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there is back and forth.  back and forth.  and inbetween the back and forth,  the gloves dry some while resting on the Walnut Pot.

last night it was 5 degrees,  or -15 celsius.   so the fear was this morning….before i went Out for the first time, …..what would i find?…..did they make it?    Sun shown on the Way Back tree branches ,  bush branches like strings of fine  crystal,  sparkling.  I put off going Out.  But then do.  There They all are,  waiting.  Silently,  just waiting for me.  and spring to Life with the dropping of the feed.  Even old Gideon,  he is so Glad and comes quickly to the gate.  So we did make it.  I know more now.  More about what can be endured.  I wonder how they experience this,  everything completely Different than ever before,  being confined to such small space of shoveled paths?  They don't give a clue.  They just wait for what's next.

All this day spent trying to make it better,  or,  trying to keep it ok.  More shoveling for Them,  shoveling the car off and part way out when the across the road rancher comes with his big equipment, clearing the road and then circling around and coming back and clearing behind the car with nothing more than a wave and a smile.   I drove the car around the "block"…stuff was ok.  Back to Goat paths.  Back to hauling buckets of hot water that i fill in the bath tub and lug out …having added snow to the tubs first,  the hose to that part of this world is buried and frozen.  I tried,  but i couldn't get it out.  So,  many buckets of hot water added to snow =  drinking water.  Ok.   Carrying Chinche out mid morning and setting her on a shoveled path,  i find her a few minutes later awkwardly in a snow drift.  Carry back.   Clear snow from the tarp over the wood pile,  half ass endeavor with a sauce pan,  but in out in out in out i get enough wood in for the night and tomorrow morning.  

I watch my Self,  all this,  and think  WHAT AM I DOING?????  is this CRAZY?  but then i think,  well,

what would i RATHER be doing?   and i am ok again,   just doing.  Just Going.  Ok.   We need to make it through this week and then the "weather"  will return to more "normal".  The snow for the most part will have melted.  And we now know that we can,  CAN,  do this much.  Ok.  

In that jelly jar that's on the wooden box that is the "table" for the Morning Chair,  i keep torn scraps of printed pics that didn't come out right…usually from needing to change the ink cartridge.  They are interesting,  just pieces torn about 3×2"  or 2×2.  I use them for grocery lists and just writing very small thoughts on.  I noticed one yesterday

 

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this one…it's been there for a long time,  don't know what it came from,  but this one,  This Morning appeared as IT.  Appeared as how January really IS.   January is NOT vertical, but rather horizontal,  with the before and the after attached.  So three pieces of cloth…attached horizontally.    Maybe tomorrow,  or the next day,  or….the cloths will appear?    In the meantime,  there's enough to do.

 

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10 responses to “fear and going”

  1. Marti Avatar
    Marti

    If there is any good that comes from this extraordinary snow storm it is the fact that you now know that your goats can handle the weather and maybe sleep tonight and waking up tomorrow morning will go easier for you. Snow will still need to be shoveled, paths made, but your fear should be greatly lessened, that is my hope for you.
    Until I lived in snow country, I had this romanticized image of light, fluffy magical stuff to play in and walk around in…HA! Well let me tell you, in WA, where we had snow from the middle of Oct to April, there was no romance in shoveling hard, heavy, icy snow. I’m an early riser so I would get out first thing and shovel our long driveway and along the fence and then the city people would come with their plows and shovel snow right back into the driveway, creating berms and making me so mad and when they would see me shaking my snow shovel at them, they would just laugh. I learned to wait until mid morning to shovel the snow as a result. Here we have had probably the lightest amount of snow fall in the state, about 6 1/2″, nothing like WA and today, the sun was out so it is melting. More snow is on the way tomorrow but it will be nothing like this weekend. We just have to hang on and you do!

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  2. Michelle in NYC Avatar

    you pioneers, you gritty women, a part of me envies your struggle, all of me admires you….but the fact is I’m soft now, maybe always was, even when I was out in the snow when others stayed inside many a year. The romance of snow for me counts on a warm fire, good gear and lots of helpful muscle folks to dig the paths. I am what I am for whatever reason of birth, path, and circumstance. That neighbor with the heavy equipment is a fine example of do unto others. That’s what real country folk do, and bless them all. Bless you and the goats, Tay and Tazmeena through the next week till the break out. BiG LOVE from afar.

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  3. Nanette Avatar

    I like your question ‘what would I rather be doing?’ I ask this when I’m out in cold wet weather, or racing to get it all done as a storm is roaring in and seeing to everyone……there’s nothing I’d rather be doing, I choose this. It’s good to know that about ourselves

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  4. jude Avatar

    that’s the question that keeps popping up. that’s the question.

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  5. yvette Avatar

    Your fear for the goats….below 15 …i didn’t realize – 15
    But luckely
    Was Tay snowcrazy? My dogs always are
    Poor chinze…brrr releave….brrr to the fire
    You animal woman
    Love you!

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  6. Mo Crow Avatar

    that’s cold!

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  7. saskia Avatar

    there, I am now a talk-out-loud to herself person! So impressed am I by your Snowy Accounts I felt the urge to inform the Gang and had to do so Out Loud in order to impress upon them the Immensity of it all (instead of our usual telepathic communications, ha)
    your perseverance is admirable and I do not envy your situation, but if there is one amongst us who can, you are this person, qed.

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  8. Els Avatar

    Hope all will be well in your white world ….
    (for you and the beasts …)
    No winter here yet … we’ll see, maybe in the new year ?
    All the best to you Grace !

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  9. Martine Bos Avatar

    Loads of white snow………
    whole Europe has prayed for that during Christmas and didn’t get it,
    you are such a strong woman Grace……..

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  10. Dana Avatar

    Right. What else would you rather be doing? I’ve been asking myself that question too, amidst the craziness of Christmas. My answer is “nothing”. I am lucky to be able to do all of this.
    Good luck with your ongoing ruminations about the goats. You don’t need a husband, but perhaps there is someone who could be a partner or helper without the ties of marriage.

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