just in the last hour or so,  a GRAND STORM

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direct lightning strikes,  Thunder Man LOUD,  everything runs for cover.  Sky Water.  and now a brilliance of Light at the Rim.

This morning i woke to thinking about the Bath Ladies.   I guess because it's possible that Travis, the Old Cowboy's Shower Guy might be leaving to go to Heavy Equipment School in California.  This brings Blanca to mind.   The Bath Lady for the Hospice Program we are deeply Into now.  If the Beloved  Travis goes,  Blanca will come.

I first met Blanca when Alz B had her first knee replacement.    I met her again when Alz B had her second knee replacement.  Haven't seen her since.   But my mind knows her very well.

She appeared at Alz B's home out of the blue as part of a home health team.  Alz B was not yet at the Old Folks Home,  but following a downward spiral in that direction.

Blanca.  A Large dark woman with Vivid wine red lipstick and large complex dangle earrings.  The first time,  me thinking i needed to mediate between a belligerant  Alz B and a quiet new Blanca,…

wrong.

Firmly and swiftly Blanca herds the protesting and snotty  Alz B into the bathroom.  I hear water running then seemingly in the blink of an eye,  the whir of the blow dryer.  Alz B is escorted, all spiffy and lotioned to her chair and Blanca says into the air,  Thank You,  i will be back on Wednesday.

Bath Ladies.  Going About,  bathing strangers.   Kind.  Efficient. Capable.

I wake this morning,  thinking how meaning FULL this is.  How of GOODness and Greatness it is to Bathe people who no longer can bathe themselves.  

and i begin working of my Cloth of Protection…you might know where this is going if you have been around long enough.

Meaning.  Use.   Nothing Big,  just what it is.  Meaning.  Use .  An everpresent pulsing thread.  There is Blanca,  somewhere in Socorro County bathing someone.  Here am I.  Stitching myself a Cloth of Protection.  Cmon, grace…..

but then there is an email.  Go look.  HandEye.  Google HandEye Magazine click Textiles…the article,  New Possibilities by Wendy Golden Levitt.

and there

the Tay Cloth.  On a drum with small hands.   To see this in this beauty FULL essay by Wendy,  this Tay Cloth,  lying on the drum,  the hands,  also is to heal me.  Works to heal the thing in me that is forever wondering about MEANING and my place in and of a Meaningful Life.

Over the course of the many years of my life,  I have allowed myself to become good at many things.  But that underlying thread of that question of Worth, remains.  I am old now.  You'd think i'd have "gotten over it".    But i need to admit,  not.   So this essay,  this Story i read ,of course, makes me feel such honor and Goodness that Wendy included some of the cloths i have made as examples of Textiles she and the children use…..for the Work….to Heal…..

but today i look at the Tay Cloth on the drum.  In the past,  Wendy chose  Cloths and once requested a Cloth for a particular purpose.  But the Tay Cloth…i sent.  The Tay Cloth  representing something in me and something that the Being,  Tay dog,  represents in my life…this cloth…i didn't know about.  Would it be,, uhhh,  too much?  Too uhhh,  too  raw?  Unacceptable?  

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i am so HONORED that Wendy's Children find things in these Cloths.  That there is Common Ground for Us,  kinship through Cloth itself.  It allows me to be OF them.   

it gives a space…for that question that always arises…that  parental question…

"who do you think you Are?"

They are dead.  my parents.  but i continue to ask the question for them.

More tomorrow.

ADDENDUM

i forgot

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as far as it got today.  The Electrical Co op came and made their marks.  The phone people came and made theirs.   So…tomorrow,  the back hoe.   It is VERY up against the fence.  Very.

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and the Cloth….that helps me answer the question of why me?,  why not,  All You?

the sky is finished.   All afternoon, the Earth.  But i think this is going to be It.  Thread.  Brown Thread through a single strip of cloth.  Tomorrow.
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in

28 responses to “May 21st…..from start to finish, well, close to finish, a Very Certain Day.”

