today i thought about chickens all day.  chooks as my Australian sisters call them.  I think i'd call them chooks too.  This because i have only a half dozen eggs left and it will not be till the Light truly begins to Return that i can get more.  Everyone who has chickens this time of year only has enough eggs for themselves.  No excess.  Jan,  the Dog Trainer,  no excess and her chickens lay in secret places all the time anyway making the possibility of any at all for me,  slim.  So chickens.  But as with Everything,  there is a front and a back.  The Front of Chickens is that they are Funny and Interesting and they give good FOOD.  The Back is that they would love to tear up the Goat feed in the Albatros which is totally Open across it's front.   It's their shit that would be the problem, really.  So…am thinking,  i guess i could tarp it all the time?  Would that work?…???

but i thought too about how it might feel if there actually was another human being here,  in this space with me,  the term  "husband" indicating relationship,  but really,  could be male or female.  so lets use the word Partner.  It would mean that right now,  when the only sound there is is of the wood burning in the wood stove,  there might instead be

conversation

if i were to find a partner,  which i have done in the past,  but then for hormonal reason,  if i did find a partner,  i would need to be prepared to compromise so much of what i hold dear.  Like Silence.    Like total Silence.   Like not having a single,  no matter how loving,  interruption to any of my thought spaces.  Everyone has thought spaces and what if the Other wanted to share their thought space?  and i was so contentedly in my own….????  sounds kind of Selfish but…..

 

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Tay and i dug out the hoses that give water to the Goats.  Mid day,  they thawed and we ran water.  I cheered and Tay ran around.  We have hung the hoses from the trees and across the Old Cowboy's lawn furniture.   Tomorrow,  more SUN so it should stay ok.

 

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We unSnowed one of the wood ash pots and cleaned out the stove

 

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and if you are thinking that the wood is HEAVY and you are kind of getting whiney about  hauling it in,  get one of these.  They go through the snow like nobody's business and Tay likes to bite the wheels

 

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the little soggy path to the Wood Pile

 

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but all day,  Tay and i did what we needed to do.  We were good company,  this lesbian dog and me.  Really,  just Good enough,  us.  Silent,  together,  working,  getting it done.  and now she lies with Chinche and even Tazmeena is with them.  All three.  I'll see if i can take a pic of them,  next to the wood stove and it is so so everlovingly QUIET.  The Quiet is stunningly excellent.  So…maybe chickens.   Chooks.

 

Here is a pic for Mary lou ….the eyes,  that aren't really cross eyed

 

here's the pic

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can you see them?…it's hard to see Tazmeena,  closest to the wood stove

 

 

 

 

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42 responses to “instead of a husband, what about Chickens?”

  1. me-ml Avatar
    me-ml

    smile!
    She is so lovely and at ease in the knowledge that flow from her Wisdom Headdress!

    Like

  2. julie Avatar

    Well, with Human Partners literal shit is rarely a problem between ages 3 to 90 so there is that the plus column. Plus they’re usually prett good around goat feed.
    i always thought that if I were widowed, I would want to live in a cabin in a circle with other cabins, so I could have companionship or another body where necessary for the heavy lifting but maintain my own territory. I think the thing I would find hardest in your lifestyle is the sound of my own mind day in and out. Is that hard for you?
    Glad you are finding pathways around now, it makes all the difference.

    Like

  3. grace Avatar
  4. Martine Bos Avatar

    Mary Lou…..beautiful and interesting and i love the pics of your animals laying together.
    Well, chickens lay eggs…….husbands dont…….so!

    Like

  5. grace Avatar

    no. the sound of my own mind day in and day out…no. NOT AT ALL. it’s peace Full. This is what i would so much miss if i were to go to where the kids are. And you know, you think about that…as in
    What IF? i can’t do this at some point????
    I got a call from my brother’s son, Charley tonight. He’s
    schizophrenic and i think he wouldn’t mind me saying that…he has his stuff, but he is also a Poet and also a really Fine human being and he calls me now…often leaving a long message on the message machine if i’m outSide and i listen to them over and over and then, like tonight, i am in Side so i pick it up and we have a really great exchange, really great and i appreciate him a LOT and i am his Aunt and i really want to be his Aunt. We just talk about day to day stuff, for him, for me here. Charley. I really love him. He is the ONLY one of my brother’s kids that calls on the phone, all the others are Facebook people. Charley is real.

