so. Mending. This is my favored yard dress this year. The denim is so worn, it's not at all like denim anymore, just a soft cloth that breathes. I put that pic the other day of the first mend. There are for sure 3 more. And then the arm holes where there Were sleeves, but i'd removed them long ago, but left the holes raw and they have worn in odd ways with washing. I'll do something with that too. Then we should be Good, for a Good Long Time.
So to take this with me today. ok.
but i looked at the buttons…some generic ones, utilitarian, but for The Yard Dress of the Year…???? Buttons.
Mother of Pearl. Fitting. 7 of them. As far as i got. He slept most of the day, semi waking off and on and having something to say. Some of which i understood, some not. His voice was soft. The TV is on just behind where i squat next the bed to listen. Off and on he would want to sit up and use the urinal, well, not use the urinal, but he wanted to pee, which meant using the urinal. Those times i would encourage staying sitting up a while. But his question was, What do we do Now? i would not answer, just be quiet. One of those times he took off the ring that had belonged to his father and said This is for you. I said i would give it to Diane, his "daughter", but he said" no, it's for you. You helped me find it." Which i had, several months ago when it had come off his finger and we searched for days. Finally finding it far back in the corner under his bed. With the help of a flashlight. He seems Elsewhere, but remembers things very clearly.
Today a schedule was reached between 3 caregivers for the next While. All the hours are covered. When i go will be Extra…an extra person, care wise, but to me, to continue. To Just Go. Be the same old Face. There is a feeling that he is ready. Or beginning to do the work of ready. OK.
before i left i did this as Blessing…pods from Doris' Snake Tree.
What am i thinking. So much. But really…it's most feeling like an affirmation of Karmic work. The whole of it…might be called karmic obligation. But obligation or not, it feels necessary, it feels as some kind of Given. A Given to learn more. A Given to move Through something. There is some kind of freedom on the other side.
It was a good day.
windthread 
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