  1. Marti Avatar
    Marti

    You have come full circle from the first time that an article about your cloths appeared in Handeye. In 2012, Wendy wrote of the many healing cloths and referenced a cloth maker in New Mexico,you.I was so moved that I commented about this on your blog but it made you uncomfortable as you had not fully mentioned it.
    http://www.handeyemagazine.com/content/hope-arrived-yesterday
    Now here you are again, the Tay cloth, that brought such a lump to my throat when I saw the children’s hands touching the cloth as it lay on the drum…your heart words that spoke to you to go and send it to Wendy. To see you speak of this new article in Handeye now is equally moving to me for if you do nothing else with cloth, you have done the highest good. YOU are a cloth curandera, to Wendy’s children but I feel also to yourself and have more than adequately, honorably and exceptionally answered the question, “Who Do You Think You Are…”
    http://www.handeyemagazine.com/content/new-possibilities

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  2. Liz Avatar

    “and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make”
    Music + cloth + animals = healing
    Cunandera indeed.

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  3. Liz Avatar

    Thank you for the links … this is worth celebrating!

    Like

  4. grace Avatar

    Marti…i love you and love your Sureness of things, for yourSelf
    and beyond
    i have none of that. I have constant question and wondering.
    It is what it is. and it’s good.
    and curandera, no.
    i am me. i make cloth because Jude taught me. Because Jude
    showed me a World of Language that i didn’t have. Now i have
    language.
    Cloth. Thread.
    so i can speak.
    so i can try to Tell.
    i back off from the word and illusion of curandera like i would
    a rattle snake. No. nothing like that.
    in the words of Wendy’s Thank You Book…, the words of the children…
    ” i wonder what the sewing people are thinking when they make
    the cloths? Where are they sitting? Were they sad or stitching themselves into serious happiness? Do they have days when they are not feeling good in the heart? Do they listen to their dogs or cats? Do they eat waffles while they are sewing? I’ll find out as i work more with the cloths. The answers are always in the cloths. Sometimes they are. Actually they never are. There are no answers to getting my heart more healed. It’s not like that here. There are no answers. There is just me and the sewers and therapy. That is much better than answers It’s a treasure hunt really.”
    so i, like they do, hunt the treasure.

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  5. Marti Avatar
    Marti

    Sureness, at times but Seeing, always. Both of my Spanish grandmothers were curanderas so I feel legitimate when I use the word. I apologize if it has caused you to rear back but from what I know, healing takes many forms, some we understand and feel, others we intuit and still others are more ephemeral but nonetheless exist. Talking story through cloth can be a healing experience, can give answers as well as a living experience; it has become so, at least for me.

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  6. grace Avatar

    i do. i rear back.
    i am not at all anything like this. Curandera is well…is ….welll…is
    a word not to be used lightly.
    i have known a Curandera, the aunt of the maniac i was married to. I am
    NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING like her. No ordinary life, that….
    i don’t go there

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  7. grace Avatar

    it’s more. it’s deeper. it’s not making cloth. it’s not using
    plants to dye cloth.
    it’s way deeper.
    it is REAL.
    and i am NO WHERE near that. So i rear back.

    Like

  8. Marti Avatar
    Marti

    Rest easy grace, I meant no harm or disrespect. My upbringing has given me a different sense of curandera. It was always spoken of in my family with love, profound respect and also humility for the ability to do good. That is what I meant by using it here, nothing more.

    Like

  9. grace Avatar

    i am one of Wendy’s kids. Just old.

    Like

  10. Mo Crow Avatar

    Aaaaarrrrrkkkk! AaAAArrrkkkkK! AAAAaaaaaaaarrrrrk-k-k-k!
    have you ever stitched so fiercely that your fingertips start bleeding and you haven’t noticed?

    Like

  11. Michelle in NYC Avatar

    to be of use accidentally is good and fortunate, and to be of use on purpose is good and fortunate. The Blessing Way (https://youtu.be/b8UGp-s7Auo) like the Middle Way (http://www.sharonsalzberg.com/buddhism-overindulgence-self-hatred/) really only requires us to show up and to be the truth of each moment, in balance, in the middle, so the ‘work of our hands and the meditations of our hearts’ are pleasing. May you be pleased dear Grace–of course not overly pleased, and likewise not overly humble. May you be happy. May you be at ease in your heart. I’m so happy for you and for Wendy and the kids too.

    Like

  12. patriciaspangler47@gmail.com Avatar

    where did i just read this–i think at the Handeye site–that “they say the flutter of a butterflies’ wings causes hurricanes on the other end of the world.” i think about that. it is no small thing that you do.

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  13. Marti Avatar
    Marti

    If that is so, then my use of the word curandera to mean healing is not so off the mark here…your words,
    “the Tay Cloth. On a drum with small hands. To see this in this beauty FULL essay by Wendy, this Tay Cloth, lying on the drum, the hands, also is to heal me. Works to heal the thing in me that is forever wondering about MEANING and my place in and of a Meaningful Life.”