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  6. grace Avatar

    they lie together so gently…when they are AWAKE and moving they have issues, but when they lie together in the dark time, they lay softly against eachother even, keeping the warmth
    This is so beauty FULL, they keep Old chinche warm, old bone dog
    and eggs. yup. eggs. omlets. onion omlets. I have had two husbands and neither gave me omlets.

    Like

  7. Jan Avatar
    Jan

    a worthy partner would respect your silences as well as be a true companion. someone quiet like you grace? who doesn’t mind goats, of course. . .

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  8. Jan Avatar
    Jan

    wouldn’t that be interesting?

    Like

  9. grace Avatar

    it would. i had a “twin” for a while. Once. a boy twin.
    Much younger than me but still, we were twins.

    Like

  10. Nanette Avatar

    laughing a great conversation with yourself ….and us all eavesdropping….about having a partner. I agree about the loss of silence and thought space, no help with lifting and hauling is worth that…to some people, yes, not me. Love how the animals come together for warmth. Chooks will be good.

    Like

  11. Michelle in NYC Avatar

    BEFORE I OPENED THE POST THE TITLE MADE ME LAUGH OUT LOUD and it
    s 1AM for cri’sake! Just love the animals curled together there. Mine always settled close near the heat pipe in the kitchen.
    Partners
    silence…territory…eggs…and shits. Those are the considerations in you speculation…well, I’m attracted by the circle of cabins notion, which might translate to a structural addition at your place with a connecting covered walkway…not impossible, and suggests that ideally you would be hoping for a partner who can build stuff, and has a bit of income too, and one who also favors silence and some personal territory. Someone, who, like you would love to have an interesting ‘other’ around. Someone who would really enjoy the goats, dogs, cat, chickens and eggs! Why not. What if you sell the adjoining land to such a partner when it gets free to use? How about starting by writing the story this Winter?

    Like

  12. Mo Crow Avatar

    I love chooks!

    Like

  13. jude Avatar

    sometimes we don’t really talk for days. mutual respect for that. the things we truly have in common are not obvious to onlookers. chickens are good. here, with the forest animals, difficult.
    nothing like the need to keep warm, how it changes things.

    Like

  14. Marti Avatar
    Marti

    As someone who has a partner, next month, for 46 yrs, it has taken many years to step into the flow of silence that we both need at times. Over the years we have stepped into that flow, sometimes easily, other times a bit precariously. Now it is second nature when one of us needs to be silent within ourselves. Conversely, after all of these years together, that overall feeling of having my best friend near never diminishes. He is the one who after all of these years, I still come roaring into to share something that I just found out about and vice versa. Lest you think we are “twins”, far from it! Politically, we are on opposite sides. I read fiction, he reads primarily non fiction. I am rooted in the mystical, he is rooted in science and the practical. He is quiet, measured in his responses, I can talk your ear off at times and am impulsive. Yet after all of this time, facing the ebbs and flows and knowing that we do so together, is the gift of this life of ours.

    Like

  15. Deb G Avatar

    Love seeing the dogs and cat together. Lola and Hazel have started leaning in to each other in front of the fireplace. So sweet to me that dog and cat can share space. I don’t know about husbands, but I certainly do about housemates, family and chickens and about living alone. I’ve been struggling a lot over the last year with the idea that I’ve taken on more than I can deal with on my own so I have my own version of your story…and no answers other than one day at a time. 🙂

