urge came a few days ago and today was the day.  The Magic Diaries cloth.  I'd taken it down from the West window of the Room,  some time ago…i think last fall?  And just hastily folded and put into the Toy Box that holds winter things inside and that the baskets sit on at the Looking Wall.   I had some feelings at the time,  like knowing it needed to be washed.  Knowing that there are many small things that needed to be done before washing.  The crows for instance, are barely basted in place.  More.  I don't know why i felt so short of time,  at That time,  but i did and it felt very uneasy,  just putting the Cloth away,  but i did.

Prior to that,  it had hung in that West Window as a curtain for probably close to two years.  MUCH  constant exposure to direct SUN light from the whole South facing windows.  A long time.

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on the futon couch this morning.

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then back over on the Wall.  

i sat here and scrolled through Picasa looking for when i was making it….Jude's Magic Diaries….i had no idea what  year that was, really,  so i just scrolled and scrolled and while scrolling was surprised by what i was seeing…some beauty Full things that i hardly remembered,  but they're there,  so i know i made them….

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this for instance

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and i got to look at this again,  almost 4 years ago,  Granddaughter Alyssia's son,  Julian in the dust of Polvadera.   And it was good to stare at this,  speaks to me about Beginning Again.  Beginning "clean",  nothing but Interest,  Focus,  on just the Senses.   And i finally found a pic of the Magic Diaries Cloth

 

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the date is May 19, 2012

so i guess that's around the time of working on it?   

it has  faded.  a LOT.   What was the central backgound was a kind of slate blue that i made with Colorhue dye.  The two outside panels a pale version.  I vaguely remember using Colorhue Black and getting this perfect color by accident.  

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today it is almost a kind of sand lavender,  the outside panels just a well,  uhhh,  variations of a kind of clay color.   But there are things here that thrill me.   For the most part, very small things.  So,  I want to stitch what needs it down well enough.  I want to wash it in the bathtub and hang it Out in the Wind.   and then bring it in and LOOK for a Long Time.  I want to add to it some things that i've learned since,  mix them in.  I want to do what might be called….finishing it.  Finishing it to at least this point in time.   Will i put it back up on the West Window again or fold it up and put it back in the Toy Box.  I don't know.  Enough for today.

and i need to say that the Lizard Cloth at the center top is Jude's work…she had sent it and i needed it there,  at the Center Top.   Where she remains in me,  the Center Top.

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Finished the dark stitches of the Protector.   Which brought great relief.  Yesterday was a very difficult day and i floundered.   Today,  this Cloth held me.  

 

 

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25 responses to “realizing….i’ve been a little Lost”

  1. grace Avatar

    grace to grace….the dark threads of the “tendril”, “antennae” threads are
    double stitched. This is nice because it correct my kind of not so great
    consistensy of the split back stitch, and at first i was thinking i should
    SHOULD do all of them this way, but then as i was working, i came to like
    the uhhhh, hmmmm, the almost electric quality of the single flawed stitches

    Like

  2. Marti Avatar
    Marti

    When I spoke of the Protector cloth as a time catcher, the threads surrounding the all seeing eyes catching bad times, taking away whatever came from yesterday, the cloth did its job and I do think of this cloth especially, as having an important job to do and to do it it needs to be fierce while at the same time giving comfort, to you, to me, to all of us…and that to me is a magic cloth as magical as your magic diary cloth, chronicling what mattered to you in 2012 and what still holds. See cloth absorbs, reflects, mirrors and gives, what more could you ask of it.
    And querido Julian, what a love and how I would kiss those little legs…

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  3. grace Avatar

    “mirrors and gives”
    yes. mirrors and gives. yes.
    and Julian here, we thought he might become a Sumo. But turns out it
    was just his extended Philipino family who expressed love through FEEDing…
    those little kissy legs are just skinny boy almost 6 year old ones now

    Like

  4. kathy dorfer Avatar
    kathy dorfer

    i woke up this morning thinking about my ” magic cloth ” . i feel i need to work on it again . my style has evolved since that first workshop with jude .maybe i won’t be so afraid of this cloth , if that make sense .this new moon has really effected me .
    i do find it interesting how connected we all are by cloth (:

    Like

  5. grace Forrest Avatar

    kathy…connected by cloth and moons…a new moon….”afraid”
    times passes and we Become. Time. Time.
    LOVE to you and thank you for these words of Validation

    Like

  6. ² Avatar
    ²

    kathy….. yes !! even those who don’t make somme cloth
    but like them a lot feel them love them

    Like

  7. Michelle in NYC Avatar

    The magic is still there. It didn’t fade. It’s a huge piece and well worth finishing, tacking and maybe even creating an edge and a channel to hang it with a stick (a big stick). The woman flying with butterfly is a gem. Do you still have her? Oh, and that pudgy perfect boy child! Because your mother had you and you had a daughter and she had a daughter who had a son. Generations went into making that boy miracle. I like the fierceness of the mask now and the element of humor I perceive there too. Lost and found, it’s a constant.