    Like

  14. Jan Avatar
    Jan

    in reply to Marti and to Grace: I understand both Marti’s use of the word curandera and Grace’s recoil from it. . .and hold both in much love. . .because when we start to apply such words to ourselves. . .even ‘shaman’ or ‘elder’ then we are claiming or reaching for too much power. . .always best to begin ourselves with the elemental. . .the basic. . .Cloth Person feels right in this. . .begin with process and see what is generated. . .how much love and understanding when your work, grace, is touched and explored by the children, and Wendy’s keen observation of that. It is possibly an affirming feedback if and when others use such words about us. . .and we may or may not dismantle how the words were meant. . .or allow them to be taken into the beautiful mask you have made to be drawn from at another time. to give a bit of confidence to what we do.

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  15. tracy Avatar
    tracy

    I understand backing off from cureandera. Like someone said, too much power involved, and sometimes only used to feed the ego of the healer. I love the idea of bath ladies. True healing goes on with a bath when you’re too hurt or sick to wash. I’m still grateful to the everyday saint who washed my hair when I was stuck in the hospital.
    Maybe your cloths are art. Not in a flaky ego way, you put things into them, and they communicate to people who put their own meaning in them. It’s a give and take. It can be healing too, but it mostly means you’ve communicated something other people can feel. It’s nice. I’m glad the kids love it, and why wouldn’t they?
    I’m dreaming of a stream of bath ladies, glowing softly as they go off to work. How could you draw that?

    Like

  16. grace Avatar

    yes. i know. and there could be no harm or disrespect…
    i understand the sense of curanderisma…probably in much
    the same way you do…i have seen it Working…a few times in
    my life and just say that i am not there. It is so beyond
    who i am. And because i have such propensity for Spirit, for
    looking for Spirit, maybe in a next life, i would Study and
    Learn.
    but in my Now, i take deep pleasure and solace in becoming
    a Cloth Maker. in having the courage or insanity to take on
    a Tay Dog and letting her teach me how to love her and learn more
    about loving my self.
    Affirming. Jan’s word that i somehow can never remember when
    i am trying to explain something. Affirming.
    Cloth making Affirms many things for me and when that affirmation
    is shared there is such Peace inside me.
    and going back and around ….Women Who Run With the Wolves
    Clarissa Pinkola~Estes….
    Membership in the Scar Clan. Right in the beginning she says
    “…that timeless tribe of women of all colors, all nations, all languages, who down through the ages have lived through a great something, and yet who stood proud.” And everytime i have
    read that sentence from the first time, i read not as who stood proud, but as
    who stood GROUND.
    who lived through a great something, and yet who stood ground.
    so, to let it rest easy, i Can say that i am a cloth maker. a
    sewer. I can say that i Do claim membership in the Scar Clan.
    And both of these and the AFFIRMATION of Wendy’s Childrens’
    WORK, oh Their Work, Their WORK…..well,
    it’s Joy.

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  17. grace Avatar

    yes. that’s what the Children call us. Cloth person, Cloth
    Makers, Sewers. yes. this Affirms. I wrap myself in this.

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  18. grace Avatar
  19. grace Avatar

    no…my stitching is always so
    s l o w

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  20. grace Avatar

    i am happy. yes. happy.

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  21. grace Avatar

    as we All do….flutter our wings

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  22. grace Avatar

    i always so much LOVE the things you say and How you say them…
    and yes…it’s the feeling of such Goodness when there is
    a mutual Seeing , a mutual Feeling
    dreaming of a stream of bath ladies, glowing softly as they go
    off to work… WHAT A BEAUTY FULL VISION
    love,

    Like

  23. Dana Avatar

    Grace, your work and your words turn such deep feelings and memories up the light. Too much and too many to articulate, I find. Thank you.

    Like

  24. Mo Crow Avatar

    thank you for going slowly
    for taking the time to see
    and make and share so deeply
    (my hands are healing for the next few days…)

    Like

  25. grace Avatar

    i went to look. I thought you were speaking…uhhh….
    what’s the word? figuritively? but you did bleed….
    interesting
    like a stitchers stigmata

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  26. grace Avatar

    all my feelings and memories are in broad daylight now.

    Like

  27. Mo Crow Avatar

    stigmata, indeed, ha! manifesting metaphor bodily seems to be what I have to do in this lifetime…

    Like

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