    Like

  16. cynthia Avatar
    cynthia

    smiling so hard at the title..and oh those days occur..but i realize that my husband have been together half a century..how can that be??..47 of those married..and still we have things to discover together..about each other..about the world..we remind me of Marti’s description… he is sitting right now with his new scientist..and i have a book of dyes..and then we meet..he offers advice when i question and i pull him back into a world larger than a test tube..altho we are politically like minded..so many people thought those differences would tear us apart..instead they stretched us and melded us in so many small ways that an unexpected fabric was created..and it holds…and these days when the silences are not so self imposed..but health created i am so happy for every word..
    we have large silences..both of our liking and not..and sometimes the appearance of the world into them seems more like an intrusion than the needed interaction that it truly is..but already i see how this year has changed me..my surgery..so unexpected..so humbling ..made me so aware of the things that i can no longer do..has made me question our choice of being here..so high on this mountain..but here we are and right now the goods…hey the greats ..still tip the scales the right ?? the positive way..
    however right now there is ice..our nearest neighbor has been left unscathed but his car is hanging the edge of a ditch..above a gully and i am wishing for eggs..and they will not be had today..we are safely in and that is where we will stay..
    chickens here are not laying..and i am glad that i am not worried about any running around..the coyotes did not bother the cows..but the silvery grey fox has returned and you can hear the coyotes at night and chickens ..no ..even though last week i was in a barn in the north happily gathering and appreciating every beautiful egg collected…
    wish you..hmm hmm..partners..the thing about them..ability to use the bathroom aside..take up space..of all kinds..i think of your face ..the lack of space for a washing machine is the very first thing i think about…partners..although more flexible than appliances..take up space..even incredibly polite and welcome partners..maybe a partner with a a trailer >> a small house or tiny house afficianado?? oh mainly just wishing you an interesting and helpful companion..who keeps poultry on the side??…in the mean time ..stay warm an safe an i am so glad you have the three curled in front of the warmth..even without the production of eggs
    gentle day

    Like

  17. dedri Avatar

    Oh Grace – Go for the Chickens! Husbands are so much more work (often for less in return than eggs!).

    Like

  18. debbie.weaver Avatar

    Your title made me laugh, I agree with Dedri, saying that I do have a husband. When the house next door came up for sale we did seriously think about buying it and having a house each, that would be my ideal. Someone around when you want them and not when you don’t.

    Like

  19. patricia spangler Avatar
    patricia spangler

    Hi Grace. Dear Grace. I haven’t commented in many days but EVERY day I read. Read of your thoughts–intrigued with your notion of perhaps writing fiction. These musings here, in a way, remind me of Annie Dillard and I’ve told you before I’ll be the first in line at your book-signing.
    And the snow. I don’t know how common or not this weather is for NM–but here we’re breaking all kinds of forever records–warmest, wettest–and it’s very disconcerting. For awhile I was constantly bitching about it but a few days ago we had reprieve from the torrential rain. I was enjoying the sun and blue sky while sitting outside eating mung bean soup–better than split pea I think–staring at the sky–the clouds, the very certainty of it all and I realized that cause and effect are well and good. And the universe knows how to clean house. So why am I talking about the weather?
    Because I do believe that all of everything works this way. And your query about needing a partner or a chicken? Well, you’ve put it out there and now we’ll go about our lives–and wait and see what comes your way. Sending you BIG love–big big love.

    Like

  20. Chip Avatar

    You are a clever one, Grace! It was not by accident that you happened to show the cat and dogs sharing the same space… All so different, but sharing. Marti says it well.

    Like

  21. grace Avatar

    Hey BeanRanch Chip….yes…they are better than i am at sharing space.

    Like

  22. saskia Avatar

    oh that last image is just so beautiful, it suggests feeling at home with each other; you might not ‘have’ a husband, but there so many other creatures in your life, love

    Like

  23. Mo Crow Avatar

    PS I love the dream of looking after chickens, the reality is they need a balanced diet of chook food to stay healthy & produce good eggs as well as the kitchen scraps & a clean dry warm safe house to sleep in each night and be let out every morning and put away safely every night and I will have to say I am not that keen on the aroma of chook poo!

    Like

  24. Wendy @ the Late Start Studio Avatar

    I’ve caught up . . . a whole week where we have had completely opposite weather in our corners of the world . . . holiday makers here are more likely to be slathering on sunblock.
    When I was painting the exterior of my house some time ago my mother, staying with me on holiday, brought me a cup of tea, asked me what I’d like for lunch. She commented that I could do with a wife. I think I’m fortunate that I need no-one other than to borrow my grandhearts now and then.
    If I took another lover, they’d have to live elsewhere because my own space, physical and mental, is vital . . . and I use the word advisedly.
    If I had to make a choice I’d get chooks (to the New Zealand sisterhood as well) and have a small mobile pen/fence so they can prepare the ground for the vegetable plot. It’s lovely to watch them roaming the garden during the day cleaning up the grubs, but as Mo says they do entail some additional work/responsibility which I no longer need . . . and my experience of having a husband was not the grand one some have achieved.

