during the Storm last night. I could have sat in the dark and KNOWN, because i DO KNOW these things. I could have just sat, following breath and BEING a small human inside a tin house with a STORM outside.
I am good at meditating when i am Sitting. That is no longer such a challenge. And it has changed my life a lot. But now, i am noticing the Not Sitting times and finding self wanting very much to bring the Sitting Self into the rest of my day. And this can come by understanding and practicing how Sharon Salzberg teaches…the thing that i am looking at now….Add Ons. There is the actual experience and then there is what is added to it because of habitual response. The Add Ons. For me the Add Ons are sapping Energy that i am no longer willing to give. The replay of mistakes and regrets, the things we can't Undo and/or the Projections into a future that may or may not ever come. It's the Experience of This Moment i am looking for, clean and unattached.
like how these strands of cloth just wove themselves because of Wind
So, the Add Ons. This storm was a perfect example. I really LOVE these kinds of Storms, Electrical Storms, but i watched my thoughts run….all the things i just don't "take care of"….
wheelbarrows left this way
and the Perfect Example of an emblem of Add Ons…the back door that WAS a screen door that Alz. B's X husband, father of Bill built and Bill likes so much that it is my door and how daughter Jenny and GrandDaughter Alyssia and i transformed it into a door of wood and glass but how it really doesn't Work…like doesn't Fit…you can see the cracks of light
and here is how it stays closed with wind, the knob mechanism is beside the point, the door and the wood door casing swells and receeds with rain and Dry and this morning i needed to put in yet another link to keep it closed incase Wind tried to pull it open which would be ok except for the fact that then the Goats would come into the house and …..The GOATS….what am i DOING???!!!! with all these GOATS??????and really WHAT is Jenny Thinking???? What's going on with her???? What did or What did i NOT do that is causing what's going on with her and i just very much MISS her and don't understand, and will she EVER be willing to talk about what it IS or not and what will i DO about the Goats???? Is it OK that they are just here and loved out of Circumstance not their own and What is it, a circumstance of a Goat? And back to that door and how i keep it closed against Wind, that "voice" that says: no normal person lives this way
who says that?
I'm not sure
but then really, no one i know or have ever known has/had a door like this….????? and what about Chinche…it's hard for her when it's raining, she is frail, and then what to do when she dies?…Tay would be not great as a single dog, i'd have to get another dog for her, a dog friend…….Oh Jeez, another dog and how to find another dog that would be ok with the Goats….
ADD ONS.
there's more.
they are totally unnecessary. Have NO REAL MEANING, just wildness of mind.
Tired of it.
Had to go to the Old Cowboys today because hospice nurse Annette didn't show yesterday and came today and i didn't want to need to be going but i had to. So…i worked with it. I for sure WAS going, because i needed to. So ok. Try to minimize the Add Ons. Try to just go and do it and not Project into the future. It was ok. it was NOT GOOD, but it was very much ok.
This is what i am working on. It's Good Honest Work.
…………………………………………..Addendum……………………………………………………………………..
i pushed Publish on the Above and walked away from this screen, but the question came, well, ok, What's the Problem?, grace?
Answer: I want to be like Jude. I want to be like Judy Martin. I want to be someone who is a Cloth Person. I want to have my days revolve around Cloth Making. I want them to BE Cloth Making.
they aren't. Part of them are, but just Part. And as i type this, there is a uhhhhh, a sadness? a longing? an ache? So…this is something to work with too. OK. i breathe Out a great breath. OK.
take a long look at this.
windthread 
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