this all might sound kind of Grim,  but,  really,  it's not,  it's just how it is.

it was a work away day then Old Cowboy and the Old Cowboy is getting more complex it seems by the day.  So there wasn't much left by the time i made it back Here.  Stuff fed.  Stuff given Water and i am working to clear the place behind the horse trailer where i keep useful scrap wood so i can begin digging a grave for Gideon.  He and Sonny Ray are together.  Just recently,  Sonny Ray coming into his third year,  Just Recently,  Sonny Ray is hard on his father.  Gideon is Old.  He has arrived at the usual estimate of a lifespan for a Nigerian Dwarf Buck Goat.   So i remind self that it's really ok.  It's time.

Tonight when i threw the feed into the bowl,  Gideon started out in his crippled way to come,  but turned around and went back by the fence.  This the first time for that.  Usually,  he makes his way.  So i went in and took him his own feed,  where he was.  Looked back a few minutes later and Sonny Ray was eating Gideon's feed.  Gideon had made his way to the feed bowl.   They do it how they do it, Goats.

and then

Snowbunny didn't come from the middle pen to the Way back for evening feed.  I stood at the end of the migrational cooridor and yelled for her and she finally ambled through and  just stood.  So,

oh eeee

Snowbunny too.

 

OK.   She sleeps now, alone,  on the shelf in the Guinea Hen Palace.  She's choosing Alone.

So,  i'm looking at all this Old and Crapping Out…i don't even mention Chinche,  all of it and well,  it's really just a lot of Just Going.  How to be OK with it all.

I need to dig the grave for Gideon.  When he goes,  there won't be extra time to dawdle.   I don't know anyone to help dig the grave.  So i need to do it a little at a time.  Till it's ready.

 

IMG_3918f

I only have this much.  It's the cloth from a kimono…WW2…from RagStock in Minneapolis where my x sister in law worked where you could get vintage clothing and cloth by the pound in garbage bags…it's just this much.  So today i ordered some Derwent inktense pencils to see if i can reproduce this somehow because it has HUGE meaning for me,  i call it the Coyote cloth,  and i don't know if i can,  but i'll try.  Lynda Merry of i Wonder used the pencils and likes them.  So, ok.

 

IMG_3919f

This is TenZen's little buckling,  just a couple days old… to the Dog Trainer Jan's Goat.  Two.  a Doeling too.  But this one…IF

IF Kelly comes and takes Sunny Ray,  i will bring this buckling here as a Wether to keep company with Gideon,   if he is living,  to sleep with him.  Goats need sleeping partners.  So…we'll see.  Stuff born,  stuff getting old.  Stuff getting so much Just Going.  

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21 responses to “a lot of Old going on here”

  1. Marti Avatar
    Marti

    Sometimes, what comes in the daily flow of life is hard, the expected, the unexpected. Digging a grave is hard, watching Gideon, Chinche and now Snow Bunny, is hard. I don’t have goats or dogs so maybe I am getting too human with all of this but my heart hurts, thinking of them. Maybe it’s because I have seen them, and find it especially poignant to know that Snow Bunny is resting in dear old Fiona’s home. I don’t know any other way to explain what I am feeling regarding this news so I turn to this special cloth that you love, this vintage cloth with its deep sacred purple color and it’s circles and I think of how it is, goats, dogs, woman, all held together, just going as life balances itself with the birth of a new little goat.

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  2. Liz Avatar

    Oh Grace …

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  3. Dana Avatar

    The end of all things is natural, but it is also natural to mourn the loss of friends and it is hard to see the end approach. The baby helps keep both beginnings and endings in view. Good luck with your cloth…it is beautiful.

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  4. Nanette Avatar

    I would help dig the grave, if I could, if I was near, instead I’ll send digging love X

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  5. patriciaspangler47@gmail.com Avatar

    doesn’t anyone around you have a bobcat or a back hoe. the holes for the goats–will need to be 3-4 feet deep? and earth there in NM–isn’t it like adobehard?
    i’m just thinking but couldn’t you go to the hardware or grocery and post a hole digging need sign?

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  6. jude Avatar

    geez grace. Maybe Kelly knows somebody? or some way.

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  7. Tina Avatar
    Tina

    Oh no Grace….it does sound like too much! Yes what Patricia wrote…maybe possible to barder?? Keeping you in my thoughts and in my prayers…..your cloth is beautiful….circle of life!

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  8. Mo Crow Avatar

    When Gideon dies if it was me, I would take his body out into the desert and let him be food for the wild ones… I had a horse that fell into a gully years ago and died the wedge tailed eagles flew so close to the deck I could see their eyes as they thanked me for the unexpected dinner…

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  9. Michelle in NYC Avatar

    Calling to you.
    Dreamed after reading this post of a vast field of grasses under an electric blue sky that stretched out in every direction radiating light, and it rippled as I watched, revealing tiny figures of beings both animal and human, each briefly emerging like logs in a moving stream, then fading back into the blue.
    How many graves have I watched dug, helped dig, planted seeds above, watered with my tears? Many. Dear Grace, does it help at all to say “I know”, “I love too” ?? I do. I do.
    Rescue remedy! Don’t forget Rescue remedy for you and for the other beings too.

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  10. Mo Crow Avatar

    re the cloth Susan Fletcher Conway uses Pebeo Setacolor transparent fabric paintsd for painting and sun printing on cloth-
    http://fiberartalmosteveryday.blogspot.com.au/2014/11/painting-vs-dyeing.html

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  11. grace Avatar

    it’s just all Love. If you LOVE stuff, it matters. It’s
    dissolution matters. How to move within this in a gentle way….

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  12. grace Avatar

    yeah, Oh…..

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  13. grace Avatar

    babies begin again from nothing into Everything. A blessing and
    not.
    the cloth, well, it’s less “purply” than it appears in this pic
    it’s Mars Violet
    one of the reasons i want the pencils
    Mars Violet is where it’s at

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  14. grace Avatar

    digging love is very good. Very. Very good.

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  15. grace Avatar

    we’ll see. don’t want a machine, really

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  16. grace Avatar

    maybe. am open to how it might go

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  17. grace Avatar

    we’ll see. Something might “come”

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  18. grace Avatar

    i actually thought of that this morning. This might be it.
    I need to visualize it some, see how it feels. I could take
    him over to the Canyon.
    it all will depend on how it goes. If he is able to just die, then good. If he becomes disabled to the point of not being able to stand, and i feel impelled to “help”….the vet can put him down but then his body would be toxic. Would need to be buried. If i could bear it and ask Kelly’s x man Cliff to shoot him, he could go to the Canyon.
    It is difficult when there is hope that it would just
    Thank you so much though for saying this

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  19. grace Avatar

    what i’m wanting to do is more about drawing

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  20. grace Avatar

    it DOES.
    It DOES help. yes. I love. it’s Love. yes. so much.
    and Rescue remedy. YES tomorrow…oh, no, Thursday, i’ll
    get some. You help so much with just and only this.
    Rescue remedy.
    i love this so much…”briefly emerging….then fading”. Yes…
    how it IS.
    Thank you and LOVE

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  21. Nanette Avatar

    Like a Tibetan Sky Burial ….

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