She is not gone yet.   She has not moved since this time yesterday.   Except for almost imperceptably lifting her head when i am near her.   Each time i pass her i squat to caress her.   Tay is subdued. I wouldn't call her sad,  but rather just in response to Death in the house.   And though we are both,  subdued,  we go on with the ordinary things of a day.  I went into town and mailed things,  got all i will need until next Monday.

Home,  i went to Michelles blog and all day the 108 Hanuman Chalisas filled this home.  Thank you, Michelle.  Some how it was very right.

Last night it snowed again.  All the paths that i had shoveled were covered but today was warm enough so much melted.  But it is a very soggy soggy world Out There.  The wood pile is wet.  Will need to bring in wood to dry it before attempting to Use it for warmth.    

And again….just these small scraps

 

DSCN0532f

they have become a little ship….a little ship that is either a being or the life that the being has sailed through….us or our life  and i am thinking so many thoughts…what is the difference between Us and our Lives?  is that One thing?,  and we always wish the dying an easy passage,  but i wonder if that is possible?,  easiness?,  ….it is hard to let go of what you have loved.   But her quiet stillness shows me that there is nothing else to do.  The body slowly shuts down,  the spirit lingers.  When something becomes simultaneous,  we go.    

?????

 

 

 

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27 responses to “what it seems to be”

  1. Marti Avatar
    Marti

    In the quiet, in the stillness, she knows you are near, your hand on her in love is speaking to her, as you have always done, she your dog. It is what we do, doesn’t matter if it is a human or an animal family member. We need to touch, in love and honor and Chinche is moving along on her final journey with that firmly surrounding her and with the love and affection of those of us here in this space between computer screens. It has been my privilege to come to know Chinche and for someone like myself, not comfortable at times with dogs, she has been an understanding being with me and for that, I will always care for her and remember…

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  2. grace Avatar

    she was very young when she came here. Was a WEED Dog, a pup
    dumped. Lived down the road a ways for a while by herself
    in the weeds. She kept trying to come to the gate. I would
    chase her away. There were enough dogs here then, John’s and
    the the one i brought home from Jenny’s, when they moved
    back to Michigan, the one that was like a little hippopotamus
    in the tree water wells but that had come with the Parvo virus
    already at work in her and died soon after as i was driving
    her to the Vet to see if she could be saved and she died on
    the way so when i came home to bury her, there was Chinche
    standing in the road and i left the gate open, saying
    ok. If the virus doesn’t kill you…then, ok. And it didn’t.
    And for a long time she was so wary. Unsure of everything.
    and here we are, what, maybe 15 or 16 or 17 years later
    and she lays by the stove, letting go.
    Because of her beginnings she has always been a sensitive being, an understanding being and that’s what you sensed. So different from Tay who has never known a harsh word, a harsh moment

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  3. Jude Avatar
    Jude

    I can’t say anything right now but so much wells up in me.

    Like

  4. handstories Avatar

    sailing, drifting, being carried… holding you both in heart & thoughts.

    Like

  5. cynthia Avatar
    cynthia

    the sky right now..the waning crescent moon..venus and saturn below her..an incredibly beautiful diagonal..and antares to the right ..it is so huge and it holds you ..we hold you
    gentle day

    Like

  6. Michelle in NYC Avatar

    In the Julian calendar today is the Epiphany. “The Hindu term for epiphany would be bodhodaya, from Sanskrit bodha ‘wisdom’ and udaya ‘rising’. Or in Buddhism, the term might refer to the Buddha obtaining enlightenment under the bodhi tree, finally realizing the nature of the universe, and thus attaining Nirvana. The Zen term kensho also describes this moment, referring to the feeling attendant on realizing the answer to a koan.” How this thought comes when I picture Chinche curled by the stove. I have sat by many a critter here as they ‘let go’ like that. For the ones who were suffering, I had a visiting vet who could sedate them and ease the process. But the memory of these departures, as the memory of their arrivals are etched somewhere in my body. There are some tears as i write. May Loving ease attend her.

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  7. Stephanie Avatar
    Stephanie

    Oh Grace, I didn’t know Chinche’s story . . . how she came to live with you. I’m so thankful that she kept coming back and that you opened the gate for her. I think there is so much to think about in that. Leaving the gate open . . . a willingness to care. You are both in my heart.

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  8. Deb G Avatar

    Yes, alignment. That makes sense to me. Remembering Briar right now, I was saying good-bye to her this time last year. Sending a little rub for Tay wherever that favorite spot is…

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  9. yvette Avatar

    Love hurts
    Trusting you you , you being around her, loving her makes her a safe soft passing away.
    Love hurts

    Like

  10. Mo Crow Avatar

    (((Grace))) please e-mail me your postal address I want to send you a little thing that is falling out of my hands + your xmas card just arrived back from crossing the wide blue there and back again with a return to sender stamp on it…

    Like

  11. Wendy @ the Late Start Studio Avatar

    Oh Grace, waiting in the presence of Death is so hard isn’t it? For you, for Tay, for Chinche . . . all the memories, the wishes, the hopes floating through . . . and there is that little ship, not knowing when land will be sighted.

    Like

  12. Tina Avatar
    Tina

    It is so hard to say goodbye…..so happy that you have wonderful memories. How lucky for both of you that you decided to open that gate. The sadness can be overwhelming but only because of all the love. BLESSINGS Grace…

    Like

  13. grace Avatar

    this is enough

    Like

  14. grace Avatar

    are we the carrier or the carried?

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  15. grace Avatar

    diagonal
    antares to the right

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  16. grace Avatar

    there is no Suffering, just the nothing of stillness, the
    waiting
    until all the cells and neurons are in agreement that
    it is done

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  17. grace Avatar

    a willingness to keep coming back, too

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  18. grace Avatar

    passing away….passing away….how i understand those
    words more and more

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  19. grace Avatar

    an email already

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  20. grace Avatar

    it is. hard.
    the ship sails
    the ship sails a sea
    the sea sails a ship
    ship/sea same

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  21. grace Avatar

    yes, love brings what it brings. I choose love.

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  22. handstories Avatar

    I think, ideally, we rock back & forth…leaning & bracing. ox

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  23. grace Avatar

    the rocking, back and forth…not my sense of it
    it’s never me, rocking
    it’s maybe me
    in the larger sense of stuff…being pushed…let go of

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  24. handstories Avatar

    I think that is how I am, too, but I think “ideally” there would be a give & take, a sharing. I don’t know. I just imagine.

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  25. ² Avatar
    ²

    you always do …..
    breath until it’s no more needed
    and the form chances
    and let the body go
    let go , say thanks for
    carrier essentiel love
    chince

    Like

  26. carole Avatar
    carole

    xo

    Like

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