windthread

early part of day was wrapping gifts to fill a big box to California and Denver.  THE comprehensive Pokemon encyclopedia,  a finally found musical twirling ballerina jewelry box with a nondescript skin color and BROWN hair (!!!!),  a FischerPrice keyboard,  headlamp flashlights for all,  little stuff from the dollar store…scented markers,  solar candles,  alphabet beads.  The drawing things for the grandson,  E. Gilbert book for Alyssia.   A wooden painted hand with milagros on the fingertips for Veronika, 19 yrs.  The children's T Nat  Hahn  4 stone meditation book,  The Quiet Place  book, Tango makes Three about the two dad penguins for the kids to share.  The line at the post office full of Good Will.  Done.  One more year.  There is no Christmas here for many years now and all the "adult" children are done with it,  but then,  those young ones….o welllllll,  those young ones.  So, ok.  and ok.

 

how is it,  really,  that Night becomes Dawn?  Close your eyes,  see it.  See it in your mind,  how it is,  what it is….so slight at first it almost isn't,  but then it moves and it Is.

 

the small high table from Old Cowboys…his mother Flossie found it at the dump and refinished it.  Alyssia insisted i bring it home,  i said i had no place for it.  It's next to the bed.  I clipped the little lamp to it but didn't plug the lamp in.  Just was there.  The last time i was there,  at OCB's,  i brought home his wall clock that he liked.  He had many things to say about the Chinese,  but for some reason,  this clock he found in some catalog,  it was in the kitchen,  over the sink.  I brought it home.  Battery.  and it makes a distinct sound as it marks the minutes.  Right now,  i like that sound when i wake and everything is completely dark.  Dit.  Dit.  Dit.,  etc.   

I woke at 2 something last night as is often the case in winter…to pee because i've gone to bed so early, and now too  because i hear Chinche stirring and need to carry her outside to pee.  I woke from a very active dream and was Given something.   Not ready to put it into words,  but i had to get up to write it down,  i knew i would lose it otherwise and i didn't want to get up to write it down,  too cold but i did because it was that important,  so have prepared now.

 

i hung the clock on a push pin and connected the lamp.  Ready.

If nothing else,  the Elizabeth Gilbert book,  Big Magic gives me this.  I am only on page 64 of 272 but this in itself is Enough.  Just this  from the part How Ideas Work:

" I believe that creative process is both magical and magic.  Because here is what i choose to believe about how creativity functions.

I believe that our planet is inhabited not only by animals and plants and bacteria and viruses,  but also by ideas.  Ideas are a disembodied energetic  life-form.  They are completely separate from us,  but capable of interacting with us….albeit  strangely.   Ideas have no material body,  but they do have consciousness,  and they most certainly have will.  Ideas are driven by a single impulse:   to be made manifest.  And the only way an idea can be made manifest in our world is through collaboration with a human partner.    It is only through a human's efforts that an idea can be escorted out of the ether  and into the realm of the actual.

     Therefore, ideas spend eternity swirling around us,  searching for available and willing human partners.  When an idea thinks it has found somebody…say you….who might be able to bring it into the world ,  the idea will pay you a visit.  It will try to get your attention.  Mostly,  you will not notice.  This is likely because you are so consumed by your own dramas, anxieties, distractions, insecurities, and duties  that you aren't receptive to inspiration.  You might miss the signals because you are watching TV,  or shopping,  or brooding over how angry you are at somebody,  or pondering your failures,  and mistakes,  or just generally being busy.   The ideas will try to wave you down  (perhaps for a few moments,  or perhaps for a few months,  or perhaps even for a few years)  but when it finally realizes  that you're oblivious to it's message,  it will move on to someone else.

But sometimes…rarely…but magnificently….there comes a day when you're open and relaxed enough to actually receive something.  Your defenses might slacken and your anxieties might ease,  and then magic can slip through.  The idea,  sensing your openness, will start to do its work on you.  It will send the Universal physical and emotional signals of inspiration (the chills up the arms,  the hair standing up on the back of the neck,  the nervous stomach,  the buzzy thoughts,   that feeling of falling into love or obsession).  The idea will organize coincidences  and portents to tumble across your path,  to keep your interest keen.  You will start to notice all sorts of signs pointing you toward the idea.  Everything you see and touch and do will remind you of the idea.  The idea will wake you up in the middle of the night and distract you from your everyday routine.  The idea will not leave you alone until it has your fullest attention.

And then,  in a quiet moment it will ask,  "Do you want to work with me?"  ……"

 

Again.  if nothing else from this book…THIS is enough.  I KNOW this.  And to read something that i know so intimately only Inside myself,  that i have never put words to,   is just beyond Grand.  So,  i Thank her,  Elizabeth Gilbert. So much.  so so Much.