i     Looked  this morning.

 

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was surprised to see that after all the neglect,  some Things remained.  The Flax.  Two Chocolate Flowers,  Garlic coming UP,  Parsley and the Cuban Oregano.  GREEN and persistent.  O.K.and 

yes,  them.  Taken Hold.  And i saw that the rocks and stones of the Cairn have also settled…have changed and become One with Themselves

 

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this "houseplant"  that Thelma of the Native Plant People gave me,  that was become spindly on the shelf in the window and i put Out Side here on the porch to die really,  is not dying at all but just fine.  Now What.

 

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this scrap,  like really,  a scrap that was on the floor and i picked it up and set it on a piece of cloth on the table and looked and it looks to me like a scrap of cloth Giving Birth

and the day went.  I got an EARLY call from Alyssia.  They were sitting in the car,  outside of the mother of the baby's  Mother's  house.   Waiting for signs of life.  None yet.  Supposedly,  Jeff was inside there.  Some talking to pass time but still nothing and so that was the end of that.

and it was the end of that till late in the day when Alyssia called.  There's no point in detailing it all here,  was a mess and sometimes frightening.    But to say that i gave my credit card stuff and they paid the DNA people and got the results which are that Fate is Blood.  And so…blood, yes but his mother is how she is and did NOT enter rehab today and would NOT let daughter Jenny see him, Fate,  and much more comotion and Jeff and his mother and sister are on the road again back to California.  Where he will enter rehab there.  The fate of Fate still to be seen

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and all i can say at the end of this day is that i am so deeply and beyond Beyond grateful for my Buddhist teachings that i have so long and so softly let seep into me

Anyone who prays,  or lights candles,  or or or ,  anyone.  Keep this oh so small one in your heart

 

 

 

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42 responses to “anti climactic, sort of,”

  1. deb lacativa Avatar

    I bought a big candle today. Green and full of pine. Burning it for him. Is he close enough to be delivered to you in case of emergency?

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  2. Liz Avatar

    my hope for a good ending goes out to you and yours … to the littlest one most of all

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  3. Marti Avatar
    Marti

    Life takes root, maybe not in the way we would think or hope that it would; all we can do is to be present, grab hold, and, hold on. Fate was always held close by all of us who come here, as was la familia, as was and are you, dear old great Nana, with love and caring…Jeff is on his way and maybe in time, life will turn around for him; I hope so, he has a son who will need him, he has a great Nana who it will be his joy to one day come to know and we all here have his best in our hearts.

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  4. grace Avatar

    he is. he is close enough. IF
    they will let him go
    to Safety
    Keep the candle burning

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  5. grace Avatar

    such a small one

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  6. grace Avatar

    yes. all this.
    i am an Old Nana

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  7. carole Avatar
    carole

    Burning candles here for you Great Nana XO

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  8. grace Avatar

    it matters, candles….it does..
    it matters

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  9. Michelle in NYC Avatar

    Oh….Damn the fate of fates…..it’s not over yet and the little one is in my heart and mind, so too the troubled Mother and her mother, as well as Alyssia, Jeff and his Mother and sister too (have I got all the parties straight? Did the DNA say that ‘Fate’ belongs to Jeff?
    In any case, all blessings and candle flames of hope to you, to the practice, and to all the beings on the road or otherwise.

    Like

  10. handstories Avatar

    holding…HOLDING, going to light now…xoo

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  11. Nancy Avatar

    Beautifully said Marti

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  12. Nancy Avatar

    He has been in my thoughts all along. My candle will be lit in the morn, as I am here right before bedtime. I’m glad to read Jeff still heads towards rehab. This is good. Sending hugs.

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  13. Nanette Avatar

    he’s held, held tight, dear little one x

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  14. jude Avatar

    he is himself, a small candle.

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  15. yvette Avatar

    The thoughts are alinged and he is the middle of our lights
    Grace so happy you get strenght of the buddist trainings
    So important!

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  16. Patricia Spangler Avatar

    burning one here…right now…and holding to the light

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  17. saskia Avatar

    the gang have lit a candle and are praying

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  18. Deb G Avatar

    Thinking of you often and most especially that baby. Will light a candle tonight.

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  19. .cynthia Avatar
    .cynthia

    it is something to imagine..this connection of flickering lights for this small boy… and you ..present in so many hearts..being held..gentle day grace

    Like

  20. Mo Crow Avatar

    love is lighting the way

    Like

  21. beth Avatar

    ((( may he be safe, nurtured, loved )))

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  22. Linda Avatar

    i am also here and holding that baby.. and you and yours

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  23. Dana Avatar

    Me too, me too. I am holding Fate in my heart. May all concerned make decisions on his behalf that come from love.

    Like

  24. Tina Avatar
    Tina

    Not the best beginnings BUT Grace you got to hold your great grandchild in your arms… Big Congratulations !!!! I am going to believe that from what you’ve written about how your daughter and granddaughter came to help….how your grandson is accepting that help. Fate’s beginning is filled with hope…prayers are being answered.

    Like

  25. elizabeth Avatar
    elizabeth

    Lighting a candle and holding him in my heart and thoughts…

    Like

  26. grace Avatar

    He is. He if Jeffrey’s son.
    and yes…blessings and such gratefulness for the Practice.
    I have no idea how this all might feel without that

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  27. grace Avatar

    Thank you. I can “see” it burning in your window

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  28. grace Avatar

    to be a father, this is First for him. By this, he will
    attempt to correct for generations

    Like

  29. grace Avatar

    yes, hold him tight, We can swaddle him

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  30. grace Avatar

    the middle of our lights….thank you for this image
    and yes….the Practice

    Like

  31. grace Avatar

    the flame….Holding

    Like

  32. grace Avatar

    not knowing, i went to the Birdhut because i always check in
    and there….
    such Beauty….such Love

    Like

  33. grace Avatar

    it is. So much, the beautyFULL flickering

    Like

  34. grace Avatar

    We are good at Love, aren’t We.

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  35. grace Avatar

    and you know so well, the holding of babies

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  36. grace Avatar

    yes…that come from love

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  37. grace Avatar

    i did. 3 days. May it remain for him, that Love

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  38. grace Avatar

    as much as We can…
    I remembered today the work of Larry Dorsey on Distance Healing
    Thank You for growing the flame fiercer

    Like

  39. Wendy @ the Late Start Studio Avatar

    Sometimes all I can do is light a candle . . .

    Like

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