    Like

  25. deb lacativa Avatar

    I laughed out loud too! Wondering what is she up to now? Gone and kidnapped that fine burrito man or somesuch. Still, I can be wistful. Although it’s only me here, I’ll always be Jimmy’s girl. I would like chickens, but so would the coyotes.

    Like

  26. me-ml Avatar
    me-ml

    Yes! Grace, first write the story! do you have time to do that?! Try it out! Yes? Please, yes.

    Like

  27. grace Avatar

    conversation with self…well, there are so Many!….nice to
    say it Out Loud.
    and i can pay someone for whatever and they go home. i think
    that’s it. I need what i need. period.
    Maybe, Chooks, am thinking….they ARE very funny and
    full of a life of their own….there’s lots for them to
    do here, they would be happy

    Like

  28. grace Avatar

    laughing at 1 am is Very GOOD!
    that adjoining land is a real possibility…

    Like

  29. grace Avatar

    don’t know. I like one liners.

    Like

  30. grace Avatar

    you are so Exact….the smell of the Goats would dominate

    Like

  31. grace Avatar

    yup. Warm Rules

    Like

  32. grace Avatar

    Best friend. that says it all.

    Like

  33. grace Avatar

    no…it’s just OK at your house. NOT more, it’s good and
    fine. We just let thoughts interfere. You are GOOD and FINE.
    You can do it. I have great faith in you. You CAN.

    Like

  34. grace Avatar

    stretch and meld, stretch and meld so really Beauty FULL when it happens. I love hearing about that so much.
    but really, it’s the January thing. I will go, just go,
    through January and do what all i can and not worry about
    the rest and it will be February and all will be well.
    i agreed to two husbands and then a couple more informal
    arrangements….and really…it’s best this way. I just want
    it All. sometimes.

    Like

  35. grace Avatar

    yeah. go for the Chickens. yup. I’m not good at husbands.

    Like

  36. grace Avatar

    this is great and great that you are able to say that…
    people are so protective about their “arrangements”….but
    two places. I think this is the Best.

    Like

  37. grace Avatar

    Weather is what we live IN. and no. it’s not ordinary here. There often is some snow in January, well, end of December, just like it happened here, but not this much. Ordinarily snow in the night and morning and then by noon it has melted away with no sign. Here, almost a week later and it’s only half melted.
    But snow is the ultimate way to replenish aquifers…rain runs off. Snow seeps in. Just that i had never Imagined this. And if it were just me and the dogs, it would be no big deal, really.
    It’s the GOATS that cause the concern…but we are doing ok enough. Today was overcast all day. No melting, and uneasiness. I realize how Goat like i am….WE were uneasy. But soon it will melt and we will head toward February and Earth will be moistened and better for it.
    and i know that too….if i “put it out there”….”it” will show up. It’s just really great to be able to speak these things to human beings who hear (read) them
    makes me more clear within mySelf
    BIG LOVE BACK… Big

    Like

  38. grace Avatar

    yes. There is way more than Enough in my life. And you and
    your world there are part of it

    Like

  39. grace Avatar

    THANK YOU! FOR THIS!
    a wife. Maybe i need a wife?
    oh….i really don’t need anything at all. i love the word
    Vital
    yes…that word…is an important word, Vital
    yes…vital. it’s vital, the space.
    i don’t mind the work of anything…that mobile pen…the
    care and feeding, all that would be just ok and really,
    Pleasure….so…maybe
    and like you, my experience of marital connection was not
    grand. Thank you for saying that

    Like

  40. grace Avatar

    you had what the dream is….Jimmy’s girl, you had what we
    all imagine. Not someone to just read with or be silent with
    but the two of you LOVED.
    and i know you know it but that is RARE.
    I love everything about that Love, you and him.

    Like

  41. Deb G Avatar

    Thank you for saying this Grace. Yes you are right, thoughts interfere.

    Like

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