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  8. Michelle in NYC Avatar

    something extra and somewhat related (from Terri’s thread) “[The Navjo concept of] hózhó means ‘beauty’ or ‘beautiful conditions,’ but this term also expresses the intellectual notion of order, the emotional state of happiness, the physical state of health, the moral condition of good, and the aesthetic dimension of harmony. The Navajo do not look for beauty; they…find themselves engulfed in it. When it is disrupted, they restore it; when it is lost or diminished, they renew it; when it is present, they celebrate it.” – Gary Witherspoon (“Dynamic Symmetry & Holistic Asymmetry in Navajo Art & Cosmology)

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  9. jude Avatar

    it was a simpler time, way back when i was too well fed like julian is here. when we moved far away from grandma, i got skinny legs.
    the fade is interesting. i think colorhue is basically fast on protein fiber. i like how all the smaller things have come into focus with the color change.
    I hope your difficult day can be useful in some way. I have been having some too.
    your electric lines are creating waves in the universe.

    Like

  10. patriciaspangler47@gmail.com Avatar

    so much to love here–starting with Julian and that wonderful to-die-for head of hair. i remember this when he was visiting and you posted all of those pics of him. and who could not want to just wallow with him in the dust? and the big cloth–the magic–it seems more integrated and whole now that the fading has happened. and there’s a lot of that going around–fading–on many levels–cloth being just one.
    i’m slowly moving back to cloth–the baskowls do hold but there’s just something indescribable about “needle chanting.” did Joe coin that?

    Like

  11. grace Avatar

    no…he claimed it, but it’s Jude…needle chanting…

    Like

  12. Jan Avatar
    Jan

    echoing everything here. . .yet sounding the bell for supposedly fat babies. . .we’ve been bombarded with alarms that this is a bad thing. . . .my boy was such a babe as well. . .he ate vegetables like nobody’s business. . .didn’t know what chocolate was until he was four. . .and I recall taking him to the wellness baby clinic when he was little and the woman doctor looked at him and looked at me and affirmed that he would melt that off when he got older. . .and he did. . .by the time kindergarten came round he was tall and strong and well proportioned. . .they need the extra weight for those fast developing brains and nervous systems. . .if they are getting good food they take what they need. . .the idea of counting calories in infants and toddlers makes me crazy. . .this helped: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KcdWANOSbC0&feature=youtu.be

    Like

  13. Mo Crow Avatar

    Ah love seeing those tall waving grasses, the 7 crows, the wind threads of kantha, the Deb Lacativa moons, the Jude lizard… oh everything
    but especially the now in the fiercely wild mask of Protection, all such strong good magic !

    Like

  14. beth Avatar

    That calling down the crows cloth was during the time I started looking at your blog and fell in love with you. Makes me happy to see it again.

    Like

  15. Bev Avatar

    You find the best things to read and learn Michelle, Thank you.

    Like

  16. Bev Avatar

    Love hearing all the cloth stories, the pic of Julian, and seeing your Cloth Diaries piece. So much love here, how nice.

    Like

  17. grace Avatar

    it is big. it’s 6 ft X 3 1/2 ft. More big than this house can
    fit. i will finish what is there now. then think.
    no…that Luring Crows is gone
    there can be anything in the Protection Cloth…and yes, humor,
    very much.

    Like

  18. grace Avatar

    yes. Navajo aesthetic…Harmony….it is a key

    Like

  19. grace Avatar

    the fade IS interesting…and i don’t know at all what i
    feel about it, but in the next days, i’ll try to find out…
    it’s Friday now.

    Like

  20. grace Avatar

    there is. the stitching is What it IS.
    and the cloth will change again when i finally wash it in
    the bathtub….it will become very different then

    Like

  21. grace Avatar

    he was a little Surprising. My own kids and then the Grandkids
    were all wiry little beings…
    when i met the extended family in California i understood.
    Some families say i love you all the time, some hug all the time
    …this family did both and also COOKED all the time…incredible
    food, three adults all cooked. It was WONDER full. and so
    for him, No wonder. Love was given in all ways

    Like

  22. grace Avatar

    it’s Friday now, the 22nd, and finally tomorrow i can spend
    time with the Diaries Cloth. yes. it was a whole world to me
    when i was making it

    Like

  23. grace Avatar

    it made me happy to look again too

    Like

  24. grace Avatar

    i love Love

    Like

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